by Jessie M.
“Off to a wedding, with a friend.”
“Oh really? I do love a good wedding. Who’s the friend?”
“It’s a very handsome millionaire property tycoon I bumped into on Friday.” This was probably a slight exaggeration of fact, but who knows.
“Oh ha ha Ray,” her laughter tinkled in my ear “You don’t know how nice it is to hear you joking again. Are you feeling happier lately?”
“A touch… see you tomorrow at 11 then Mum… love you.”
“Yes, bye love.”
A few hours later I cooked my evening meal and sat down to eat my uninspired pasta, cheese and sweetcorn mixture in front of crappy Saturday night reality TV. My phone bleeped. Unknown number.
“Feeling better now?”
How sweet, Mark checking up on me. I put him in my contacts as hottie. That made me smile.
“Yes thanks, back to my usual spaced out self.”
“Pleased to hear that – see you at 2 tomorrow.”
FOUR
I’m sitting waiting at my window at 1.30, I got ready far too early and now I can’t move in case I smudge my nice cream suit somewhere. I look at myself in the large living room mirror and fiddle with the curled ends of my hair once or twice and then sit still waiting again. Finally my bored trance is broken. There it is, the very smart expensive blue Merc outside… I try not to rush downstairs straight away. I wait for some sign from him… like I’m lazing around not at all bothered in here.
I get a text, it’s quite funny to see ‘hottie’ pop up on my phone. I quickly change it to Mark, in case he spots it later by accident.
“I’m here.”
“2 mins.” I text back, hanging around some more for no reason whatsoever.
I make my way down to his car and get in. He has a good look at me in my weddingish outfit. I have a good look at his very smart dark suit and tie… He smells quite divine too. Suze would have eaten him by now, in two big bites… beautiful man devoured.
“Am I suitably dressed for your posh wedding?” I ask in a leading fashion. I do like compliments, they boost my very, very low self esteem. I don’t get many. Hopefully I’m going to get one now.
“You look beautiful Rachel.”
His eyes have gone all glowy. I’m not sure I like this much glowing enthusiasm from my new man friend. A simple ‘you look very nice’ would have done. Perhaps I should have stuck to the old white jacket… I quickly change the subject.
“Did you remember to bring the wedding present?” Men are so useless with presents… I bet he’s completely forgotten to get one.
“It’s too big to wrap up.”
“What is it?”
“An apartment in my newest Riverside complex.”
What an extravagant present! Most people buy a set of glasses or an ironing board. I had to knock him down a bit…
“Marbella would have been nicer.” I give him a wry smile.
He raises his eyebrows.
“Like Marbella do you?”
“Don’t know, I’ve never been… it’s on my list along with everything else south of Dover.”
“You’ve never, ever been abroad?” He was looking more than surprised…
I almost had, Jon and I had booked a holiday in Tunisia 6 months ago… for the late autumn, but of course that was cancelled now.
“Nope, never got round to it. My parents loved Cornwall, every year, yawn, yawn… then I became a broke student and then an even more broke new home buyer as soon as I started work… so I sadly missed out on travelling the world. I suppose you’ve been just about everywhere…?”
“No, not everywhere, but more than a few places…” He paused for a moment and looked at me intently. “I tell you what, I’m fixing that for you. I’m taking you to Paris. What about next weekend?”
“Oh that’s just so funny Mark” I burst into somewhat shocked and surprised laughter. Well, how about that? I haven’t laughed that hard in a long old while.
“It is? Why?”
“You, Mr Hottie, taking your new female friend to the city of love for a platonic weekender!”
“Mr Hottie , am I?” he smiled broadly.
He seemed to like my description of him, far too much. Oh God, that was a bad slip of the tongue. It was misleading. I’ll have to ruin his misled mind now…
“My friend Suze made it up.” Lie, lie… sorry Suze.
“I might have guessed. Anyway, I like to be a little unconventional in my activities.”
“I take it this would have to be an overnighter?”
