I pulled her down to me and kissed her. She felt good. She made me feel good.
I stopped and looked into her face and said, "Well, it's true. I do love you. And you ordered me to tell you."
"I know. I have only myself to blame."
"For what?"
She gave her head a quick shake. Her red hair fell down around us both. "Never mind."
"No, go on-"
She shook her head again.
"Now, I order you."
She looked at me, impishly smug. "You can't order me. I outrank you."
"You can't pull rank in bed."
"Why not?"
"Well, for one thing . . ." I rolled her over on her back. Now I looked down on her. ". . . you're out of uniform. How do I know you're a colonel?"
"I fuck like one." Her expression was prim.
"Can't prove that by me. I've never fucked any other colonels."
"You want me to wait?"
"No, I want you to answer the question."
"What question?"
"The one you're trying to avoid. What is it you're not saying? I showed you mine, now you show me yours."
She saw I meant it and a sad look came into her eyes. She said, "I love you too."
"Really?"
"Uh-huh."
My jaw must have dropped. She reached up and pushed it closed. "Really," she insisted.
"I . . . I . . . " Now it was my turn to be flustered. I opened my mouth and a word fell out. "Why-?"
She shrugged and shook her head. "Beats the hell out of me. If I was going to pick a lover, you are probably the worst person I could pick."
"Thanks," I said.
"No, listen." She put a finger across my lips. "Jim, you are one of the dearest and sincerest and most committed men I've ever met. . . ."
"But?"
"There's no 'but.' It's all that sincerity and commitment that keeps getting you in so much trouble. I know I'm going to have my hands full trying to keep up with you."
"I didn't ask you to fall in love with me."
"So? I didn't ask you to fall in love with me either, but you did." She sounded sad. "So, here we are."
"Well, don't look so glum about it. I always heard that when two people fell in love, it's supposed to be a joyous thing."
"Oh, yeah. I forgot." She grinned up at me. "Wanna fuck?"
I couldn't help giggling. "I love you. I'll agree with anything you bring up."
"Really? Can I use my hands?" She used her hands.
"Uh . . ."
"Yes?"
I looked down. "I'm considering my response."
She followed my glance. "I like your response."
"Mm, do you?"
"I'm inclined to say so, yes."
"Well, I am prone to press the point-"
Our giggles were interrupted by the phone. It beeped loudly. We both said, "Shit!" at the same time.
"Wait a minute," Lizard said. "Let me see if I can reach it from here-"
"Here, I'll move with you-"
"I don't think this is going to work . . . "
"Yes, it will. Move your . . ."
"Oh, hell. Well, we tried-" She rolled away from me and scooped the phone off the nightstand. "Tirelli here."
Her expression clouded. "Say again? . . . Why?" She looked annoyed. "Yes, I'll be here. Yes, probably all night. Thank you." She hung up.
"Who was that?" I reached out for her.
"Dispatch." She didn't roll back to me. I let go of her shoulder. She seemed smaller now. Sadder. She sighed and said, "They were angry. I turned my beeper off. They wanted to know where I was." She lay down again, facing me, but her eyes were still distant. She rubbed her nose. "They told me to stay here for a while. They wouldn't say why."
I didn't say anything to that. I just waited. There was more. She reached over and patted me. "I guess we could do that. Couldn't we?" Her voice went soft. "I suppose we could think of something to do, couldn't we?"
"How about I just hold you for a while?"
"That would be good."
And then we shut up for a while. Whatever else we had to say wasn't important. It could wait.
She had the smoothest skin. Touching her was a luxury.
I felt like the man named O'Quinn-with an inordinate interest in skin . . .
After a bit, I started laughing again.
Lizard levered herself up on one arm. With her other hand she brushed the hair back from her face. "What?"
"Limericks. "
"Limericks?"
"Yeah. Limericks."
She blinked in confusion. "They told me you were crazy, Jim, but...."
"They were right. I am crazy. Totally bugfuck. I've been hearing voices in my head and having hallucinations ever since that worm fell on me three years ago."
"-But everybody's crazy these days. It's a given. So that's no excuse. Why limericks?"
"I dunno. I just keep thinking up limericks."
She grabbed my hand and bent several of my fingers backward. "Why now?"
"Ouch! Okay, okay. I was thinking of the one I wrote about you."
"You wrote a limerick about me?"
I shrugged, sort of embarrassed. "Yeah."
"Nobody's ever written a poem about me ever." She leaned over and kissed me.
"I think you should hear the limerick before you thank me."
"It's the thought that counts-" Then her expression clouded. She frowned suspiciously. "Let's hear the limerick."
"Okay, but don't say you weren't warned." She reached for my fingers again. I recited quickly,
"There was a mad pilot named Lizzy,
whose manners were said to be skizzy.
She could loop, she could twirl;
she could make your head whirl.
She left all her men fucking dizzy."
"Dizzy who?" asked Lizard.
"I don't explain 'em. I only write 'em."
"Hmm," she said. "Tell me another."
