Conclusion
I want to thank you and congratulate you for downloading the book, “Emotional Intelligence: How to increase, Develop, and Improve your Emotional Intelligence”.
Often, day-to-day reality, whether it be at work, at school or at home, presents different situations that call for different role responses. In addition, situations are diverse and change fast within a single day that appropriate responses or what is thought and felt as appropriate responses, change or shift accordingly. It is no wonder that one ends up stressed and emotionally drained at the end of the day.
In responding to these difficult situations, emotions rule, acting irrationally more on what is felt rather than on what should or ought to be done to resolve the situation on a positive note. This is not surprising really as traditional parenting has not taught children to understand, control and manage emotions to their advantage. Emphasis of child development was on the “head” neglecting the “heart” which is the seat of emotions.
Recently, interest on the development of emotions, or what is known as emotional intelligence, to complement the intellect has grown. Researchers and scholars conclude in their studies that the present social turmoil observed in our modern society is due to the imbalance in the development between intelligence and emotions. They posited that the social turmoil is caused by emotional needs of members of society that are not met and addressed. Unmet emotional needs most often lead to anger, depression, hate, anxiety, contempt, low self-esteem.
The same is true on an individual level. For a simple instance, when a person greets a good friend and the greeting is unanswered or is answered noncommittally, the usual emotional response is confusion (Why didn’t he/she respond?), or becomes offended and upset, or even one of anger.
To reiterate, unmet emotional needs lead to negative emotions which is disturbing to the emotional state of a person. Such is not a healthy and a happy condition of life. This need not be the case though. Studies have shown that emotions can be instructed, developed, controlled, and managed to one’s advantage. Further, a well-developed emotional intelligence could lead to communication with self via reflection and with others leading to a rich, fruitful, and harmonious relationship which is considered as a recipe for a better and improved quality of life.
This book contains proven steps and strategies on how to improve the quality of life of a person by increasing, developing, and improving emotional intelligence. This book is divided into 6 s.
1 deals with what emotional intelligence is and its importance. It talks about why a person should take time understanding what emotional intelligence is. This is especially helpful because it only through understands that steps can be taken to address the lack of or enhance and develop the emotional intelligence one possesses.
2 deals with the development of emotional intelligence. It shows that emotions that are generally unpredictable can be made predictable through management control of emotions, whether this is on the personal or the social level.
3 deals with knowing the self and the other in a relationship. Only in knowing and understanding the self and the other can a healthy and strong relationship be built and sustained.
4, 5, and 6 discuss the five key skills that facilitate in the development of emotional intelligence which could be applied in practical day-to-day situations.
Thanks again for downloading this book. I hope you enjoy it!
1. “Heart” more than “Head”
Emotional intelligence is a recent phenomenon made possible by observations that focusing on development of intellect alone is not sufficient to address modern-day problems, be it social or personal. This is due to traditional thought that emotions is nothing more than irrational passions while being intelligent is being reasonable and rational.
More and more, emotions have come to the attention of professionals and nonprofessionals in the corporate world and in the everyday social life of people as a necessary component for a healthy and successful life of a person. Some would even say that emotional intelligence is more critical for success in life than is intelligence alone.
Note that in the corporate world, employment would entail examinations which imply possession of a certain degree of intelligence. Passing employment examinations and getting hired, however, do not guarantee success in the corporate world. There are an increasing number of corporations that require attitude and outlook as a prerequisite for hiring.
So, what is this emotional intelligence all about that it should occupy a prominent place and be an important component in a person’s life and success?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to:
understand one’s emotions and reactions or self-awareness
manage, control, adapt emotions and reactions or self-management
motivate self to take appropriate action or motivation
figure out feelings of others and understand their emotions so these can be utilized for an effective relationship or empathy/social awareness
develop relationships, interact in social situations, negotiate and resolve conflicts or relationship management
Now, one can argue that emotions is a natural reaction to stimuli, much like the human reaction of running away from danger or running towards something which is desirable like a sumptuous dinner. This does not entail much intelligence as learning to read, count, or analyze representations do. Emotions already exist as it is readily felt. Is there a need to know more of emotions and emotional intelligence?
This is where misconception on the true nature of emotion lies. Emotional intelligence is intelligence that provides information such as the meaning of emotions, emotional patterns and sequences evoked by an interaction with self and others, and the analysis of a relationship. Knowing the emotions evoked therefore is the beginning of understanding of self, which awareness in turn shows the way to deal with relationships and situations intelligently.