“Why? Getting concerned about the sleeping arrangements, are you?”
“Not at all. I’ve slept with you before, I’m sure I can control myself pretty well.”
“When you’re unconscious and ill maybe.”
“Whatever…”
I didn’t like the way this was going now… his eyes were suddenly all glowy again…
“I’m sure I’ll be irresistible when you’re sober and well and I’m completely naked” He gave me one of his sexy grins. I’m not amused or excited.
“Don’t test me out, you’ll be in for a disappointment mister. I’m not interested in you remember.”
“Well there’s a challenge if I ever heard one.”
“Stop flirting with your new friend.”
“Stop being so uptight with me.”
“Please don’t Mark.”
“What?”
“Don’t do this.”
“Fucking do what? Have a fun conversation? A mild flirt… A little suggestion… What so bad?”
Oh dear I think I’ve upset him somehow, he’s gone all sweary and heated on me. He runs his hand through his hair and looks at me intensely.
“It might get out of hand…” I try to explain…
“And? We’re both adults, what’s the problem?”
“We’re not dating, forgotten that already?”
“Maybe we’ll want to rethink that at some stage.”
“End of conversation. Can we go to the wedding now please?” I turn my head and look out of the window with a flush on my face. That was a little too personal and heated… my pulse is racing and I feel very uncomfortable inside.
We pull away from the parking area and set off for the wedding. He puts on the radio and pushes some buttons on his sat nav…
I don’t know what he is thinking now… that worries me.
***
We arrive at the wedding and thankfully Mark seems to be back to his usual nice and friendly self.
The wedding was one of those wonderful fluffy white ball gown affairs. Pure Scarlet O’Hara in Oxfordshire. It was teeming with pageboys and all sizes of navy blue bridesmaids. I imagined it was hugely expensive based on the location which was an ancient but rather beautiful mansion in the country. Mark’s 23 year old second cousin Amelia was marrying Phillip, her university boyfriend.
Once the chapel ceremony was over, and the photographs taken we were all ushered into a reception area in a large conservatory to the side of the main house. There we were treated to pink champagne and a glorious buffet style meal.
There were a number of aunties and uncles and grandparents and first and second cousins. Mark seems to have a very big family. I was introduced to everyone as Mark’s friend Rachel. I forgot everyone’s names a few seconds after I was introduced, as usual. I’m terrible with names. I have to write all the visitors names down when I’m at work.
Suddenly here I am in front of Mark’s mum and dad. It’s scary stuff meeting parents, even parents of male friends. He introduces me to them, like before, as his friend Rachel.
“So, how long have you known Mark, Rachel?” Beautifully stylish Mrs Williams asks me in a cultured voice, whilst giving my Wallis special a good look over. I think I passed her style test.
“Oh, not very long at all Mrs Williams, but we hit it off straight away.” I’m very careful to pronounce my words properly. I look at Mark, he’s smirking a little.
“Oh please call me Pa
ula, and where did you meet, do you mind me asking?”
“It was at a party. I bumped into him by accident.” I look again. Still smirking and trying not to laugh.
“I swept her off her feet mother.” He smiled briefly at her and then at me.
“I see… well that’s nice dear. Would you mind getting me another glass of Bucks, Mark darling?” She handed him her empty glass.
Mark went off for the Bucks Fizz. Paula quickly narrowed her eyes on me.
“Rachel… don’t mess my son about, understand me? He never completely got over that business with Charlotte, the little bitch.”
“Oh no, you don’t understand Paula. I really am his friend. Not his girlfriend. When he said he swept me off my feet, he meant it literally, I fell on him. He had to pick me up.” I am startled and horrified by this sudden change in her attitude. She has completely the wrong idea.
“Well I’m not so sure about that. He’s definitely got that look on his face.”
“What look’s that?”
“You know. That look.”
