"Mmmm."
"If I had taken the antigen scan all those years ago, you would have had much less. inconvenience, wouldn't you?"
He considered a moment, then shook his head. "Unlikely, since I would have asked to teach you in any case. But I could only give you knowledge, Saavikam, not a proper home. My urging was on your behalf. For myself. I would not have had it otherwise."
"Nor I," she said quietly, and went back to work. Nearly an hour later she glanced up to ask something else, but Spock's chin was resting on his chest. His eyes were closed. He was sound asleep. He hadn't done that in years. Saavik watched him a long time before she slipped away.
Dreading the return to her cabin, she rode the lift from deck to deck and walked the corridors of the Enterprise, staring out viewports at the stars, drinking in the ship's precision and beauty, feeling the light-years melting away outside. On the rec deck she stepped out of the lift before she saw him.
He was leaning against the wall, watching, as if he had been waiting for her all along. Fear slammed into her, a force that knocked her breath away, and a rush of blood drummed in her ears.
"Well, hello, Little Cat," Achernar said, and smiled.
"Do not call me that!" she hissed, hating how her voice shook. "Where-where is your guard?"
"Indisposed, but only for a moment. Do not worry, Little Cat. I promised to wait right here."
"You lie! He would never leave his post! Nor would he trust your promises!" Alert the bridge, she thought, but the intercom was on the wall, inches from his head. He leaned on his right shoulder, right hand concealed in the folds of his cloak. Saavik wondered if it held a weapon.
"And you trust nothing, do you? But answer me a question. What is a little Romulan cat doing on a Federation starship?"
"I have a right to be here! You do not-criminal!"
"So, you would have left me to drift in space?"
"I?" Saavik felt the heat rising in her face. "I would have blown you to dust. I know about you."
"Then you have me at a disadvantage. About you I want to know more. I like you, Little Cat. Tell me, is it the meaning of your name you so despise? Or your Romulan blood? Or is it only me?"
"You. And your lies. You know nothing about me!"
"I know you try to be what you are not. A pity. No Vulcan could ever be so beautiful. Well, I shall keep your secret, Little Cat, but there are lies and lies."
Saavik clenched her fists at her sides. "Let me tell you something, Mr. Achernar. I know you for our enemy. If harm comes to this ship or to anyone aboard her, I'll come after you. All the Universe won't keep you safe. I will hunt you down and rip your heart out-I swear it!"
Achernar laughed, and the sound curdled Saavik's blood. "You may not get the chance, if we are going where I think."
"Think what you choose. Where we are going is none of your-"
A door opened down the corridor, and an embarrassed security guard emerged and hurried toward them.
"Thanks for. oh, hello, Cadet. Pardon me," he said, reaching across Achernar to the intercom. "Bridge, Nelson. I'm back, no problem. no, just a call of nature. We're on our way." He took a small metal cylinder from his belt. With a maddening smile at Saavik, Achernar moved his cloak aside and held up his right hand, as far as its security bracelet would allow. The cylinder freed it from his wrist, then from the heavy grillwork of an air vent where it was attached. "Sorry about that," Nelson said to him as he signaled the lift. "Regulations."
"I understand," said Achernar, ever gracious, "but our cadet does not. She would rather see me drawn and quartered."
"No need, Cadet." Nelson grinned at Saavik. "We know where he is every second. We've had worse. Why, I could tell you stories that. Cadet, you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"There. are no such things, Lieutenant. I am well."
"Then join us," Achernar invited. "We were having such a pleasant conversation. It could be even more so, I promise."
"No. I have seen your promises," Saavik said, trembling with rage as the two men entered the lift. "Do not forget mine."
"I shall treasure them. Saavik." Achernar was smiling, and Nelson looked confused as the lift took them away.
Oh, the foolish humans! They didn't see the danger, and Spock saw only logic. That skill was new to Saavik; she did not trust it now. Her life had depended for too long on seeing things, doing things not even Spock would understand, things of no logic at all. Seen a ghost. yes, that smile was like familiar poison.
There are lies and lies. the words stung; the truth stung.
She rode the lift back to her cabin, stopping only once. In Deck 6's corridor a fig tree's branches grew almost to the ceiling. She had admired it every time she passed. Now she looked at the oval sandstones covering the soil at its base. And took one.
Alone in her room, she drew the knife's dull blade across the stone again and again. It made a small, bitter sound. You try to be what you are not. Yes! Yes, I do! I want to be better than I am-but I cannot be a fool. So in the quiet dark of her cabin, she went on sharpening her knife.
She didn't mean to fall asleep. She didn't mean to dream the dream. But after eluding her for nights it came again, through a swirling mist of Hellguard's dust. Past the walls of twisting light, she ran from a death that wouldn't die, turned to fight with an empty hand, cursed the darkness dragging her down. And like an echo of her life, the screaming went on forever.
Only this time there was another sound: a voice from a time before, a place beyond the dream. It called clearly in her sleep, wrenching her awake; and its words left her sweating in fear, sobbing in the dark, and cringing with remembered pain. Look up, Little Cat, the voice said. Look up, and see the stars.
