Loving Me, Trusting You

by C. M. Stunich

  “You can't change my mind, Gaine,” she repeats, and I nod, kissing her full, breathing in her sweet scent and holding it in my lungs. I can't change her mind, but I can alter the circumstances. If I leave, she'll have to stay. That's it. I might never see her again, but at least I know she'll be safe here, happy. She's got Beck and Austin and Kimmi, and I think that eventually, she'll have Amy and Christy, too. Mireya could make friends with them if she wanted. I know she could. And one day, I hope she'll find a man that makes her feel the way I feel about her.

  “I know.”

  I lift her up and set her on the edge of the dresser, slipping between her legs and pressing my hard on against the hot sweetness there. It's damp, moist from excitement, and it makes me crazy, makes me forget what I promised to do.

  “Tell me first,” she says as I move my mouth to her neck and start kissing my way down her shoulder. I pause and the image of Crystal's bruised body floods back into my mind. Shit. Well, at least I remember the girl's name. Somehow, that makes things a little better.

  I sigh and move back, just a bit, keeping Mireya's hands on my stomach. This isn't going to be good.

  “You have to promise that you'll spend the night with me,” I tell her, swallowing back fear and trepidation. I didn't want things to go this way, but they have and I'm going to deal with it as best I can. I hope everything will work out, that I can pull off some miracle and make it back to her alive, but if I don't, it's okay. As long as I remove those fuckers from her life forever, I'll be happy.

  “Are you fucking serious?” she asks, getting pissy and trying to push me back. “You'll only tell me the truth if I promise to sleep with you?” She shoves against me violently, and I grab her tight, pressing my forehead to hers.

  “You don't have to touch me if you don't want to,” I promise her as she reaches up and grabs me by the piercing in my eyebrow, using it to pull my face away from hers. “I just want you to stay here tonight. We can watch a movie, play a game, fuck, I don't care. We can dress up in drag and go to a bar if that'll make you happy.” I manage to pull a small smile from her face. “But you can't leave when I tell you what I saw last night. And you can't blame yourself.” The smile disappears as quick as it came.

  “Blame myself?”

  “For Crystal,” I tell her and she blanches. I swallow and take a deep breath, keeping my hold on her firm, pressing her body to mine. “I found her last night.”

  “No.” Mireya tries to pull away from me, but I won't let her.

  “She was naked and pretty roughed up. I called an ambulance, but I don't know if she's going to make it. I don't know how bad it was. It was dark and hard to see.”

  “You called an ambulance?” she asks, putting together the pieces. I put the entire MC at risk for that girl, and I don't know if Mireya's going to be pissed about it or not. God. I stay still, letting her absorb the information. Really, though, that should be the least of my worries. This isn't about me and what I did. It's about what they did. “Bested by Crows?” she asks, and I nod. There's nobody else with the motive or the ability.

  When she pushes away this time, I let her, watching as she stomps over to her bag and rips the zipper back with shaking fingers. She digs through the clothes quickly, shoving shirts and pants aside like they've personally offended her. When she comes across a book, she pauses and lifts it up, thumbing through the pages like she might find some sort of answer in them.

  “It's not your fault,” I say, moving across the room and pausing behind her. “You didn't make them do what they did.” Mireya laughs a caustic laugh and spins to face me, the book clenched so tightly in her hands it looks like she's about to start tearing pages from it.

  “I picked that girl up, took her into the garage. I gave her a false sense of security, Gaine.” She shakes her head and her hair goes flying, moving around her face like bats. “And I killed Tray. I got them started on this misogynistic bull, and now there are strangers paying for it?” She practically screeches this last part, like she can't possibly believe this is happening. “MC business is fucking MC business!” The book goes flying, and I have to duck out of the way. When I pick it up, a passage catches my attention.

  He takes me up to the roof, where the sky is clearest and the birds sound loudest, and we fuck like animals, like two souls unbound from their earthly shells. We screw until the day turns night, and I don't regret a single second of it. If I only had one moment left to live, I'd want to spend it in Adam's arms. As things stand, he's leaving tomorrow, and I know without a single doubt that I'll never see him again. I have to savor the moment, to appreciate the beauty in this single second and cherish it in my heart forever.

