by Nikki Logan
His thick lashes fringed a thoughtful expression. ‘It’s not the same.’
‘No, it’s not. But it’s close. Sounds like we walked away for similar reasons.’
That caused more than a few moments’ silence. ‘I’m happiest out in the field interacting with people and doing an honest day’s work,’ he finally said.
‘Ditto, as it turns out. Minus the job.’ She laughed. ‘And the people.’
His smile transformed the shadows in his gaze into contrasting highlights for the sudden lightness there. He nudged her sideways. ‘You’re not so bad with people once you get warmed up, Ellie Patterson.’
All this time she’d thought pressing into someone like this would be uncomfortable and exposed. But she only felt warm and somehow restored. If Jed was to pay the slightest attention to her body pressed against his, she knew he wouldn’t feel stringy muscles and vacant hollows under his fingers. He’d feel flesh and curves and…woman.
Teenage Ellie would never have been able to conceive of a day she’d feel proud of her convex butt and actual bust. But she did right this second.
She felt…desirable.
Brown eyes caught and held hers. Jed’s pulse kicked visibly against his skin as his strong, honest heart sped up. Her shallow breathing betrayed the fact that hers matched it exactly.
His gaze dropped to her lips.
‘Well.’ She cleared her throat. ‘Deputy’s a lucky Dawg to have ended up with you.’ She averted her eyes before he could read too much into her glazed expression.
Jed sat up straight and then used the dying fire as an excuse to break the contact between them. Embarrassed heat surged up her body as he stood and selected a large log piece to add to the embers.
And the moment—so surreal and rare—was well and truly lost.
Ellie stood. ‘Thank you for a great evening, Jed.’
‘Have I changed your mind about food being more than just nutrition?’
‘You’ve change my mind about a few things, actually.’
Speculation filled his careful gaze. ‘Really?’
‘But my jury’s still out. One good experience doesn’t undo the lessons of a lifetime.’
Did he even know she was only partly talking about food now?
He grabbed a spare coat from his stand and helped to drape it around her shoulders. ‘That sounds like a carefully disguised opening for a repeat performance.’
Did she want to do this again? Did she want to risk exposing herself to Jed? For Jed? ‘You set the bar pretty high tonight. It’s going to be hard to beat.’
He paused with his hands on her shoulders and spoke from behind her. ‘Is that a challenge?’
She turned and stared up at him and hoped everything she was feeling wasn’t broadcast in her eyes. ‘Maybe.’ Then she turned for the door and opened it herself just to prove she was a modern woman. But secretly she’d loved how he’d so naturally helped her into his coat. How he’d held the car door for her. It gave her an idea of the kind of thoughtful man he’d be in…other ways. Awareness zinged in the air around them as she stepped out into the bracing cold.
Jed followed close behind.
‘Walking me back, too, Sheriff?’
‘I picked you up, I see you home.’
How many of those New York dates had even bothered to wait while she hailed a cab? Not counting the ultimately disappointed ones who assumed they’d be getting in it behind her.
‘Personal rule?’
His voice shrugged. ‘Just good manners.’
But as her doorway loomed so, too, did the moment she’d struggled with her whole dating life. The moment she had to hint—or just blurt outright—that they weren’t getting inside her wing of the Patterson home. That they weren’t getting inside anything else, either. The few that had actually gotten as far as her door weren’t there because they were chivalrous; they were there because they were persistent or amazingly thick-skinned. Or presumptuous.
Jed was there because… Well, because she’d been far too busy being aware of his smell and the deep sound of his voice to get busy planning her exit strategy. So here she was just steps away from her door and she had no choice but to wing it.
She turned on the ball of her foot and Jed lurched to a halt to avoid crashing right into her.
So…good night! She opened her mouth to utter the words.
‘Don’t forget Sarah’s coming for you on Saturday.’ Jed’s pedestrian reminder threw her off her game completely. So did the fact that he was just standing there staring placidly at her. Not making a single move. Implying that she wasn’t going to see him again.