"On approach, Mr. Spock. Scans read clear."
System 872 Trianguli contained one fierce sun (its even fiercer neighboring star rose and set like a malevolent twin in Hellguard's sky) and five planets-four singed to lifeless hunks of rock eons ago, with poisonous atmospheres or none at all. The fifth was dead by Federation standards, red and brown, arid and uninviting. Most species would need environment suits to survive its thin, scorching air and sulfurous, corroding dust.
"Mr. Spock," Chekov was already at the science station, "a small dead spot on my scan-under those mountains. I get no-"
"No readout, no scan data. Yes, Mr. Chekov, a damping field." The same one that puzzled the Vulcans six years before. "That is our destination. Sensors and transporter will not penetrate it. I shall establish a check-in and beam-up point from the surface. Any questions, Mr. Sulu?. Very well, you have your orders."
"Aye, sir," Sulu nodded, but he didn't like them. Neither did Scott. They'd met that morning in the privacy of Spock's quarters to listen to his plan, and Sulu couldn't even tell Chekov what it was. Now, as the planet's wasted surface curved on the screen, a single, shiny speck rose on its horizon.
"Wait-not clear, sir! Scoutship! Weapons on line!"
"Jam them," Spock said to Uhura; she'd already done it. "Hold your fire, Sulu. Engage tractor beam, Mr. Harper-now!"
The tiny ship turned to run behind the planet, but the beam lanced through space and dragged it toward them. Its weapons, even at full power, wouldn't penetrate their shields. Scouts were built to look, listen, run-not to battle starships, and they need drop only one shield for transport. This tiny craft was no threat to them, and Spock had no taste for executions.
"Clear a hailing frequency, Commander Uhura, and engage translator. Scoutship," he said into the comm, "we have no wish to harm you. Cease your attempts to escape. The stress will destroy your vessel. When our mission is completed here, you will be released. Do you understand? Please acknowledge." No answer came, but the ship stopped its struggle to break away. "An unwelcome encumbrance," Spock sighed. "How many are aboard?"
"Just one, sir. He's all alone."
"And he cannot run or alert anyone to our presence. It should pose no danger, Mr. Sulu. Do not fire unless he gives you cause."
"
Aye, sir," said Sulu unhappily, preferring a little cause and no enemy presence at all. Just then the lift doors opened, and McCoy strolled onto the bridge.
"So we're here, huh? Just thought I'd come up and see what's-"
"Doctor, your presence is unnecessary and will constitute a distraction." Spock touched the intercom. "Saavik," he said, "report to the transporter room. It is time."
"Time for what? You're not taking her down there?" McCoy pursued Spock to the lift. "That's crazy, Spock! This isn't-"
"After you, Doctor. Mr. Sulu, the ship is yours."
An unnatural quiet settled around the bridge as Sulu took the captain's chair. Chekov turned, unable to keep silent.
"Sulu, I have a wery bad feeling-"
"Stow it, Pavel. We've got our orders. We don't have to like them." And Sulu didn't, not one little bit.
"Yes, Mr. Spock." Saavik switched off the comm and opened the drawer of her desk. The knife lay inside, honed to a razor's edge. She took it in one hand, the sandstone in her other, despising them both. Her fist closed tight around the rock; it crushed, ground to powder, spilled through her fingers into the drawer. She dropped the knife in after it, slammed the drawer, and left.
She didn't set her cabin's lock; that no longer mattered.
"Deck Seven," she said to the lift. When it opened she stepped into the corridor, staring at the door of the main transporter room, wanting to run away. But she'd been running all her life.
Spock was there now. And Hellguard was waiting.
Enterprise was overdue.
Kirk ran the calculations again and again, telling himself they didn't mean anything, that word would come any minute now. And when it didn't he would swear in helpless fury at the safety of his prison, starving for some challenge, some risk, some way to make a difference. But there was none in this cocoon, this useless existence without another soul, where minutes passed more slowly than eternity and the only dangers were played out on the battlefield of his mind. In his darkest moments the panic won, when he could no longer imagine that door ever opening, or the faces of his friends, or the touch of a living hand-for the rest of his life. not long. Not on those terms.
And then he would fight his way back from the brink, hoping, believing, because there was nothing else to do. His voice grew hoarse, his hands shook. He forgot to eat, and he'd long since passed the point of exhaustion; if he slept at all anymore, he didn't remember it. Reality had narrowed to Room 2103 and his companions in exile. Another day was drawing to a close, a day that had seen two more theories fail.
"Sir, are you feeling all right?" Kinski asked.
"Yes, Admiral." Renn looked up from her report. "Pardon me, sir, but don't you ever take a break?"
"Why? Am I getting on your nerves, Doctor?" Kirk smiled.
"No, sir. It's just that you look exhausted. You should go see a doctor. When's the last time you slept or ate a good-"
"You tend to your knitting, Doctor, I'll tend to mine."
Renn shook her head in disapproval and went back to work, but Kinski hovered at the comm.
"Admiral," he said, "have you got a minute, sir?"
