by Lily Morton
“Shit sweetheart I’m so sorry.” He reaches over and pushes a button on the side of the bed. Coming back to me he hovers over me, stroking my hair back in frantic, unpractised moves. “Baby,” he says softly. “God Nelly I …” He chokes to a stop and closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them again he looks almost nervous. “How are you feeling sweetheart?”
“Like shit,” I reply and he almost smiles but it’s more of a pained grimace.
“God, love I was so scared.”
“What happened?”
“You were in a car crash. Do you remember?”
“I remember the noise,” I say with difficulty. “I’m so thirsty.”
He jerks. “Shit, sorry Nell. I’ve rung the bell for the nurse, but I daren’t give you anything until they say you can have it.”
A sudden, urgent thought occurs to me. “What about Kyle?”
He looks at me, his eyes darkening and a frown playing on his face. “Kyle?” he asks in a very level voice. “Who’s that?”
“The driver.”
He relaxes instantly and I know that he was thinking that I’d found someone else, which really makes me want to roll my eyes. “He’s fine honey. His air bag deployed,” he adds darkly.
“I knew something was wrong with mine,” I say slowly.
“Well those fuckers are going to know about it. I’m going to sue the manufacturers for every fucking penny that they’ve got.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I whisper.
“It fucking does Nell.” He stops, his face contorting in pain. “You were nearly killed. Fuck, I can’t even think about that. I might never have seen you again. Never touched you again.”
“You weren’t going to anyway.” My voice is pained. “You told me to fuck off.”
He groans and hangs his head. “I never wanted you to leave me, ever,” he says fervently, hanging over my bed, his eyes glowing. “Every minute that I spent away from you was agony, but I thought that it was the best thing for you, and you’ve got to know this Nell, if we end up together I’m always going to work like that. You have to be safe and happy, fuck you have to be ecstatically happy, because anything fucking less is unacceptable to me.”
“Sid we can’t …,” I start to say, intending to remind him that he can’t actually control the world and that just being with him makes me happier than I have ever been. However, I’m interrupted by the nurse entering the room followed by the doctor from earlier, and he flinches away from me with a look of dread on his face.
“Well hello then Nell,” she says cheerfully. “I’m glad to see those pretty eyes of yours open. This man here has been waiting for forever to see them.” She bustles about the bed, lowering the sheet ready for the doctor.
“Let me have a look at you Nell,” he says calmly, ignoring Sid who is pacing with a distant, anguished look on his face that puzzles me. I don’t know what’s upsetting him now but my attention is drawn back to the doctor as he manipulates my body, getting me to move limbs while he looks into my eyes, asking low voiced questions and adding asides to the nurse who scratches things on the notes that she has pulled from the bottom of my bed.
Finally he stops. “Are you thirsty?” he asks and when I nod eagerly the nurse smiles and holds a cup with a straw to my mouth. The water is ice cold and the best thing that I’ve ever tasted, but she removes it before long.
“You’ll be sick if you take too much too soon,” she warns.
The doctor settles on the end of the bed swinging his leg casually, and Sid looks at him anxiously. “Well?”
“I think everything is going to be fine. We still have to do a plethora of tests, but her vitals are strong and her physical reactions and reflexes are exactly what I’d expect to find. You had a bad accident Nell,” he says, turning fully to me. “The air bag didn’t go off on your side of the car and you suffered a bad bang to the head, but the majority of the problems came from the seatbelt and the impact when the dashboard was pushed forward into you. You had multiple contusions and several ribs were broken, as is your left arm.” I realize with a start that my left arm which had felt heavy, is actually in a cast. I hadn’t noticed before because that inconvenience had faded into the background of the worse pain. “The biggest problem however was that we had to operate and remove your spleen because of the blow to your stomach.”
“I’m sure I’d be really bothered by that if I could actually remember what the spleen does. Will I miss it?” I ask dryly.
