Dice came up to me, hands as bloody as mine, except the blood on his hands was his own. “Someone has to tell her.” He said the thing I had been dreading since I was finally able to form a coherent thought.
“I’ll do it,” I said, seeing the trepidation in Dice’s eyes.
He didn’t say anything else, just hugged me and then took the bottle from Miles.
I cleaned myself up the best I could, downed a shot of whiskey and hopped on my bike, heading toward my biggest nightmare.
18
Sienna
Dinner was done, and the table was set. Wasn’t hard to do when you were only setting a table for two. After Aubree opened her big fucking mouth at Friday night dinner, Dad was not only speaking to me again, but he was also eating with me again.
He confessed he was living on a diet of fast food, and I needed to get him back to eating healthy. I felt a flutter in my stomach, and I rested my hand on my ever-growing belly.
“Hey, baby,” I said, rubbing a circle on my belly. “I’m looking forward to meeting you, little guy.” I felt a little stupid talking to my stomach. Could the baby even hear me? At least, I was home alone and no one had to know. “It’s our little secret baby boy.”
There was a knock on the front door, and I turned the stove off, removing the pot from the burner. “Who could that be?” I asked my stomach, like it would actually answer me.
I opened the door, and was shocked to see Kade standing there. “What are you doing here?” I asked, wanting to jump into his arms, but knowing Dad could be pulling up at any minute. I might have told Kade I wanted it all with him, but I didn’t want my Dad to find out this way. I wanted to tell him first.
Droplets dripped from his brown hair down his tanned face. “We need to talk.”
“We will. Later. You have to go now. Things are finally going back to normal with my dad, and I’m not going to risk that if he comes home and sees you here. I need to talk to him first before we drop this on him. I need more time before we tell him. Why are you shaking your head?”
“He’s not going to see me.”
“Yes, he will if you don’t leave now.”
“No, Sweetheart. I mean he’s not coming home.”
My eyebrow arched in curiosity. “Why did he get stuck at the clubhouse? The garage?” Kade’s face, usually the lightest spot in a room, went completely dark. “What aren’t you telling me?”
He glanced up, meeting me with those hazel eyes. His hands reached out to mine, and he ran a thumb over my knuckles. The pained expression on his face made my heart race uncontrollably.
“Just tell me.”
“He’s gone.”
I tore my hands away from him. “What the fuck do you mean, he’s gone? Where the hell is he?”
“We were ambushed by Gordita’s army. It was a set up. None of us expected it. We were supposed to be meeting Angelo. I tried to get to him. I tried to save him for you, but he pushed me out of the way. I’m sorry.” Kade’s words cracked, and a tear fell down his cheek.
“No.” The world began to spin. Kade’s words were a mashed up mess in my head. He kept talking, but I didn’t hear anything else. All I heard were the words he wasn’t saying. “He’s d…dead?”
I looked to Kade, hoping and praying he wasn’t about to confirm my biggest fear. That he wasn’t about to tell me the one thing that would bring my world crashing down around me.
He didn’t need words. The pain etched in his eyes, consuming every part of his face said it all. I backed up and Kade nodded.
My legs turned to rubber, everything around me shifted and I collapsed. Kade caught me before I fell to the ground, bringing me against his warm chest and holding me tightly.
“I got you. I’m here,” he said against my hair, but it did nothing to stop the gut wrenching pain from ripping through me. From devouring my heart and turning it to stone. My throat constricted and, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. Every gasp was a desperate attempt to keep breathing.
Kades brushed my hair behind my ear, and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. It was a way to comfort me, but there was nothing he could do to comfort me right now.
He scooped my feet off the ground, and carried me into the house, kicking the door shut behind us. I clung to him, sobbing into his neck, unable to keep the tears at bay, unable to fully comprehend that I would never see my father, the man who loved me above all else, ever again.
Kade sat us on the couch, and I crawled into a ball in his lap. He held me, rocking me back and forth.
He kissed my head again, and started to talk. “I held him in my arms just like I knew he would’ve done for me. Because, despite the shit that’s happened over the past few months, we were brothers. He asked me to take care of you and the baby. I promised him I would. It wasn’t even a question.”
His words sent anger spiraling through me. A raging fire took over my emotions, causing me to see red. “Don’t!” I spat, punching him in the chest before jumping out of his lap and to my feet. “Don’t you dare use my father’s death to benefit your own agenda.”
Kade’s eyebrows knit together. “What are you talking about?” He stood up, reaching his hand out to me, but I stepped back. I refused to fall for his bullshit, and that stupid wounded look in his eyes.
“It all worked out for you,” I said, staring at him with my chin tilted up. “You don’t have to wait now. Did you shoot him yourself?” I asked, and poked him in the chest, forcing him back. “Did you?” Each poke was harder than the last until he was stumbling back under my pressure.
He grabbed my wrists and I fought him, flailing my arms and trying to break free. Wanting to hit him, needing to take my anger out on something, anything.
“Are you out of your goddamned mind?” he growled, and I managed to break free. He might be a thousand times stronger than me, but rage was on my side.
