“No, not tonight. I'll have a bottle of water with some lemon. You do have lemons back there, don't you?”
“Of course I do. I know how much you like them.” The back and forth continued, Allison kissing Missy's ass and Missy enjoying it, until Amelia couldn't take it any longer. She drained her glass, set it back down and got to her feet. If there was one good thing about Royal and Fiona's relationship being in the open, it was that Missy wouldn't talk to her, not even one word.
Amelia drifted through the bar. She stopped to chat with several people who called out to her and finally settled down at a table next to James. “So, what's up with you?”
“Trying to get drunk,” he replied. “You?”
“Just waiting.”
“How's Chopper?” He spun his beer around on the table. “I've been meaning to stop by and see him.”
“He's coming along. Gained a few pounds. The vet said that he'll always limp now. There was a wound on his leg that didn't heal right. No clue what happened to him out there on the streets.” Wondering what had happened kept Amelia up some nights, as well as the guilt she felt because she hadn't looked harder for the dog.
“You know what's been bothering me?” James finished his beer. “If Chopper was in the house and someone hurt Fiona or Taylor, he'd have torn their throat out. So obviously he wasn't in the house, but Fiona didn't keep him outside at night. The only reason that she'd have put him out was if someone was there who he didn't like or who didn't like him.”
Amelia sat up straighter in the chair. She'd had similar thoughts. “And there was no way she'd put him outside for a stranger, so she knew whoever it was that killed her. I've been over this again and again in my mind, James, talked it to death with Danny.” And she remembered that he'd thought she was crazy so she'd dropped the subject pretty quickly.
“You don't think we'll ever figure it out, do you?” James sighed and pressed his fingers to his temples.
“No,” Amelia admitted and it was harder than she could have imagined to say. “I don't, and I've got to make my peace with that.” She was pretty certain that peace would never come to her, but doing nothing but thinking about it was going to drive her insane. She'd already changed and she knew it. She knew that the change in her had caused the changes between her and Danny. They loved each other, they were trying to make it work and in the process had started to walk on eggshells around one another. He was spending more time at the bar, and honestly she couldn't blame him.
“It isn't right.” James slammed his hand down on the table.
“Whoa. Calm down.” Amelia pushed her chair back, rose and walked around to where he sat. “I know that it still hurts because she's gone. It's something that is always going to be there. We've got to learn to live with it.” She laid her hands on his shoulders, squeezed and felt her heart break for him.
If there was anyone who understood how she felt, it was James. Amelia wished that she could understand the way he felt. He'd lost more than she had, even if Fiona hadn't known the way he felt. “Or maybe we don't learn to live with it.” James shrugged off the hand that she'd placed on his shoulder. “I need some fucking air.”
“I'll go with you,” Amelia offered.
“No,” he said abruptly. “I'm not in the mood for company.” James got to his feet so quickly that Amelia nearly stumbled to get out of his way. His arm brushed against her, knocked her off balance. She hit the floor with a solid thump, hard enough that her jaws smashed together.
“Nice one.” She glared up at him, gritted her teeth. He extended a hand to help her. Amelia wanted to ignore it but was suddenly aware that they were causing quite a scene. It seemed everyone was staring at them.
“I didn't mean to...” James trailed off. “I just...”
“I know.” Amelia smiled at him. “It was an accident. No harm. No foul.” But there would be a bruise on her ass before morning. “I'm good. We're good.”
“They're pulling up out front,” someone shouted.
Amelia was relieved as the attention was diverted from her and James. “You should stay.”
“I'm not going far. I just need some air.” This time he was careful to give her a wide berth. He headed towards the back door as the front door opened. Royal walked in, followed by Train and the rest of the guys.
Amelia watched as Danny scanned the crowd when he came in. Just knowing that he was looking for her made warmth spread through her body. He caught her eye, motioned to the bar and she started over, but getting there was a battle with the now rowdy crowd. She caught a glimpse of Danny; he'd gotten there first and Allison was busy talking his ear off as usual. The woman leaned over the bar, nearly popping her surgically enhanced tits out of her top. Normally Allison stayed just shy of actually being disrespectful, but tonight she'd jumped right over the line when she reached out and stroked her fingers down Danny's arm.