Sid snorts and the doctor smiles. “It isn’t the worst thing that I could have removed. It’s a small fist sized organ and people who have had it removed usually go on to lead completely normal lives. However, it is an important part of the body’s immune system that contains special white blood cells which help the body fight infections. You will therefore be more prone to developing infections, and should definitely get a flu shot in a couple of weeks. We’ll also want to give you some immunizations as well. Now, I think the best thing for you Nell is to get some more sleep. We’ll keep on with your pain medication, but we’ll gradually decrease it so you’ll have to let us know if the pain becomes unmanageable. I don’t think it will but just so we’re sure. You’ll go off for some tests tomorrow, but as I say I don’t see too much cause for concern at the moment. The day after that we’ll get you up for a bit and get you moving again.”
“When can she go home?” Sid asks hoarsely.
“We’ll play it by ear, but I think a minimum of a week will do the trick. We need to keep an eye out for any problems that could arise from the surgery.”
“What problems could happen?” Sid sounds full of dread.
The doctor hesitates and then obviously opts for honesty. “Blood clots, infection at the incision site, inflammation of the pancreas or her lungs collapsing.”
Sid winces. “You’re staying as long as it takes,” he says sternly, and I shrug. He won’t get any arguments about that from me after that little litany.
The doctor smiles. “Mr Hudson that’s a worst case scenario of course. In all likelihood she’ll be fine. However, when she leaves she should have someone with her to help as recovery can take up to six weeks.”
“She will,” he says in a final voice and I look at him but he’s steadfastly ignoring my eyes. Hmmm.
“Well let’s play it by ear. Now Mr Hudson will you be leaving the Hotel du Cedars-Sinai now that our patient is awake?”
Sid shakes his head. “No, I’ll sleep in the chair.”
“Sid you can’t,” I protest. “That chair looks as uncomfortable as hell. Go and get some sleep in a proper bed.”
He shakes his head stubbornly. “I’m staying and that’s that Nell. Don’t argue.”
The doctor laughs. “I wouldn’t argue with him Nell. He’s been a very faithful suitor this week.”
At the word faithful I flinch slightly and Sid gives me one frantic, haunted glance but then goes back to ignoring me. Luckily the doctor misses it, and patting me on the shoulder he bids me goodnight and leaves me to the nurse who settles me into bed properly before giving Sid a fond glance and leaving us. The room settles into a heavy silence.
“Sid …,” I start, wanting desperately to talk about this but he sits down abruptly, suddenly looking like he’s aged twenty years.
“Not now Nell,” he says wearily. “We’ll talk at another time. You need to sleep now.”
I want to argue but he’s right and I feel sleep stealing over me until I slip under still feeling his hand on mine.
The next week passes quickly, full of tests and poking and prodding. I’m gently encouraged to get out of bed and walk around as soon as possible, and I’m startled to find how much it bloody hurts. My whole body feels like it’s been run over by a truck, and if I move too quickly my stomach hurts with a blinding, red hot pain, but very slowly I start to get my strength back.
I still sleep a lot, dropping into a doze with alarming suddenness. One such time had been when Bram was visiting which had led to a lot of
piss taking about him putting the coma back into the patient, which he’d taken with habitual good humour. However, even he is quieter than before, and he’s taken to dropping in nearly every day to sit by my bed and chat gently, or prop me up as I walk up and down the corridors.
This morning he’s holding my arm as we walk at a snail’s pace down the corridor outside my room, where there are noticeably more nurses at the nurse’s station now that the members of Beggar’s Choice have started visiting. He smiles flirtily at the waiting women as we trudge past, who as if on cue, sigh lustily, but he’s half-hearted and instantly returns his attention to me.
I fall into the chair by the side of the bed with a sigh of relief. “You don’t need to keep doing this you know.”
“Don’t you want to see me? Think what it would be like without me visiting you,” he asks in a horrified voice.
“I’ll try to get through the arid wasteland that is life without you,” I say, smiling bravely at him and he smirks.
“You’re such a martyr.” He helps me settle more comfortably with some cushions, and then fetches my water bottle while I prop up my pyjama clad legs on the bed.
“Not that it isn’t lovely to see you and everyone but you don’t need to visit every day,” I say quietly. “You’ve all got busy lives and families, so please can you tell everyone that they don’t need to keep doing this.”