"Okay." I told her the one about Chuck-
who expressed a great fondness for duck.
Whether gravied or roasted, pressed, ,sauced or toasted.
--And he never got down on his luck."
Lizard looked at me blankly. "I don't get it."
"Down. You know, as in: 'How do you get down off an elephant?' "
"Huh?"
"You don't get down off an elephant. You get down off a duck."
"Oh," she said. "That's cute."
"Cute?" I sighed. Loudly. "All right. Try this one instead. Ahem-'He was held in regard for his pluck."'
She made a face.
"'-and once he made headlines while stuck?' "
"Mmm," she jiggled her hand sideways to indicate iffyness.
"Okay, one more try: 'Tho he liked it well-seasoned, he was oft heard to reason, I haven't the thyme for a . . . "
And then the phone went off. Lizard's face froze.
She reached over and grabbed the instrument with a frightened expression. "Tirelli."
She listened intently for a moment, then her face went gray. "She did? When?" She sat up quickly and switched on the light. I looked at her questioningly. She waved to me to keep silent. She was listening very hard. Her expression was grim. "Now? Couldn't you have given me a little more warning? Oh, is that what that was? Do I have time for a shower?"
I didn't wait. I rolled out of bed, padded to the bathroom and punched up a steaming spray. When I came back into the room, she was saying to the phone, "He's already on his way? All right-I'll meet him downstairs." She hung up.
"Meet who?"
"My driver. Lay out my clothes-?" She was already on her way to the bathroom.
"A clean uniform?"
"No, a jumpsuit. I'm flying tonight."
"What's going on?" I followed her into the shower, picked up a loofa and started scrubbing her back-and lower.
"Stop that. I'm in a hurry."
"To do what?"
"I can't tell you." She turned around under the spray,
rinsing herself off. "You'll have to see it on TV."
"See what?"
"As of ten minutes ago, it's official. The president is moving the capital to Hawaii."
"And you're flying her?"
"Oh, no, she's got her own pilot. And they're already on their way, as of ten minutes ago. They didn't release my orders until Air Force One left the ground." She was already out of the shower and toweling herself off. "There's a driver on his way to pick me up. My plane is fueled and waiting."
"Who are you flying?"
She didn't answer. She just shook her head and walked away from me.
I followed her back into the bedroom. I watched her get dressed. She pulled on the jumpsuit quickly.
"What's going on, Lizard."
She straightened and pulled up her zipper. When she looked at me, her face was ashen. Suddenly, she was in my arms and she was shaking. "I can't tell you-"
"Huh?"
"That asshole on the phone! There're no fucking secrets in this city! He said, 'Don't even tell the little boy you're sleeping with where Mommy's going!"'
"I'm not little," I said.
"I know," she sniffed again. She was holding me tight. "Do you really love me?"
"Yes, I do." I held her as tightly as she was holding me. "More than I've ever loved anyone." I buried my face in her hair. I loved the smell of her, the warmth of her.
We stood that way for a long moment.
"I've got to go," she said. She didn't move.
"I know," I said. I didn't let her go.
"No, really." She pulled away. She looked at me. "I don't know how long I'll be gone. Will you wait for me?"
I nodded. "It'll take a nuclear weapon to get me out of your bed."
She went ashen. "I wish you hadn't put it that way." She kissed me. Hard. And then she was gone.
The speed of Ed's seed is unclocked
whenever a lady's unfrocked.
Tho' his spirit is willin,
when a pussy needs fillin',
he's a man who goes off half-cocked.
66
It Looked Like Dawn
"It doesn't matter where you stand, it's still going to look like the middle."
-SOLOMON SHORT
What the bloody hell?
I padded back to the bed and switched on the TV.
The president's face filled half the wall. She looked old.
". . . clear and certain proof of our willingness to win. We arc tonight giving ourselves again to the battles ahead. We are rolling, up our sleeves and saying, 'We will fight.'
"With your support, your partnership, and your prayers, we shall inevitably triumph.
"I thank you, and good night."
Her image faded, and an announcer came on. "That was the statement released by the president of the United States just fifteen minutes ago. For those of you who may have just joined us, we will be repeating the president's statement throughout the evening."
I picked up the phone, and stopped. I didn't have anyone to call.
I put the phone down again.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States." The presidential seal dissolved to the president herself.
"My fellow Americans, twenty-eight months ago, when I assumed this office-under tragic circumstances-I knew that I was assuming a great responsibility. This is the greatest nation on this Earth-and this is the most perilous moment of our history.
"The human race is caught in a war we barely understand. Even our best advisors are stunned at the scope of this invasion, this ecological infestation. This nation, the United States of America, is perhaps humanity's last best hope for victory in that war. "When I accepted this responsibility, I knew that the size of the lusk confronting me-and all of us-was an awesome one. I did not shrink from that responsibility. Nor do I think that any American shrinks from the responsibilities ahead. We are all together committed. Whatever must be done, will be done.
