by Kim Cayer
Parked in the same place as the previous night, I was again woken up the same two gents in the salt (?) truck. They were as quiet as before but I still kept half-awake when I slept. By accident, when the driver jumped back into the truck, he hit the horn. A short beep emitted but his fellow worker came up to him and quietly gave him a whack in the head. The driver seemed to accept it as he started up the vehicle. Without a word, they drove off.
The elation of my washroom find had worn off. I must have had a bad sleep as all my bones ached. I reached for a bottle of water and noticed I had trouble swallowing, my throat was so sore. Oh no! Don’t tell me I was getting sick! I finally had a social event to attend, one where I wasn’t being paid, and there was no describing how much I wanted to go.
I blamed it on Walmart’s frozen-food section. Perhaps I did stay too long in the store; my teeth had been chattering and I had to cover my breasts so my rock-hard erect nipples wouldn’t embarrass me. And then to walk out of Walmart into 90-degree heat….
Today I had a big ME day planned and I had to get on with it. After using the storage facility’s washroom, as well as half a roll of their toilet paper to blow my nose, I drove over to the Esso gas station. Fuelling up on gas and coffee, I spied the vacuums in the corner of the lot. That would be the final touch on beautifying Suzi.
Vacuuming took up all my energy. Even finding $1.33 in loose change did nothing to excite me. And as soon as I got the car started, the ‘Check Engine’ light came on. How was that for gratitude? I knew it had to be the oil; I kept saying I’d get it done. What was the use of cleaning Suzi if she couldn’t run? So I went to one of those quick-lube places and got an oil change. That took care of the Check Engine light.
I got to sit in the waiting room of the lube place, but all I did was fill it up with germs as I coughed and sneezed. My 30-minute oil change took 20 as they hustled me out of there. All I wanted to do was sleep, as I felt a headache coming on. I made a pit-stop at Rabba Foods, bought some oranges and dragged my ass back to the storage facility.
My cellphone rang and I swam through layers of sleep to answer it. Too late, missed call. Actually there were a couple missed calls from Shannon, as well as a couple from the dealership where we bought her new car. I looked at my watch and then tapped it. Surely I’d broken it because there was no way I’d slept all day in this sweatbox.
I resorted to my cellphone and saw my watch was accurate. I called Shannon back. “Hey, sorry, I missed your calls,” I immediately said. “I’m not feeling great today…I just woke up from a huge nap.”
“Oh, no! Can I bring you something?” she asked.
I thought of my medicine cabinet chock-a-block full of aspirin and cold and flu remedies. Back then I’d spend $20 on cough syrup; now I was relying on $2 worth of oranges to do the trick. “It’s okay, I’m managing,” I lied. “And I’ll be at your grad tomorrow.” I prayed. “So why’d you call?”
“The car place phoned me!” she said excitedly. “My car is ready!”
“Y…yay,” I tried to sound gleeful but my throat croaked.
“I can pick it up tomorrow as long as you sign some kind of release form,” she explained. “I so so SO wanted to drive it to grad!” There went my plans of transporting her, but I didn’t really mind. I had been somewhat worried that I’d have to go to my old house to get her. Part of me knew that Ben would probably drive her anyways; now he wouldn’t get to have the honour either. I’d just have to worry about seeing him at the graduation ceremony.
“OK, I guess I can do that,” I said. “Oh…but I have two shows tomorrow! Can I do it tonight?”
“As long as you get there before they close,” she warned. “Jody is going to drive me over first thing in the morning and then I have to get ready for grad. Big day for me!”
I couldn’t spoil this. Heaven knows, lately I wasn’t doing much for my kid. This was important for her and I had to make every effort to make it happen. First I had to look presentable, which meant digging into the storage closet for respectable clothes.
Opening the door was difficult and the plastic thing sticking out turned out to be the tip of the Grim Reaper scythe. Now the end bent at an awkward angle, resembling some kind of giant dental pick. Getting to the suitcase with my regular clothing made me work up a hell of a sweat, as well as a voracious thirst.
