Maybe This Christmas

by Sarah Morgan

  “I’m there for her. I would have had her from the beginning. I wanted that.”

  “Stop kidding yourself, Tyler.” The smile vanished. “You were traveling the world with the ski team. It was like playing in a sweet shop. Do you think I didn’t see the news coverage? You couldn’t keep your pants zipped for five minutes. If you’d had Jess, would you seriously have been prepared to give all that up? Maybe I should have done that. Maybe I should have given her to you. That would have been a better punishment than keeping her from you.”

  “Punishment?” Five minutes with Janet, and he felt as if he wanted to scrub her off his skin. It was always the same.

  “You got me pregnant, Tyler! Do you know what that did to my life? I had plans, too! Things I wanted to do.”

  “You kept Jess to punish me? What sort of a sick, twisted plan was that?”

  “I should have let you take her and watched you try to juggle a toddler and a sex life. Think about it. A yelling baby, no sleep and no one to help out. That was my life.”

  “What about her life? Did you think of that?”

  “I took her. I gave her a home. And all the time I was reading this stuff about you partying. Four women in a hot tub?”

  He didn’t bother telling her that particular story hadn’t been true. He was too busy remembering how insecure Jess had been when she’d arrived. “She thinks she ruined your life. She thinks you blame her.”

  “She’s right that having her ruined my life, but she’s wrong to think I blame her. I don’t. I blame you.” Janet’s eyes met his. “You should have used a condom.”

  “You shouldn’t have walked into the barn naked.”

  Janet smiled. “You never did want to take responsibility for anything, did you?”

  “I took responsibility for Jess,” he growled, “and as for the other—you could have handed me a condom.”

  “So we’re equally to blame. There is no difference between us.”

  “The difference is that I see Jess as the best thing that has happened in my life. You see her as a lifetime of payment for a childhood mistake.”

  “Yes, I do. I wanted a termination but my parents stopped me. Did you know that?”

  “No.” Tyler felt the blood drain out of his brain. He felt shaky. “I didn’t.”

  “I don’t know who they were more furious with, you or me. We were never that close, not the way you were with your parents, but what we put them through ruined any chance I had of a good relationship with them. They didn’t want to know me.”

  Tyler didn’t point out that he’d put his own parents through the same thing. Nor did he tell her that there hadn’t been a single day when he’d had reason to doubt their love or support.

  For the first time in his life he saw how lonely it must have been for Janet and he felt a flicker of pity. “Are you staying with them now?”

  “I’m staying in the village. And that’s enough talking about old times. It’s the future I’m interested in. We’re both Jess’s parents, and I want to talk about her, so can I come in?”

  Tyler hesitated. Like it or not, she was Jess’s mother. “If you upset her, I’ll make sure you don’t come near her again.”

  “I didn’t see any of this macho, protective streak when I told you I was pregnant.” Janet walked past him into the house, glancing around her. “Nice. I remember when this place was a dump. You’ve developed style over the years.”

  “I offered to marry you.”

  “That would have turned one mistake into two. You’re not marriage material, Tyler.”

  Tyler held his temper. “You said you wanted to talk about Jess.”

  Janet wandered through to the living room and stared at the large Christmas tree. “I’ve never understood why anyone around here would want a tree in the house. This whole damn place is surrounded by trees, there’s no getting away from them. There were days growing up when I wouldn’t have cared if I’d never seen another tree in my life. How is Brenna? Jess says she’s living here now.” Her question caught him off guard.

  He didn’t trust her. Janet didn’t make small talk, and she didn’t speak without a purpose.

  “It’s a temporary arrangement.”

  “Of course, because nothing in your life is permanent, is it? Still, she must think she’s died and gone to heaven. She has been in love with you since she was a little girl. Everyone knows that.” Janet strolled into the center of the room and stared out the window while Tyler tried to work out her real reason for being here.

  “The place is busy. She needed a place to stay.”

  “And there aren’t a hundred other options?” She turned. “Brenna Daniels wants O’Neil after her name. It’s what she’s always wanted. She spent all her time with the three of you—virtually lived around here. Your family all but adopted her.”

  Tyler remembered what Jess had said about Janet being jealous of the O’Neils and wondered why he’d been so slow to see it himself.

  “Her relationships are no concern of yours.”

  “They might be, if they affect Jess. If Brenna is involved with you again then it proves she has no self-respect or backbone.” Her voice was venom, coated with a thin layer of sugar. “You already broke her heart once, and she’s standing there and letting you do it all over again.”

  For safety’s sake, Tyler kept the sofa between him and Janet. “She has more backbone than you will ever have.”

  Janet didn’t move. “If she’d had backbone, she would have seduced you herself when she was eighteen. She would have been the one walking into that barn naked, but she didn’t. Brenna Daniels doesn’t have the first clue about seducing a man.”

  Tyler thought about the wisps of black and those long legs wrapped around his body. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

  “So you are sleeping with her.”

  “Who I am sleeping with is none of your damn business.” He wondered why this conversation was all about Brenna when she’d said she wanted to talk about Jess.