“Did you?!” I smacked his chest, beating and pounding him, fighting every one of his attempts to stop me. “Did you?!” I screamed again as the emotion flooded me, making it almost impossible to see through the tears.
“It’s going to be okay,” Kade kept saying over and over. But, how could it be okay? I already lost a parent. Dad was all I had left. We were each other’s rock, each other’s constant in a world that continuously shifted and changed on us. I could always count on him. And, now, he’d never be at the kitchen table again. He’d never walk through the front door and tell me about his day over a beer. I’d never feel the roughness of his beard against my cheek when he kissed me hello and goodbye. There would be no more hellos and no more goodbyes. My best friend was gone.
We needed more time. I had to make up for the past few months. Fix the damage I caused. Go back to being the daughter that made him proud. I needed to make him one more breakfast, and tell him how much I loved him. I needed to give him a hug and hold him a little tighter and a little longer so I could remember exactly how he smelled. Remember exactly how warm he always was, and how a hug from him was like nothing else because he was my Daddy. Nobody would ever be able to take his place.
A new hole pierced my heart right next to the other permanent hole that would never heal.
The fight in me died, and each new slap and punch was a pathetic tap against Kade’s hard chest until I couldn’t hold myself up anymore.
“He died being disappointed in me,” I said through my tears, and collapsed against Kade, needing him more than I ever had.
Kade caught me just as I knew he would. Just as he always would. He shushed me against my ear, raked his fingers through my hair, comforting me in a way that only he could. “Your father would never be disappointed in you. He was upset for a little while and rightfully so. But he loved you more than anything. You were the greatest thing of his life. He died, and his last words were to make sure you were protected.” Kade pulled back, and took my face in his hands, running a comforting caress against my cheek with his thumb. “He loved you, S, and he loved our so
n. I showed him the sonogram.”
“You did?” Tears spilled down my cheeks and onto my stomach.
“The last thing your father saw was our son.”
The thought brought on a new onslaught of tears. Kade brought my head back to his chest and held me for a long time. Eventually, the tears stopped falling and I looked at him.
“Do you need anything?” he asked. “I’ll get you whatever you want.”
“Don’t leave me,” I said, the words falling out on their own, but realizing how much I actually meant them.
Kade lifted my chin with his finger and kissed my forehead. “How many times do I have to tell you, sweetheart? I’m not going anywhere.” I closed my eyes, letting his words wash over me. He rested his hand on my stomach, and warmth spread through my entire body. “I think you should rest.”
He took my hand, and led me back to the couch. He sat down, and held his arms out to me. I went right to him and curled into his side. I was done crying for right now. I needed answers.
“You said one of Gordita’s men did it?”
He nodded.
My sadness turned to pure unadulterated hatred. “She needs to die for this.”
“We’ll talk about that another time.” Kade’s finger dragged up and down my arm. “Trust in the club. We’ll take care of it.”
I knew they would, but this war was now personal, and I wouldn’t rest until that bitch was dead.
19
Kade
Nick’s wake was held on a Wednesday, and he was buried on a Thursday. It hadn’t stopped raining since. Sienna went through the motions, making the arrangements, and being even stronger than I ever could have imagined. She barely cried at the wake, and I only saw her shed a few tears at the cemetery.
Every time I tried to talk to her, or comfort her, she pushed me away. She was keeping me at a distance, and I could sense a deep anger brewing beneath the surface. I didn’t scare easily, but she was scaring the fuck out of me.
Dice was staying at her house for a few days, and knowing he was there with her gave me a little piece of mind.
I parked my bike outside the clubhouse and lit a cigarette as I made my way to Cash and Dice. They nodded at me as I approached. “How’s she doing?” I asked Dice.
“She says she’s fine, but she’s full of shit. She’s barely sleeping, barely eating, and I keep finding her zoning out completely to the point she doesn’t even hear me when I’m talking.”
“That’s not good. Maybe I should see if I could get a doctor to make a house call.” Definitely not the pervy doctor, but someone to make sure Sienna and the baby were okay. Maybe he could give her something to knock her out for a while. “Do we even know who her doctor is? She’s never let me go with her to an appointment,” I admitted, and hated myself for not fighting with her more to be a part of those things. If I did, I might have been able to help her now.
Dice shook his head. “Not a fucking clue.”
Cash blew out a stream of smoke. “Maybe Aubree will know. I’ll ask her. She was going to stop by the house a little later to check on her. I’ll tell her to see what she can do. She can be pretty persuasive when she wants to be.”
“Yeah, no shit,” Dice said and we laughed. It was the first time any of us laughed in days. Too bad, it didn’t feel good.
“Let’s get started,” Phil said, poking his head out of the clubhouse door. He looked like he had aged ten years in the past few days. Black bags circled his eyes, and his usually fair skin looked almost grey.
Phil and Nick were the last founding members, and now Phil was the only one left. It had to be hitting him the hardest… or maybe not.
Being in this world, you were accustomed to loss. It was a part of who we were, but I wondered if you ever became numb to losing someone you loved. Did it hurt a little less each time? Or did it hurt more because it opened old wounds?
