I asked what the latest was with Rick, and she shrugged. I was curious since she had been really flirty at the party and had even kissed someone good-night.
“We both know that our relationship isn’t going anywhere since he is leaving for Arizona next month for school. So we’re spending the rest of the summer together, just having fun.”
“Kinda like good friends with benefits,” I teased. We both laughed, and, as I looked over at her to make another smart remark, a horrifying image caught my eye. A large semitruck was barreling through the intersection, and, before my mind had time to process what was happening, I heard a deafening crash.
Loss
I woke up completely disoriented, trying to make out my surroundings. I decided that this must be a hospital room by the incessant beeping I heard. My body hurt everywhere, and my throat was so dry I could hardly swallow. I heard my mom softly repeating my name and looked up to see her tear-stained face searching my eyes for a response.
“Hi, Mom,” I croaked, barely able to say the words through my parched lips. “So thirsty,” I tried to say. She held out a spoon containing ice chips and helped me swallow it. It barely quenched the thirst, and I asked for more with my expression. She continued to feed me until I was satisfied. I closed my eyes for a moment, and my last conscious vision flashed through my mind.
I suddenly tried to sit up calling for Mo. The crushing pain in my head brought me back down to the pillow, and I searched my mother’s face for answers. Tears flowed down her cheeks, and I could see the pain in her eyes. My heart broke. I knew that she was struggling for words and that could only mean that Mo’s injuries were far worse than mine.
I braced myself for the worst as my mom whispered, “She didn’t make it, sweetie. I am so sorry. There was nothing they could do. She was already gone when the paramedics arrived.”
I tried to process what my mom was saying. I imagined Morgan lying next to me, needing me, calling for me...dying. And I had been unconscious, unable to help her.
As if reading my mind, my mother said, “She didn’t suffer. She was killed instantly by the impact. There was nothing that you could have done, Kendall.” All at once the severity and finality of the situation hit me, and a loud sob escaped my lips. Tears started to flow down my cheeks, and my mom leaned over and hugged me gently. I cried for what seemed like hours.
I finally took a deep breath and asked, “What happened?”
She wiped my eyes with a tissue. “A truck ran a red light. The driver saw your car passing through the intersection, but he wasn’t able to stop in time. He hit the driver’s side of the car. Morgan’s injuries to her neck were fatal.” She wiped her own eyes, struggling with the details that she knew I needed to hear. “You had a bleed in your brain, a subdural hematoma, I think the doctor called it. They were able to stop it with surgery, but you were unconscious for quite a while. You broke your collarbone and a few ribs, but you’re going to be okay, sweetie.” She sighed loudly, holding her hand to her heart. “Thank goodness. We were all so worried.” She brushed back the hair from my face, pulling at the strands that were stuck to my dry, cracked lips.
I turned my head away. I felt relieved that I was okay, that I was alive and in one piece. But it felt wrong to feel this way. Mo was gone. Another sob burst out of my chest, and I cringed from the physical pain that I felt. My mom called for the nurse, and, through my tears, I watched a short blond woman dressed in pink scrubs administer something into the tube in my arm.
My vision started to blur as I tried desperately to hold on to an image of Morgan. Anything to keep the reality of this nightmare from taking her from me. In the end, I lost the battle and drifted into unconsciousness.
When I awoke again, I felt nauseous, and my head still throbbed. I scanned the room, looking to see if anyone was here with me. I could see my mom asleep in a chair next to my bed. She looked uncomfortable, her skin pale under the fluorescent lights of the room. I tried to call for her, barely able to make a sound. She instantly woke at the sound of my hoarse whisper.
“Hey there. How are you feeling?” she asked quietly.
“Okay. My throat is still dry, and my body aches everywhere.” I brought my free hand up to my collarbone, the source of a throbbing pain which I could not ignore. I looked at my mom, confused by the bandage that was covering my chest.