  “She is never going to keep a man like you satisfied.”

  Anger burned through him. “Get the hell out of my house. If Jess wants to see you, I’ll let you know.”

  “She’ll never hang on to you because she’s not prepared to fight. She should have slapped my face for taking what she wanted so badly, but she didn’t do that, either. She never said anything to me. Not one thing.”

  “Because she’s gentle and kind.” He gripped the back of the sofa, sickness rising inside him because suddenly he saw the truth, and the truth was so ugly he could hardly bring himself to look at it. “That day in the barn—it was never about me, or you—it was about Brenna. You weren’t taking something you wanted. You were taking something she wanted.”

  If he’d hoped for a denial, he was disappointed.

  “You thought it was because you were irresistible? Sure, you’re hot in bed and nice to look at but like all the O’Neils, all you thought about was skiing, which is why Brenna fitted right in.”

  “You were jealous.” How could he not have seen what was going on under his nose? “You did it to hurt her, because she was part of my family. She had something you didn’t. So you broke her heart.”

  “No.” Janet looked directly at him. “You did that, not me. You broke her heart, Tyler. And it looks as if she’s going to stand by and let you do it all over again.”

  He didn’t trust himself to move so he stood there, hands clenched into fists by his side, his temper roaring in his ears as he watched her leave. She did it in her own sweet time, hips swinging and a smile on her lips.

  Wherever the guilt lay, it was obvious she wasn’t laying claim to any of it.

  Pieces from the past fell into place, forming a hideous picture. Finally, he understood why Brenna had been so reluctant to tell him the name o
f the person who had made her school life a misery.

  Janet Carpenter was the bully.

  She’d done everything she could to make Brenna unhappy, and he’d unwittingly been part of it.

  He closed his eyes, but all he saw was Brenna, her face pinched and white as she’d struggled into school each day. Finally, he had a name and a face for her tormentor. But he knew that whatever pain Janet had caused Brenna, it was nothing compared to what he himself had done.

  He knew now that the reason Janet had pulled him into the Carpenters’ barn that day had had nothing to do with sexual chemistry or even teenage lust. She’d wanted to hurt Brenna, and she’d used the weapon she’d known would cause the most damage.

  Him.

  He waited for the door to close behind her and just made it to the bathroom before he was violently ill.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  BRENNA LET HERSELF into the house along with a flurry of snow. “It’s freezing out there.” Shivering, she kicked the door shut and peeled off her coat. “Tyler?”

  She knew Jess was still out on the mountain with the rest of the ski team, so when she’d seen his car outside her heart had lifted. They could snatch some time together without worrying about anyone else.

  She walked into the kitchen, made herself a coffee and sipped it while looking at the reflection of the sun on the snowy trees. The lake was frozen over, and she could see people skating at the far end.

  Hearing the sound of a heavy, masculine tread, she turned with a smile on her face. “I was hoping you were here. What did you—” The words died on her lips as she saw his expression. “What’s happened? Are you ill? Has something happened to Jess?”

  “No.” He leaned against the door frame as if his legs weren’t able to hold him up without help.

  “Then what?” She put her coffee down and walked across to him, a feeling of sick dread heavy in her stomach. “Are you hurt? Is it your mother?” She knew that only something happening to a member of his family was likely to affect him this way. “Has something happened to one of your brothers?”

  He stared down at her, his eyes blank. “Why didn’t you tell me? Right from the start you should have told me, and then none of this would ever have happened.”

  She felt as if a yawning hole had appeared beneath her feet. “What should I have told you?”

  “That Janet was the bully. It was Janet who made you so unhappy right through school.”

  He knew?

  Brenna’s legs started to shake. “How did you find out?”

  “Answer my question. Why didn’t you tell me?” He spoke through his teeth, right on the edge. “Why?”

  She’d never seen him like this before. She backed away from him until her thighs were pressing against the kitchen table. “Because when I was with you, I forgot about it.”

  “You let her get away with it.”

  “That wasn’t how it was.” She scrabbled for the words that would help her explain. “She tainted the whole of my school life, I didn’t want her tainting our friendship. I didn’t want to let her do that. Can’t you understand that? I didn’t want to give her that power. That part of my life, the best part, was mine, and I didn’t want her to touch it.”

  “But she did.” His voice thickened. “And because I had no idea what she was doing to you, because you hadn’t given me even the slightest clue and refused to give me a name whenever I asked you, I wasn’t even suspicious. When Janet walked into the barn naked that day, I didn’t even pause to wonder if there was a reason other than the obvious. I didn’t stop to ask myself why she’d picked me.”

  The pain of it whipped across her skin. “You’re blaming me for the fact you had sex with her?”

  “No. The responsibility for that was all mine. But had I known how she was treating you, it would never have happened.” His face was ghost-white. “It was nothing to do with me.”

  “So now your ego is bruised?”

  “My ego is fine. This isn’t about my ego, it’s about you and all the things you didn’t share with me. She did it to hurt you.”

  Brenna swallowed. “Yes.”

  “You knew?”