‘Coat,’ he said, when she just stared her confusion up at him.
‘Oh…’ She shrugged quickly out of his warm jacket.
But the tiniest of smiles played on his face and she wondered if she was being played, too.
‘See you on the weekend, maybe,’ he said as he folded his jacket over his arm and turned to walk away, casual as you like.
Where were the corny lines? The grasping arms? Ellie reached behind her to open her door, but irritation made her rash. ‘You’re not going to make sure I get in okay?’
He turned three-quarters back and threw her a glance so simmering it nearly stole her breath. It fairly blazed down the darkened path. ‘Do you really think that’s a good idea?’
Every molecule of oxygen evacuated through the walls of her cells and escaped into the night. His dark gaze held her, even at this distance.
He wanted in. If she just stood back and opened the door to her little house, he’d be in there in a flash, sweeping her up as he went. Realising was as shocking as discovering she almost—almost—wanted it to happen. After so many years of wondering whether she’d starved the sensuality right out of her, coming to terms with two arousing experiences in one evening was going to take some processing. And she couldn’t do that with company.
No matter how tempting.
But it took her so long to make her lips and tongue form the necessary shape, Jed had turned the corner and was gone by the time she whispered, ‘No.’
Instead the word breathed out and tangled with the frost of the cold evening and was gone.
Just as her better sense apparently was.
* * *
Heads he’d go for it, tails he’d cool it.
Appropriate, really. Heads meant he was completely out of his mind. Tails meant he should tuck his tail between his legs and run a mile.
The moment he was out of Ellie’s view earlier he’d kept walking right on past his front door and taken himself for a quick, restorative sprint around the block. Three blocks, actually. Better than a cold shower any day.
He paused at the bottom of his porch steps, before his heavy footfalls gave him away to his sleeping dog.
His version of heads or tails involved his trusty companion. When he opened the front door, Deputy’s head would either be facing the fire or his butt would. There was a fifty-fifty chance of either.
Deputy could decide.
Given he apparently couldn’t.
Jed bunched his fists into his pockets and hunched his shoulders against the cold, one foot poised on his bottom step. The third option, of course, was to do nothing. She would be gone in a few weeks. He could tough it out that long. But doing nothing didn’t feel all that possible. Ellie had a way of wheedling under his defenses if he wasn’t actively patrolling them.
Course, if he dropped them altogether it wouldn’t be a
problem.
Princess ballerinas from New York City didn’t meet the definition of Ms. Right and they had another great thing going for them.
They were transient.
Passing through meant won’t get attached. Passing through meant he could explore this bourgeoning something without risking the expectation of more. Pinocchio could live like a real boy for a few weeks. Flirt and seduce and romance a woman the old-fashioned way.
Except faster.
Three days ago he would ha
ve said he wasn’t interested in being some New Yorker’s holiday fling, but Ellie Patterson had taken him by surprise. He’d clicked with her. He was definitely attracted to her. And she intrigued the hell out of him. There were much worse ways to spend a few weeks than getting to know someone like that.
A couple of weeks wasn’t long enough for either of them to form any kind of permanent attachment. But it was long enough for him to give his romancing skills a healthy workout. It wasn’t really about sex, per se, but it most definitely was about the hot, vivid feelings that came with the getting-to-know-you phase. He missed that.
The question mark.
The flirting.
The touch.
The kissing.
The chase.
He really wasn’t into casual relationships. He’d tried a one-night stand—necessity and raging hormones being the mother of invention—but he’d been unable to have another, his mind not able to go through with a repeat performance even if his body was willing. Which it wasn’t, particularly.
So he took up running instead and he pounded out on the pavement all the frustration he felt from doing the whole Zen-monk thing for so long.
Three years of virtual abstinence.
