“Not everyone thinks like an accountant, Jilly. Most people prefer chaos.”
“Hmm, you’re probably right,” Jill replied as she scooped up several pairs of jeans and organized them according to size. She gave Quinn her full attention once the merchandise had been arranged to her satisfaction. Jill gratefully accepted the coffee, plucked a croissant out of the box, and perched on a high stool behind the counter, gesturing for Quinn to take the other chair. Quinn sat down as well and sipped her own cappuccino, unsure of how to begin.
“What happened, coz?” Jill asked, skipping small talk as usual. “You look like death warmed over.”
“I had a terrible row with Gabe last night,” Quinn confessed.
“Ah, let me guess,” Jill said with an impish grin. “Gabe came by, told you that he’s loved you for years, and demanded that you fall into his arms right there and then?”
Quinn bristled. “Now why would you assume that?”
“The man has been in love with you for nearly a decade. Everyone could see it except you. You were so blinded by Luke that a meteor could have struck central London and you wouldn’t have noticed.”
“I thought you liked Luke,” Quinn protested, slightly wounded by Jill’s assessment of her grasp on reality.
Jill gave Quinn a pitying look. “Quinn, you liked Luke. You liked him so much that no one could say a word against him, not even your parents. But now he’s gone, and you have a chance to be with someone who might actually make you a priority in his life.”
“And you think that person is Gabe?” Quinn asked, already sure of Jill’s answer.
“I think that life gives us a couple of chances to be happy, and if we miss those chances, we regret them forever.” Quinn knew that Jill was speaking from experience. She’d been single for several years now, and she bitterly regretted not making a commitment to someone who loved her when she had the chance, choosing her demanding career over her personal life. Jill’s ex-boyfriend Paul, who’d proposed to Jill several times before finally taking the hint, was now happily married to someone else and a father of twin girls. He still sent Quinn Christmas cards every year, and last year’s card had been the cutest yet. Jill had chucked in her career in the end, but it’d been too late to rekindle her romance with Paul. He’d moved on.
“I was happy with Luke,” Quinn replied defensively, tossing the better part of her croissant in the rubbish bin. She was no longer hungry.
“Were you?” Jill asked, her expression all innocence.
“I thought I was. We wanted the same things in the beginning, but then my priorities changed,” Quinn confessed. “I wanted to get married. And I wanted children,” Quinn added miserably. She never told Jill that Luke never wanted children. She would have had something to say about that, and she would have been right.
“Quinn, I am all for the empowerment of women and equality in the workplace, but men and women are not the same and never will be. Our needs are different because our bodies are different. You might not have wanted a family in your early twenties, but you’re thirty now, and like it or not, your body is reminding you of that. You wanted commitment and the promise of a family with Luke, but he still wanted the same things he desired when you first met, and he got them. He can play the field for another twenty years if he wishes and then change his mind and have a family after all. You, as a woman, are not on the same time schedule and cannot be expected to wait indefinitely until he’s ready to settle down.”
“He didn’t want to marry me,” Quinn confessed sadly. She couldn’t bear to tell Jill that Luke had been cheating on her. It was too humiliating.
“He didn’t want to marry anyone. Luke is ruthlessly ambitious and terrified of growing old and irrelevant,” Jill said as she punctuated her statement with her half-eaten croissant.
“Are you suggesting that he’s shagging his students to feel young?” Quinn chuckled, amazed by how close Jill had come to the truth.
“I wouldn’t be surprised. There’s a reason that’s such a cliché. It happens more often than you think. Maybe it’s time you shagged someone.”
“Really, like who? And don’t say Gabe.”
Jill shook her head. “I would never suggest that. You can only shag Gabe if you’re serious about him. Anything else would be unfair. What about this Rhys guy? Do you fancy him?”
Quinn shrugged. “He’s nice.”
Jill rolled her eyes dramatically, making Quinn laugh. “Nice? Is that the best you can say about him?”
“He intrigues me. I barely know him, but there’s a connection between us that I can’t explain. It’s like he understands me.”
Jill rolled her eyes dramatically. “I bet he’d like to understand you all the way to bed. Has he tried it on with you yet?”