He throws himself down on the bed in a very cavalier fashion. “Nell, you are part of our family.”
“Not anymore.”
He snorts. “What fucking bollocks.”
“What?”
“You heard me, and if a certain guitarist’s constant mithering isn’t giving you a clue as to your status, I’ll let you in on the secret. You’re as much a part of the family as he is.”
I blink and try to sort his words out. I’ve found that when I’m tired now words don’t come so easily, and I have to concentrate very hard to put a sentence together or understand someone, but the doctors have assured me that they think it’s a temporary measure. “We’re not together Bram, you know that. We’re both single now.”
He stares at me for a second, his face softening. “Sid hasn’t been single since the day you walked into that audition love. I knew it as soon as he clapped eyes on you that he was gone. He couldn’t take his eyes off you, and nothing about that has changed. This is just a temporary situation.”
“It feels quite permanent to me.” I stare out of the window to avoid his penetrating stare. “He won’t talk about anything no matter how hard I try, and I can’t forget the last time I saw him. He was so cruel then Bram, and now he’s like a robot. I thought it would be so different when I first woke up, but it’s like we’re back at the start again. Even when I thanked him for the violin it was like he’d just given me his handkerchief!”
He covers my hand with his, drawing me closer so that our faces are nearly touching. “He’s my best friend and I know him better than most. He’s just scared Nell. He thinks that if he doesn’t bring up what happened you won’t be able to finish things permanently, so he’s able to live in hope which has always been in short supply for Sid.” I wince and he strokes my face. “That right there is why you’re meant for him. You care about him just as much as he does you.” I smile sadly and he carries on talking in his low, rough voice. “I know you’ve been in an awful accident but you were unconscious for so long and you didn’t see him Nell. I’ve never seen him so scared. He never left you once, just sat there holding onto your fucking hand, talking about kites.” I smile and he laughs before it dies. “He’s biding his time at the moment, but please promise me that when it comes time to talk to him, you’ll listen. What happened that night wasn’t what you think Nell, and you both need to talk properly without being interrupted. Promise me that you’ll listen.”
I sigh. “I promise.”
He leans down running his nose along mine affectionately. “That’s my girl.”
“Am I interrupting something?” comes an icy voice from the doorway, and I grunt as I turn too quickly catching my sore side, to see Sid standing there with a harsh look on his face. He instantly exclaims and darts forward, dumping the massive bunch of lilies that he’s carrying on the bed, both of us missing the look of surprised calculation that crosses Bram’s face.
“Fuck Nell, be careful,” Sid exclaims, holding my arm as I try to get up. “Do you want to get into bed?” I nod feeling suddenly shy as he holds me close to his side so that I feel the heat of his body and smell the familiar scent of him. He stares at me for a second his eyes darkening, and his head lowers as if he’s going to kiss me, but then Bram stretches and yawns before rolling off the bed in one smooth motion that I really envy at the moment.
He smirks at Sid almost challengingly. “I’m sure she’d like to get into bed especially while I’m here.” He watches intently as Sid jerks as if he’d been lost in a daydream, and then lowers me into the bed carefully, pulling the covers up over me before settling into the chair that I just vacated. I relax back against the pillows and sigh softly as I see the sudden familiar distance in his face again.
“Where have you been today?” I ask in a low voice, endeavouring to ignore Bram who is now lounging on the spare chair with his head propped on one fist looking as if he’s at the cinema.
Sid shoots him an irritated look. “I’ve been at the studio laying down some tracks with Seth, which is where you should have been Bram.” Bram merely smirks and shrugs his shoulder in a cavalier fashion which I’m convinced is done to deliberately rile Sid. I have to say that it looks like he might be successful because Sid’s thin cheeks flush, but then he shoots me a quick glance out of the corner of his eye and blows out a measured breath. “Why do you ask? Did you need me for anything?” His mask is momentarily broken by a look of concern and almost eagerness, as if he wants me to have needed him.