I could have fallen over and laughed or cried. Or something in between. What was she on about? I didn’t want to ask or know. I gave her a small smile and kept quiet. Mark was returning with mothers drink and one for me. I studied his face for the ‘you know’ look. I couldn’t see anything obvious. I made a mental note to look again later. And ask him about Charlotte. Maybe I’d tell him about Jon… just a little. Friends could discuss their hugely disappointing love lives, couldn’t they?
A glass of Bucks Fizz later, I relaxed into the event completely. Mark took me off for a stroll around the gardens for a while. It was a lovely warm afternoon and very beautiful in the grounds. We had a good talk about general things. I find out he is 29, likes scuba diving, golf, horses, skiing, a bit of hiking now and then, but he’s too busy to do much of anything these days. I tell him I’m 25 I can play the guitar reasonably well, I’m good at drawing and I like horses too, I used to ride a lot when I was younger. I’d also love to try scuba diving and skiing one day, if I ever get to go to those type of places. We then move on to family.
“What do your parents do for a living?” He asks me.
“Dad is a geography teacher and mum is a dental nurse, nothing too exciting I’m afraid. What about yours?”
“My father owned a company of surveyors. He retired this year and sold it. That’s how I got into the business I’m in. I followed in my father’s footsteps and became a surveyor.” He smiled a little. “Hardly exciting either I’d say… Mother used to teach piano but lately she seems to be more into committees and charity things. We’re a typical upper middle class family Rachel.” I get another smile.
“But you went off and did your own thing though Mark. That’s something to be proud of.”
“Yes, I borrowed a lot of money from my father and the bank and took a big risk with my first small project. Thankfully it all worked out. God knows what would have happened if it hadn’t.” He stopped and looked at me. “Sometimes we have to take risks in life, don’t we?”
I am wondering if there’s an underlying meaning to that comment when he takes hold of my hand and we start walking past a long ornamental lake and fountain.
We finally made our way back to the wedding reception. The cute little bridesmaids and pageboys are running around playing on the lawns and veranda outside the conservatory under the watchful eye of the older ones. In my Bucks Fizz happy haze I felt like I was in the middle of a beautiful Jane Austen movie setting.
We sat on the veranda on a stone bench for a while watching the children romp around before we went back inside. Mark wandered off shortly after Cameron arrived with her boyfriend and he had settled me in with them. The pair of them were perfectly dressed in coordinating outfits and looked just like catwalk models. She chatted away at me and at him in her plummy voice. She worked in retail as a fashion buyer for Selfridges in the West End in London. I was quite fascinated by her fashion and clothing conversation, even more fascinated with the way she pronounced her vowels.
Mark took a break from his quick circulate around the room and came and sat down by my side.
“You okay?”
“Sure, Cameron was telling me all about her job.”
“We’ll go soon. This must be too much family togetherness for you.” he gave me a sympathetic little look.
“Whenever you like. I’m just fine.”
“You are?” He looked surprised.
“I’m happy just to sit and look around… really, I love it here… the kiddies are so cute. The cake is so high. The bride is just so perfectly white… There’s lots to look at…” I was used to just sitting and gazing. I’d done a lot of it in my apartment over the past two months. This was nice and interesting sitting in comparison.
“Well maybe another half an hour then, okay?”
“Mark, just go and chat, it’s fine. If I get bored I’ll find some old auntie of yours and talk about knitting or whatever.”
“What a friend you are.”
I could see something like admiration in his eyes and a warm smile appeared.
“I know, go and tell your mother.” I smiled back.
He gave me a curious look as he went off.
He came back twice quite soon after that and eventually took me off with him to chat with some of his young cousins.
***
As we started driving home at 9pm, I had to admit I’d had a good time. So I told him.
“I really enjoyed the wedding a lot. Thanks for taking me.”
“No, I should be the one to say thanks.”
“Oh, why’s that?”
“For being so friendly and patient today.”
“That’s what friends are for.”
He looked at me for a moment as if he was about to say something then changed his mind and turned his attention back to the road.
