Misty's Mayhem

by Robyn Peterman

  “Look dudettes, I umm… like him. I don’t love him.”

  “Don’t or won’t?” Tallulah asked.

  “Does it matter?” I asked, staring my sister down.

  Of all people, she should know why I would never love any man. I still couldn’t believe she was taking the plunge with the questionably intelligent Pirate Doug.

  “Why are you so afraid?” Tallulah asked.

  Narrowing my eyes, I wanted to headbutt my beloved sister. Did she really want to go there? Her silence as she stared intently at me proved she did. Shitshitshit. It was her wedding week. I felt awful for what I was about to say, but she’d asked and wouldn’t back down.

  “Mom died of a broken heart. You saw it and I saw it. It was awful and it was his fault. I will never let that happen to me,” I ground out.

  “She did?” Ariel asked, shocked.

  “Who told you that?” Tallulah asked me.

  That gave me a brief second of pause. I couldn’t recall. “Umm… I don’t remember. It was so long ago some of it’s a blur. But that is what happened.”

  Madison and Ariel both refilled their drinks and sat down on either side of me on the couch. They were shell-shocked and I felt terrible. Tallulah stood in front of me looking pained.

  “That’s not what happened,” my eldest sister said firmly with sorrow in her eyes. “Is that why you’ve avoided love all these centuries?”

  “Maybe,” I replied, all of a sudden feeling wildly unsure of everything I’d known to be true. “So what’s your version of the story? If you know so much, how did she die?” I challenged harshly.

  The room was so quiet it was eerie. The only sound to be heard was Ariel and Madison’s sad sniffles. This should not be happening. Not now. Not ever. My younger sisters knew none of this and had lived somewhat normal lives. Well, as normal as an immortal Mermaid’s life could be. This was going to add to their burden and I was pissed at Tallulah for pushing.

  “She had a rare affliction,” Tallulah said in a strangled whisper.

  “Yep, sure she did,” I snapped with an eye roll. “We’re immortal. We don’t get sick.

  “I didn’t say she was sick… I said affliction.”

  “What’s the difference?” I demanded. “And do we really need to do this here? Now?”

  “Yes,” Tallulah said flatly. “We do. It’s time. Our mother was cursed.”

  That rendered me speechless. What was Tallulah talking about? The gasps of Ariel and Madison made my heart ache… or maybe it was the words Tallulah had spoken.

  Wouldn’t I have known that my own mother was cursed by some evil force?

  Was my oldest sister simply trying to justify her own love to the idiot Pirate Doug by rewriting history?

  “Oh my Gods,” Madison gasped out and began to cry.

  Ariel just sat and said nothing. Not her normal behavior, but this conversation was anything but normal for us.

  “I call bullshit,” I muttered. “If she was cursed, then why in the Seven Seas did our father keep taking off for years at a time? Hmmm, let me think… maybe because he was a selfish bastard? Like all men?”

  Tallulah stared at me so hard I got uncomfortable. “There’s a lot you don’t know,” she said in a broken voice. “I wish on every star in the sky that I’d known you believed such a warped version of the truth.”

  “Fine,” I said in a hollow tone, feeling sick. “What’s the truth?”

  “Our father searched for a cure for the deadly enchantment that had been placed on our mother. He scoured the world for the one who had placed the curse. He would have given his own life to reverse it. And in the end… he did.”

  Madison’s weeping grew louder and Ariel still sat as still as a statue. Tallulah? Tallulah wasn’t quite done.

  “He never found the evil that cursed our mother, but he died trying. So maybe you and I are both correct. Our mother died of a broken heart, but there was far more to that sad story than you knew. That’s the truth, Misty. I promise.”

  Breathing became laborious and I thought I might pass out. The sobbing hurt my ears. I wanted to scream for my sisters to stop but realized it was me crying—not them. Tallulah took me in her arms and held me tight. How did I not know this? I would have helped my father search. I might have been able to save both of them. Why didn’t I know?

  “It’s okay, baby,” Tallulah whispered in my ear as she rocked me back and forth. “I’m just so sorry you didn’t know and lived with this for hundreds of years. It’s my fault. I should have realized something was strange when you ran from love.”

