by Kailin Gow
And so I make my way to the elevators. Terrence is already there, holding open the door for me with an insouciant grin. In his early 20s, he looks like a younger version of Danny Blue but with his black hair styled in a clean cut hairstyle and a mischievous twinkle in his blue eyes rather than Danny’s serious ones, and dressed in a blue button down Armani shirt tucked neatly into flattering black pants. He looked like an Executive today rather than the normal suave playboy that he was before Staci tamed him.
Those blue eyes…he same shade as my half-brother Clarence’s. The eyes that mark you as one of the true Blues. And women find irresistible.
For any of the Blue men – Danny, Terrence, Clarence and even I, those eyes, charm, and some charisma, got us far with women and also in life.
Although I was a Blue, though, my hair was more copper brown than black, and I was a little taller than Clarence and Terrence. Still I had that Blue swagger, which came with the genes. Once a Blue, always a Blue.
As much as I wish I could, I can't bring myself to hate him He is my nephew, after all, and that means that there's some part of my blood in him. Something's not even our love for Staci can rip asunder.
“Where's Danny?” Terrence asks me. “Is he coming at 10 at least?”
“I imagine so,” I say. “Danny always sticks to the rules.”
“Figures,” says Terrence. “What's this meeting about, anyway?”
“Our own Blues Girls,” I say.
Terrence looks confused. “What's wrong with them?”
“They're...” I hardly know where to begin. “I'll show you the records and you can make your own theories about what they're up to. Let's just say everything we've worked for here: confidentiality, identity, integrity, has been compromised. They're letting outsiders in.”
“That's not good,” Terrence lets out a whistle. “This club is for the rich and powerful – people who don't like their privacy violated. What are they doing? Cameras in the rooms? Blackmails?”
“Terrence...” I sigh. “I fear we are just at the tip of the iceberg here. There's something rotten here, and because we are who we are, people will be afraid to talk to us, to tell us directly what is going on. Nobody will be willing to confess or face the consequences. We need somebody on the inside. Like Staci...”
Terrence looks at me like I'm crazy. He shakes his head. “No way in hell is Staci coming back here,” he says. “Plus, everyone knows her – nobody would believe that she's working here as a Blue Girl, not when she and I are so publicly engaged. And I wouldn't want Staci to do that dangerous work, anyway.”
“I wasn't suggesting that we use her,” I say. “But we still need someone else. Someone like her.”
“How about Gina? We used her before.” Gina – who bore an unmistakable resemblance to Rita – was our trusty woman on the inside in our last investigation.
“She's known here, too. Plus she's on leave of absence at the moment. Family stuff. No, we need someone completely new...”
“We need someone hardened, though,” Terrence says. “We got lucky with Staci – but baiting like that, using her as a lure...that was wrong. And it almost got the woman I love killed.”
The woman we both love, I want to say, but I simply smile and nod through gritted teeth.
“We need a real insider,” I agree. “Someone to uncover what the other Blue Girls are saying. Someone I can work with – a real partner. I'll ensure her safety.”
“But who could pass for a Blue Girl – and still be someone we can trust?” Terrence sighs. “Do we hire a...”
Before he can finish his sentence, the elevator stops at the fourth floor. And the door opens for a gorgeous woman – a woman who makes my jaw drop.
It's the woman I saw in the gym. The same hair – Staci's long blonde hair; the same body, toned and curved in all the right places.
But not the face. The face – beautiful, with sparkling blue eyes and a deep pursed mouth – doesn't look like Staci at all. If anything, it looks like Marina – my late wife – the woman who, until Staci, was the only woman I'd ever truly loved.
Staci from behind, Marina from the front. It's like Fate is playing tricks on me today.
“Can I help you?” I ask.
“I'm looking for the conference room,” she says. “Sorry, I'm a little lost.”
Terrence and I look at each other in surprise.
“Did you call her?”
I shake my head.
“It's on this floor...” Terrence says warily.
“We're actually headed this way ourselves,” I say. “But...who are you supposed to...”