But there was nothing casual about the way his body responded to Ellie’s when she was around. There was nothing casual about the way he’d opened up and told her about New York, though he hadn’t come close to connecting all the dots for her. And there was nothing casual about the look she’d thrown him just before they left his house.
The look that was part gratitude, part curiosity, part awareness and part just plain sexy. And a whole lot complicated. The beginning of something he had no business to be encouraging.
Something he’d surrendered a right to ever expect.
And so that was why he was delegating this one to the universe. Or to Deputy, more rightly.
If he walked inside and Deputy was toasting his big shaggy butt, that could only be good news. He’d just run more. Exercise Ellie right out of his system. Go back to having a nice, straightforward, uncomplicated, monastic existence. His body would forgive him—eventually.
Though, if he pushed open that door and Deputy’s big black and tan head was hot from radiant heat… His body wouldn’t have to forgive him. He could spend the next few weeks together, inducting Ms. Ellie Patterson into the wonders of her own body.
Deputy—or rather the universe—could decide. It couldn’t do a worse job of his life than he had.
He took the steps quietly.
Turned the handle. Paused. Gave himself one last chance to change his mind. To reconsider whether Ellie Patterson with her New York independence, her burning need to control things and her disinclination to touch him, might end up being the committing type. Totally the wrong type for him.
His fingers twitched on the doorknob.
Nah.
He pushed into the room and reached for the light switch. Deputy lifted his head, his big, brown half-asleep eyes blinking slowly. Away from the fireplace and towards the door where his master stood.
Jed took a deep breath on a weird kind of fated feeling at the same time as his body went into mourning.
Tails.
Probably just as well. He could do without the entanglement.
CHAPTER NINE
A WHOLE new day without Sheriff Jed Jackson…
Already that felt so weird. But it had to be a good thing, right? Given how badly she craved his company. Anything that felt that good simply couldn’t be good for you. Denying the craving was one step closer to mastering it.
Ellie frowned.
Except that’s pretty much the path she’d been on when she got so sick. Denying her hunger, denying the needs of her body. Mastering it. A daily show of control in a world where she felt she had very little.
Sarah was still speaking but she barely heard the words. She’d done that a lot in the couple of hours they’d been together. Even more in the three days since the bat date.
So… What was the right thing to do? Indulge the craving or deny it? Neither one seemed ideal. Unless… Maybe it was like an inoculation—allow a tiny bit under your skin so that your body could build up defenses.
A little Jed…but not too much.
‘Is what possible?’ Sarah said, glancing at her as she pulled her car into Jed’s street.
Ellie’s head snapped around. ‘What?’ Had she spoken aloud?
Sarah tipped her pretty face. ‘You know. If I hadn’t been through much worse in my life I might be developing a complex right about now. I get the feeling you haven’t really been with me all morning.’
Head flooded up Ellie’s throat. ‘Sure I have.’ Um… ‘You were talking about parking for the festival?’
Sarah smiled. ‘I was. Ten minutes ago.’ Her eyes grew serious. ‘Are you okay, Ellie? We can talk festival another day if you like?’
Self-disgust curdled the tasty afternoon tea they’d just had. ‘No, let’s do it now. I’m fine. Just distracted. I’m sorry.’
Sarah pulled on her park brake right out front of the Alamo. ‘Don’t be sorry. I’m the one strong-arming you into this. With your background I figure you could do this with your eyes closed. I just didn’t actually expect to see that in play.’
Ellie laughed at the image. It was pretty apt. ‘God, I’m sorry. I’ve been pretty present-absent today.’
‘So what’s on your mind, Ellie? Maybe I can help?’
‘Uh…’ No.
‘Seriously. I know we’ve been kind of thrust together today but you’ve been good enough to listen to me talk—’ she grinned ‘—kind of. This is my opportunity to give back.’
Ellie stared. She didn’t do girl talk. Not with strangers. And even if Sarah didn’t feel much like a stranger, confidence wasn’t something she gave lightly. Yet her amber eyes were so open and so intent…
‘Have you…’ She stopped and tried again, encoding it. ‘What are your views on inoculation?’