Back at my car, I devoured two oranges and squeezed every ounce of liquid from two bottles of water. I went back into the storage warehouse and into the washroom with my bag of toiletries and my wrinkled summer dress. Looking in the mirror, I saw a lank mess of blonde hair. Even the pinned-back, tight-bun look couldn’t hide the fact that it shone like frying oil.
My toiletries bag held hotel-sized bottles of shampoo and conditioner. I looked at the tiny sink, barely big enough to fit two hands. Glancing into the garbage can, I saw, amongst other debris, a large-sized Tim Horton’s cup. I laughed, then had a coughing fit, as I thought how often Tim Horton’s figured into my life.
Rinsing the cup out, I put one of the recycling rules into effect by re-using it. I thoroughly wet my hair, stood there sudsing it and then, holding my head above the sink, I rinsed it as thoroughly as I could. I used the same cup to try to take somewhat of a shower. I was making a terrible mess all over the floor and hoped nobody would be needing the washroom soon.
Feeling somewhat more refreshed, I went back to my car. There was a breeze passing between the windows that felt so soothing, I decided to just sit there a bit with my eyes closed. A brief respite from the non-stop heat.
My stomach grumbled and I thought, How can that be? I just ate two oranges! I opened my eyes and the first thing I noticed was that the sun was setting. I almost hit myself in the face as I brought my watch up. Oh God, oh Jesus, what’s wrong with me??? I mean, yeah, I know I’m getting sick but do I have to keep falling asleep?
I was still in my dress, more wrinkly than before, and dispensed with make-up as I slammed the car into drive and sped out of my parking place. The gate to the exit had barely cleared Suzi’s roof as I shot out of Mini-Storage. My foggy brain tried to remember the best route to get to the Mazda dealership as I popped a breath mint. There, now I’m presentable.
Mazda closed at 9 p.m. and I probably had six minutes to spare as I parked right in front of the doors, on the diagonal lines. I ran in, already grateful to find the front doors still unlocked. “Hi! I’m sorry I’m late! I have to sign some paper?” I yelled out to the general showroom, to nobody in particular.
Our salesman from Monday came out of his office. “Oh, hi!” he said. “I’ve been trying to call you.”
“Yeah, sorry, but Shannon called me,” I replied. “Her car is ready? I just have to sign some paper?”
“Come on in,” he said. “It’ll only take a minute.”
He had the forms waiting on his desk. “I’m glad you made it,” he smiled. “Shannon said she’s coming in first thing tomorrow morning to pick it up.”
I smiled back. “She wants to show it off, I guess. She says she wants to drive it to grad…” My face contorted. “GRAD! Oh no! No, no, no….” Because the salesman looked confused by my sudden emotional change, I felt I had to explain. “I was supposed to get her a present today! I have no time tomorrow…”
The sales guy looked around his office. “I wish I could help…I mean, we have Mazda baseball caps and t-shirts…”
“OK, here’s what I’m going to do,” I looked the salesman in the eye. “I want to give you a cheque that covers the first month of her payments. Is that okay?” Shannon would never accept money from me; in this manner, it was already a done deal.
“Perfectly fine,” the salesman nodded his head. “Or you can pay it with a credit card. It’s faster that way.”
I hesitated. Using credit cards had become a thing of the past but I just wanted this one thing to go right. “Let’s do that,” I said, fishing it out of my wallet. Then I realized I should actually have something tangible to give Shannon. “You sell Mazda k
ey chains?”
Graduation day! You’d think I was the one graduating. I wish I could say I was elated because I was proud of my daughter but the truth was – I was going out socially! Chances were high I’d run into acquaintances – parents of Shannon’s fellow students, the ladies I’d walked with, teachers. I longed for the Maddy Magee of old, who could hold a conversation, be witty and charming. Now I just felt like the dumpy troll who lived under a bridge.
On a more positive note, I was feeling better! My nose was still running and I was not quite in form vocally but this singing-telegram performer was ready to go to work. First up was a nurse and as I got ready in the parking lot at Yorkdale Mall, I wrote the song for the manager of Black’s Cameras.
The show went pretty good. I had to stop a couple times, have a couple good coughs, ensuring I left as many germs as you could find at a real hospital. The next show was for a retiring elementary-school principal and I was a clown for that. I thoroughly approved of their choice.