“No. He’s just been—what is the word I’m looking for—solicitous.”
“Oh, what a knight in shining armor. I hate men like that. They kill you with kindness.”
“And baked goods,” Quinn giggled. “Oh, Jill, you are no help whatsoever,” Quinn complained, but her dark mood had dissipated and she felt much lighter.
“Sure I am. You came in here looking like a thundercloud and now you’re laughing. Now pass us another croissant.”
Quinn slid the box across the counter and considered what Jill had said. Jill was right, as usual. She did feel happier. Both women looked up as two potential customers came into the shop.
“Time to work my magic,” Jill whispered, giving Quinn a meaningful wink. “Be right back.”
Jill went to help the customers while Quinn considered Jill’s advice. She’d never been one for mincing words, and the things she said about Luke were hurtful but true. Luke was a self-centered, ambitious, selfish tosser. Quinn supposed that she always knew that on some level, but love is blind, and so is faith. She’d believed in him, believed that he loved her enough to include her in his plans. Well, now she knew different. And she also knew that once Gabe finally settled down with one woman and surrendered his heart, he would love her until the end of his days, which was exactly the reason she was so terrified to give him any encouragement. To give him hope and then yank it away would be unforgivable, so she had to be sure.
Jill rang up the purchases and wished the two women a good day before turning back to Quinn. “I actually have a new bloke,” she suddenly announced, her mouth stretching into a ridiculously wide grin.
“Oh, do tell. I’m tired of talking about my toxic love life.”
“He’s one of the suppliers I work with. We’ve stepped out a few times,” Jill confided.
“You really like him, don’t you?”
Jill nodded as a rosy blush spread across her porcelain cheeks. “I do. We’re going out again tonight. Would you like to come? I can ask Brian to bring a friend.”
“I actually already have plans, but thank you all the same,” Quinn lied. She’d just go home and catch up on some reading or watch a film. She simply wasn’t ready to go on a blind date, but the thought of spending another Saturday night alone left her feeling more out of sorts than before.
Chapter 43
Quinn walked toward Hyde Park and plopped herself onto a bench by the Serpentine. The day was sunny and bright, if a bit chilly. The river sparkled as it lazily flowed by, its waters reflecting the fluffy clouds above. A canopy of russet and gold whispered overhead, leaves twirling and settling on the ground to form a thick carpet of vivid color. Another few weeks and these leaves would be nothing more than brown sludge decaying into the earth, but at the moment, they were beautiful.
The walk to the park restored her spirits, and Quinn felt more philosophical than upset, especially after speaking with Jill. On some level, she was grateful to Monica for telling her the truth about Luke, painful though it was. Knowing about the affair shed new light on his behavior and gave new meaning to Luke’s abrupt exit. What struck Quinn the most was that Luke had apparently been flaunting his new girlfriend in front of their mutual friends. He wanted people to know,
and he hoped Quinn would find out. He had no desire for an amicable split; he wished to hurt her—badly. That realization hurt worst of all. He hadn’t just betrayed and humiliated her, but he’d also made her question her own judgment. She’d trusted him, relied on him, and thought that he genuinely cared for her. But now she had no idea what to believe. How long had he felt this way? Was this woman the first or the last in a string of many? Had there been signs that Quinn missed, trusting Luke wholeheartedly as she had?
Quinn was startled out of her reverie by the trilling of her mobile. She pulled it out of her purse and pressed the answer button, disappointed that the call wasn’t from Gabe. He was the only person she would have liked to talk to at that moment. It was Rhys, who was not someone she expected to call on a Saturday. And so Quinn put on a cheerful voice, desperate to hide her pain.
“Quinn, I hope I didn’t wake you,” he said.
“Are you joking? I’ve been up for hours. I’m not one of those people who sleep till noon.”
“Neither am I.”
“As it happens, I’m in London. I came to spend a few hours with my cousin.”
“Oh, sorry to interrupt.”
“You are not. She had to work, so I took myself to Hyde Park with the intention of taking a brisk walk. Instead, I’m sitting on a bench and watching the ducks.”
“If you’d like some company, I’d be more than happy to watch the ducks with you,” Rhys suggested.