"Since I took the oath of office, not a day has passed that I have not realized anew the sacred trust that has been placed in me. There are difficult decisions to be made. I must choose the course nf action that will best serve not only this nation, but all of humanity.
"l know that I act in your name and on your behalf. That trust is not lightly taken. At this time of crisis, I know that I must come again to you to renew that trust and support. Tonight I must ask ynru to join with me in a most difficult decision.
"Let me give you some of the background. It has been the job of this administration to form a global battle plan for combatting the extraterrestrial infestation. Toward that end, we have gathered ihr finest surviving minds on the planet together. This advisory board is continually assessing the course of the infestation and the consequences of the responses open to us.
"I am given daily reports by this advisory board. I pay the closest attention to these reports. Let me stress the care with which tliis body assembles and investigates its facts. Let me stress the tlmroughness of its deliberations. The choices that we are presented with are deeply considered.
"For some time, we have known that the infestation in certain parts of the country is-due to circumstances of geography-unruntrollable. These areas, particularly certain areas in the Rocky Mountain District, function as reservoirs of infestation for the rest wl the nation. Those reservoirs must be neutralized, sterilized, or rliminated by whatever means possible, and as soon as possible.
"Toward that end, we have devoted considerable time, energy, and materiel. Our efforts have been successful, yes, but not on the scale necessary to insure the security of the American people living near the infested areas.
"It has been the difficult duty of the advisory board to inform wr that conventional weapons will be unable to do the job that needs to be done. In our best assessment of the situation, the Rocky Mountain infestation cannot be contained or controlled, let alone stopped, by the weapons we have been using. Even if it were possible to greatly expand the scale of our efforts, still it would not be enough to resist the ecological imperative of the Chtorran infestation in the affected areas.
"Therefore, we have been looking at alternative courses of action.
"Our research divisions have shown great progress in their development of specific biological weapons to use against the infestation. Unfortunately, nothing in their armament is in a state of readiness to handle the scale of problem confronting us tonight. "We cannot wait any longer. We must act.
"The United States Ecological Infestation Advisory Board has therefore reluctantly advised the use of low to medium yield nuclear weapons on selected sites in the following areas-"
"What?!" I came off the bed like a rocket and stood naked in front of the TV, hardly believing what I was hearing. She'd done it after all!
"-Western Colorado, Northern California, and parts of Oregon, Washington, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida. The Advisory Board has also suggested making specific nuclear weapons available to the governments of Mexico, Canada, and Central and South America-if they so request.
"I have accepted that report. Reluctantly, I must agree with the conclusions of the Advisory Board. I have therefore signed the order authorizing the United States Army to use nuclear weapons in those areas designated as Critically Infested. As I speak to you, our bombers are already in the air and on their way to the target sites."
"Oh, my dear God in Heaven-that's where Lizard's going-" I sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at the screen.
"Let me stress here that this is not an indiscriminate bombing of infested areas. Rather, this is a carefully targeted counterattack against specifically dense clusters of gastropede infestation. The gastropedes are the shock troops of the infestation. Tonight's action will destroy their largest staging areas.
"This action is not intended to be, nor can it be, a permanent solution; but it will retard the advancement of the infestation long enough for our scientists to prepare our more sophisticated biologically-specific counterweapons. This action wi
ll buy us the necessary time to develop the next level of our resistance. It should be seen as a sign, not of our desperation, but of our commitment."
The president stopped then and looked out at us. I knew that look. Now, she was going to get serious.
"The Ecological Infestation Advisory Board has also made a second recommendation.
"As you know, our nation's capital is uncomfortably close to one of the largest reservoirs of infestation. While there is no immediate danger to the city of Denver, it is not practical to keep so many of this nation's key officials in continual proximity to such danger. The Advisory Board has recommended that the nation's capital again be moved.
"I have given much consideration to the difficulty of such an action, as well as the consequences if it were not taken and later proved to be necessary. We cannot afford the risk. Your leaders in the Senate and House of Representatives concur.
"Therefore, acting on the further recommendations of the Advisory Board, I am tonight authorizing the temporary reassignment of the nation's capital to the one state still unaffected by the infestation. That state is Hawaii.
"The city of Honolulu has graciously offered to provide the necessary resources. The bulk of the United States government will be transferred to the island of Oahu within thirty days. This necessary step will guarantee the continued functioning of all government services throughout the difficult days ahead."
She took off her glasses and stared into the camera. This was the part she must have rehearsed. She wouldn't be reading this. "My fellow Americans. Let me conclude on this note. This administration has tonight recommitted itself to victory. Let these difficult choices be seen as evidence of that commitment to do whatever is necessary to guarantee not only our survival, but our eventual victory over this alien invasion. That we take these steps now, by choice, rather than later, by necessity, is clear and certain proof of our willingness to win. We are tonight giving ourselves again to the battles ahead. We are rolling up our sleeves and saying, 'We will fight.'
"With your support, your partnership, and your prayers, we shall inevitably triumph.
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