ALBERT, TEXAS (Population: 25)
Includes: A tavern, dance hall, tractor shed, a three-bedroom house, and 13 acres of land
Asking Price: $2.5 million
Details: In 2003 an insurance broker named Bobby Cave bought this town in the Texas Hill Country for $216,000. He planned to develop it as a tourist attraction, complete with a restaurant and cabins, but he only managed to finish the tavern. In 2007 he put the town up for sale on eBay, with a reserve price of $2.5 million. Winning bid: $3.8 million, by an Italian bidder…who never paid. Cave relisted the property with an asking price of $883,000, and in 2009 he finally sold the town to a family from Austin, Texas, who now operate the tavern, a dance hall, and an outdoor pavilion.
Q: What celebrity last name means “son of a stonemason” in Armenian? A: Kardashian
Final price: Despite the public’s curiosity, neither the buyers nor the seller would disclose how much the town was sold for.
SECRET TOWN WITH NO NAME, LATVIA
(Population: 0)
Includes: Seventy buildings, including 10 apartment buildings, two nightclubs, a school, hotel, shopping center, hospital, army barracks, and sauna complex, on 111 acres
Opening Bid: 150,000 lats ($285,000), about the price of a four-room apartment in Riga, the nation’s capital city
Details: Latvia, a country on the Baltic Sea in northeastern Europe, was seized by the Soviet Union in 1940. In the 1960s the Soviets built this town to house two secret radar installations designed to detect a possible U.S. nuclear attack. At its peak, the town was home to 5,000 people, but it was so secret that it did not appear on maps and was never officially named. In documents it was identified only as Skrunda-1, because of its location near the town of Skrunda. When the USSR collapsed in the early 1990s and Latvia reclaimed its independence, the Russians dismantled their radar systems and went home.
Sold! The town sat abandoned until February 2010, when the Latvian government put it up for public auction. Winning bid: 5.9 million lats ($3.1 million), by a Russian company that planned to turn the entire town into a pig farm. That deal fell through, so four months later a Latvian company bought the town for the greatly reduced price of $323,000. At last report the company was still trying to figure out what to do with it.
* * *
PITTER PAT
In 2011 a couple hunting on a remote mountain in Sweden’s northern province of Jaemtland were surprised to find 70 pairs of shoes spread out in the snow. The 140 shoes—ranging from high heels and tap shoes to kids’ and men’s sneakers—were each filled with about a pound of butter. Officials have no suspects.
Does Uncle Ben’s count? There are more than 40,000 varieties of rice.
THE PETE BEST AWARDS
Who’s Pete Best? He was the Beatles’ first drummer, replaced by Ringo Starr just before the band made it big. Sadly, Best never got to share his bandmates’ success…and neither did any of these folks.
MUSICIAN: Laura Lynch, of the Dixie Chicks
STORY: Along with sisters Emily and Martie Erwin, Lynch founded the Dixie Chicks in 1989. After several years of playing clubs and music festivals, the group’s modern blue-grass/country sound attracted the attention of Sony Records. It was right around that time that Lynch decided to quit the Dixie Chicks. Why? She was older than her bandmates (Lynch was 37; the Erwins were 23 and 26) and felt she was neglecting her 14-year-old daughter. Just before they made their first album for Sony, Lynch was replaced by Natalie Maines. The Dixie Chicks went on to become one of the most successful country groups of the 1990s and 2000s, selling 26 million albums.
FINAL NOTE: Lynch later told an interviewer that she “cried for months” after leaving the group, if only because she missed playing music. The money didn’t matter—in 1999 Lynch’s husband won $29 million in the Texas Lottery.
MUSICIAN: Doug Hopkins, of the Gin Blossoms
STORY: The Gin Blossoms’ biggest hits—1993’s “Hey Jealousy” and 1994’s “Found Out About You”—were both written by Hopkins, the band’s founder, songwriter, and guitarist. But by the time those songs were hits, Hopkins was long gone. Why? Drugs and alcohol. The other Gin Blossoms had to decide whether they would support their bandmate, or risk taking so long to record the album that A&M Records might drop them. Decision: They kicked Hopkins out of the band. And they wouldn’t give him his share of the advance ($15,000) unless he agreed to give up his share of the group’s publishing royalties. Hopkins was broke, so he took the deal. New Miserable Experience sold three million copies.
