“Something happened when I crossed over. Four to five months ago. Roughly same time as you did. I was changed,” Tyler slowly replied. “My body structure was modified to accept and use the magical energy of this world. A one-time thing, I was told. Then a primordial creature of destruction emerged from me when I was unconscious in a battle up north fighting Ymir’s minions. It went back to its bottle later but not without destroying Ymir’s army. I was told by a deity that there was a high possibility that if left uncontrolled, the entity, as they described it, would have grown strong enough to wipe out the continent. I guess that’s the only thing preventing them from grabbing and using me. Or worse, experimenting on me. That probably is also one reason why you don’t see a rush to grab visitors to use as powerful magic-users. But I have to confess I still have no mastery of whatever abilities I have. Hell, sometimes I forget what I can do.”
“Fuck me dead! That’s a doozy!” exclaimed Liam in a low voice. Then he intently looked at Tyler. “You’re not giving me a furphy, are you, mate?”
“What’s a furphy?” asked Tyler.
Liam didn’t answer immediately. After a few seconds, he turned his gaze back to the landscape.
“It means a lie, mate. Got a fancy thingo here that detects it. Thingo means a whatchamacallit. An artifact, I believe would be the right proper term. Sorry about that again, can’t really get the Aussie out of my speech. You’re right though with those assumptions. I wouldn’t put it past the pantheons to do horrible things to those who came from Earth if they think they could get away with it. Most of them exist just for power. More and more power. But if there are two things they fear, it’s the unknown and the uncontrolled. You’re both. I guess they’ll try to be on your good side or test you out to see your limits. Seduce you. That last part I think is the dangerous one. I blame the internet. Just don’t let on that you really haven’t mastered the magic. To a great extent, they’re like mortals. They base their decisions on their impressions,” said Liam.
“I even had an Inkan death god after me and an undead Aztecah witch. Now one of their war gods wants my head,” added Tyler.
“Perils of the trade, Tyler. You’re probably the first visitor with the ability to use magic. There will be more of these fuckwits going agro on you. But give them on a job on the nuts. That’ll teach them. But I sure hate to be you right now.”
“Sentiment appreciated, Liam,” laughed Tyler. “I guess I have to do what we do back on Earth. Slug it out a day at a time.”
“Ah, she’ll be apples, Tyler. Aussie expression. Everything will be okay. But your suggestion is good. No sense getting their holy arses in a twist over nothing. Or even something. I’ll get the army to clear the way and watch our flanks. There are worse things in this land than those bunyips we cut to pieces. But I do have to admit that it feels good when a plan goes well,” said Liam.
“I was impressed, Liam. That I have to admit. Saw what was happening. Reminded me of the Battle of Cannae. Though it was unfortunate you lacked enough infantry to close the circle,” commented Tyler.
“You do know your history,” chuckled Liam. “All those strategy games. Quite useful in this world. I did lack enough infantry. That bunyip army was big. But then, I remembered the advice about letting your enemy think he has a way out of a desperate situation. Then they’ll bolt like rats when the situation starts to turn against them. Faster resolution of the fighting and a quicker rout of the enemy.”
Tyler laughed. “I was a gamer but a casual player. Unlike you.”
“True. But I really would like to go home. I had enough of this world. The bloodshed, the freaking holy sharts, the bizarre beasties, sights like this,” said Liam as he swept his hand across the landscape. “Had a gutful of this shit. Give it a little more time and I’ll chock a wobbly every hour. I meant I’ve had enough of this world and I’ll probably overreact to everything in the future. Stress, mate. It gnaws at you.”
“Tell me about it,” replied Tyler.
Chapter Notes:
Strewth – Australian slang for “holy shit!” or something similar.
Mad as a cut snake – Australian slang for being furious.
Shart – Australian slang for a fart followed by something extra.
Go troppo – Australian slang for “go crazy.”
Hang on a tick – Australian slang for “wait for a moment/minute.”
I’m snowed under – Australian slang for “I have a lot to do or I have a lot on my hands.”
Fair suck of the sav – Australian slang expressing disbelief.
A few kangaroos loose in your top paddock – Australian expression meaning “crazy.”
Double envelopment – A military maneuver or tactic, also referred to as a pincer movement. The flanks of the attacking force, usually heavily reinforced, try to encircle the enemy in a U-shaped arc. The Battle of Cannae was the most famous use of the tactic. Hannibal, with a force believed to number only 50,000, was able to utterly destroy a Roman army of roughly 86,000 men while suffering only an estimated 5,000 casualties.
Fair dinkum – Australian expression emphasizing that something is true.
Fuck me dead – An Australian expression of surprise.
Doozy – Australian slang for an exceptional event.
Furphy – Australian slang for a lie.
Job on the nuts – Australian slang meaning “hit somebody on the balls.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Dead Land
The journey to where the Followers of Zin were suspected of having their main temple was an uneventful trek for Tyler’s party. A welcome relief for Tyler and his companions. Not that there weren’t obstacles along the way. But that’s what the army was for. During the two-day trip, where the mage had the luxury of being in a covered wagon after he confessed to Liam his inability to ride a horse, to the laughter of the man and Tyler’s embarrassment, a few problems reared their ugly heads. But those were concerns easily solved by iron, steel, magic, and a liberal application of flaming projectiles. The companions were given armored mounts though Kobu opted to handle the wagon. From time to time, Tyler would find one of them taking a nap in the conveyance, the horse tied to the back of the carriage.