“When your collarbone broke, it punctured your skin. The doctor set the bone and stitched you up. He said that it should heal just fine.”
I cringed at her words, as she gently stroked my hand in understanding.
“Are you up for some visitors? Marie, Scott and Adam have been in the waiting room for hours to see if you’re okay.”
“Marie is here?” I asked, tears already forming in my eyes.
“Yes, she came as soon as she heard. She’s so worried about you. We all are.”
“Have you talked to Mo’s parents?”
“Yes, we spoke here at the hospital when they brought you both in. They’re not taking the news very well, as you can imagine.”
I nodded, wondering how they would ever get through this. How I was ever going to get through this. “Can I see Marie and Scott first? And then I want to be alone with Adam for a while.”
“Sure, Kendall,” she said, stroking my face. My mother stepped out of the room, returning a moment later with my sister and brother in tow. I immediately broke down at the sight of them. We all four hugged, huddled close together, crying. I felt their strength and support as they wrapped me up in their arms. We didn’t say much. What was there to say?
After a while we said our good-byes, and I wiped the tears from my eyes, preparing to see Adam. He looked tired when he walked in, like he hadn’t slept in days. The moment we locked gazes, he crushed himself against me. I could feel his overwhelming relief from the way his body sagged into mine. I winced from the pain in my chest, a combination of the broken ribs and my breaking heart.
“Oh, God, Kendi. I’m so glad that you’re okay. This is so terrible. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He continued to tell me how sorry he was through his own sobs as we held each other, unrelenting tears streaming down our faces.
~
I was released from the hospital a few days later with careful instructions regarding my head injury, along with a printout listing all my follow-up appointments. My head was wrapped in a bandage. I tried not to think about the small shaved area underneath. My mom assured me that my hair would grow back in no time. My right arm was in a sling, my chest wrapped tightly to brace my broken ribs. I was quite a sight, but it was a small price to pay to walk away from the accident with my life.
Once in the car I told my mom to take me to Morgan’s house. I needed to see her parents. I was nervous, not sure how they would feel about seeing me; while I was alive and breathing, their daughter was not. But they embraced me when I walked into their home. From the way they clung to me, I felt like they needed me as if I were their only link to their daughter. And the truth was, I needed them too.
The next few days were a blur. I spent most of my time with Mo’s family as we prepared for her funeral. I still couldn’t believe that she was gone. Her presence lingered everywhere. I was waiting for her to pull her car into the driveway any moment and bound into the house, yelling, “Surprise,” with her infectious smile, as if this was all a very bad joke. Our favorite CD still sat in my stereo where she had left it; her prized blue sundress still hung in my closet where she had placed it before our trip; and her sketch of a tiny wizard drawing stars with his wand was still stuck to my bulletin board, as a reminder of the matching tattoos we were going to get when we turned eighteen.
Adam came by to see me each afternoon after work, holding me, not really sure what to say. His silent presence was exactly what I needed. I could see that he was hurting too but trying to stay strong for my benefit. I held on to him tightly, fully aware that I didn’t know how many more moments I would have with him. Life was suddenly so precious and unpredictable.
I didn’t know what to believe in, what was real and what was just an illusion that could disintegrate at any moment.
The funeral felt like a really bad dream. I wasn’t ready to say good-bye. I hadn’t slept much since the accident. Every time I closed my eyes, I could hear the roar from the collision. I dreamed of Morgan, lying bloody and beaten, helpless, calling my name, and I would wake up screaming, drenched in sweat. My mother was always there to comfort me until I was able to fall back asleep. I sat in the front of the church, exhausted and heartbroken.
It was a hot summer day, and the bright sun was streaming through the stained-glass windows, warming everything it touched. I didn’t feel the sun’s warmth or anything for that matter. I felt numb as I watched Adam, Rick and several other close friends carry her casket out of the church. It was a beautiful ivory hue with pink roses—her favorite— etched around the edges. At the cemetery, I watched through tear-filled eyes as they lowered her in the ground. I still was not ready to say good-bye as I dropped a single pink rose on top of her casket and walked away.