I knew I’d been thinking a lot more about the day Cash’s dad died. He was also like a father to me, letting me crash at his house in high school to escape my horrible mother. Introducing me to the club and a life I was capable of leading.
I dropped my cigarette and ground it out with my boot. Walking into church, I always felt like I was walking into my home, but, right now, the only thing I felt was empty. My home was compromised. Gordita’s army and Montamos tainted the one place I always felt at peace.
It was eerily quiet as I made my way to my seat around the big table. Phil shut the door, and sat in his seat. All eyes were on the empty chair at the head of the table.
A deafening silence plagued the room. Cash rested his bent elbows on the table and his head on his fist. Dice kept averting his eyes from the empty spot, like he couldn’t stand to look at it, but after a moment they went right back. It was like his own form of torture. Braxton’s head dropped down, and he stared at the top of the table, while Hudson and Miles continued to stare at the blank space.
Phil let out a deep sigh, clearly trying to find words to get this session going, but, every time his lips parted, he couldn’t seem to get the words out.
“They need to die.” Beasts voice was always void of emotion, but this was deadly and unhinged.
Phil held his hand up and, this time, when his lips parted he finally spoke. “They will pay for this. I think we all agree, whatever it takes, we’ll take care of.”
We all nodded. It didn’t even need to be discussed. Those fucks would pay for what they did.
“I want to know why the fuck Angelo set us up,” Dice said.
Beast cracked his neck, and then his knuckles one by one. “He has a death wish.”
“It’s hard to jump into business after what we’ve all been through.” Phil pressed his fingers into the thick bridge of his nose. “But we have a lot that needs to be taken care of, and we need to do it wisely. We can’t let our emotions get in the way because it will weaken us. First off, we need someone.” He paused staring at the blank seat beside him. “We need someone to take over the presidency.”
“You’re the VP, so it makes sense,” I said.
“There’s a reason I’m the VP. I’ve always been the side guy, helping with the decisions, being the voice of reason, but never the leader. I like my position, and I’d like to stay on as the VP. I think our new president needs to be someone from the new generation. Someone who’s going to be around for a long time, and continue the club on the right path. Continue the work that Nick started.”
“I vote Cash,” Phil said, and Cash’s head spun to him in complete shock.
Looking around this room, Cash was the best man for the job. He was fucking loyal as shit; he was focused, determined, had his shit together and I would always stand with him. “Cash has my vote.”
“Mine too,” Dice said.
One by one everyone added his approval. Nobody else stepped up to vote someone else or themselves into the mix.
“Why me?” Cash said.
I looked to Phil, knowing he’d be able to put it into words better than anyone of us ever could.
“Your father was one of my best friends. A founding member of this club and a damn good guy. I’ve watched you grow up and, every day, I see more and more of him in you. You’re a natural born leader. You know how to keep everyone in check, and you also know when enough is enough. You never go too far.”
“Except that one time,” Miles laughed, and we all knew he was referring to the time Cash nearly got himself killed in a battle between Montamos. Walking into a firestorm of bullets, and creating his own firestorm, knocking men off one by one after Aubree chose her father over him.
“Chicks can have that effect on you,” Dice said. “I think we all have been there, and can look past that one.”
Cash scratched at his head, wearing an amused smirk. “My old lady’s not going anywhere, so that won’t happen again. She has the ring to prove it.”
“Before you agree, Cash.” Phil rested his hands on the table. “This isn’t going to be the club Nick left behind. We’re a
bout to go into war with not just Gordita’s gang, but with Montamos, too. This nice peaceful period we’ve had is about to disappear. Blood will be shed, and there’s no guarantee that we all will all make it out alive. It’s a lot of responsibility to take on, but with that said, I think you’re the best guy for the job. So, what do you say?”
We all turned our attention to Cash, waiting to see if he would take the reins and lead us. He ran a hand through his hair. “Aubree is going to fucking kill me. She’s on complete edge right now, but, other than her, I’ve never been so sure about something in my life. I accept.”
Cheers erupted around the room, and I patted Cash on the back. It was a light in the darkness that had consumed our lives the past few days. It felt good, knowing that we were reorganizing, and getting ready to take that bitch and her merry men out.
“I only have one request,” Cash said. The room quieted, and he pointed to the empty chair at the head of the table. “I’ll never be able to fill Nick’s shoes, and I don’t want to. So, that seat stays empty. I’ll sit at the other head.”
Phil’s lips tugged at the corner and he nodded. “I’m okay with that.” Phil picked up the gavel, and handed it to Cash.
Cash took it, smiling down at the wood object, before hitting the table and ending our first meeting without Nick and our first meeting with our newly appointed president.
“Let’s drink!” Miles pointed toward the door then draped his arm over Dice’s shoulder, steering him out to the bar.
I stepped outside to smoke a cigarette, and take a minute to let all the changes set in. I took a drag then checked my phone to see if Sienna called or texted. I had no new notifications from her, which made the knot in my stomach whenever I thought about her grow.
She was fucking hurting, and rightfully so, but I had no goddamned idea how to help her. It made me feel weak and impotent; two things that I was far from being.
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