In the parking lot of the school, after all my make-up was on, I knew I’d better blow my nose. That mussed up my look a bit, but I had to rush in. I felt that gig went amazing; teachers laughing and following me as I led the way to the gymnasium where they were holding a fake assembly. It was actually a party and I was glad I was on time. I saw the principal looking at a speaker, who appeared to be talking jabberwocky nonsense when I made my appearance. With apparent relief, the speaker dramatically yelled “Surprise!” into the microphone.
Yup, felt pretty good about that show…until I got back into my car and looked at my face. As mentioned, the red nose had been smeared when I blew my nose, but what sickened me was that I should have checked the interior of my snout before I left my car. Or not have blown my nose at all. I could only hope they found the clown’s boogers funny.
I raced back into town, back to my storage ‘residence’. Time to get ready! I knew exactly what I would wear – that dress I’d packed away long ago, with the jewellery and the pumps. They hadn’t even been taken out of the bag since I’d left. I pulled it out of the storage locker and headed over to my private washroom to try it on.
FUCK ME. The dress didn’t fit! I knew it! I had been gaining weight! Where the zipper would glide up easily before, now I tugged and pulled to get it up. Having finally zipped it shut, I could barely breathe. Plus I had more impressive back cleavage that I had in the front.
I pulled the zipper down halfway. Oxygen returned to my lungs and the dress felt much better. I remembered the shawl and found a way to drape it, hiding the fact that my zipper was glaringly open and my bra was showing. Shades of tacky bride flitted through my head and I shook off the feeling that I was turning into my characters for real.
Hair and make-up were carefully dealt with. I didn’t pack my curling iron or hair dryer, but I fluffed, back-combed, sprayed and pinned my rat’s nest into a rather fetching version of bed-hair. I exited the storage facility, half expecting my parents to show up with their camera. Again I had to remind myself it wasn’t my party, but who cared? Maddy Magee was going out on the town! Well, as far as my kid’s high-school gymnasium, but check out the hot mama!
I drove to the school early, wanting a chance to speak to my daughter before the ceremonies began. By habit, I drove to the far corner of the parking lot. Once there, I remembered I should no longer feel ashamed of my ride; Suzi sparkled like a gem! I drove back to park closer to the school’s entrance and had turned off my car when a couple teens walked by. One male pointed out the passenger side of my car and they both sniggered. It took me a second but I remembered I had been vandalized by that graffiti ‘artist’ and had yet to remove the word SEEK from my car. I returned to my original parking space. A monstrous weeping willow hid the offensive side of my car from onlookers.
I decided to join the burgeoning crowd as it was becoming impossible to spot Shannon. I did notice Jody drive in with both his parents sitting in the back and his younger brother in the front seat. My stomach churned at the thought I’d be seeing Shannon’s other parent soon.
Jody parked their car and his family went inside. I saw Jody wave to a blonde beauty and then scurry over. I squinted my eyes as I watched him give her an overly friendly hug. Who was he being so touchy-feely with? Then my eyes popped when I saw it was my daughter.
I also ran over to her. “Shannon!” I yelled out, as she began to enter the building with her boyfriend. “Shannon, wait! It’s me, your mother!”
Shannon turned and then squealed with the sound of pure joy. Did she actually think I would miss her graduation? She ran over to me and we hugged and danced around as if we hadn’t seen each other three days earlier.
I held her at arms’ length. “Oh my God, I love your dress!” It was of sky-blue colour, with a rhinestone encrusted, form-fitting bodice and a skirt made of iridescent tassels. “I think I’ve seen it before, like maybe in a magazine or something.”
“Maybe you saw it in a trunk in our garage?” she asked. “That’s where I found it.”
“You mean that’s mine?” I asked. She nodded. “I was never that small,” I declared.
“Yes, you were. It’s the first costume I ever remember you wearing,” she reminisced. “Your Baby Spice character?”
Baby Spice, a member of the Spice Girls, had been an integral part of my income when Shannon was just a toddler. I did telegrams for six-year-old girls, I did a sexier version of her for the 60-year-old men. For two years, she was a hot ticket. Then the girl band broke up and the work stopped soon after.
