As if to assure them both, Shamus lay down at the foot of the bed, but kept watch.
Cassie hit the red ON button and the machine hummed a low static tune and the monitor came to life. The black needle swung back and forth a couple of times and settled in the zero position. The green lights glowed and she adjusted the volume upward another notch.
April held the door open for Cassie and handed her the flashlight. Cassie put the lantern down a couple of feet inside Lydia’s former bedroom. Though gloomy, it was not entirely dark. No one had replaced the lights in the room but some light came through the window from the outdoor lights. They could see no movement, only shadows, and Cassie walked on farther into the room. The needle on the recorder jumped once from zero to the middle of the gauge. All three green lights started to blink. She heard no sound but she felt icy air settle around her, and then, right before the flashlight went out, she heard April’s sharp intake of breath.
“What is it?”
“Cassie, look at that light.”
What looked like a blob of light, dim and moving, came toward her, and brushed past Cassie, like a little feather on the wind. She didn’t know why she wasn’t more afraid, but she was much more fascinated than afraid. The chilled air surrounded them and a shimmery cloud-like form danced in front of them. It moved past Cassie and out the door, on past April, and then down the stairs.
“Come on, let’s see where she goes.” Cassie carried the recorder and April ran after her. Shamus scratched at Cassie’s bedroom door and they let him out. He ran down the stairs ahead of them.
When they got to the bottom of the stairs the needle and lights went still. There was no sign of anything or anyone. “Look, Shamus wants out. Maybe she went out.”
“Hold on to him, April, and let’s go see.”
April opened the door, and Cassie ran through it clutching the recorder. “Here, April, take the flashlight.”
Shamus pulled on the lead and April ran to keep up. She tried to hold the flashlight high so they all could see, but it was difficult because Shamus was running now. They all stumbled down the path, and there they were again, back in the cemetery. They were met with a vision of a floating cloud-like form there, and it seemed to be waiting for them. The misty form hovered above Sister Mary Lambert’s grave for a few seconds and was gone. Shamus pulled April forward toward the grave.
“We are being told something and we are too dumb to get it, or what?” Cassie shook her head in frustration as she looked down at Shamus, who was sprawled across the grave stone once again.
“But what are we supposed to get? There is no connection to this Sister Lambert with anything or anyone; nothing to do with Kathleen, Maeve, or to Lydia. What are we missing, Cassie?”
“I just don’t know, but somehow Sister Lambert holds the key to finding proof. We need to do more digging about her past. Maybe she is related in some way that we missed.”
“Maybe, but I don’t think so, Cassie. I’ve already gone back for decades checking her out. There was nothing.”
“If what we just saw was really Lydia leading us here, and now Shamus seems to confirm it, it must be important for some reason we don’t yet understand. We have to find the connection, April. Dare we ask Bernadette about Sister Lambert?”
“Hum, might be risky. I can’t think what to ask that won’t make her wonder why we were asking. We aren’t even supposed to be in this cemetery, remember?”
Cassie learned over the grave stone again as if it could tell her something. “You know how Bernadette likes to talk though. Let’s try to think of some way to bring her up in conversation soon. You know her best, and she seems to like you, at least much more than me. You can bring it up when I’m not around.”
April tugged on Shamus’ leash but he wasn’t budging just yet. “I’m more worried about what Rose and Emily think we are doing. I think they are watching us.” April looked around now as if she might find someone lurking in the darkness.
Cassie looked around again too. “Bernadette is watching us too, I feel sure. Who knows who is covering up what. I wonder if Jacob knew Sister Lambert or at least maybe heard something about her he might recall?”
“He has been coming here for years, so maybe. He was so young though, unless he heard his aunt talk about her for some reason. Are you going to ask him?”
“I don’t know, April, I need to give him time to process all of this and see if he comes to me. Then I will know what to do and how to approach him. In the meantime, we proceed as planned, and get our reading to the professor when we can.”
April gave Shamus a little tug. “I think we better go prepare for the writing class tomorrow. I need to put out the writing exercise pages, and also clean the room a bit.”
“I have the lesson plan done but I wanted to go over my lecture notes. Can you take care of the rest without me?”
“Of course, there is not that much to do. I will take Shamus with me for protection.” April laughed and patted his head. Shamus shook himself and led the way back to their rooms.
When Cassie got to her room she found a note taped to her door. Jed called. Oh no, what was this about? She hurried down to the archive room to get an internet connection to check her email. He was flying to Dublin in three days and insisted on seeing her. She replied to his Email…do not come here, I do not want to see you. She went back to her room and pushed him right out of her thoughts, and pulled out her class notes.
As she closed her notebook about an hour later, her thoughts were about Jacob, not Jed. She fought the desire to call him to make sure he was all right. It must have been a shock, and she knew he must be thinking Lydia killed herself at least in part because everyone thought she was insane for talking about Kathleen’s ghost. Jacob did not believe her either, and that must have been a terrible thing for Lydia, and now devastating for Jacob. But no, she couldn’t call him. He must come to her now or there really was no hope for them. She realized the thought of a future for them was still in her head. She was afraid to admit it, even to herself, until now.