  “Not your fault,” I said through my tears. “My fault.”

  “I feel like it’s my fault,” Madison said, joining the sister hug.

  “Why would you think it’s your fault?” I asked, perplexed.

  “I don’t know,” Madison said. “Most stuff is my fault so it stands to reason.”

  Ariel was the only one who still sat alone. That was not okay. I couldn’t let my fuck up destroy my baby sister.

  Gently pushing Tallulah and Madison away, I moved to Ariel and wrapped her in my arms. I pushed her curly blue locks from her beautiful face and laid my cheek on hers. “I’m so sorry you had to hear this.”

  “I’m not,” she said as she relaxed against my body. “I always felt like something was wrong, but I never knew what. I thought maybe I was a burden and it was my fault she died.”

  “Oh Gods, no,” Tallulah gasped out as she and Madison now barnacled themselves to Ariel and me. “We were her greatest joys. I know this for sure. And we were our father’s as well.”

  “This day has been the weirdest one of my life,” I mumbled against Ariel’s hair. “And I know weird.”

  “You can love him now,” Tallulah said quietly. “If that’s what you want.”

  “So much has gone down in the last fifteen minutes, I’m not even sure I remember my own name,” I replied with a small laugh. “I have a lot to absorb before I can make any decisions like that.”

  Ariel took my hands in hers and smiled. “Sometimes, the decision isn’t yours to make,” she said wisely. “Sometimes love simply happens. Take it while you can. Our lives are so long and empty without it.”

  Not wanting to fight her on something I still didn’t understand, I just nodded.

  “I don’t mean to interrupt,” Archer said from the archway of the room. “But maybe I do.”

  “How much did you hear?” I asked, letting my head fall back on my shoulders. How could I have forgotten that only a wall had separated him from a conversation that tilted my world upside down?

  “The truth?” he asked, his eyes focused only on me.

  “Yes.”

  “All of it.”

  “Maybe we should go,” Madison said. “But only if you want us to.”

  Archer entered the room. I was glad he’d put his shirt back on. I felt a little possessive of those nice pecs of his.

  “Actually, I’d like you all to stay and I’d like to call a few others here as well. There’s an evil coming and everyone should know about it,” he said, looking very much like a powerful God.

  “Umm… are you fucking serious?” I asked, completely unable to grasp that there was more to the shitshow than had already developed.

  “I’m trying to fuck you,” he said with a grin so sexy I laughed. “However, yes. I’m also serious.”

  “Is this the part about killing and dying for me?” I asked.

  “Yep.”

  “I’ll gather the family,” Tallulah said, walking over to Archer. “You’re on probation here, little mister. If you screw it up, you shall become Johnsonless. Am I clear?”

  “Very,” Archer said with a laugh. “You Mermaids are vicious.”

  “You have no idea,” I muttered as I stood up and walked my sisters to the door of my suite. “Meet back here in a half hour.”

  And they were gone. The room felt claustrophobic and I wanted to let my tail out and swim in the ocean so badly I could taste
it, but that would have to wait.

  “Can we talk?” Archer asked, trying to gauge my mood.

  “I need to be alone for a bit. I’m going to help round the others up. Cool?’

  I could tell he wasn’t happy—at all, but he acquiesced. Pain was etched on his beautiful features and I was pretty sure he’d absorbed my pain. I just didn’t know what to do with all the new and scary feelings I was having.

  “I’ll be back in a few.”

  And before he could say another word that would stop me from leaving him, I waved my hand and disappeared in a mist of green glitter.

  Maybe, I was being a true chicken of the sea, but I needed to talk to my BFF. My semi-fingerless buddy hadn’t steered me wrong yet.

  I just hoped he was still full of profane wisdom.

  12

  Misty

  “So ye think ye might love the barnacled wanker?” Thornycraft asked with a wide grin on his sweet face.

  “I don’t know,” I said on a groan. “Do you mind if I do cartwheels?”

  “Nay, just watch out for me treasure chest. Me booty is very valuable.”