"It just so happens," Kirk said gravely, "that I do."
"Well, I've been thinking a lot-about what I'll do if I ever get out of here."
"That's normal, Kinski. But you're doing good work."
"Thank you, sir, but it's not the work-it's me. Do you think people should do what they're good at? Even if they have to change careers to do it? Even if it means. leaving Starfleet?"
"Doubts are normal too, Kinski. You're under a lot of stress. This is no time to make career decisions," Kirk cautioned him. "What else would you like to do?"
"What I did before," Kinski said, looking embarrassed. "You see, sir, when I was younger, I. made computer toys. I started this company when I was fourteen, but then I got into the Academy, and there wasn't time-"
"Kinski Toys! I knew that name was familiar!" Kirk studied the nervous young man with new interest. "You made the Infinity Loop, didn't you?"
"Yes, sir," a smile transformed Kinski's face, "that was my best one. You've heard of it?"
"I've played it," Kirk admitted. "And so has my Vulcan first officer. He got all sixteen solutions, too."
"Seventeen, sir. Some kid out in Iowa or somewhere found a new one this year. The thing is, sir, I think I'm better at making toys than I am at serving in Starfleet. You're right about the real thing being different. Compared to this, the Academy was just a game. I can't stop feeling scared, sir. I don't think I ever will. And if I ever get out of here, I just want to go home and make my toys-you know what I'm saying?"
"Actually," Kirk sighed, "I know exactly what you're saying. And I'll tell you something, Kinski. There's no shame in being scared. And there's no shame in resigning from Starfleet. Now, I meant what I said. Don't rush into anything. You've put in a lot of work to get where you are. So wait till all this is over, and give it some thought. Then, if you still feel the same, you go home and make those toys. Because the only shame in this life, Mr. Kinski, is not doing the work you're cut out for. And once you find it, don't let anyone take it away from you."
"Yes, sir," Kinski said, self-confidence dawning in his voice. "I'll do that-and thank you, Admiral."
"Anytime, Mr. Kinski-"
A light began blinking on Kirk's panel: Nogura, calling for the first time in two days. Enterprise?.
"-but I think I'll take that break now. Hang in there, Kinski. Things'll get better."
"Yes sir."
But the instant Kirk saw Nogura's face, he knew things had gotten worse, much worse.
"Admiral."
"Jim," Nogura said grimly, "at 0920 hours today, we received the Empire's formal denial of all charges. Debate was suspended, and Council took a vote. The nature of this threat, the lack of progress from science. it all factored in. Not even Sarek could persuade them that peace is the way, not this time. The whole Vulcan delegation walked out."
"Then we're. at war?" Around Kirk, the room seemed to dim.
"We will be. Council has authorized a tactical strike. Battle groups are stationed to blanket the Neutral Zone from Starbase Ten to points-"
"My ship's still out there! It won't have a chance!"
"Jim. it never did. Spock knew that. Enterprise went in because we had to try. We would have heard by now if-"
"They're alive, Admiral!" Kirk heard himself shouting, knowing that only betrayed his exhaustion and ragged nerves. "It hasn't been that long-" The pity in Nogura's eyes infuriated him. "I'd know if. dammit, I'd know!"
"Tell that to the Rigel worlds, Jim. Tell it to the billions who'll die if this weapon works just once. And tell it to the Federation Council. We do its will-or have you forgotten that? And for God's sake," he waited through a silence, "get hold of yourself. You know what we're up against."
"Time, Heihachiro." Kirk strove to sound reasonable. "Just give Spock a little more time. That's all I'm asking."
"I don't think you grasp the situation, Jim. One city's dead, one starship won't be there when the orders come through-and now you want me to obstruct a Council mandate?"
"Yes! I mean-no! I-" Kirk fought the exhaustion he knew was muddling his brain. "I just mean. push where it gives, Admiral! Orders for the fleet come directly from you. As long as my ship's alive, there might be a chance to stop this. Now, isn't that worth every second you can beg, borrow, or steal?"
"Not one single flag officer would support me on it."
"I will!" Kirk heard himself saying. In that instant he was certain the cobwebs in his mind were gone. It was grasping at straws, but maybe-even in the Vault-maybe he could make a difference after all. "Hear me out, Heihachiro!" he said desperately. "With ships in position, the Zone's defended. You find a way to stall that order, and I'll." there was no going back from this, but suddenly the words came easy. ". I'll take that ground assignment! You'll have my support, and I'll be around to make it stick! That'll mean something, Admiral-with Command
and with the Council-and you know it!"
Nogura sat watching him, saying nothing. That old fox, Kirk thought, what's goes on in his head? Dammit, I just never know.
"I won't back out this time. No tricks. No games. Word of honor."
"You understand, Jim," Nogura said carefully, "that we're only talking about twenty-four hours-at the most. The Council's voted, and even my discretion won't cover it longer than that. You'd be staking a lot on one day. Are you sure you want to-"
"My ship's out there." and I'll do anything, anything! But Kirk couldn't get the words past the lump in his throat.
Star Trek - Pandora Principle Page 20