I felt we were now friendly enough for me to ask my burning question. “Mark, what happened with Charlotte?”
“Oh no, don’t tell me mother’s been talking again. Take no notice of her Rachel.”
I turned my head to look his way. “Well yes, she did bring her up, it’s obviously a big thing in her mind. And now of course I’m curious.” I could see he was debating what to tell me.
“Hmmm… It’s a little complicated but basically eighteen months ago we were engaged… then she changed her mind and went back to her ex.”
“Oh dear, I’m sorry. That must have hurt you so much.”
“It did. Can we please change the subject?”
“No, not yet.” I was going to offload… just for a few seconds. I felt the need. “I’ve just had a bad experience as well. Two months ago. My boyfriend Jon, he left me after two years together. It was a very unhealthy difficult relationship.” I can’t believe I’m actually telling him this very personal stuff about myself already. But I really want to. Here we are, friends together, talking about failed love.
“I’m sorry too. So that’s why you’re the way you are.”
“And how am I Mark?”
“Lost.”
I couldn’t speak. That was exactly how I was. A lost soul, no purpose, no meaning, no anything… I looked out of the side window as a hot well of tears built up in my eyes. He placed his hand on mine.
“It’ll get better, don’t worry. You’ll be just fine.”
I wiped away the teary eyes with my finger.
We finally drew up outside my apartment block and he switched the engine off and turned towards me. I undid my seatbelt ready to get out.
“I’d like to do something very friendly. You okay with that?” He asked me looking directly into my eyes.
“I guess so.” Here comes a goodnight kiss then. Unless I’ve completely misread that last remark. I’m quite looking forward to it in fact. It must be the Bucks Fizz and wine I’ve had today loosening my screwed up tight inhibitions. A nice friendly, unpressured, meaningless kiss. Just a touch of friendly lips. I really like my new man f
riend at the moment. My new good looking confidant who is about to kiss me goodnight in a friendly way.
He undid his seat belt and leaned across to my side of the car.
His face is a few inches away. He really is such a looker. Those beautiful eyes. He puts his hand on my shoulder. His mouth draws closer and touches mine. My eyes close. There it is. Just a gentle friendly touch with a slight sideways sweep to it. But he doesn’t stop at that. He starts moving his mouth over mine, back and forth. I’m not prepared for my reaction to this at all. A sudden wave of intense sexual feeling squeezes my muscles tightly inside. I gasp with shock and surprise. The sensations he has aroused in me are so overwhelming. I start to respond and kiss him back. I can hardly breathe with the rolling sex wave escalating inside me. He puts his hand behind my head and pulls me closer, his tongue is pushing against my lips… I can’t stop myself, I let him in. Tongue rubbing heaven is going on inside my mouth. Delightful little shivers are running up and down my spine… A liquid heat is building up everywhere… Suddenly I just can’t take any more rising sexual feelings. I push him away breathing heavily and we look at each other.
“That was a little too friendly.” I finally managed to pull myself together enough to utter. The wave is starting to recede thankfully.
“Come back to my place with me.” He asks, his eyes burning into mine.
“What? No!”
“Why not?”
“We’re friends Mark.”
“I think we just moved on from that.”
“No… we can’t…”
I open the car door and leave quickly. I’m aware of him calling out my name. I run up to my apartment block door and go inside. I rush upstairs to the first floor and let myself in. Then I collapse in a snivelling heap on my bed. That’s the end of that then. I can’t see him anymore. Damn and blast and fuck. He’s so lovely to be with and I wanted him to be my friend. But I’m just not ready for more love, sex and hurt. I don’t think I ever will be. Not even with a really nice hot man like him.
I finally calm down enough to make myself a cup of coffee and check my phone. My mother is asking if I had a good time… I tell her yes, wedding was a navy blue and white dream, ten bridesmaids, four pageboys and a six tiered cake. Suze is asking me where I was, as she called by at 6pm and I wasn’t in. She wants to know why my car is there and I’m not. I send her something meaty to chew on.