Time passed slowly. I couldn’t work because of my injuries, so I tried to keep busy reading the stack of books that my mother bought me or playing video games with Scott, but it was hard to even get myself out of bed. I just wanted to sleep. The nights were too dark and quiet, bringing back painful memories from the accident and the moments leading up to it. During the day I was too exhausted to stay awake.
Marie stayed home for nearly two weeks after the funeral to keep a close eye on me while my mom was at work. It was a huge comfort to have my sister there. I had missed having her around. She helped me with my baths, drying and combing my hair for me—simple tasks that were nearly impossible with my dominant arm in a sling. She forced me to eat and curled up on the couch with me while we watched old movies.
She tried desperately to bring a smile to my face, but everything seemed to remind me of Mo, and I struggled with the unfairness of it all. Morgan would never smile again. I replayed the last moments of her life in my head, over and over again. Could I have done anything differently? Why didn’t I see the truck sooner? I wished that I would have told her I loved her one more time. I punished myself every day trying to understand why she was gone, and I was still here.
Adam came by to see me as often as he could, but I saw him less and less as the summer came to an end. He would be leaving for school in three weeks. I registered for my classes, but I couldn’t imagine going back to school...not without Mo.
Life
My sister had gone back to college. Scott was spending more time with his friends, happy to get out of the house. I found myself alone while everyone continued about their life as if nothing was different. I was trying desperately to carry on a somewhat normal existence.
Adam came over early one afternoon, taking time off work so that he could see me. In an attempt to cheer me up, he turned on some music and lifted me up from the couch. He pulled me into his arms, and we began to dance to a slow ballad. He had his arms around me, his hands resting on my lower back. My right arm, still in my sling, lay awkwardly between us, as I wrapped my other arm around the back of his neck, lightly brushing my fingers along his hairline. We danced like this for a few minutes, and, then to lighten the mood, Adam started singing loudly, twirling me around the room. I couldn’t help but smile, and he beamed at me, knowing that his plan was working.
“I’ve missed that smile,” he said in my ear. Feeling his breath on my neck awakened something in me, and I pulled his face to mine, pressing our lips together. It had been weeks since we had been intimate. I had been lost in a thick cloud of grief, but kissing Adam in that moment felt like watching the sun break through the fog. I clung to him as if letting go would cause me to lose my way, falling victim to the darkness once again.
Responding to my sudden need for him, he pulled me up into his arms without breaking our kiss and carried me upstairs to my room. Taking our time, our lips exploring each other’s bodies, we slowly undressed each other one layer at a time. Adam was gentle with me, worried that he would hurt my still broken body. He rolled on top of me, hovering, attempting to keep his weight off me, and slowly lowered himself inside me. My need for him was overwhelming. I moaned loudly, unable to contain my pleasure as I found my release, every deep emotion that I had been harboring escaping me with it. I crashed back to earth as Adam found his own release, calling my name through clenched teeth. We held each other tightly, trying to catch our breath. Wrapped up in Adam’s arms, I felt for the first time since the accident that I was going to be okay. That my life, though forever changed, would continue on, and I knew that I should embrace it.
~
I finally received the “all clear” from my doctor, and he removed my bandages and my sling. I was starting to feel like myself again, physically at least. I succumbed to my friends’ persistence to get me out of the house and went to a party to celebrate my clean bill of health. It felt strange to be laughing and having fun after everything that had happened. I tried to enjoy myself, but, in the end, I called Adam to come pick me up and take me home.
I started my senior year of high school the following Monday. It was a hard day, and I spent more time in the bathroom sobbing than in my classes. The faculty members were very understanding and gave me my space. It was harder than I thought to be in those familiar halls without Mo and without Adam. Adam insisted on driving me to school every morning and taking me home at the end of the day. At least until he left for college.
