Separation Anxiety is typically apparent in small children but it can also affect adults. The feeling of uneasiness is triggered when the person is separated from someone or something that symbolizes safety and sanctuary.
That Thing Called Social Anxiety
Social anxiety disorder, which is sometimes called social phobia, is a type of anxiety portrayed by extreme fear of embarrassment and judgment by others in a social situation. The invoked feelings are fear of any intimacy, fright in any public place, uneasiness in human contact, and fear of humiliation.
Some people suffering from social anxiety are so frightened of their predicted failures that they tend to avoid social contacts and make any resemblance of a normal, public life impossible. Sometimes, they go to great lengths just to avoid any type of social meeting or action. Instead of shopping in a grocery store, they’d rather order online and have it delivered to their home. Even facing the delivery man is difficult so they’d leave money on their doorstep instead of paying personally.
The fear of being mortified and scrutinized in public is extreme. Most of them know that these feelings are at times overblown, but the feeling of being measured will still creep up. Severe self-consciousness, inferiority, inadequacy, self-blame, and embarrassment are often the result of this. They would rather be left alone than suffer the awkwardness and dread of shame.
It is a common mental problem in the United States. Social anxiety disorder is actually the third largest mental health care problem and millions around the world are suffering from this debilitating condition. This disorder ranks close to alcoholism and depression.
There are a few groups of sufferer whose fear anchors on a specific type of situation like speaking only in public, at work or facing an authority figure. A number still suffers discomfort from general social situations.
Every day is a constant struggle against fear, humiliation, and pain. Did you say something wrong? Did you do things right? Did you talk too much or did you talk too little? What do they think of you? It’s a daily fight from rejection, disapproval and being out of place. It’s a regular challenge of trying to join a conversation but you just can’t say anything.
Social anxiety makes you raise your defensive walls to protect yourself. Even telling your friends and family about your anxiety is difficult because of the fear of being misunderstood and being treated differently. You just don’t want anyone to know that you’re afraid. It’s a persistent and overwhelming feeling that’s not easy to shake off and undoubtedly painful. Every day and all day, this is how living with social anxiety is like. It’s a quiet, but a disastrous endurance of pain and feeling of being an outcast.
2 - The Cause and Effect of Social Anxiety
Factors of Social Anxiety
There is no specific cause for social anxiety, but like most mental health state, it could have risen from the interwoven environmental and internal factors. Stress will always add to these factors and anxiety is its response. Most likely, anxiety is born from continuously reminding yourself of the worst case scenarios in every situation.
Still, the factors that may contribute largely to social anxiety could be one of the following:
Factors. Anxiety is developed when you have observed a situation that could possibly happen to you. You may have seen somebody made fun of because of the manner they are dressed or the way they talk. Fear of facing a similar situation is ingrained into your consciousness.
Psychological Factors. The disorder may also be a result of a traumatic event in their lives such as death, natural disaster, or abuse. The stress of relationships, finances, school, or money can be major reasons for social anxiety to develop. Anxiety can also stem from a humiliating experience in the past such as bullying.
Medical Factors. Substance abuse is one of the foremost runners in social anxiety. Illicit drugs and alcohol abuse can cloud a person’s rationalizing ability and can bring to surface the irrational fears. Medical factors like heart conditions can cause anxiety because of the stress, the symptoms that came with the disease, or the side effects of their medications.
Genetic Factors. A person who came from a family with a history of anxiety disorder may most likely develop the same fate if not treated earlier. The exact link between anxiety and genetics are not that established, but most of cases tend to run inside a family history.
Inherited Factors. People with social anxiety have a tendency to describe their parents as overprotective, constant over criticism, lack of affection, exaggeration of any situation especially in public places, and overemphasis on good manners and physical appearance. Children who were overprotected by their parents may have restricted their social skills and anxious in dealing with a new situation. When they are thrown into an environment or situation that they cannot control, their limited coping ability is shown through anxiety. Social anxiety becomes a learned behavior.
Biological factors. Scientists state that people who suffer from anxiety were shown to have abnormal levels of neurotransmitters in their brain. The circuit in the brain responsible for regulating the “fight or flight” response neuron and emotion is not functioning properly. When your internal system collapses, your brain will react inappropriately to a normal situation.
The interlacing of these factors may be the cause of social anxiety but what situations can trigger it? Even these may vary but some may include one, two, or more of the following: public speaking, being watched closely, performing, meeting new people, suddenly being the center of everyone’s attention, talking to authority, making phone calls, using public facilities, dining in public, being criticized, being teased, being called out in class or by a boss, going on dates, or attending social events. There is no specific trigger but they are all nerve-racking and complicated to the sufferer.
How Social Anxiety Changes a Life
If social anxiety is not treated properly, it can run and ruin your life. It can interfere with almost all of your relationships and destroy the life that you want to live. There are certain emotions that are evoked by social anxiety and may overtake your life.