So yes, emotional intelligence is real and can benefit a person in many ways, such as:
Physical well-being. Stress has considerable impact on a person’s wellness. Wanting to take care of one's body and managing stress is strongly tied to one's emotional intelligence. Awareness of how and why one is stressed is a step towards managing it and be in good health.
Mental health. Attitude and outlook in life is directly associated to emotional intelligence. It determines the level of anxiety, depression, and mood swings of a person. It follows, therefore, that a person with a high level of emotional intelligence is able to alleviate anxiety, control depression and mood swings and develop positive attitude and outlook in life.
Relationships. Understanding and managing emotions enable one to be clearly expressive of one's feelings and relate with another in a constructive way. Knowing and understanding the emotions of others, such as their needs, feelings, and reactions, particularly from those we care about enable one to build stronger and lasting relationships.
Conflict resolution. Being able to figure out a person’s emotions and empathize with that person's outlook will enable one to resolve conflict or avoid one even before it starts. A person with high emotional intelligence is better able to negotiate brought about by the understanding of what others feel and want.
Success. Higher emotional intelligence helps in developing strong internal motivator which allows a person to resist putting off tasks for a later day, build self-confidence, and work towards a set goal with dedication. With better relationships built among associates, a person now has a network of support enabling one to remain strong and resilient when setbacks do occur.
2. Making the Unpredictable Predictable
At this point, the question could be raised if emotional intelligence can be acquired and developed, much like intelligence. And if acquired, can emotional intelligence be sustained considering that emotional reactions rise in a fleeting second during unfavorable and conflicting interactions. One does not think first before retorting back but flashes an immediate retort, thereby ignitin
g more unsavory remarks from the other.
True, developing emotional intelligence may seem to be difficult and even impossible especially when experience show that emotions are unpredictable and come in flashes during sticky and conflicting situations. A line in the song of Maria in the Sound of Music film comes to mind: “how do you catch a cloud and pin it down?”
Letting emotions run unchecked is like letting emotions rule one's life. Letting unchecked emotions rule one's life is never a good choice. Because then life becomes unpredictable and uncertain. Somehow, it is preferable to be in control so one can predict to a certain degree the outcome of an encounter with the other, whether this be a personal, social or a work encounter.
But here, a growing number of studies on emotional intelligence show that it can be developed and sustained throughout life. There is a catch however…one must be actively engaged and be continually consistent in its day-to-day application for it to be effective. No matter, the reward assures success and a better quality of life if one uses emotional intelligence to advantage.
Here is how…
The first and fundamental step is to be committed. Unless one intends to change for the better, any effort to bring a change in self will be useless. The will to change for the better should be intense and should come from within the self. Unless and until the change comes from within, any effort to bring about change will just be like going through the motions for the sake of motion.
One way to do this is to picture one's self in the future, how one sees self in the future, the visions, and the dreams. Compare the future to the present and work with dedication and commitment from the present. Tap the inner desire for change and stay with it. Let the incremental progress be the inspiration for the next encounter.
The next step is to get practical. Developing emotional intelligence can be a tall order particularly for one new to it and who is used to instant and un-thought of reactions. Experiencing failure at the moment when one has committed to developing emotional intelligence can be disappointing and lead downhill from the commitment.
To overcome this, start small and take one baby step at a time. Draw from past
Experiences and identify those instances when one is emotionally reactive. To cite an example, people today are never without mobile phone in the hand. Mobile phones and other modern gadgets have robbed people today of interpersonal communication. As an intentional learning plan, one could intend when the opportunity comes to set aside the mobile phone and talk sincerely with the other, and reap the benefit of a person to person communication.
Taking this one small step could lead to another just like this. When the same opportunity occurs again and one responds in the same positive way, a positive habit is in the making to replace the old negative habit.
Admittedly, a small success but it is still a success. One baby step at a time.
Another step is to make a mental rehearsal. Musicians do mental rehearsals. They mentally think of the printed score and mentally listen to the score or a musical piece being studied to imprint it in the mind in order to play it without flaws and with confidence.
The same can be true in one's practical day-to-day reality. Mentally rehearse an emotionally charged interaction in your mind and mentally activate your intended response. This will have the benefit of preparing one when the opportunity actually occurs.
3. From Self to Other
The previous shows that emotional intelligence can be developed and sustained. But before emotional intelligence can be developed, one has to start somewhere. Fundamentally, if one is to change, one has to know the self. From knowing self, one can then hope to manage the emotions through intentional planning.