A large pack of giant dinosaur-like creatures which could spit acid was the only real threat the host faced though ballistae throwing missiles in the shape of ax-head blades tore chunks off the monsters even before they got into arrow range. The army didn’t bother examining the carcasses. Liam told the mage the creatures were a familiar sight to the scouts of the host. The beasts sometimes band together and try for the men behind the defenses of the fortress. “Unbelievably brainless” was Liam’s description. But the acid was a doozy according to the man.
The army lost three men to freakish-looking burrowing worms in the afternoon of the first day of the trek, but spells and spears easily dispatched the purplish giant monsters. Tyler inspected one and saw it was eyeless. Instead, it had a mass of tendrils around its mouth which was more teeth than flesh – rows of small serrated fangs which extended far back in its throat greeted the mage’s eyes. The body exuded a slimy substance which enabled the monster to move swiftly underground. Groups of small flying creatures which looked like large mutated baby rats with bat-like wings tried their luck at the armored buffet but instead were cut to pieces by the rapid-fire crossbows. Some were caught and incinerated by devices which threw nets into the air and then burned into ash whatever they captured.
The monstrous nature of the beasts was an eye-opener for Tyler. It was a sobering realization for the mage when he took in the fact that they were just on the fringes of the Void Lands. He knew that the deeper one gets into the region, more malignant and virulent life-forms would be encountered. Some would be twisted travesties of life, others born from the confusing mix of energies from multiple dimensions, while many would be creatures which managed to cross over from their planes of existence or otherwise intentionally brought over by their otherworldly handlers.
A macabre but effective strategy, thought the mage. I was puzzled at first why the soldiers didn’t bury or burn the dead man-snakes. Now I know why. They left behind an “eat-all-you-can” smorgasbord for the land’s denizens. A grisly diversion.
Their wounded soldiers and dead had been sent back to the fortress under heavy guard. Liam told him they lost only a few, around eighty men and suffered around two hundred wounded. On enemy casualties, the war leader told Tyler he really had no idea. Liam had learned not to count the dead of the enemy anymore. What mattered was they won and the casualties they suffered.
“So, what do they call you here?” asked Tyler on the evening of the first day when Liam dropped by.
“A lot of names, mate. Anu which means ‘heavenly one,’ ’Revered of the Gods,’ and other such religious crap. Lately, it’s been Warmaster,” said the Aussie.
“Warmaster?”
“Yep. I think it has something to do with the changes I had introduced. Strategy, weapons, and all the delightful devices which enable men to kill each other or bunyips faster and in vast numbers. But no science, that guy Enki was very clear about that.”
“Well, I was lucky I only got the High Mage title. I did see the phalanx-legion combination as well as the heavy cavalry,” mentioned the mage.
“Well, I also introduced a small officer’s school for the new tactics based in the fortress. More like a workshop thing. But the major internal innovation was training, I think. Borrowed the Spartan idea of small units being together in all matters of army life. Built morale like you wouldn’t believe. Instilled more discipline in the new training programs. Watched more than a few American war movies to get the idea of the sergeant-major and his quirks. Enjoyed the role for a while too, until I realized the bastards were enjoying the harsher discipline. Probably made them feel like an important part of a bigger organism, not as mere foot soldiers. But I’ve got no complaints about that. The entire army now works like a well-oiled machine, as you Yanks say. Toyed for a while with calling myself the ‘Royal Sergeant-Major,’ but finally decided against it. Too many titles already.”
“The Monarchy is perennially on a war-footing?” he asked Liam.
“Apparently. Their society revolves around the threat of the Void Lands. Religion, social conventions, and norms, beliefs, everything. Each able-bodied citizen, male or female, is expected to render service for two years in the front lines. That makes it a total of around three years if you count training and other miscellaneous duties. They’re not considered ready for life as an adult if they don’t render such service. Can’t marry, enter into contracts, and all such shit. And no medical exemption, mate, unless legs and arms are cut off. Their mage-priests would be on any medical reason in a hurry. Best medical service you’ll ever see. The front lines would be the Barren Lands and the Void Lands. The Monarchy did engage the Zhong Empire for a while. An off-and-on thing, though for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why. But get this. Trade goes on even when they’re at war. And both kingdoms are on the borders of the Void Lands. The Zhong actually has a border facing the Death Lands. Stupid.”
“Ah, the Byzantine realm of politics,” said Tyler in a sardonic tone. “And the deep, insightful minds of rulers. Far it be for lesser mortals to try to comprehend such brilliance.”
Liam chortled. “Yep. The fucking sharts.”
“The Monarchy is made up of Sumerians and Akkadians?” asked the mage.