The feeling of living a restricted life that’s different from a normal one is prevalent. There is a sense of vulnerability and being trapped because you feel like you can’t fit in and do common, daily activities. Anxiety sets a boundary and shortens your life options. To be trapped in a cruel cycle of irrationality daily is a reality for sufferers. It is extremely daunting to change your habits because you just don’t know how.
Social anxiety will not let you taste that macchiato because it meant rehearsing and delivering a new sentence to the barista. You just perfected your “Black with two sugar, please.” It took you weeks before you could say it smoothly. This is what anxiety does, it restricts your choices.
Isolation and alienation from loved ones are prevailing emotions of people afflicted with social anxiety. Because you can’t fit in, you can’t be understood. This disease will cripple your brain and make you feel like your future is doomed. You finally want to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend but you can’t because they might not be able to handle your worst day.
There is no one that can seem to understand your emotions, not even your therapist. It’s unfortunate that this anxiety is still misunderstood even by some experts. Therapy groups are limited and medicating it is not a regular walk in the park for psychotherapists.
Lack of confidence and low self-esteem is a pretty common feeling even with those who are not suffering from social anxiety. Those who do, however, have a heightened sensitivity different from the common man. Uncertainties in life give birth to an intense fear of judgment, rejection, and criticism.
The fear is so strong that you can’t expand your life experiences. You want to be promoted but you can’t push yourself to move. If you do, you may be promoted but you have to manage people. What if they don’t listen to you? What if you fail them? What if you get hurt by their criticism? Is that the kind of leader they want? Social anxiety will presumably misinterpret situ
ations.
Any failure you may have committed in the past will just keep on playing over and over in your head. The certainty that others remember it and that they can see your anxiety will be so overwhelming that you are only left with the feeling of defeat. Because of the past mistake, you can’t live through a similar situation again.
Did you have a bad date before? You can’t go on another one again. Did you faint on stage before? You can’t put yourself on a spotlight again. You build mountains and mountains of worry because of your past experiences.
Self-consciousness is the mother of all these emotions. Social anxiety will make you too aware and too sensitive to every sound, every sight, and every feeling. You pay way too much attention to yourself and what others think of you. You can’t exercise and run in your favorite park because people will see you and think you run in a funny way. Why is everyone’s eye on you? You tend to obsess over everything and you can’t live in the moment.
3 - Social Anxiety Indicators
Most people mistake social anxiety for shyness. Not everyone who gets nervous in public has social anxiety disorder and not everyone who is socially anxious is shy. Everyone gets self-conscious now and then, but this type of shyness has not hindered their functionality. Social anxiety is more than timidity. It impedes the daily routine which causes grave distress in the long run.
It’s normal to be jittery before a job interview, but social anxiety will make the person extremely apprehensive about it for several days or even weeks. Socially anxious people have particular social situations, which they are comfortable in like singing on stage but walking in a public aisle makes them nervous.
Certain symptoms and feelings have been linked with social anxiety disorder. These can be divided into two categories: the physiological symptoms and the behavioral symptoms.
Common physiological symptoms can include:
Simple blushing
Obvious confusion
Shortness of breath
Shaking and weak voice
Freezing of face
Hot flashes
Excessive sweating
Shaky hands
Nausea
Upset stomach and sometimes diarrhea
Dizziness
Muscle tension
Breakouts
Tightness in the chest area
Racing heartbeat
Rising of blood pressure
Behavioral indicators of a socially anxious person may include:
Extreme fear of interaction with a stranger
Unwarranted and obvious nervousness in daily and normal situations
Fear of humiliating yourself
Avoiding conversations with anyone for fear of embarrassment
Intense restlessness over an upcoming event
Avoiding any situation that might put you in the spotlight
Staying alone and quiet in the background
Wariness of everyone surrounding for fear or judgment
The need to bring a companion with you wherever you go
Fear of somebody noticing your anxiety
Overanalyzing a simple social situation like a smile or a handshake
Constant identification of your flaws
Drinking before an event in an attempt to calm the nerves
Always expecting the worst scenario in a social situation
Children with social anxiety disorder may display their nervousness through a boisterous tantrum, loud crying, refusal to speak to anyone, and over clinging to their parents.
Symptoms may vary for every socially anxious person but these are the general symptoms. A mix of several symptoms may manifest in the face of situation triggers. If you see these symptoms disrupting your life or someone you know, you may be suffering from social anxiety. The long term distress can actually be avoided by recognition, awareness, and treatment. Social anxiety is a mental health condition that can be treated.
4 - The Road to Healing
Seeking Professional Help
There is a way out of anxiety disorders such as social anxiety. If you want the help of a therapist, you must find one who truly understands the problem and has experienced treating such anxiety.