When Cassie finally turned out her lights it was after midnight and she dreamed of ghostly girls and whispers in the night. When she woke the next morning, she was ready for whatever the day might bring. She put her fears to rest, and for once in her life, she was going for what she wanted. She wanted to be a good writer, and she wanted to write a book about Kathleen and Maeve. She was determined to do it, no matter what. If Jacob got his feelings hurt in the process, he’d get over it. All the secrets were dangerous, and in the end, devastating to Lydia’s mental health. It was time for the secrets to be told. She wanted justice for the girls and in a way, maybe for Lydia too. If the church was embarrassed and the sale of property to the Center was halted, then so be it. If the secrets were covering up abuse and worse, then the church must be held accountable. She refused to feel guilty and refused to turn back.
Cassie’s exercise in positive thinking and her determination to follow her own dream must have taken root during the night. This morning she felt ready to take on the world. April must have come to a similar way of thinking because she too was clear-eyed and energetic, Cassie noticed. April, done with her Shamus duties, set up the coffee service and snacks for the ladies in the classroom. She smiled at Cassie now and gave a little wave as if to communicate she was in a lets-go-for-it mood too.
By the time they got to the dining room for breakfast, Bernadette had been and gone so they missed the chance to bring up Sister Lambert, but it gave them a chance to plan their next step. Cassie got up to get more coffee just as Jacob entered the room. He headed right for her and she froze. She couldn’t tell by the look on his face whether he was still angry or just exhausted. He looked as if he hadn’t slept at all.
“Cassie, can I have a word?” He put his hand on her arm.
“Yes, yes, of course. Let’s go to the library or maybe step outside.”
Jacob looked around and his eyes went wide as if he was just realizing he was in a room
full of other people. “Yes, outside, of course.” He turned and walked away.
Cassie shrugged and gave April a wave, but she avoided looking at the others in the room. She could not even begin to guess what they were thinking.
When they got outside Jacob began to pace back and forth in front of his car. He stopped abruptly, ran his hands through his hair, and put his hand on her arm. “Cassie…I am sorry. I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry I didn’t believe Lydia and I am sorry I didn’t believe you. But you must see how crazy it all sounded?”
“Of course, and I didn’t believe it either at first. You acted like anyone else under the same circumstances. You don’t have anything to be sorry about, Jacob.”
“Thanks for saying so, but not entirely true, Cassie, but I don’t want to talk about how I failed Lydia right now. I do want to tell you something important, I found her journals. I read some of them and there is a lot about the ghost-child, and about what she thought about me, how much pain she was in, and how alone she felt. I wanted to tell you last night, but when I came over, there you were in the cemetery…and she, she was there, and I could only leave. And I am sorry I left you there.”
Cassie was afraid to say too much. He looked as if he might run again. “Jacob, it’s fine, it is.”
As if she hadn’t spoken at all, Jacob returned to his pacing and continued. “I said I read Lydia’s journals, but I didn’t read everything. I have a terrible feeling something horrific is coming in the last chapter and I can’t make myself read it. Will you read it with me?”
“Of course, Jacob, but I have to teach this class this morning. Can we do it after lunch?”
“Yes, of course. I need to go to the bookstore anyway. I haven’t been there in two days. I’ll come back and get you and we will have supper at my house. Can you be ready at six?”
“I’ll be ready. Are you all right to drive?”
“Yes, I’m not as bad as I look. I did sleep a little this morning. I just need some coffee and to be around people and the routine of the bookstore for a few hours while I pull myself together.”
“Why don’t you go inside and have breakfast and coffee here. I will disappear and go teach the class.”
“Thanks for understanding, Cassie. I’ll be back at six.”
They both went into the building but went their separate ways. Cassie felt the hair stand on the back of her neck. She stopped to looked around, and saw no one, but couldn’t shake the feeling someone, or something was near.
April was waiting for her at the door to the classroom. She was all big eyes and worried face, and Cassie wanted nothing more than to hug her. She had become so fond of the girl in such a short period of time, she could hardly remember life without her. She was like the sister she always wished for. Cassie gave her the thumbs up sign and they both went into the classroom.
At the break, April leaned in close and whispered, “I think someone searched my room.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am pretty sure. I put Shamus in the storage shed because I knew they were going to clean the hall carpets and I didn’t want him to bark. But the carpet cleaners didn’t have room keys. Only the senior staff can get the keys. I always keep my rosary on top of my journal and it was beside it. The drawer of my dresser was not closed all the way.”
“I’ll bet they searched mine too then. Who do you think it is?”
“Emily or Rose is my guess. They’ve been watching us. I don’t think Bernadette would do it, but I could be wrong since she could get a key.”
“I’ll go check my room after lunch. If they found the professor’s equipment they must be wondering what it’s for, but otherwise, my notes are on my computer and password protected. There is not much else for them to find, and nothing to tell them what we are doing.” Cassie said.
“What did Jacob say if you don’t mind me asking?”
“He apologized, miracle of miracles. He also found Lydia’s journal and it has hit him hard. He is coming to get me this evening and I am going to his house for dinner. He wants me there when he reads the last chapter in the journal.”