The woman looks into my eyes. Peers at me closely. “I know who you are,” she says. “Terrence and Xander Blue. You're the ones I've been looking for.” She grins.
Terrence looks utterly baffled.
Who is this stranger, I wonder, and how does she know us?
She sticks out her hand to me. “Hello, Xander,” she says. “I'm Jaymie. I'm the private investigator Staci Atussi hired to help investigate the Blue Room. Now that you two have insisted she go off the case – she needed a woman on the inside. And she got me. And I'm, well, I'm the woman for you.” She speaks with such bright confidence, like she's trying to sell us a car.
“What?” Terrence practically shouts. “Staci hired you? She didn't say a word to me about that....”
“She told me she wasn't going to tell you. Didn't want you trying to change her mind until after I'd gotten my first paycheck. She got close to solving Roz's murder. Now it's my job to close the deal.”
“So....you want to be a Blue Girl?” I'm in shock.
Jaymie shrugs. “Nothing new to me,” she says. “I had a job before I went into PI work, and I wasn't exactly a candy striper. Sure, it wasn't in as fancy a place as this, but at night, all cats are grey. Anyway, I've gone straight now. But I could go back again – for a price. And a good cause.”
This woman is nothing like Staci, I think. She is brash, bold, loud, overconfident. And yet something about her nonchalance intrigues me. And, if I'm honest, turns me on a little as well.
“Staci sure knows how to pick 'em,” Terrence says, impressed.
“And don't worry. I have no qualms about delivering the full show,” Jaymie adds.
Terrence raises an eyebrow or two. “Full show?”
“Staci may have come here a virgin, but I'm not and haven't been for a while. I know what men like, and I'm happy enough to use all my necessary skills in service to a cause. A job is a job – and I did pretty well back in the day making men talk...one way or another. I can get info out of anyone. Staci hired the best. And I'm not going to let her – or Rita – down.”
“Rita?” Terrence asks.
“I knew her,” Jaymie said. “Once Staci contacted me to let me know about Rita's death – she found my info in Rita's things – I knew I had to get revenge some way or another. Rita was a dear friend as well as a colleague. We helped one another out. I only wish I'd known the danger she was in so I could have helped her, too.” She sighs and lowers her gaze. “I miss her. She was one of the best PI's in the business. I owe her, too. She taught me her tricks. Helped me go straight. And me, I taught her mine... I see you're surprised.” She stares me down with a smile.
“Oh...” I say. “Uh...no....”
“So I'm ready to do what it takes. I was the stripper, the whore – if you want to call it that – who taught Rita how to be a convincing lady of the night. How to strip, seduce a man, everything. Whatever happened to her, I'm going to get to the bottom of it – even if I have to fuck every man, woman, and pole in this whole damn brothel. Do you understand?”
I nod in shock.
I understand.
Chapter 2
I stare at Jaymie in shock. Who is this woman, I wonder? She has Staci's tight, firm, slender body and long, silky blonde hair, but Marina's angelic, melancholy face. And she has the mouth of a Blue Girl. Sensual. Knowing. Every word that comes out of her mouth – her vulgar l
anguage, her passionate strength – turns me on. In my time at the Blue Room I've been accustomed to seeing several beautiful woman, women trained in the art of pleasure, women trained in the art of men. I thought I was immune to female sexuality, female sensuality, the female performance of desire. But as I stare at Jaymie, I realize that there's a whole level to this business I've never accessed before. Jaymie is more than just a prostitute, a courtesan, an escort. She oozes sex from every pore. She makes Julie and the other Blue Girls look like blushing innocent virgins. There's no doubt about it, I think. This woman is a sex bomb. And that makes her dangerous.
Terrence is grinning at me, his mouth sly and familiar. I know that insouciant expression. I've seen it on Terrence's face before. You're fucked, uncle, it's saying. I know exactly what you're thinking of doing to that girl right now, and it ain't pretty. You could lose your head for a girl like that.