“If you have nothing better to do, I’ll be glad to see you.” And she would be. Rhys’s company was undemanding and amusing. He was just the right antidote to brooding alone in the park.
“All right. Just give me a half hour. I’ll meet you there. Say, by the Prince Albert Memorial?”
They agreed on a time, and Rhys rang off. The prospect of seeing him lifted Quinn’s spirits. She wasn’t sure what she felt for him, but she was being honest when she told Jill that there was some kind of a connection between them. Rhys made her feel peaceful, whereas Gabe brought turmoil and uncertainty every time they saw each other. It hadn’t been that way while she was with Luke, but now Luke was gone, and Gabe wasn’t prepared to wait any longer.
Quinn smiled happily when she saw Rhys walking toward her. He was casually dressed in jeans and his habitual leather jacket, with a tartan scarf in shades of blue and gray wrapped around his neck. He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“I woke up this morning thinking that my prospects for this weekend looked bleak, but now I couldn’t be happier,” he said sincerely. “I’m so glad you are in London.”
“Me too. I love living in a village, but sometimes it does feel stifling. I miss the bustle of the city.”
“So, what would you like to do?” Rhys asked. “We can take a walk, go for lunch, visit a museum, or go see a film.”
Quinn pretended to give it some thought, then took him by the arm. “Let’s take a walk, then have some lunch, and after that we can see a film. What do you say?”
“I say that sounds like an excellent plan.”
They walked off together into the park, chatting animatedly. Rhys wanted to hear all about Elise, so Quinn filled him in, enjoying the shock on his face when she described plague-ridden London in great detail and told him of her strange dream. Eventually, they got tired of walking and sat down by the river. Quinn didn’t really notice when Rhys’s arm encircled her, but she rested her head on his shoulder as they sat together in companionable silence. They remained that way for some time before Quinn looked up at him. Rhys leaned down and kissed her, making her heart flutter in her chest. She hadn’t kissed anyone since Luke, so it had been a long while since she’d been kissed by a new man. The kiss was lovely, but it lacked passion, and Quinn carefully pulled away, mindful of hurting his feelings.
Rhys looked at her. “You are so beautiful, Quinn.”
“You must meet beautiful women every day in your line of work,” Quinn replied modestly. She wasn’t used to compliments. Luke had been stingy with praise, but he showed his admiration in other ways.
“I do, but they are not like you. You’re real and so very intelligent. Smart women are sexy,” he said with a smile. He leaned down and kissed her again, but Quinn pulled away after a few moments. Something just didn’t feel right. Perhaps she wasn’t ready to get involved with anyone just yet.
“Rhys, I . . .”
“There’s no need to explain. Come, shall we go? I’m famished, as usual.”
Quinn smiled and allowed Rhys to pull her to her feet. He wasn’t angry, but she felt a slight chill in his attitude. He didn’t touch her for the rest of the day.
Chapter 44
June 1665
Suffolk, England
Elise moved into the manor house two days after arriving in Suffolk. The house was gloomy and silent, as if it resented human presence and wanted only to be left vacant to continue its slow descent into decay. It smelled of dust and disuse after months, if not years, of being shut up and seemed to squint in irritation as shutters were thrown open and light penetrated shadowy corners. Mouse droppings littered the flagstone floor in the kitchen, making Elise wrinkle her nose in disgust, and a layer of grime covered the pots and pans that hung from the ceiling.
Elise walked from room to room, noting those that appealed to her. There were few. The house was decorated in an old-fashioned, almost medieval style, with oppressive dark paneling and heavy, uncomfortable furniture that didn’t boast so much as a cushion to soften the hard wooden seats. There were several faded tapestries, the colors muted by years of accumulated dust, and a few paintings of Edward’s illustrious forbearers. She chose a back bedroom for herself. Decorated in shades of dark green and mauve, it wasn’t overly pretty or feminine, but Elise was enchanted by views of the sea. She’d never seen the sea before, and the vast body of water that stretched all the way to the horizon and seemed to flow right into the sky intrigued and frightened her at the same time. When she opened the window, she could hear the sound of the surf crashing onto the beach, and a fresh, briny smell filled her nostrils. The fresh breeze blew away the stale smell of the room in seconds and fluttered the heavy curtains, releasing a cloud of dust.