“Oh, Cassie, maybe this is the break we have been waiting for. Will you come tell me as soon as you get home?”
“Yes, but it could be pretty late, April.”
“I don’t care. I have to know.”
“Just remember that when I wake you from a sound sleep.”
“Cassie, if okay with you, I’ll go see Emily tomorrow and tell her about Shamus to see if they will adopt him. We can’t keep hiding him, and he will need to be checked by a vet.”
“Oh, that’s a good idea, and if they won’t keep him, maybe Jacob could use a friend.”
“Oh, a much better idea. Will you ask him tonight, and I won’t ask Emily unless he says no?”
“I will, but let me pick the right time, okay? It might not be tonight.”
“Thanks.” April gave her a hard hug.
Cassie checked her room after class was over but could find no evidence of any disturbance. She was in work mode so left everything in a bit of a mess. It was impossible to tell if anything was moved. She vowed to be aware of how things looked when she left the room in the future. She tried to work a little, but finally gave up and stood out on the balcony looking for a white swish in the distance. She looked out across the land thinking of all the lost and troubled souls who had lived and died there. She shivered and went back inside to get ready for Jacob.
Cassie checked her hair one last time, closed her computer, and picked up her purse. She gave the room another look, and as an extra precaution she put the professor’s recorder under the bed. She took a quick video of her room with her little camera and put the camera in her purse. If anything was moved tonight she could identify it later.
She walked out the doors as the last bells called everyone for supper. Jacob was just turning into the curved drive and Cassie felt her stomach do a little flip. Were her nerves related to being alone with him again, or knowing they might find out what happened to Maeve, at last? Her stomach was telling her it was both.
Chapter 12
They drove in silence for a long time, and Cassie struggled to think of something to say to Jacob, but in the end decided to remain silent. She glanced over a few times to see his mouth set in firm line, his eyes straight ahead. The muscles in his jaw jumped, and his entire body was rigid like a coiled spring. She wanted to put her hand on his leg but dared not.
They arrived at Jacob’s house after a near silent trip. Still without speaking, Jacob got out of the car and came around to Cassie’s side, but she jumped out before he got there. Jacob’s mouth opened and closed again, but he shrugged and walked ahead. Cassie followed him without speaking.
Still not smiling, he stopped abruptly and turned to her. “I’ll go start dinner, will you have tea or a drink? I have red wine and white too, I think.”
“Tea sounds great, but I’ll be happy to help in the kitchen. What can I do?”
“You can make the salad if you like. The salmon steaks are ready to put on the fire. I have new potatoes and asparagus on the warmer.”
“Wow, Jacob, I’m impressed. I live off veggie burgers and frozen dinners at home.”
“Like I said before, you Americans, always in a hurry for everything.” Jacob led the way into the kitchen.
“Yes, so true, but we get a lot of work done. Working hard grew America and what still makes it great.”
“Perhaps, but at what cost?”
“There is a cost to everything, Jacob.”
“Yes, Cassie, but sometimes the price is too high.” He put the salad ingredients out on the table.
“What are we really talking about here, Jacob?”
“Damn, I don’t know. I’m an idiot, don’t listen to me. I’ll put the steaks on the grill in about ten minutes. I’ll turn up the heat on the potatoes and asparagus.”
Cassie knew he was talking about food to avoid talking about anything else. She washed the lettuce, h
appy to have something to do with her hands and something to look at besides Jacob’s fierce face. “Jacob, I feel as if we are dancing around the real issues.” Cassie turned to face him. “I’m just confused now, do you like me, hate me, how do you feel?”
“I’m afraid of you, Cassie. How is that for being honest?” He came over and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“Afraid…of me?” She leaned into him, and he dropped his arms to his side and stepped back from her.
Jacob began to pace. “You are everything I have always wanted. And yes, the price might be too high.”
“Explain, please.”
“Oh, Cassie, please, let’s not play this game. You know there is a list of reasons why we aren’t the best match, and should not push this relationship further. It’s a long list, and you know what is on it.” He turned his back on her to get the steaks out of the refrigerator.
“Sure we have issues but is there anything we can’t figure out? I guess I am saying we each have to want to figure out what we want separately, and then see if it is the same. What do you want?”
“That’s just the problem, Cassie. I don’t think you know what you want. Have you thought about how your life might change if you decided to live here, for example? In detail, I mean. You will be the one with the most things to change about your life. Are you willing to take such big steps?”
“If the steps are worth taking, I am.”
“Are you sure, Cassie? You still sound a bit vague about things to me. Caring for me seems to come with a lot of baggage and effort.”
“Who said I cared for you?” Cassie smiled.
“I’m saying I hope you do. He turned from the grill to read the expression on her face. “God, say something, Cassie.”
“I was just admiring the view. I was thinking about the dazzling smile you gave me the first time we met, and I’m thinking about a few other things too.”
“Don’t say anything else like that or we will miss a good meal.”
“Hmm, you or salmon steaks, tough choice.”
Jacob turned off the grill.
The Ghost of Kathleen Murphy Page 13