Amelia saw Allison jerk her arm back as she approached but it was too little too late. Her intention must have been written on her face because Danny turned to her. “Take it easy, Amelia. Allison was just telling me how James pushed you. What the fuck was that about?”
“He didn't push me. He bumped into me. It was an accident. She's being a shit stirrer.” Amelia moved forward but Danny stepped in front of her. The idea that he was actively trying to stop her from getting to Allison sent something she didn't recognize through her. If she had to call it something, she'd say that it was what going mad felt like.
“Did you fall?” He demanded.
“I fall all the time. It's irrelevant. I'd rather talk about why you don't seem to want to let me go to the bar? Scared that I'll knock out a few of her teeth and make for more painful blow jobs for you?” Amelia hissed the words out. “Is that why you've been spending so much time here?”
“Couldn't blame him if he was,” Missy's voice broke in. “You haven't exactly been a good wife or old lady lately, have you? You're never here anymore. You think he wants to stay cooped up in the house watching you mope?”
“Keep out of this,” Danny told her. “Mind your own business.”
“I'm just trying to help.” Missy's voice shook. She tried to muffle a small sob and tears welled in her eyes. “There's no call to be nasty.” Amelia watched the blonde as if she'd grown two heads. What the hell was with the crocodile tears? Whatever it was, one thing was for certain, it wasn't good. “I'm just saying that if Amelia were really there for you then maybe you wouldn't seek sanctuary here so often.” Missy blinked, her eyes continued to swim with tears.
“And I'm repeating, mind your own business.” Danny's voice was a little less forceful this time.
“What's the problem here?” Royal walked up with Train at his side. Buster was just behind them and his expression could only be described as grim. “I asked, what's the problem here?”
“There's no problem.” Missy sniffled loudly. “Danny's just telling me how I should mind my own business when I'm just trying to help.” She began to sob again. “I'm just trying to help.”
“It isn't any of her business what goes on between me and Amelia. It's our business.” Danny stated. “All that I told her was to mind her own business.”
“Then perhaps you should take your personal shit to a private place instead of airing it in public.” Royal reached out and took Missy's hand. “I'm going to suggest that you do that, but first, there's something you need to know.”
“Oh, let me tell them.” Missy's tears were gone and her expression was back to the sinister smirk that Amelia knew and hated. “We weren't going to say anything but figured that everyone could use some good news. Royal already told the other guys, we're going to have a baby. I'm pregnant.”
Nothing, not even Missy saying she'd been born a man, could have surprised her more, because the problems the two of them had conceiving were common knowledge. Missy being pregnant didn't make any sense. When Royal glared over at them, Amelia realized that they hadn't said anything. “Congratulations. Wow. What a surprise.” S
he hoped that her smile was bright enough to be convincing.
“It's definitely a surprise,” Missy gushed. “We're so excited to finally have a family. For both of us to be parents for the first time.”
Except it wasn't the first time for Royal. Missy continued to talk but Amelia no longer heard a word that she said. Royal's first child was and would always be Taylor. Taylor, the sweet little girl who slept on princess sheets, loved thunderstorms and had her life taken way too early. Amelia focused on Royal. He was smiling a sappy smile at his wife, not even seeming to realize that she was dismissing everything to do with Taylor like she'd never existed.
“Excuse me,” Amelia said during a lull in conversation. “I need to get some air.” She intended to walk away but Danny came with her.
“You alright?” He asked as they stepped out the front door into the frigid air outside.
The air smelled like snow. Amelia was wearing only a long sleeve shirt, jeans and a pair of boots that were more about the weather than being cute. She was going to freeze her tits off. “No. I don't think that I am. Are you fucking her?”
