‘The best woman won,’ Gabe said.
I shook my head. ‘You don’t know Mia. She’s my best friend, but she has her flaws. Mia doesn’t do second best. Most of the time I admire her for having that attitude, but things got pretty ugly before I came here.’
‘You got expelled from school,’ Gabe said quietly.
‘How did you know?’
‘The Netherby gossip hotline. We were all waiting to see what this brat niece of Sarah’s was going to be like. You were supposed to form a gang and terrorise the streets. Or at the very least turn all the young people into delinquents.’
‘Thanks, Sarah,’ I said. My face and neck burned.
‘Don’t blame her. She probably didn’t say much at all. People have a habit of filling in the gaps by themselves. Netherby folk are famous for their over-active imaginations.’
I buried my head in my lap. ‘I feel terrible. I’ll have to leave. I can’t bear the thought of everybody knowing about me!’
‘You can’t leave now, Jenna,’ Gabe said.
‘Why not?’
After a long pause he said, ‘Because you’re in a band now.’
‘Is that the only reason?’
‘You can’t let Goats in a Spin down. People are counting on you to be around for a while.’
Chapter Eighteen
We met every evening between nine and ten o’clock. There weren’t many people around Netherby at that time and the light was fading. Over the next two weeks I learned that Gabe liked hot baths, cold sheets and that he was passionate about the planets and stars. He had been studying A-levels at a college in London, but was going to move to Netherby Community School. He hated people who mix up astronomy and astrology and ask him about star signs. He even showed me his astronomical notebook, where he records all his sightings of stars.
‘Now that is nerdy.’ I laughed, flicking through the notebook.
He stuck his tongue out at me. ‘It’s called being methodical.’
‘Shouldn’t you be concentrating on the other kind of stardom?’ I handed the notebook back to him. ‘The one that comes with record deals and music awards?’
Gabe shook his head. ‘Wouldn’t be anti-folk if we did that. Not that I’d complain if we did get some attention, actually. Charlie is the real genius. I just back him up.’
I told him about my love for banana and honey toasted sandwiches and my irrational hatred of pickled onions – how it felt like I was eating eyeballs. I showed him the postcards Marcus had sent me from Florida. I confessed about my passion for watching cartoons, my love of picking my toenails and my secret wish to be able to snowboard, but I didn’t tell him what happened with Mia and Jackson. I told him I was looking for a new school to go to in about five weeks’ time.
Meeting at night made me feel less nervous around Gabe. I didn’t have to worry about how I looked, whether I was going red or if my hands were jerking about too much when I was speaking. Mia would always advise me about stuff like that. ‘Oh, Jenna, your body language is such a giveaway,’ she’d say.
Gabe and I held hands, hugged and laughed a lot. I was often seized by an overpowering urge to kiss him. One time, we were looking over his astronomical notebook and I was sure Gabe was going to kiss me. I leaned forward in anticipation, but we just bumped heads and I laughed it off with some stupid joke about really seeing stars now.
I held back from trying to kiss him after that. I was afraid of being rejected and at the same time terrified of not being rejected. I knew that one kiss would never be enough. It was scary to think where it might lead. I’d never felt this on edge about kissing Jackson. I’d felt excited about kissing him, but with Gabe I felt scared as well as excited. Kissing Gabe would feel something like telling him I loved him.
Cleo was always lurking in the background. I couldn’t quite shake off the feeling that Gabe wasn’t being completely open with me about their friendship.
One evening we were lying on our backs in the treehouse, sharing a headset and listening to music, when she called out his name from beneath the tree.
‘You stay here and keep quiet. I’ll go down,’ he whispered to me.
I strained to overhear their conversation, but they moved away so it was hard. I could only catch the sound of Cleo’s laughter. We changed the location of our meeting place for a few nights after that.
I told him things that I’d never told anyone before such as how I’d been insanely jealous when Marcus was born and how I had tried to give him away to an elderly neighbour. Her dog had just died and I said she could have Marcus instead to keep her company.