FINAL NOTE: As the Gin Blossoms became more successful, Hopkins got more depressed, drank more, and ultimately took his own life in December 1993.
Rats do not have gallbladders or tonsils. (But they do have belly buttons.)
MUSICIAN: Chad Channing, of Nirvana
STORY: Channing wasn’t Nirvana’s first drummer, but he was the first one to record with Kurt Cobain and Krist Novoselic—he played on the group’s (first independently released) album, Bleach, in 1989. Channing was still in the band when, on the strength of Bleach, Nirvana was signed to Geffen Records and was starting to record Nevermind. By that point, Cobain had grown dissatisfied with Channing’s drumming, and Channing was frustrated by not being allowed to contribute to the songwriting. Channing left the band amicably…and watched from the sidelines as Nirvana hit superstardom with new drummer Dave Grohl.
MUSICIAN: Jason Cropper, of Weezer
STORY: Cropper was the pop-rock band’s original guitarist. He was present at their first rehearsal in February 1992 and played on the demos that got the band signed with Geffen Records. Less than two years later, however, Cropper was out and new guitarist Brian Bell was in. In May 1994, Weezer’s self-titled album was released. It sold three million copies and launched the career of one of the most high-profile rock bands of the last two decades. Curiously, Cropper signed a non-disclosure agreement as to the reason for his departure. The gag order remains in effect to this day.
FINAL NOTE: Cropper and his wife, Amy Wellner Cropper, formed a new band called Chopper One. The band made a few independent albums; the Croppers divorced in 2004.
MUSICIAN: Dave Sabo, of Bon Jovi
STORY: Bon Jovi isn’t run like other bands, where each member usually has an equal say. Lead singer Jon Bon Jovi actually owns the band and everything associated with it; all the musicians are his employees. (They are very well-paid and have stayed together for more than 25 years.) Bon Jovi formed the band around himself in 1984 to promote his first commercially released single, “Runaway.” One of the musicians he hired was a guitarist named Dave Sabo. After “Runaway” garnered Bon Jovi national attention, Sabo was fired and replaced by Richie Sambora, who’s still in the group.
FINAL NOTE: Sabo started the 1980s heavy metal band Skid Row. They had two top-10 hits and sold 20 million albums.
It takes your brain about 0.0004 seconds to retrieve a memory. (Or was it 0.0005? Whatever.)
NUDES AND PRUDES
Sometimes it seems like the world can be divided into two kinds of people—those who are offended by public nudity…and those who are offended by those who are offended by public nudity.
NUDE: Pasco County, on the west coast of Florida, has been home to nudist colonies since the 1940s, but the county reached a new milestone in 2011 when officials decided to use taxpayer money to market Pasco’s naked charms to the outside world. In December the county awarded $3,818 to the Pasco Area Naturist Development Association (PANDAbare) to promote Pasco as a nude hub for foreign naturists visiting Disney World, the Space Coast, and Florida’s other clothing-mandatory tourist spots. In Europe “there are over 19 million practicing nudists, so heck, if we just garner a hundredth of one percent, that’s a lot of tourism coming in,” said a PANDAbare spokesperson.
PRUDE: Just because Pasco County subsidizes nudity with taxpayer dollars, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have limits: In 2008 the nudist Caliente Resort asked for a clothing-optional polling place for that November’s
presidential election. Request denied. To cite just one logistical problem, where would nude poll workers pin their badges? “Even if I was behind what they were asking for, which I’m not, it’s just too much to ask right now,” Brian Corley, county supervisor of elections, told The St. Petersburg Times.