“Jesus Christ, no. No, I am not fucking her. I fucked her once, the time you already know about.” Danny growled the words, obviously frustrated. “What happened with Monroe? The truth.”
“I told you the truth. He bumped into me. It was an accident. Nothing more. Don't change the subject. Why would you stop me from going over to the bar?”
“Because I had plans for tonight other than watching you beat the shit out of Allison.” He took off his jacket and draped it around her shoulders. “But if you really want to beat the shit out of her, go ahead. I'm not fucking her. I'm not fucking anyone. Not even you lately.”
Amelia whirled around to face him, completely shocked at what he'd said. “Oh, that's low.”
“Why is it low? It's the truth.” Danny was nearly shouting. She could see that his hand were clenched into tight fists. Apparently they were done walking on eggshells around one another. Amelia knew that they were running headlong into an argument.
“Maybe if you didn't spend most of your waking hours here, we'd have more time to fuck.” She narrowed her eyes at him and wanted to shrug his jacket off her shoulders but it was so warm, and fat flakes of snow had started to fall.
“Maybe if you did more than sit on the couch and binge watch Netflix, I would.” He countered.
“What do you want me to do? I can't find a job. Should I sit at the bar all day like some desperate pass-around hoping to be noticed? That's not me. That was never me.” Amelia was shouting now, too. If the weather was nicer they'd have been putting on a really good show for a lot of people.
“I don't want you to sit around here. I want you to do something. You used to read. You used to take classes.” Danny let out a frustrated sound. “You used to smile. Laugh. You don't anymore. It's all sadness, all the time. And I try to understand that. I try to get you to talk to me but you don't.”
“I got out of the habit of talking to you when we got divorced.” Amelia hadn't known she was going to say that until it was out in the open. She hadn't realized how much she was still holding on to that and suddenly the haunting thought that she might never be able to let it go.
“And there it is. I fucked up, Amelia. How many times do you need to hear me say it? Every week? Every day? Every hour? Tell me and I'll do it, but you've got to tell me. I'm not fucking psychic.”
“I don't know how many times I need to hear you say it. I just don't understand why you did it in the first place. Can you explain that?” Amelia stood her ground as he closed the distance between them. His touch was light as he brought his fingers up to stroke her face.
“You were so special, Amelia. You could have done anything. I didn't want to be the reason you threw the rest of your life away waiting for me.”
“Five years was never the rest of my life, Danny. It was five years, less time than we were apart between then and now.” Amelia felt tears welling in her eyes but she wouldn't cry. If she cried she wouldn't stop, and she needed to be able to speak and get this out. It had been inside too long, for both of them.
“At the time it wasn't going to be just five years, Amelia. Things were tense for Nightshade back then, do you remember?”
Of course she remembered, how could she possibly forget? She'd been subjected to several lockdowns while Danny was inside. She nodded. “Nightshade and The Wild Cards were at each others' throats. There were a couple shootings. Buster got hurt and some pass-around got killed. I can't remember her name.”
“Hanna. Her name was Hanna,” Danny replied. “And she wasn't exactly a pass-around, she was with Buster. They were together when she was shot, and she was pregnant.”
“Holy fuck.” Amelia couldn't wrap her head around that.
“They weren't in love or anything, but he was real happy about the kid. If Hanna had lived, they'd probably hate each other by now but he already loved that kid. The guy who pulled the trigger, Puppet, ended up inside with me right before I sent you the papers. I knew that I could get to him and kill him but I knew that I would get caught. And get a whole slew of charges and time added on. I knew that you'd stay. You'd wait and that wouldn't be right. So I sent the papers. Part of me didn't think you'd sign them. And then I got them back. I knew I fucked up.”
There was so much information in what he'd just told her that it was hard to focus on any one thing. “Wait, you didn't get more time, so that must mean that you didn't kill him.” He'd just given her a lot of information all at once but it was sinking into her mind, washing away the resentment that had lingered for so long. He'd done something cruel but for the best possible reason, because he was trying to protect her.