Gabe told me about how Aurora had swapped a priceless family portrait for a Barbie doll.
‘She was furious when Dad made her trade them back.’ Gabe laughed.
‘I wouldn’t like to cross Aurora when she’s in a temper,’ I said, without thinking.
‘Aurora can be a bit of a brat at times, but she’s generally OK in company. What did you do to upset her?’
‘I was looking a picture in the gallery that she didn’t like,’ I said quietly as I tried to think of a suitable story to fob him off.
In the end I spluttered, ‘It was a picture of your mu … a picture of Lavinya.’
‘Go on. What did she say?’ Gabe’s voice rose slightly.
‘Er … nothing much. I think she was just winding me up,’ I said, growing more flustered.
Gabe snapped, ‘WHAT DID SHE SAY?’
‘She said that she didn’t like her very much. I expect she was just jealous or something.’
‘Why would she say that?’ Gabe’s voice was now a mixture of hurt and anger.
‘She’d got some silly notion in her head that your mum had tried to hurt you,’ I said, trying to make my voice sound light and desperately regretting not keeping my mouth shut.
To make matters worse it started to rain. Gabe picked up a stone and hurled it roughly across the field.
‘Rumours and whisperings can poison your life,’ he told me. ‘My mum was the gentlest, kindest person on this planet. She was beautiful, Jenna. Not in a superficial way. She was beautiful inside. She taught me a lot about how to live and how to die gracefully.’ His voice cracked with emotion.
Then his voice changed again and he said sharply, ‘Keep your nose out of my business, Jenna.’
And he stormed off.
I chased after him. ‘Don’t you dare speak to me like that and then walk away!’ I yelled. ‘If anyone has the right to walk away it’s me!’
Then I stormed off and Gabe chased after me. He grabbed hold of my arm and shouted, ‘Stop looking at me like that!’
‘What do you mean? You’re not making any sense, Gabe. I wasn’t looking at you. I was walking away. So get your facts right.’ I pushed some wet hair out of my face. It was now raining quite heavily.
He placed his other hand on my shoulder as though he was going to shake me. He leaned in towards me as if he was about to speak. I braced myself for more shouting, but instead he kissed me firmly on the lips. The first attempt was slightly off target and caught the side of my mouth. He gently touched the side of my face and I turned my head and pressed my lips to his. Bits of my hair got tangled up in the kiss and I had to steady myself against Gabe otherwise I would have fallen over. I felt his soft wet cheek and the rough bristles on his chin. His lips felt dry and clumsy on mine at first. But … as I returned his kiss I forgot all this as my head swam with the sensation.
I’m not sure how long the kiss lasted. It was a minute at the most. Then Gabe let go of me as abruptly as he’d grabbed me. I put my hand on his chest. He blinked, half-smiled and walked away.
Neither of us said anything.
The next morning there was a small white rose on my bedroom windowsill.
That evening we spent the whole hour standing together in the middle of a field. I stood behind Gabe with my arms round his waist with my face pressed against his back. I followed the rise and fall of his body, as he breathed. Neither of us spoke
.
It was that night that I knew for sure that I had fallen for him.
Chapter Nineteen
I didn’t feel awkward any more when I was alone with Gabe, but things were the complete opposite when we met for band rehearsals. At rehearsals, Gabe always arrived late and was distant with me, for one thing. Freddie was too absorbed in himself to notice. If it weren’t for Charlie, I think I would’ve stopped being in the band. He was always warm and friendly. He often gave me a lift home in the van.
One time he invited me out for a pizza and I had to make up some lame excuse because it would mean missing my time with Gabe. He just looked confused, shrugged and said, ‘OK.’
For another thing, I was acutely aware of Cleo watching my every move. Any attempt at friendship that I made was either brushed off with an insincere smile or a sarcastic comment. Worst of all were the times she just looked incredibly hurt.