That day came all too soon. We planned to spend the evening together to say our good-byes. Adam’s parents were moving him into the dorms the following day. Adam and I drove out of town to one of his fields, and he pulled a blanket from the trunk. We walked into the darkness several yards from the road with the guidance of a flashlight, and he spread out the blanket on the recently cut field. I could hear crickets chirping all around us in the stillness of the night. We were on our backs gazing up at the incredibly lit sky, every star clearly visible from this secluded place.
I felt so small, just the two of us in this enormous world. And just for a moment, it felt like our problems were so small in comparison to the millions of others who looked upon this same sky. And I thought of Mo out there somewhere, and I quietly made a wish that Mo was at peace—and hoping that someday soon I would feel complete again. I sighed and snuggled in closer to Adam.
“Thank you,” I said, breaking the comfortable silence.
“For what?” he asked, pulling me even closer to his side.
“For this, for bringing me here and for being so supportive lately. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Kendi,” he said, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. “I’m going to miss not seeing you every day. But I’ll call you as much as I can. And we’ll see each other on the weekends.”
“I know. It won’t be the same though.” I sighed.
“No, it won’t,” he whispered and slowly rolled on his side, placing his knee between mine, his arm over the top of me. Propped up on one elbow, he bent down and gently pressed his lips against mine, pulling back slightly and whispering, “I won’t be able to do this every day,” and he kissed me again. Moving his lips to my ear, he whispered, “Or this,” sending chills down my body as he caressed my ear with his tongue. “And I won’t be able to do this either,” he whispered, as he trailed his tongue down my neck. I gently stroked his back with my fingers completely aware of every part of my body as it came alive under his delicate touch.
Continuing his erotic assault, he brought his hand up under my shirt and moved aside my bra as he brushed his thumb across my erect nipple. “And I definitely won’t be able to do this,” he breathed into my ear.
I pulled him on top of me, forcing his lips against mine while I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling it tightly into my clenched fists. He groaned in response to my sudden frenzied attack. I was unable to contain the desire burning inside of me. I’m not sure what came over me, but his slow and
delicate movements were not what I wanted. I wanted him right now, and I did not want to be gentle about it. I started to pull up his shirt, and he finished pulling it over his head, tossing it aside. I ran my hands all over his smooth, hard back, digging my nails into his skin. He groaned even louder.
I held him closer to me, kissing him hungrily, trying to feel every inch of him against me. Not feeling satisfied, I prompted him to roll on his back, and I moved on top of him. I sat up and pulled my shirt off over my head. I unbuttoned his pants and quickly discarded them before straddling his lap. I leaned down to press my breasts against the warm skin of his chest as I kissed him with an urgent need, grinding myself against his bare flesh.
He ran his hands up the back of my legs, under my skirt, grabbing my backside with both hands. He wrapped his fingers in the thin lace of my panties and tugged hard, ripping them from my body in one swift move and slipping his fingers inside me from behind. I gasped at the instant pleasure, feeling like I might combust at his touch. With trembling hands, I managed to slip a condom in place. My breath was almost a pant as I took him in my hand and placed him inside me. Feeling in complete control, I rocked against him hard and fast. He matched my movements with his own. I could feel my need building quickly. I rocked harder, sitting up and pressing my hands against his chest for leverage.
“Oh, God, Adam,” I cried out as I felt his length deep in my core. He moaned my name in a husky voice along with other words that I couldn’t focus on as I felt my entire body tense. Just when I felt like I couldn’t hold back another moment, Adam grabbed my hips and buried himself deeper inside me, sending me over the edge as we both finished together. Breathless I melted against his chest, feeling the thud of his racing heart on my cheek. We stayed like this, neither one of us wanting to move, as our breathing slowed.
“Wow,” Adam said. “What was that all about?” he asked with a huge grin on his face.
Ripple: A Novel Page 5