“Ye’d best close that, me lady,” a voice behind her said. “Ye’ll catch a chill.”
Elise reluctantly closed the window and turned to Mistress Benford. The older woman would act as cook and housekeeper, and there were two girls who would come in from town to help out with cleaning and laundry. Peg would see to Elise and Barbara, and two lads had been sent over by the estate agent to care for the horses and help with any heavy tasks that were too much for the women. There was no permanent staff because Edward had not lived in the house since his wife died and he met with his riding accident. They were to be a small household, but that suited Elise just fine. She didn’t need an army of servants to spy on her every move.
“Mistress Benford, I will choose several rooms to be cleaned and aired out. The rest can remain closed for now since we won’t be using them at this time. The kitchen and everything in it needs to be scrubbed from top to bottom and all the supplies laid in fresh before any food is prepared. I prefer simple meals of mostly fish, fowl, or broth, and I take my supper early,” Elise informed her. She hated to eat just before going to bed with the food sitting in her stomach and making her feel ill.
“Surely ye need to eat well in yer condition, me lady,” Mistress Benford protested. “Meat and blood pudding and such. ’Tis good for the baby.”
“I don’t much care for meat, but I suppose if you prepare a meat dish once a week, I’ll partake of it. For the baby,” she added. But really it was for James. He liked meat, and Elise hoped that he would dine with her at least several times a week. Of course, for the lady of the house to dine with her husband’s manservant was unseemly and would reach Edward’s ears sooner rather than later, but she didn’t care. Here, in Suffolk, she would do as she liked. Elise smiled to herself, pleased with her decision. Exercising a modicum of control—no ma
tter how small—over her life was intoxicating.
Chapter 45
December 2013
Surrey, England
Quinn tossed her purse and keys on the small table by the door and went to pour herself a drink. It had been a long day. Rhys had scheduled back-to-back auditions for twenty actresses, eager to choose his star for the reenactment, and he wanted Quinn to attend. She was the only person who knew what Elise had looked like, and he wanted to find someone who resembled her as closely as possible. Of course, no one would know that there even was a resemblance, but Rhys was a perfectionist, and it was important to him to get the details right. Once Elise was chosen, he would turn his attention to casting James, Lord Asher, and Gavin Talbot. Quinn pointed out to Rhys that there was no factual data to link Gavin Talbot to Lady Asher, but Rhys thought that introducing a forbidden love into the reenactment would add a bit of spice to the proceedings. After all, Gavin had existed and had been involved in a relationship with Elise, even if there was no physical proof of the romance.
Quinn dutifully sat through twenty auditions, but none of the actresses struck the right chord. There was one who had coppery long hair and blue eyes and bore the closest physical resemblance to Elise, but she hadn’t captured her essence. How could she when she had so little to go on? Quinn supposed that with the right script and some coaching from the director, she would eventually come close, but somehow casting her as Elise seemed like a betrayal. Quinn felt a responsibility to Elise and didn’t wish to see her portrayed inaccurately.
Quinn plopped down on the sofa with her glass of mineral water and let out a deep breath. It had been less than a week since she’d spent the day with Rhys, but their dynamic had changed already. Despite her lack of encouragement, Rhys exhibited a proprietary air toward her, as if they were in a relationship. He’d kissed her softly when she arrived at the studio and absent-mindedly caressed her hand beneath the table as a string of actresses read their monologues. Quinn felt unsettled and confused. She liked Rhys and found him attractive; on paper, he was the perfect man. Maybe she was expecting too much. She was older now and not the girl she’d been when she first got together with Luke and was drunk on love, lust, and the heady feeling of being in a serious relationship for the first time. Perhaps feelings took time to develop and desire followed, but deep down she knew she was deluding herself. Her thoughts strayed to Gabe every few minutes, her gut twisting with guilt at the thought of how they left things last time they spoke. She missed him, missed talking to him and just hearing the reassuring sound of his voice. Quinn longed to call him, but she wasn’t sure what to say. Gabe had made his position clear, and she was still marginally angry with him for backing her into a corner.
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