“Not really. It’s more of a melting pot of groups and tribes, though those two make up most of the population. First in line, I suppose. Conquests, assimilation of friendly tribes, and so on. If I were a tribe near this buggered piece of real estate, I’d assimilate too in a hurry. People just refer to themselves as ‘of the Monarchy.’ Rare to hear Sumerian, Akkadian, Chaldean, or other such names anymore. Quite a lot of tribes and peoples too. A Girnita, or one of my subordinates, once gave me a list. A very long list. Opened it, pretended to read it to be polite, and put it away. Useless information.”
“With such a melding, I would have expected their style of warfare to be more dynamic. I mean, before you came along,” said the mage.
“Unfortunately, though the society is relatively egalitarian for a monarchy, an empire really – the realm is huge – it still has that quaint human trait we call racism. The ruling class is either Sumerian or Akkadian in bloodline,” Liam explained in a sarcastic tone. “I don’t see a different color other than red when men bleed or die.”
“I seem to remember Sumerian warriors preferring chariots. I didn’t see any,” said Tyler. “They’re gone?”
“Nope. They’re still around. I left them back at the fortress. Told them they’re the final reserve for the fortress. Nitwits. They won’t do well in unfamiliar terrain. And pound-for-pound, I’ll take the armored cavalry anytime. I would convert them all to heavy cavalry if given a chance, but they always use that fuckwit word on me whenever I suggest it,” answered Liam.
“What word?”
“Tradition. Bollocks!”
By the early morning of the third day, the expedition had reached the bottom of a row of hills. Beyond its strangely broken peaks would be the source of the energy emanation detected by both Asem and the mage. Surprisingly, Tyndur didn’t volunteer any information on whether he felt anything.
The power they now felt was not as strong as before but it was steady. Like a persistent hum against the background. The past two nights were also quiet. The sound of explosions had stopped and the night sky was clear of the hurricane of colors. But the broad clearing they now found themselves was filled with rocky debris of all shapes and sizes. Habrok examined one and declared it was a recent development. The jagged edges of the boulder were still sharp and had not been eroded by the elements. Other massive stones were cleanly sliced off. For Tyler, only one thing could result in such devastation of the surrounding terrain – a magical battle powerful enough to tear off pieces from the surrounding hills. From where they were, the mage couldn’t see the telltale colorations such a conflict would leave on the ground. But Tyler didn’t doubt he’ll see such clues once they go up the high hills.
For his part, Liam looked after the disposition of his army. With aides by his side, he made sure they could defend the bivouac the best they could. Boulders were dragged into blocking positions and shallow trenches dug into the dark ground. Nearby promontories were hastily fortified to accommodate archers and ballistae. Quarters for the men were erected near their blocking positions and wagons of stores were placed in the center of the entire formation, with large stones enclosing them. Mages were busy setting up warning wards to the approaches.
As Tyler looked on, he saw defensive preparations were going to take the rest of the day. But he had H scout the lower part of the hills and found a potable source of water. The chaotic nature of the land precluded using Habrok’s ranger skills in finding the precious liquid. In contrast, H could use sensors to check beyond the few inches the man was capable of assessing. It was but a trickle, but it enabled the quartermasters to start refilling water casks.
By mid-day, Tyler called for a meeting of his party in the large tent provided for them. It was segregated from the rest of the army’s preparations though positioned near the commander’s quarters. A large curtain was in the middle of the tent, separating the men’s quarters from those of Asem and Astrid. As the companions filed in, they all took their seats on the ground in a circle.
“We’re all here and I give thanks for that,” began Tyler. His avoidance of mentioning any deity didn’t raise any eyebrows. “There were times when I thought we all would be paying the ultimate price for this quest or lose one or more of our own. That is a
price I am not prepared to pay. But we’ll be moving to the location tomorrow and I want us to be prepared.”
He looked around and saw relaxed faces. Two days of rest and food made a huge difference.
“How about your energy levels?” he asked the group.
“Barely half,” answered Tyndur with some disgust. “This land plays havoc with our magical energies.”
“Same here,” answered Astrid.
Kobu and Asem had higher reserves, around three-quarters, to Tyler’s surprise. Better absorption abilities or higher skill levels? he wondered.
Habrok didn’t comment. His skill was with his bow and longsword, and he was immensely deadlier now with both compared to the time Tyler first encountered him.
“We’re not doing too bad,” said Tyler. He was a little above his halfway level but compared to the companions, his reserves were immeasurably deeper. “But these Followers are powerful enemies. Habrok can attest to that. Be prepared for abilities you have not encountered before. I don’t know what their defenses would be, but our purpose now is to scout the site first and gauge if we could take it. A retreat is an option. Warlord Liam will be coming with us. I guess by now you know he’s also a visitor like me. But his skill is in the waging of war in the grand manner. He knows weapons and strategy a lot better than I do.”
“Ah, Kemet needs such a war leader. A Warmaster,” voiced Asem.
Tyler smiled. “I believe that’s one of his titles here. Every realm with a conflict or faced with war needs somebody like him. Though I doubt if the Monarchy would give him up. In a few short months, he had changed the face of warfare in this part of Adar. And he has done well so far in keeping the Pass of Lost Souls closed to those from the Void Lands.”
The Accidental Archmage Page 34