  I toss the novel onto the bed, and reach my hands out to grab hers, holding tight, letting that burn I feel in my blood transfer between us. She can feel it, too, I know. It's there whether either of us wants it to be. We're made for each other. I don't say that aloud of course, but in my heart, I know it's true. Ain't nobody going to tell me fucking otherwise. I'll die for her. That's what I have to do to end this. And maybe I'm not thinking clearly, maybe I'm blinded by my desperation, by years of longing, but it feels right. I touch one hand to my back pocket, to the ring I bought so long ago and will never get to see her wear.

  “Mireya,” I say as I pull her closer, slowly, tentatively, desperate to get her back in my arms again.

  “That bitch, Amy, must've slipped it in my bag,” she mumbles, but underneath her scowl, I see tears.

  “It's not your fault,” I repeat, reaching up to touch her chin, drawing her gaze to mine. As soon as we connect, as soon as we plug into one another, the tears start. They roll down her face, wet and glistening, a torrent of emotions that I can't resist.

  I want to cry, too, but I'll be damned if I show her a sliver of melancholy. Right here, right now, I'm going to show her a damn good time, leave her with a memory that burns hotter than fire, that scalds each and every time she thinks about it. I don't want a single other man to be able to top this moment. I'm going to do this shit right, going to destroy any leftover longing for Austin or anybody else. Before I go, even if it's just for a single second, I want Mireya Sawyer to be mine.

  “Forgive me, lover,” I tell her as I bend down and slide my hand behind her legs, scooping her up against my chest. At first, she looks startled, then pissed off, but the tears won't stop falling and she can't maintain the anger. “You didn't kill that girl, and you didn't do anything wrong. This isn't your fault. Walker deserved ten times what you gave him. If I'd gotten my hands on him, things would've been a hell of a lot worse.”

  “What the fuck are you doing?” she asks, pretending she didn't hear me. I know she did. I know my words are getting to her right now. A tiny sliver has opened up in her tired soul, and I've got to get in while I can, work my way inside and show her how I feel. This is it, my last chance to prove it.

  “I'm taking you up to the roof.”

  “The roof?” I smile and kiss her lips hard, like a pair of newlyweds crossing the threshold on their honeymoon. I let her know everything I feel in that kiss, using my tongue to say things I don't dare speak aloud. When I pull back, I let my smile morph into a grin.

  “That's right. Your book inspired me. I can't help myself now.”

  “This is fucking stupid,” Mireya says, but she leans her head against me, years of pain and anger and frustration draining from her in waves, bleeding across the hideous hotel carpet and staining it with her past, a past I hope she can leave behind her after tonight.

  You're making the right choice, Gaine, I tell myself as I carry her down the hall, past puzzled faces of fellow Triple M'ers. Mireya doesn't look at any of them, just keeps her forehead pressed against my shoulder and stays limp, letting me hold her up for what has got to be the first time ever. It feels good, like I can finally be helpful to her. From the day I joined Triple M, ran away from a perfectly good life that I'd thoroughly abused, I've been looking for a moment like this. A moment that was so br
ight, it burned my eyes and scraped my soul. This is it. I've found it.

  When I hit the door to the roof, I'm happy to see that it's unlocked. I can't imagine what I woulda done if it had been bolted shut. Probably pushed Mireya up against the door and made the sweetest fucking love to her that I could. But this is better.

  As soon as I step out, the breezy ocean wind teases our hair, tangles it together and kisses our faces with salt. I can hear the waves in the distance, calling out to us, soothing us with the soft cry of the earth. It's fucking perfect.

  I set Mireya on the stone wall that surrounds the edge and hold her tight, knowing that this is dangerous as hell, but that I'd never let her go. With my hands wrapped around her, she could never fall. I won't let it happen. I'd hold her up with the last of me, prop her body up on my soul if I had to. There's no price that's too high to pay for Mireya Sawyer.