NUDE: In January 2012, Brian Coldin, a Canadian crusader for the rights of nudists, lost his court fight challenging the constitutionality of Canada’s anti-nudity laws. The case dealt with two incidents in which Coldin pulled up to fast food drive-up windows in the buff. In years past he has also been cited for being naked on the side of a highway and in a public park. In his defense, Coldin argued that 1) the citations violated his constitutional right to self-expression, and 2) since a 1978 Supreme Court ruling defined “nude” as “completely bare,” his state of undress did not meet the legal definition of nudity, since he was wearing sandals and the necklace that he clips his cell phone to. No dice: The judge found Coldin guilty on four counts of public nudity. He was sentenced to two years probation and fined $3,000.
According to a study, the most hated word in the English language is “hate.” #2: “moist.”
PRUDE: In March 2011, the Dean of St. Peter’s College, Oxford, part of England’s famed Oxford University, barred a circus dwarf named “Demon Dan” Blackner from performing at an end-of-year ball. Demon Dan eats glass, opens beer bottles using his eye socket, and “dangles a bowling ball from a ‘lower appendage’ not normally accustomed to carrying such a heavy load.” His most famous trick—and the one that got him barred from Oxford—is the one in which he drags a vacuum cleaner across the stage using the aforementioned lower appendage. “I think it’s ridiculous for the Dean to try and decide what people should or should not see,” responded Doctor Haze, creator of the Circus of Horrors, where Demon Dan is a headliner.
NUDE: In April 2010, two dozen young women marched topless through Farmington, Maine, to protest the double standard that allows men to remove their shirts on hot days but expects women to keep their tops on. Is it illegal for women to go topless in Maine? No…so why have the march? To make it more socially acceptable. One protester vowed to “keep making a big deal about it until it’s not a big deal.”
PRUDE: In June 2011, just months after Demon Dan was barred from performing at a year-end party (see above), Oxford University struck another blow against exhibitionism when the Worcester College library put an end to the Half-Naked Half-Hour—a tradition where, every Wednesday afternoon, a group of male and female students removed their tops and studied in a state of semi-undress for 30 minutes. Were Oxford just another university, the practice might have been permitted to continue, but it is a world-class institution that receives international visitors, many of whom tour the library. “While it may have seemed like a piece of harmless fun,” the librarian warned the student body via e-mail, “we ask you please to stop this kind of behaviour in the library. If the inappropriate behaviour continues, library staff will refer the matter to the Dean.”
How many minutes of actual football action are there in an NFL game? On average, only 11.
Z - PEOPLE
You know where the Zulu live—or do you? Here’s a little information about them and other cultural groups whose names begin with the letter Z.
Zaghawa: A tribe of semi-nomadic farmers living mostly on the border of Chad and Sudan in north-central Africa. Total population: about 170,000
Zambo: The Spanish name for a people of mixed African and native descent in Latin America, primarily in Columbia, Peru, Ecuador, and Venezuela. Total population: about 5.5 million
Zapotec: Descendants of the builders of the 2,500-year-old ruins of Monte Alban in southern Mexico, they are Mexico’s largest indigenous group. Many still speak the ancient Zapotec language. Total population: about 900,000
Zarma: They live primarily as subsistence farmers in villages in Niger, with smaller numbers in neighboring West African countries. Total population: about 3.5 million
Zaza: An ethnic group related to Iranians, living in nearby eastern Turkey (many have migrated to European countries). Their language: Zazaki. Total population: about 1.1 million
Zhuang: China’s largest minority group. (The Han make up China’s majority.) Most Zhuang live in Guangxi Province in south-central China. Total population: about 18 million
Zou: An indigenous group living in the hilly border regions of India and Burma. Their language, like the Burmese language, is related to Tibetan. Total population: about 80,000
Zulu: South Africa’s largest ethnic group. Most Zulu live in KwaZulu-Natal Province on the country’s east coast. Total population: about 11 million
Zuni: A federally recognized Native American tribe. Most live on the Zuni Indian Reservation in western New Mexico. Archeological records show they’ve lived and farmed in the region for 3,000 years. Total population: about 10,000
Loners: More Americans live by themselves than people in any other country.
GROANERS
Because every pun is its own reword.