  “You have secret treasures in there?” I asked as I moved the driftwood coffee table and pushed a few chairs out of the way.

  Thornycraft’s bungalow was surprisingly tidy. He definitely needed to add some color to his décor, but at least it wasn’t filthy. I smiled at the array of adorable stuffed animals he had on a shelf behind the couch—sharks and sea snails took up the majority of the space, but there were a few fuzzy goldfish as well. For as ancient as my friend was, he had such a sweet childlike quality to him. I was definitely going to give him my stuffed Patrick starfish. He would love it.

  “Aye, swimmin’ hooker. The chef at the resort made cheese pastries three weeks ago today. That rum soaked arse makes a fine cheese pastry—finest in the land. So I pilfered five dozen of ‘em and locked ‘em away. Don’t want Upton and Bonar to know about me delicious booty. Them thar arses will eat the ambrosia faster than ye can blink yer peepers,” he explained.

  “Umm… your treasure chest is filled with three week old cheese pastries?” I asked on a gag.

  Thornycraft paused and appeared in deep and petrified thought for a moment. “Ye think thar rotten now?”

  “Have you opened the chest lately?” I asked, staring at the jeweled box in horror.

  “Nay. Do ye think me should?” he asked, approaching the chest warily.

  “NO!” I shouted, startling my buddy. “Umm… are you on good terms with Bonar and Upton right now?”

  One never knew with the trio. They were like little old biddies—constantly bickering about something. It was funny until they blew something up, but Tallulah had put the fear of Poseidon in them. She threatened to make them teach hula dancing in bikini tops and hula skirts to the human guests if they kept causing random explosions.

  “Nay, the arses put me phantom fingers in warm water yesterday when I was takin’ me nap. I peed my breeches. The nards thought that was hilarious—been planning their revenge fer hours,” Thornycraft told me.

  “How about this?” I suggested with a mischievous grin pulling at my lips. “Why don’t you accidentally leave your treasure chest where they can find it? They’re totally nosy old ladies. Bonar and Upton won’t be able to resist peeking in your treasure chest. And then BAM! They get asphyxiated with disgusting, stanky, decaying, rancid, mildew-covered cheese pastries!”

  “Yar a little hooker after me own old heart,” Thornycraft crowed and danced around the room with excitement. “I will owe ye for yer brilliant plan. Them bandana wearin’ sea nards aren’t gonna know what hit ʼem.”

  While Thornycraft giggled at the thought of getting his revenge, I did fourteen cartwheels and ten toe touches to clear my head. What I really wanted to do was boink the angst right out of my system with Archer, but he was the main cause of my angst at the moment.

  “Ye good?” Thornycraft asked as I drank the glass of water he offered.

  “Nope. I’m not good.”

  “How can I help ye, swimmin’ hooker?”

  “My mom didn’t die of a broken heart—well she kind of did, but not the way I’d always believed,” I told him as he snapped his fingers and produced his pad of paper and pen. “It wasn’t my dad’s fault.”

  “Are ye happy about that?” he inquired, scribbling away.

  “In a way,” I admitted, sitting down on the floor and pulling my knees to my chest. “I guess I would say I’m more relieved than happy. I still miss her and now…”

  “Now ye have to make up for all the centuries of not missin’ yer pappy,” he finished my thought.

  “I’m so ashamed,” I whispered and let my head fall to my knees.

  “Do ye think yer mum and pappy would want ye to feel shamed? I’m guessing from the outstandin’ violent swimmin’ hookers they raised that they loved ye and yer sister hookers somethin’ powerful. Me mum wouldn’t want me to live with regrets. She’d kick me sorry arse to Mount Olympus and back. We live too long to carry a burden like ye is holdin’ in yer heart.”

  My head jerked up and I stared at my friend. “Do you really think so?”

  “Methinks so,” he said with a wink and a grin. “But what methinks doesn’t matter. What matters is what ye think, little hooker.”

  “How’d you get so smart, Thornycraft?” I asked, hopping up and hugging my little buddy.

  “Luck ‘o the draw,” he said with a laugh. “Bonar and Upton didn’t get so lucky. And mebbe now ye won’t be so shy of love.”