But one does not stop there. Emotional intelligence is basically information obtained from relating and interacting with the others. It is therefore necessary that one should know the emotions of the other people one is relating with or interacting with in any given context, be it the workplace, at home, or at social functions.
This expounds on four of the five core abilities of emotional intelligence cited in 1 that need to be developed and practiced consistently.
Self-awareness. To be aware of the self is to understand how one feels in any given situation, thus allowing one to assess the emotional state in that given situation. With these two competencies, self-confidence comes in as its reward.
Admittedly, it is a natural tendency to be reluctant to admit to negative feelings and emotions and even more to the behavior that comes out of these negative emotions. Hard as this may seem, it is a must that negative behaviors be accepted as such and remain committed to the intent to change negative emotions.
If one remains consistent and committed to change, being aware of these behaviors and one's emotional state can lead to a new you who:
Know which emotions are at play and why
Realize that feelings are intrinsically connected to thoughts, actions, and words
Recognize that feelings affect performance and behaviors
Know how to act accordingly and be guided by renewed values and goals
Adopt appropriate behaviors that would minimize the effects of emotions on conflicting situations
Self-management. Knowing and understanding emotions naturally lead to managing and being in control of these emotions to generate positive interactions with the significant others. In managing emotions, one needs to:
Be in control of impulsive emotions and remaining composed whatever the situation is
Choose to exhibit healthy and productive emotions
Take the initiative in a given situation
Follow through commitments no matter what
Adapt to any given situation and changing circumstances
Social awareness. An old adage goes “No man is an island.” People naturally relate and interact with other people. Relationships and interactions need to be healthy and harmonious for it to last. And towards this end, one need to be familiar with, know, and understand the needs, feelings, concerns of other people. One should be able to read cues the other is giving verbally or nonverbally.
In other words, one should be able to empathize or to fit in the other's shoe. To do this, one should:
Be more of a listener rather than dominate the conversation
Understand, appreciate, and respect the others' views, opinions, and issues
Stay tuned to the goal and task at hand without conflict
Understand where emotions of both, self and the other, start and end
Relationship management. When awareness of self and of others is achieved a strong, healthy, lasting and effective relationship is built. This is where one succeeds in inspiring other people and be an instrument for the others to reach their full potential.
One succeeds in building lasting and fruitful relationship through:
Influence and persuasion rather than dominance
Providing support for others as well as gracefully accepting support from others
Sustaining a two-way conversation with others
4. The Keys to Emotional Intelligence
The question that may be raised now, and understandably enough, is how the knowledge gained in the previous s can be applied to everyday life. True, one cannot just read and learn and this is the reason that earlier it was mentioned one has to be actually engaged in the practice of emotional intelligence.
There are five key skills one could use in the engagement of emotional intelligence.
The skill to quickly reduce stress
The skill to recognize and manage emotions
The skill to connect and relate with others with the use of nonverbal communication
The skill to use humor and play to deal with challenges
The skill to resolve conflicts in a positive way and with confidence
Reducing Stress fast. Stress is a common experience for everyone. Stress could be debilitating and emotionally draining. It leads to inaction and irrationality, throwing out the window any
good intentions and plans.
In times when stress is overbearing, refuse to act under such circumstances. Take time and pause, be calm and take stock of the situation. Succeeding in this makes one resilient and in controls no matter what the situation.
Downplaying stress willfully can be done through the following three steps:
Know when one is stressed and what it feels like. Usually, being stressed keeps one in an emotional state of imbalance, forgetting that perfect calm can be attained through discipline and control. At times like this, one should force the self to recall the positive effects of being calm and controlled.
Identify the stress response. There are many ways to react to stress. Know the specific response that is usually triggered by a difficult situation. It is by knowing that one is able to control it and intentionally plan to change to a more appropriate and non-threatening positive response.
Explore the counter-stress behavior that works best in any given situation. Make use of the five senses - sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch - and find out what works best. It is different for each person and therefore it is necessary to get in touch with the sense most applicable and productive.
For instance, a musician under stress could turn to the piano to keep hands busy and let stress quickly flow away through music heard.
Reflection. Reflection is the second key skill to emotional intelligence. Reflection allows one to connect with the self. It is a way of communication with the self, knowing and understanding what is happening to the self as a result of a situation and how this conflicting emotion can be resolved.
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