“No. I did. I killed him and a guy in for three consecutive life sentences showed up. He told me to remember that he'd done me a favor and to get the hell out of there. I got out of there. He took the blame, there wasn't much more that could be done to him. A week later, I got a visit from a guy named Joseph Miller. He was Nightshades' new best friend. He'd offered to give the guy's family money if he made it look like he was the killer.”
“Jesus Christ. How much?” Amelia was pretty sure that she was going to overdose on all this information.
“A hundred grand. Money that Nightshade eventually paid back. Money I've been trying to make up for since I got out. And I've worked my ass off to make sure that Davenport Development and Nightshade are better off with me. I purchased the house, fixed it up.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Figured once it was all done, I'd hunt you down. Bring you home to something. It wasn't much of a plan, but it was all I had.”
Amelia blinked back tears. “I'd have stayed no matter how much time you got. You were right about that. You were wrong about everything else, Danny. Wrong to think that you could make that choice for me. Getting those papers... I cannot tell you how that felt. I'd never wish it on anybody. You're an arrogant fuck. You've always been an arrogant fuck. All that time wasted because you thought you knew what was best for me.”
“I know, and nothing I do now changes it. We've got to move forward from it. Got to let it go. Got to start moving on from what happened to Fiona and Taylor, too. They wouldn't want you to be sad all the time. They'd want you to be happy. And you're not happy.”
“No. I'm not.” Amelia saw hurt flash across his face. He took several steps back from her. “Danny.”
“Just say it if we're done, Amelia.”
“That's not what I'm saying.” Frustrated, Amelia dragged her hands through her hair. “It's not because of you. It's everything. It just seems like every time that I get up, I get knocked right the fuck back down. Each time it's harder to get up. I'm not sure that I can get up again, so no, I'm not happy.”
“I don't know what hope we have if I can't make you happy at least some of the time, Amelia. I really don't. Maybe for us love isn't enough.”
The door to the bar opened, the sound of music spilling out into the night. “There you fucking ar
e.” Train was obviously drunk and in very good spirits. “Been looking all over for you, Brother. You haven't drank with me. We need to fix that and fast.” He looked over to Amelia. “You mind if I borrow my Brother for a little while?”
“That's up to him.” Amelia choked out the words. She would not cry. She would not cry even though she'd just essentially ruined everything between the two of them. All she had to do was lie, say that she was happy and things would have stayed on the same even keel. It was almost like there was a clock counting down as Danny looked between her and Train.
“Give me a minute, Brother, let me walk Amelia to the car.”
Everything seemed to shift into slow motion as soon as he spoke the words. “No need. I wouldn't want to keep you from your important drinking.” It took everything just to say the words, to not break down right there.
“See, she's a big girl. She can handle herself.” Train laughed and clapped his hand on Danny's back. “I'm in such a good mood tonight, I actually like her tonight." Train continued to talk, about what they were going to drink and what he was going to do to Claire when they were done. Amelia mumbled something, she wasn't even sure that she'd formed actual words, and turned away. It took only a moment to get into the bar. Once inside, it was too hot, especially with Danny's jacket on, too loud, and there were too many people. She stopped just inside the door, took a deep breath to try and steady herself.
It took a beat to remember that she'd come inside for her purse; the keys to the car and the house keys were inside. Danny's house keys. If love wasn't enough, like he'd said, did that mean that she was going to have to leave the house? Panic started. She had no money. No car. No other place to go. This was what she wouldn't be able to get back from, and the worst part of realizing it was realizing that she'd been wrong. She was happy with Danny because what she felt right now was the rawest, purest misery possible. It felt worse than losing Fiona and Taylor.
A hand grabbed her arm from behind and she knew that it was Danny. He pulled her towards the stairs without a word and she let him. She didn't speak or try to. They reached one of the rooms; Danny opened the door and Edge laughed. He called out that the room was occupied, as if it wasn't obvious by the pass-around on her knees in front of him. There was no one in the room across the hall, and it still smelled slightly of bleach cleaner and air freshener.
Make It Right Page 17