  “Maybe,” I said thoughtfully. “Do you see your mum often?”

  “My mum recently decided it was time for her to go on to the Great Beyond, but she still pops up in me dreams,” he said, smiling.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Nay, little hooker. Don’t be sorry. Me mum lived a very long time and was ready for a little rest. I’ll tell her to say ahoy to yer mum and dad and that yar finally ready to go on with yer life.”

  “Would you really?” I asked as tears filled my eyes.

  “T’would be me pleasure. Will I be tellin’ the truth though? Are ye truly ready to live yer life to the fullest?”

  Without a pause, I nodded my head. Thornycraft’s words were somehow the key to opening up the emotional dam inside me. I felt free for the first time in centuries. I knew exactly how I wanted to start living my life… and I couldn’t wait to tell a certain person.

  “Good lassie,” Thornycraft said, patting me on the head. “So are ye ready for the demons?”

  “I’m sorry. What?”

  “Well, shite,” he said, turning red. “Methought the eejit would have told ye about the demons that are showin’ up soon.”

  “Nope. He most certainly did not,” I snapped and then paused.

  Wait. Archer had tried to tell me something. He did say there was evil coming. I wasn’t going to go ballistic on his Johnson-man-tool until he had time to explain.

  “Come with me,” I told Thornycraft. “We need to have a chat with a demigod.”

  13

  Cupid

  There was more power in Misty’s suite at the moment than I’d witnessed in my thousands of years on this mortal plane. Thornycraft was not the only vicious and deadly Sphinx in residence on the Mystical Isle—there were two others called Bonar and Upton. While the names were questionable, I was very aware their skills were not. What surprised me most was that no one seemed to know what they were.

  “Archer, have you met my mate, Wally—the woman?” Poseidon inquired giving me the evil eye.

  “I have. Nice to see you again, Wally,” I said, giving the otherworldly gorgeous woman a respectful bow.

  Now that she was in her human form, I recognized her. Her name was Janet and she was the mother of Pirate Doug. She had been a demigoddess until she’d traded her status to be able to watch over her insane son. As the completely idiotic Pirate Doug was the heir to Poseidon’s throne, parental guidance was forbidden. It didn’t surpri
se me for a second that Janet aka Wally had found a way around that bizarre rule.

  “Likewise,” she answered wink.

  “You people think this is funny?” Poseidon shouted, pointing at his crotch.

  It was all I could do not to laugh. However, his sad state of affairs was not entirely my fault. The inebriated idiot could have cleared up the misconception on Mount Olympus when he fired me. The dolt led me to believe Wally was a man and now he had to pay the piper—or the Wally to be more accurate. Poseidon was wearing a plaster cast on his Johnson… and that’s all he was wearing. It was horrifying but not that surprising. Clearly Wally hadn’t removed his pecker she’d just broken it.

  “Is everyone here?” I asked, scanning the crowd.

  Misty and her sisters sat on the couch. Wally and Poseidon stood as it was impossible for him to sit with his dick in a cast. Thornycraft, Bonar and Upton were with Pirate Doug who was wearing something appallingly lacy, but didn’t seem to mind. Ariel’s mate Keith was present as well.

  “Are there any other immortals on the island that can be trusted?” I questioned.

  “There are a couple Selkies, but they’re in Disney World on vacation. And the Sea Hags are about a mile offshore in a cave,” Pirate Doug informed me with a shudder. “However, they smell like baked arse left out in the sun for a month. I’d suggest they be on a need to know basis. Their presence has sent a few humans back to the mainland due to exploding sinuses and irreversible gag reflex issues.”

  “I see,” I said with a wince. “Let’s get started. I’ve called you here today…”

  “Holy shite,” Pirate Doug shouted. “Is this the wedding? I’m not wearing the right breeches and I need my fucking crown. Can we take a ten minute break here?”

  “Umm… no. This is not your wedding. I believe that takes place in a few days,” I said, fearing the day he took over for his father.

  “Great,” he said, looking incredibly relieved. “Didn’t want to get caught with my pants down because I need to foil wrap my tallywhacker first.”