I cough, look down, feeling awkward. I don't want to make Jaymie uncomfortable, especially if we're supposed to be working together. And part of me is suspicious, too. I'm used to sensual women trying to have an effect on me for their own gain – that was Ronnie Blue's MO, after all. Should I even trust this woman who makes my nerves turn into jelly with a bat of her eyelids? Should we trust her with something as important, as private, at the Blue Room?
Jaymie looks us both up and down, a smirk coming over her golden-brown face. “You don't believe me?” She shrugs. “Here.” She pulls out her card. JAYMIE WAKELY, P.I., it says, in elegantly embossed letters. Then she pulls out her cell phone, punching in a few numbers.
“Hello?”
I recognize the voice immediately. I get a pain in my heart, just hearing it.
“Staci?” My voice is shaking with emotion.
“Xander?” She sounds surprised. “Sorry, I thought I was talking to Jaymie...”
I take the phone. I march away from Terrence and Jaymie, turning my face to the wall so that they cannot see the agony in my expression. Even after all this time, hearing her hurts so much. I keep thinking about how happy we could have been, about how good we could have been, the two of us together, if she hadn't chosen Terrence over me, if she'd chosen me as the one she wanted to make her happy. I could have made her so happy, I think. But I can't think about that now. I can't let myself think about that now. Not when there is so much else at stake. The Blue Room is my responsibility and I can't let it, or the girls, down.
“Hi,” I say, my heart thumping in my chest. Why can't I just control how I feel about her? “How are you doing, Staci?”
“Okay, I guess,” she says. I can hear the smile in her voice. “Still trying to get used to being a Tannenbaum, though.”
At the sound of that word, Tannenbaum, I wince. Thinking of Gloria Tannenbaum – my godmother – makes me think of all the ways I betrayed Staci's trust. I should never have accepted that first investment, I think. The Tannenbaums are rotten through and through – Staci excepted – and if I'd never worked for them, been obligated to them, I would never have lost Staci's trust. And then maybe I would never have lost her.
“It's a whole new life,” I say. “I can understand it probably takes a lot of getting used to.” I try to sound casual, but it's too hard. All the words I want to say bubble up in me. “I guess...look, Staci. I don't know how I'll ever get your forgiveness on that. If I could have taken it all back, you know I would have done it, then and there., no matter what the cost. And now I'm paying the greatest price for my mistake. I lost you, Staci. I lost the woman I love. And when I look at Terrence – I want you to be happy, Staci, but I can't help but hate him – for getting you for good, the way I never did...”
“Oh Xander....” Staci's voice is shaking, like she's crying on the other end of the telephone. “I loved you too. You know that. But...”
“But Terrence had nothing to do with Gloria Tannenbaum. And I did.” The truth is brutal, but that's the point of truth, isn't it?
“It's more complicated than that, Xander,” Staci says. “There's so many factors. There's Rita, there's the fact that we met during a fantasy – where I was just a Blues girl and you were just Mr. X...we never ever really got to know each other as people....”
“I know,” I sigh. “And I'm trying to accept it. I really am. But it's so hard...” I take another deep breath, trying to exhale all my sorrow, all my pain. Trying to exhale the terrible feeling of missing her so badly I could die. “I've never been so vulnerable with another human being before. I know that sounds crazy but it's true. Ever since Marina died I'd been convinced I could never love again. And then I met you and I fell so hard, so fast. You reminded me of her, I guess.”
“You fell for me so quickly,” says Staci softly. “And I fell for you so quickly, too, Xander. But it was a fantasy. It wasn't real. You were still getting over Marina – you were looking for her, in me. And that made you love me, because I reminded you of this person you loved. But that doesn't mean you and I were meant to be. Just that we were very important to each other at an important time in our lives. Marina must have been a very special woman.”
“Oh, she was,” I say. It's good to talk about Marina again. I'd gotten so used to not talking about her, to keeping that pain locked up inside of me, but Staci is so easy to talk to. She makes me want to confide in her. “She was so full of life, so adventurous. When I met her she was so sweet – so innocent. She hadn't seen much of the world, just like you. She hadn't let business and crime and corruption taint her yet. But I could tell that she had a fire inside her that was unquenchable, just like yours. And she was gorgeous too, just like you. And after losing her so suddenly the way I did, I was so desperate to feel that way about someone again. Someone who could bring back what I'd lost. Not that you weren't different from her, too, in your way. You are. You're your own person, Staci, and...”