I open my mouth to reply but I’m beaten to the punch by Bram. “She was fine mate,” he says dismissively. “I helped out so she didn’t miss you.” Sid’s fists clench on the arm of the chair and I look worriedly at Bram. He looks like he’s not paying attention at all but I notice the bright look in his eyes. He’s up to something. He turns to me and I blink slightly because close proximity to him sometimes makes me miss how good looking he is. “Cameron rang me today,” he adds chattily. “He’s rung me every day asking for news of you. I told him at first that he couldn’t visit seeing as you could only have one or two visitors at a time, but I said to him today that as Sid’s not coming regularly he could come and see you tomorrow.” I roll my eyes pleadingly at him, but he just stares at Sid waiting for the reaction which isn’t long in coming.
“You did what?” he roars, coming to his feet and bending over me planting his fists in the bed by the side of my hip.
“I told Cameron to visit tomorrow.” Bram articulates very slowly and carefully as if Sid’s deaf. I must say I’m in awe of him at the moment because of the very little shit that he seems to give. Sid in a temper is not something to be taken lightly, but he’s managing it.
“Why? Why would you do that?” Sid runs his hands through his hair and starts to pace.
I exchange a look with Bram who smirks and shakes his head at me. “Well he cares about Nell very much, that’s obvious if you listen to him talk about her. Why wouldn’t he want to see her? I’m telling you Sid he was so frantic while she was out of it I think that he might actually have fallen for her.” Sid rounds on him, a look of absolute fury in his face as he advances towards Bram who holds up his hands in defence. “I really think that you should think of other people’s feelings more Sid,” he adds sanctimoniously. “I mean it’s not as if you and Nell are going anywhere are you? If not it’s time to step away.” He suddenly sobers and bends forward. “After all mate, if it isn’t Cameron it will be someone else. Shilly shallying around could lose you the prize.”
“I’m not a goldfish at the fair,” I say indignantly just as Sid mutters, “I’m going to fucking kill you,
you interfering twat.” He comes around the bed towards Bram, murder written large on his face but just at that interesting point we’re interrupted by Doctor Pacely and a nurse coming in.
He takes one look at the situation and smiles, clapping his hands together. “Two gentleman today Nell, aren’t you a lucky girl?”
“Depends on your definition of luck,” I say morosely, wondering if he intended to make it sound like we were just about to embark on a threesome.
He ignores me. “Well gentleman I’ll have to ask you to leave now. I’d like to do my final examination so we can determine whether Nell is ready to go home.” Bram moves towards the door giving me a jaunty wave which I ignore. God knows what he’s stirred up now.
Sid however pulls the chair out of their way and sits down somewhat defiantly. “I’m staying,” he mutters folding his arms together. Dr Pacely looks at me and I shrug so he diplomatically opts for ignoring the 6’ 4” of sulkiness. He gestures bossily to the nurse to lift up my shirt as if when he took his medical qualifications he forgot how to undress women. I obediently raise my arms above my head while he palpitates my stomach asking questions about pain and breathlessness. He manipulates my ribs and pronounces himself satisfied.
“They’re healing nicely. We’ll leave them unstrapped. Now, how does the arm feel?”
“Itchy.”
“Well that’s going to get worse I’m afraid. It’s very hot outside which always makes it worse. I’d invest in a knitting needle so you can scratch, but be gentle and don’t get the cast wet. If you do have to shower I’d get someone to help wash your hair and make sure that you cover it with a plastic bag.” He runs his finger along the red, raised scar on my stomach. “This is healing nicely Nell. There’s no sign of infection at all. Yes, I’m pleased with that.”
Sid stirs. “So, can she leave the hospital yet?” he asks in a low voice.
Dr Pacely considers me. “Yes Mr Hudson I think that’s fine. Her doctor will need to see her every couple of weeks to check on the progress of the wound, and if she shows any sign of fever or illness you must take her straight to a hospital. You’ll need to bring her back here or to a hospital that’s closer to you, in about four weeks for the cast to be removed. Other than that she’s okay to go. No strenuous exercise Nell, just gentle swimming in a week and slow walks every day.”