Sarah scrunched her face. ‘Like immunisation?’
‘Right.’
‘Humans or livestock?’
Ellie laughed. ‘Human.’
Those sharp eyes narrowed. ‘Oooh, human singular?’
Damn. ‘No, I—’
‘Never mind, never mind.’ Sarah waved the intrusion away. ‘I’ll just answer it on face value. I am—’ her eyes drifted up and to the right ‘—pro-inoculation.’
‘Why?’
She shrugged. ‘Because how can you know how your body is going to react to something you’ve never had any experience of?’
Ellie stared at her. Speechless.
Somehow, despite the worst analogy in the living world, Sarah had managed to actually answer it in a way that was both meaningful and which resonated for her. Ellie could guess what her body would do around Jed, based on previous experience, but until she actually tested the theory…
‘We’re not talking about foot-in-mouth disease, are we?’ Sarah dropped her voice.
More heat. More awkwardness. But she couldn’t help herself and a laugh broke out.
‘We’re not,’ she answered, seriously. ‘No.’
Sarah stared, visibly battling with something. ‘Is it… Are we talking about Jed?’ Her expression was virtually a wince. She clearly didn’t want to be wrong. Unless she didn’t want to be right? But she was saved from the hideousness of asking as Sarah rattled on. ‘Fantastic, if we are. Jed’s way too good a catch to be going wanting.’
Ellie glanced at her left hand. ‘Aren’t you single?’
Sarah flushed. ‘Now. Yes. But Jed’s not…my type.’
Really? A man like that? Wouldn’t he be everyone’s—?
Oh.
There was someone else for Sarah. And just like that it all made sense. Her warm affection for Jed in the street. Her high opinion that leaked out in a few things she’d said about him this morning. Her total disinterest in him any other way than platonically.
‘He’d have to be some kind of
guy… Your type.’
‘He sure would,’ Sarah said, the tiniest of smiles playing around her lips.
What could she say that wasn’t stupidly patronising? Not much. So she just nodded, smiled and said, ‘Good luck with that.’
‘Thank you. Nice try with the deflection, by the way.’
‘Rats, I thought you might fall for that.’
‘Afraid not. So, back to Jed.’
Ellie glanced nervously into the street as if he might be conjured by their low whispers. ‘No, really, let’s not.’
‘Back to inoculations, then. What are your feelings on the issue?’
Ellie took a deep breath. ‘I might be coming around to your way of thinking. But it’s not without risk.’
‘The best ones never are.’
So much more risk for her than for most people. So many hurdles to overcome. Was Jed worth it? Ellie frowned.
Sarah adopted her strictly business tone. As if sorting things out between herself and Jed was part of the Fall Festival planning. ‘Well, he’s a regular at the Association Hall for the monthly mixer. He doesn’t really dance but given half the single women there come to see him, I’d say they definitely think he’s worth taking a chance on.’
A dance. It had been so long since she’d danced for pleasure—if you didn’t count the indiscretions of a few short nights ago. But she didn’t want Sarah focusing on Jed any more than she already was.
‘Who do the other half go for?’
Sarah smiled. ‘Holt Calhoun. Not that he’ll be there and not that he goes often, but no one wants to miss the one dance he actually comes to.’ She shook her head. ‘He sure got his brother’s charisma.’
Ellie frowned. ‘His brother’s…?’
Nate?
Sarah blinked; those wide eyes flared a tiny bit more. It was the first time Ellie had seen her anything less than fully composed. She stuttered, ‘His father’s—Clay Calhoun.’
Awkward silence fell.
Well… Wasn’t that the most Freudian of slips? And wasn’t that the most furious of blushes. But given how amazingly gracious Sarah had just been about Jed and the whole bumbling inoculation analogy, she was hardly going to repay it by making the other woman uncomfortable.