“Thank you, Xander,” she whispers. “For so much. For everything. Believe me, it was heart – even heartbreaking – to let you go. But I had to do it, for everybody's sake. I just hope that you can find a Marina again, one who makes you truly happy.” She pauses and exhales. Then she changes the subject. “So, you've met Jaymie, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess I have.”
“Isn't she just amazing? Such a little firecracker! She reminds me a little bit of Rita – Rita at her toughest, most smarty-pants self. I think she's finally going to be able to infiltrate the Blues Girls clique pretty well. She can hold her own, after all.”
“You trust her that much?” I ask Staci. “Even without knowing her for a long time?”
“I trusted you and Terrence, didn't I?” She gives a sad little laugh, and I can imagine her ruby-red lips twisting in a beautiful pout. “Well, I trusted you as much as I trusted anybody in this place. After all, nothing is as it seems – nor is anybody who they really are – at the Blue Room. Isn't that right?”
I have to laugh, too. If I don't laugh I will weep. “Yes,” I say. My voice sounds so heavy in my throat.
“So keep your wits about you,” Staci says. Her voice has gone dark: serious. I know she's not kidding around anymore. For all our laughing and joking, The Blue Room is a dangerous place – and not somewhere to laugh about too long. Or else someone else will be the last one laughing. “Listen, Xander. I've been doing some digging.”
“Oh?”
“I've been looking further into Rita's journal, into all her belongings that I was able to pick up from the clinic, and – gosh...this woman, Xander. You have no idea how many secrets she has. She left them for me – all for me – and although we thought we knew her, we only knew the tip of the iceberg. But Rita knew Jaymie. Trusted her. And Rita knew a lot of things, too, things she never told you – about the Blue Room...”
“What are you talking about?” I'm concerned. “I hired Rita to investigate all these things. Why wouldn't she tell me all about it? I was her boss.”
Staci sighs. “Because,” she says, “she couldn't. She was killed before she got a chance to sit down with you properly to show you
what she found out or talk to you about it. I'm still doing as much digging as I can, trying to make sense of the few clues I have. I let you know what I find if I find anything conclusive. I don't want to weigh you down with hypotheticals. You have so much on your plate now as it is. I won't bore you with hunches and guesses and speculations that might lead to nowhere. But when I have something concrete, Xander, I promise: you'll be the first to know. Now...can I talk to Terrence?”
My stomach knots at the sound of his name. Terrence. I grimace. Of course she wants to talk to him, not me. Of course he's the one that matters to her. I stifle a groan and try to push the pain in my heart away.
“All right, Staci,” I say, sighing. “It's just good to hear from you, Staci.”
“It's good to hear from you too, Xander,” she says, sadly.
“If you ever need anything, anything at all, please let me know.”
“I will. I promise.” She pauses and I close my eyes, as if I can inhale the sound of her voice.
“Goodbye, Staci,” I say.
“Goodbye, Xander,” she whispers back to me.
Chapter 3
With that, I walk back into the conference room. I try to act like everything's normal, like I haven't just spent the past few minutes talking to the only woman I will ever love again, like I haven't had my heart broken all over again just listening to the dulcet sweetness of her voice, remembering how that same voice sounded when she was crying out in ecstasy, when she was crying out – my name, damn it, my name, not Terrence's, mine – because I had made her come over and over again with such furious intensity. How could I hear her saying my name so calmly, so politely, as if nothing of substance or sensual intensity had ever passed between us? I shook my head, tried to shake away the feelings, shake away the pain.
Back in the conference room, Terrence is chatting to Jaymie. The two of them look happy, casual; Jaymie is shooting Terrence a cocksure grin.
“And then the guy is standing there, balls out in his hand, staring at my tits like a dog stares at a bone, and asks me 'are these the droids you're looking for?”