  “When she discovered she was pregnant, she came to see me.” Brenna closed her eyes, remembering how her mother had urged her to get out of bed, forced her to get dressed and face her tormentor. How she’d given her makeup to cleverly conceal the ravages of misery and pulled out a dress she’d bought that Brenna had never worn. The irony was that on that one occasion, Brenna had finally been the daughter her mother had always wanted.

  She’d walked down the stairs on wobbly legs, wondering how she was going to do this, and then she’d felt her mother by her side, felt the strength that came from female solidarity.

  “Congratulations.” The word had been forced through her stiff lips, and Janet’s eyes had narrowed, and it was obvious she wasn’t sure if Brenna was congratulating her on the baby or on the fact she’d scored the winning move.

  “Why did she come and see you?” Tyler’s harsh question dragged her back into the real world.

  “She wanted to make sure I knew. She apologized for hurting me, for the fact that you’d chosen her over me. And I wasn’t feeling great,” sick, heartbroken, dying a thousand deaths of misery, “but I could see she wasn’t feeling great, either. And that made me feel worse, because she had what I’d always wanted, and it meant nothing to her.”

  Tyler closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “She told me today that she’d wanted a termination but her parents wouldn’t allow it.”

  Brenna felt as if someone was squeezing her heart. “I’m so thankful for that.”

  He paced over to the window. “Why didn’t you tell me later on? Maybe not before, but when the whole thing exploded, you could have told me.”

  “For what purpose? The whole situation was stressful enough for everyone without me adding in that extra pressure. And I wasn’t really thinking about you. I was in agony.”

  He turned to look at her, his expression loaded with guilt. “Do you know the craziest thing about this whole situation? Yeah, it was all my fault—I was irresponsible and I thought with my libido and not my brain—but if I say I wish it had never happened then that means I’m saying I wish Jess had never happened, and that isn’t how I feel.”

  “Of course it isn’t.”

  “She’s the best thing about this—” he swallowed “—and the worst thing is the fact that I hurt you.”

  “It’s in the past, Tyler.”

  “Is it? Janet was in my house this morning. Like it or not, she’s Jess’s mother. She’s always going to be part of my life.”

  “No, she isn’t.” A shaky voice came from the doorway, and they both turned.

  Jess stood there, her face the color of a fresh fall of snow. “She was the bully. My mom? That’s true?”

  Brenna stood there, helpless, horrified, wondering how much she’d heard.

  It was Tyler who spoke. “It seems that way. And I’m sorry you heard that, sweetheart.”

  “I’m not. I want to know—” visibly distressed, Jess dug her hands into her hair and then dropped them again, a look of revulsion on her face “—why would she do that? Why would anyone do that?”

  It was a question she’d asked herself repeatedly. “I think she was unhappy,” Brenna said quietly. “Things weren’t great at home. And I think she genuinely liked your dad.” It had taken her years to see that possibility through the twisted complexity of Janet’s behavior.

  “If you think that then you’ve never heard the stuff she says about him.”

  “I think she was hurt that he didn’t share her feelings.” She saw Tyler look at her, saw the shock in his eyes.

  “I offered to marry her.”

  “But out of dut
y, not because you loved her. Because you thought it was the responsible thing to do. I think that was hard for her. She was lonely, scared and very unhappy.”

  Jess made a disgusted sound. “She made you unhappy. I can’t believe she’s my mother. She’s a monster, and I hate her.” She started to cry, great tearing sobs that ripped through her chest. “I wish she’d never had me. I wish I’d never been born.”

  Brenna was across the room in an instant, but Tyler was there first.

  He hauled Jess into his arms, ignoring her attempts to push him away, holding her tightly, murmuring against her hair as she cried and sobbed. “I’m glad you were born. You’re the best thing in my life. Always have been. We all love you. Gramps, Grams, Grandma, Uncle Jackson, Uncle Sean, Brenna—” he smoothed her hair “—so many people love you and care about you. And your mom loves you, too. I’m sure she does.”

  “No, she doesn’t, and I never want to see her again. Never, ever—” Jess was crying so hard she couldn’t speak. “Make that happen! I want you to get lawyers or whatever but promise me you’ll make that happen. Dad?” She raised a blotchy face to his. “Do you promise?”

  Tyler looked shaken. “I think we need to talk about this when you’re calmer.”

  “I want you to promise!”

  He took a deep breath and met Brenna’s eyes over the top of her head. “I promise that if that’s what you want when you’ve had time to think about it, then we’ll make it happen.”

  “Why did she even come here?” Jess scrubbed at her face with the heel of her hand. “I haven’t seen her, she never shows any interest in what I’m doing, she doesn’t even call and then she shows up at the door. Did she bring Christmas presents or something?” She pulled away from Tyler and glanced between the two of them. “Well?”

  “I’m not sure.” His voice was rough. “If she did then she probably wants to give them to you in person.”

  “You’re trying to make me feel better. But I still don’t understand why she even came here.” Jess broke off and her eyes filled with anguish as the truth dawned. “She came because I told her about Brenna. It’s my fault. I told her Brenna was living here and how great that was and how much fun, and it must have made her angry and jealous.”