  “I'm going to shoot their nuts off,” she says, and I pause, hoping this means she's changed her mind. “Once they know I'm not with Triple M anymore, they'll come after me and they won't expect shit. I'll maim them and spit in their wounds, and then I'll leave again. I'll find a place they'll never look and I'll wait them out.” Mireya looks into my eyes and touches the side of my face. “I want to want to kill them, but I don't Gaine. I think I've had enough darkness in my life for now. Anymore, and the flame will go out. I'll be nothing but shadows.” My throat clenches tight and I have to squeeze her tighter to keep my emotions in check. I'm going to use sex to express myself. I'm a guy, that's what I do. I can't cry, not right now. I already promised I wouldn't end up as the fairytale fucking princess. “When I know you're safe, I'll come back. This isn't forever, Gaine. It's just for awhile.”

  I cut her off with another kiss, pressing my fingertips into her flesh, licking her lower lip, nipping at the edge of her jaw. Mireya moans and wraps her arms around my neck, leaning back so that her black hair billows in the wind, gets caught in the cool breeze and tickles my face. She leans back so far that she's nearly horizontal, exposing her chest to me, letting me kiss her breasts through her shirt and then down, past the spot where the fabric bunches up and her belly's exposed.

  When I hit her jeans, I keep going, using my hands on her hips to hold her still as I kiss down the seam in her pants, biting and nipping at the wet spot on the fabric until her cries are loud enough that I can hear them above the wind and waves. Pulling back, I smile and tug her closer, reaching between us to unbutton her jeans. When she reaches for mine, I push her wrists back.

  “All I need is you, lover, and I'm good. Just relax. You deserve a break.”

  I pull her off the wall, so that I can shimmy her pants down and toss them aside where they get caught on the stone and then tumble over.

  “Goddamn it, Gaine,” she says, but there's a ghost of a smile on her lips. “You dumb ass idiot. How am I supposed to get back to the room?” I grin and grab her shirt, ripping it off and throwing it purposely over the edge this time.

  “Maybe I'll just leave you here until you change your mind about runnin' away.” I grin, but she doesn't find the joke funny. Her face falls again, and I step forward to catch it with a kiss, running my thumbs down her cheeks and pressing her naked body against mine. The heat in my heart moves out and warms my body from head to toe. My cock stiffens and rubs painfully against my pants, begging to be let out, to show this woman how much she means to me with each thrust of my hips.

  I lift her up and set her back on the wall, kneeling between her legs and dropping my face to her pussy, nipping at the dark hair and pressing rough kisses to her thighs that make her writhe above me. I don't hold back, keeping one hand on her back and using the other to enter her hot heat, feeling that fluttery pulse against my skin and holding back a growl in my throat. I want to grab her and grind her against the stone with my hips, bruise her ass as I slam her against the unyielding wall while I scream my frustration at the world.

  But that's not what Mireya needs right now. She needs a man that understands her, that can touch her firmly but gently, who can take charge but leave her with the knowledge that she can change things, at any time, for any reason. I might be taking the lead right now, but she controls me, and I'm not ashamed of it. Beck can joke around and call me pussy whipped if he wants. If giving the love of my life what she wants makes me a prissy ass faggot, so be it. I'll don a dress and wear a crown. Mireya means more to me than any of that. And fuck, if anyone wants to question my manhood, I'll invite 'em to watch me slide my dick deep into the cunt of the hottest woman that's ever walked this damn earth.

  I kiss Mireya between the legs, taking my time and making sure I get every fold, every crevice, before I work my way back up to her clit. I take the hardened flesh into my mouth and swirl my tongue around, moving her towards the edge with my lips. I listen to her moans, judging each movement of my mouth and timing it with her cries. When she finally hits her orgasm, she comes all over my face, drenching me with her hot juices and drowning me in lust.

  I can't take it anymore.

  I stand up and wrap my arm around her waist, yanking her against me hard, kissing her and forcing her to taste her own warmth. The salty sweetness of her sifts between us as we fight against one another, hands grasping, fingers clawing at naked flesh. I pull back just long enough to slip my shirt off and drop it over the edge, to let her unbutton my pants and free my aching cock.