If you are living through social anxiety, you recognize that your thoughts exaggerate 90% of the time. You are aware of your absurd and illogical feelings. You know that people are not watching you but it still feels like they are closely judging you. If you are feeling it, then it is real. Social anxiety is real.
If your therapist does not understand the reality of your emotions and thoughts, then they may not be able to help you. At this point, you probably know more about social anxiety than they do. Therapist whose main task is to make you face your fears to make it go away does not understand the inner workings of a socially anxious mind. The presence of fear and facing daily fears has overstayed in your life. You faced it already but now it has grown even bigger. It’s time to take a different approach.
Seek another help if your questions are not welcomed and your sessions becomes too scientific. You should have support in a friendly environment. It is easier to absorb treatment that will change our views in a stress-free atmosphere.
The current, and the most effective treatment for social anxiety is called cognitive-behavior therapy or CBT. Cognitive-behavior therapy’s main purpose is directing your irrational thoughts to the reasonable road and overcoming anxiety during stressful situations. You will be taught how to give a different response to your anxiety triggers.
CBT may slowly expose you to your fears by helping you imagine your dreaded situation and working through it in a safe environment. A real life exposure will not be done without the help of your therapist and at times, the help of your anxiety group.
Seeking counsel alone will improve your social and relationship skills and boost your self-esteem. Sometimes, a group of people going through the same thing is a great aid in overcoming social anxiety. Shared experiences and shared thoughts makes you realize that you are not alone and that there are people who succeeded in defeating this anxiety.
Medication, in extreme cases, may assist the turnaround of your brain’s thoughts. There are times when a drug is paired with cognitive-behavioral therapy to make it more effective. Drugs such as sedatives, antidepressants, and beta-blockers help minimize some of your physical reactions to social anxiety. Nausea, rapid heart palpitations, and the shakes can be reduced. It also helps regulate your sleeping habits.
Challenging the Anxious Thoughts
Social anxiety is a disorder that can be reduced or eliminated. You can call out your anxiety and challenge it to a duel. The methods may vary from one person to another but here are a few things you can try to beat this disease.
Your negative thoughts take up a lot of space in your brain and anxiety thrives in this pessimistic environment. These feelings would creep up even if you started the day right. You end up thinking that you’ll do something wrong if you help somebody or you’ll just embarrass yourself if you join the crowd. Challenge your negative thoughts by identifying and analyzing it. You feel that everyone thinks you’re stupid. Ask yourself why do you feel that way? How do you know for sure that it’s what everyone thinks?
Once you challenge your initial thoughts by a logical train of questions, gradually replace them with optimistic and realistic thinking. You’re not stupid. Though not everyone thinks you’re smart, a lot of people know that you are. Turn the situation around and slowly, it won’t be a part of your trigger list.
Avoid making a catastrophe out of the situation. Do not personalize the unknown thoughts of other people. Avoid mind reading and fortune telling. Do not assume their thoughts and do not predict the worst out of everything. These are the type of negative thinking that you can steer clear of. Climb out of these thoughts one at a time.
Social anxiety tends to put yourself in a microscopic manner. Lessen your self-focus by shifting it to the larger picture. Start by looking around you and paying attention to your surroun
dings. If you are in a conversation, listen to what is actually being said and tune out your thoughts. You’ll be naturally and unconsciously engaging this way. You really don’t have to speak if you don’t know what to say. Silence is fine. Some people will speak and you can just comfortably listen to them.
Learn how to slowly face your fears. Social anxiety or social phobia will make you a handicap in social situations but there is a way to straighten it. One of these techniques is to face head on whatever is crippling you from asking that girl out.
Avoiding it may give you a short relief but continuance of this habit can lead to more problems. You may never be comfortable in a date. Be frightened but move even if you are afraid and in time, it will be less frightening. Never mind if your voice is shaky but open your mouth and ask her out for a cup of coffee. Eventually, you will reach your ultimate goal.
You shouldn’t take on your main fear right away. Forcing yourself may strengthen your social anxiety even more. Be patient with yourself and slowly practice happy, rational thoughts in a calm manner. Slowly work your way up. If you still find yourself struggling with the crippling symptoms of social anxiety, it’s perfectly alright to seek more help.
5 - The Self-Help Guide to Social Phobia Treatment
The Lifestyle Remedy
Social anxiety may require some professional help but there are a few steps that you do on your own. You can help yourself, lessen the symptoms, and handle any situation.
Begin by investing yourself in better relationships. A relationship may sound scary at first, but it’s an effective way of overcoming social phobia and building communication skills. Start by reaching out to people that you feel comfortable with. It can be a group of people with the same interests or hobbies. You can just talk about the things you love and focus on that. Your bond will slowly develop and you’ll find yourself looking forward to each meeting.
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