After one rehearsal when we were left alone in the village hall I was convinced she was about to lunge at me. Luckily Charlie came back for some electrical lead and she pretended to flick off some thread from my neck.
That evening when we met up, Gabe didn’t want to talk about Cleo.
He just said, ‘She’s a good friend and very protective of me.’
‘The opposite of how she feels about me.’ Then I told him about how she’d launched herself at me.
‘She knows that I’m hiding something from her and she doesn’t like it. I’m even thinking of telling her. Would you mind?’
‘Are you serious? If she hates me now, she’ll go ballistic when she finds out.’
Gabe nodded in agreement. I felt a pang. What was it with this friendship between Gabe and Cleo?
Sarah didn’t question my evening walks. One time she did ask me if I was drinking or getting up to no good. Straight after she’d said it she blushed and told me to ignore her. She also half-heartedly said, ‘I’m pretty sure that I can trust you, Jenna.’
She hadn’t mentioned the vase incident again, but I got the feeling that she still believed that I was behind its disappearance. It had been over a month since Kai’s visit and she veered between total misery and outrageous optimism. She offered to pay me for my work in the shop, but I refused, knowing how little money she took in.
At the beginning of August, Mum and Marcus came back from holiday and Mum and I were back on speaking terms. We mostly communicated through e-mail and the occasional phone call from Sarakai. Sarah hadn’t got the phone reconnected at the cottage, saying that it was more important for the phone in the shop to be reconnected first.
Mum and I even managed the occasional joke. She sent me an e-mail telling me that it was hard having no one to moan at or blame for things. I sent one back telling her that a month was the usual time for anti-wrinkle creams to start working. All those lines I’d given her must be smoothed away by now. She told me that she’d need double-strength Botox to do that!
I was happy to leave my old life behind for a while. I did miss Mum and Marcus, but it was good to have a break from Mia and Jackson. I found I was worrying less and less about when Mia was going to speak out. I was beginning to suspect it wasn’t going to happen at all. When her dad came back from the business trip she’d probably dream up another reason for not speaking out.
All I really cared about at the moment was Gabe. Every night just before we had to leave one of us would pull the other closer for a kiss. Spending time with him, talking to him and kissing him were the only things that mattered to me as the Nether by Festival came closer. There were just over three weeks to go.
Chapter Twenty
Gabe was even quieter than usual a few days later, but I didn’t notice it straight away. I was too hyped up from an incredible day at the bookshop. An American tourist had come in and bought a complete set of first-edition Dickens novels for the asking price.
When I did notice Gabe’s reticence, I put it down to pre-haircutting nerves. Sarah had gone away for the evening to do a poetry reading. The night before, Gabe had asked me to trim his hair for him and I’d blagged it and said I could do it easily and invited him round to the house. My hairdressing practice to date had been on my Barbie doll when I was eight and Marcus when he got some chewing gum caught in his hair Still, if Ava could do it then so could I.
It was weird being together inside a house. I’d decided to cut his hair in the bathroom, which had seemed a good idea at the time, but the harsh strip lighting was unsettling. Gabe seemed smaller and paler in this unnatural light. Plus the sight of all Sarah’s dusty personal toiletries including hair removal cream and tampons was pretty cringeworthy
I had been looking forward to touching Gabe’s soft, dark hair. Lately Gabe had developed this habit of taking a strand of my hair and curling it round his fingers as we talked. If he got agitated about something he would tug at it.
‘Sit still!’ I commanded. Gabe’s legs were still twitching.
‘I’m not sure if this is such a great idea,’ he said, frowning.
‘How can you doubt the skills of a woman who sold the complete works of Dickens today!’ I joked as I firmly grabbed Gabe’s head and waved the scissors.
‘Careful!’ he snapped and added darkly, ‘And remember I only want the ends trimmed.’
‘Relax, then,’ I said in a tense voice as I cut my first piece of hair. The scissors made a rough burring noise as it cut through his hair.
Gabe demanded to see how much I’d cut off. He turned to look and on impulse I kissed him.