THE STUDENTS who toured the SevenUp factory should have known there’d be a pop quiz.
EINSTEIN DEVELOPED a theory about space, and it was about time, too.
WOULD YOU like this dead battery? It’s free of charge.
THE SOLDIER who survived attacks of mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I WAS UP all night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me.
I WONDERED why the rock was getting larger. Then it hit me.
I CHANGED the name of my MP3 player to Titanic because it’s always syncing.
DESPITE ALL OUR hard work, we couldn’t get the tent up. Too many missed stakes.
HOW DOES MOSES make his tea? Hebrews it.
KIM SAID she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant, but I’d never met herbivore.
DID YOU HEAR about the indecisive plastic surgeon? He couldn’t pick his own nose.
JON’S ADDICTED to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
HAUNTED FRENCH pancakes give me the crepes.
VELCRO IS such a rip-off!
I USED TO BE a banker, but then I lost interest.
STUDYING FUNGUS is a cultured way to mold young minds.
THE KITCHEN remodelers were very counterproductive.
THE CROSS-EYED teacher got fired because she couldn’t control her pupils.
GERMAN SAUSAGE is the wurst.
DON’T YOU limp in here late with a lame excuse!
“The goodness of the true pun is in the direct ratio of its intolerability.”—Edgar Allan Poe
WHERE DID THE MOON COME FROM?
We know it’s not made of cheese. What else do we know about it?
LUNA 101
What we know for sure about Earth’s only natural satellite is that it’s a 2,159-mile-wide collection of minerals that orbits our planet about a quarter-million miles away. NASA visited the moon six times between 1969 and 1972, and astronauts brought back hundreds of pounds of rocks, from which geologists determined that the moon is about 10 percent iron, 50 percent oxygen isotopes, 20 percent magnesium, 20 percent silicon, and the rest trace elements like calcium, aluminum, and niobium.
But how did it get there? Through history, there have been four predominant theories.
1. COLLISION-CONDENSATION THEORY
Details: The early universe was a gaseous cloud of material, organized by gravity into vast collections of matter from which galaxies were created, as were flat spinning discs that later became solar systems. Almost all (99.9 percent) of the material in one such disc gravitated toward itself and became the Sun. The remaining 0.1 percent stayed in orbit around the Sun and separated into smaller spirals. Eight of the spirals were big enough to become planets (nine, if you count Pluto) and exert their own gravitational pull. Whatever material was still floating around the planets condensed into orbiting clumps of rock. There are 166 of these “clumps” in our solar system—our moon is one of them.
Supporting Evidence: Ev
erything that formed from that first spiral of material is still spinning in the same direction it always has. Looking down from the North Pole, the Earth spins in a counterclockwise direction, and so does almost everything else in the solar system, including planets, moons, comets, and the asteroid belt.
Detracting Evidence: If the moon and Earth condensed from the same cloud at the same time, the moon should have an iron core similar to Earth’s. But Earth is 30 percent iron while the moon is only 10 percent, which suggests that perhaps they did not form at the same time and place.
Jupiter is home to 63 of the 166 moons in our solar system.
2. FISSION THEORY
Details: The moon is made of material that was once part of Earth. The hypothesis is that a young, malleable Earth was spinning so fast that part of it detached and flew off into space, where some of it eventually came together as the moon.
Supporting Evidence: A third of Earth is iron, but most of that is in the core, where heavier elements coalesced inside the young planet. The iron content near the Earth’s surface is closer to what you would find on the moon. Possible site of the detachment: the Pacific Ocean.
Detracting Evidence: While this may sound like a good theory, there isn’t much real evidence to back it up.
3. CAPTURE THEORY
Details: The moon wasn’t made from, near, or with Earth, but was a wayward traveler spinning through space until it happened to get close enough for the planet’s gravitational field to grab it.
Supporting Evidence: Every meteor crater in the solar system is proof that rogue asteroids and planetoids were everywhere in the early solar system. Billions of years of gravitational attraction (that is, meteors smashing into things) has “cleaned up” most of the debris, but the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter remains as a reminder.
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