  It hurts so good that I can't wait. I move her forward and grind her into the stone. Her ass squishes against it, pressing tight to the lip of cement as I move the head of my cock to her opening.

  “Mireya Sawyer,” I tell her, and I wait until she opens her eyes and looks straight at me before I continue. “You're stubborn and frustrating and ornery as fuck, but I love you more than I love to ride.”

  “Gaine,” she warns, but I can't hold back. It's now or never.

  “I love you more than I love this group, more than I love myself. Mireya Sawyer, I just fucking love the Goddamn holy fucking hell out of you. That's it. That's all there is to it.” She tries to protest, but I cut her off with my mouth, thrust forward with my hips and fill her completely. Her body swallows mine, clamps down hard around me, muscles fluttering as she milks my cock for all it's worth.

  I grasp her by the back of the head, dig my fingertips into her hair and moan. I don't care if anyone can hear me. This isn't about them; this is about us.

  “Gaine,” she says, protesting between kisses, hissing my name out on the end of each breath as I push inside of her, finding her cervix and bumping it with the head of my cock. Her sweaty, naked body is wrapped in mine, filled with me. I want to hear her say those words, but I'll settle for this. Right now, right here, I know that Mireya Sawyer is mine.

  “I love you,” I tell her simply, wanting to say it again and again and again, as many times as I can before this is over. She keeps her eyes closed, groans as I bite at her neck, leaving red marks as I go, sucking gently on her soft, bronzed skin. Exotic, wild, beautiful. That's how I see her. A streak of angry perfection with her legs wrapped around my body and her hands touching my chest, feeling up my tattoos, tracing down my muscles.

  I can still smell and taste her pussy on my face, and it's making me crazy, churning my lust into a frenzy. We grind against the wall, grunting and whimpering like animals, drawn halfway out of this world and into the next.

  It doesn't last nearly long enough.

  Mireya's moans to turn to screams, increasing in frequency until she explodes around me, hugging my dick with her body, coating me with molten hot juices that drip down my balls and land on the gravelly pavement at my feet. I don't want it to end, but I can't hold back. I kiss her with everything I've got, squeeze her tight and come inside of her.

  For one, happy, blissful second, I am the happiest motherfuckin' man on earth.

  That feeling doesn't last near as long as I wish it could.

  Gaine slips his shirt over my shoulders and helps me sneak back to the room. I don't look at him, don't
speak to him. I can't. My whole body is shaky, and it's gotten hard to breathe. My emotions are in a frothing frenzy, and suddenly, despite my previous conviction, I'm conflicted.

  How can I leave this behind? I wonder as I stumble back to the room, warm and covered in sweat and saliva. My pussy is swollen, throbbing with pleasure with each step I take. Gaine's seed mixes with my own come and drips down my thighs, leaving me a fucking mess by the time we get to the room.

  He loves me.

  I knew that, of course, but to hear it again? It almost broke my heart and my decision. I can't let him know that. I do my best to avoid looking at him. If I do, I'm afraid I'll break down again. My mind keeps trying to swing back around to that girl, Crystal. Basically, I've got her blood on my hands, too. If I hadn't picked her up, convinced her to come down to the parking garage, she'd still be alive. Bested by Crows didn't go easy on her, I'm sure. I can't even think about what might've happened. I have to stay strong and stick with my decision.

  “Can I get you anything, babe?” Gaine asks me, but I just shake my head and crawl into bed. When he slides in beside me, I stiffen, but I don't push him away. With his hard warmth wrapped around me, I'm asleep in minutes.

  What wakes me up is the sound of footsteps in my room. And it's not just one person, it's several. My eyes burst open and my hand creeps towards the nightstand. I stuck my tire iron in there, just in case something like this happened.

  “She asleep?” I hear a familiar voice ask. It's Austin.

  “Musta had a real good time up on that roof,” Beck says and then, of course, he laughs.

  “Don't you motherfuckers know how to knock?” I snap as I sit up suddenly and cause Kimmi to jump. Her blue and silver earrings swing like pendulums.

  “Jesus Christ, Mireya. What's your problem?”