At first he kissed back and I moved round to continue the kiss. Then he shifted his position on the stool, throwing me off kilter.
‘I’m sorry, Jenna,’ he said as I struggled to regain my balance.
‘No harm done,’ I said lightly. There was a strange expression in his eyes. I finished trimming his hair in silence.
Afterwards, he stood up. It was very claustrophobic in the bathroom. I took a step back. Gabe wouldn’t meet my gaze.
He muttered, ‘I’d better go now. I won’t be able to meet up for the next few nights. Got things to do. Plus I’m not sure if we should see each other every single night. Why don’t we cut it back a bit?’
The insides of my mouth dried up and my face ached like it always did when I didn’t want to cry at a sad bit in a film. ‘Sure,’ I said. Something about my kiss had obviously turned him off.
As we were walking down the stairs, I managed to say, ‘You’re right. It was probably a bit much meeting every night.’
At the door, Gabe looked back at me as if he wanted to say something, but he just gave me a sad half-smile and said, ‘This is not about you, Jenna. It’s my fault. I am screwed up at the moment. My head’s in bits.’
I shut the door and when the stinging feeling that was circulating through my body eased a little I made myself a large hot chocolate and lay on my bed, sipping it for a long time stroking Tallulah and trying to work things out.
What was it with Gabe? He’d been the one who’d insisted on spending time with me. It was confusing. Deep down I knew that I was in love with him and I knew that Gabe liked me. I could feel it. But he was holding out on me.
I suppose I was holding out on him too. He’d never once asked me about why I was excluded from school. He’d taken me on face value. I sighed. I suppose I was going to have to do the same. I was going to have to be mature and calm about things for once.
Chapter Twenty-One
My good intentions on the calm and maturity front lasted until half past nine the next morning. On my way to the bookshop I spotted Gabe and Cleo together. They were walking towards the railway station arm in arm. I couldn’t see Gabe’s face, but Cleo was smiling. They didn’t notice me.
When they were about halfway down Station Road, Gabe stopped and Cleo put her arms around him. I froze. She was carrying a small bunch of those special white roses.
There was definitely something going on between them. I felt a total fool. I should have realised from the start that I couldn’t co
mpete with Cleo. I’d always known that she’d do anything to keep Gabe to herself. But I’d trusted Gabe and thought he’d felt the same about me when all the time he must have been seeing both of us. And I was the one he had to keep a deep dark secret. My self-esteem folded like a house in an earthquake. Landslides of anger filled in the empty space. As I stomped back to town I gritted my teeth and said in Sarah-like fashion, ‘What we need is positive action! When do we want it? NOW!’
I went to the café, ordered a large slice of cake and e-mailed Jackson. I told him how much I missed him. Then I sent Mia a message saying that she had precisely one week to do something or I would.
No one was going to push Jenna Hudson around any more!
As I was leaving the café I bumped into Charlie and Freddie.
‘Yo, my homegirl!’ Freddie exclaimed, grinning.
‘Isn’t it about time you stopped talking like that? It makes you seem ridiculous,’ I snapped.
Freddie looked really hurt and Charlie was stunned.
I wasn’t finished yet. ‘Charlie, if you’re still interested we can go out for pizza tonight. Pick me up at seven.’
I walked off before he could answer.
I spent the rest of the day reorganising the books in the shop. I was ruthless. Everything went into precise alphabetical order.
Julius looked on from the comfort of his chair. He just sniffed and said, ‘No room for surprises, then? I always like to stumble on a book that’s not quite in the right place.’
‘I don’t like surprises,’ I mumbled and carried on reorganising.
When I got home I carried on the reorganisation in my bedroom. I chucked away the rose that Gabe had left on my windowsill all those weeks ago and that I’d carefully pressed in a book.
I even considered chopping all my hair off, but only got as far as snipping off a few split ends. Picking up the scissors was too much of a reminder about last night.
Soul Love Page 8