“I barely remember it,” I said, admiring the bejewelled shoulder straps. “Did you get it altered? It fits you like a glove!”
“Nope,” she shrugged. “Just pulled it out of the trunk and gave it a delicate wash in the machine.”
“Oh, here, before I forget!” I said, passing her a small gift box. Inside was the Mazda keychain, along with the ‘Paid in Full’ statement for her first month’s car payment. I looked around and then spoke in a ladylike voice. “I imagine your father is already inside?”
With a look of regret, she said, “No, he’s not coming. But you’re sitting with Jody’s folks. You’ll have company.”
“Shannon, I can’t understand Jody’s parents. I’ve known them how many years? It’s agony trying to talk to them.” Then I got to the point. “And you’re telling me your father is not coming to your graduation?”
“He figures you two will start up a fight,” she acknowledged. I snorted in disbelief. “But he did tell me to pass on a message,” Shannon added. “‘Get me my money.’”
“Oh, piss on him!” I almost shouted. “So there’s nobody representing the Magee side of the family then?”
She uncharacteristically hemmed and hawed until, “Well…I thought I should invite somebody…”
At that moment, Shannon’s best fried MiMi came running up. She grabbed my daughter’s arm and shouted, “Let’s go! Everybody’s taking photos in the library!”
Shannon looked around. “Where’s Jody?”
“I saw him go in already,” MiMi kept tugging at Shannon. “Let’s go! They’re asking where you are. And I didn’t spend two hundred bucks on my hair and make-up to miss photos!”
Shannon gave me an apologetic look. “I’ll see you after the ceremonies, okay, Mom?”
We reached out for one more impulsive hug. I whispered into her ear. “You look so beautiful, Shannon! How much did you spend!?”
She stepped back, gave the skirt a sexy little swish and in a convincing British accent, said “Most of it was spent on the dress.” She blew me a kiss as she ran off. I ‘caught it’ and pretended to put it in my purse. It’s still there.
The Garcias spotted me first. I could hear a strange word being shouted. “Olamadee! Olamadee!” It was urgent enough to make me search out the caller of that word. I spotted Ernesto, Jody’s father, wildly waving, and then realized he was yelling, “Hello, Maddy!” but in Spanish. I dreaded the next two hours plus. The only thing that might s
ave the evening was seeing who the other recipient of Shannon’s two-guests-allowed invite was.
I waded over some knees to get to my seat. Ernesto, in jackhammer style, shook my hand for thirty seconds. My wrist was left feeling sore. I was glad Carlotta’s handshake was more of the ‘just touch the fingertips’ variety. I looked at them and wondered how to start a conversation we could all carry.
I fanned myself. “Hot in here,” I tried. Ernesto nodded but Carlotta looked confused.
“Es tu habitol du fille Shannon?” Carlotta asked.
The only word I could understand wasn’t even a word; it was a name. I frowned and said, “Por favor, come again?”
“Mi cassia es Shannon cassia,” Ernesto tried to help. My limited knowledge of Spanish translated that to mean ‘his house is Shannon’s house’. In a split second, I guessed that Shannon had been spending a lot of time at her boyfriend’s house. They probably knew the whole story from Jody. What could I say but “Gracias”?
A voice rang out loud and clear, causing me to cringe. “Well, well, here you are! The Queen of Sheba!” I glanced up and saw my mother-in-law Phyllis coming down the stairs. Of all people Shannon could invite, why her grandmother!? It was true that Phyliss and Shannon had a different dynamic that Phyllis and I had going. They got along, they enjoyed shopping together, Shannon was a bridesmaid at two of her weddings…
I made introductions, not caring how English I sounded. “Ernesto, Carolotta, this is Shannon’s grandmother, Phyllis Colarucci…”
Phyliss interrupted me. “Soon to be Mrs. Jagarsumthum.” I paused the intros. Not because Phyllis getting divorced and often remarrying weeks later was any surprise, just that she was going out of her comfort level with the future groom’s nationality. She jeered back at me. “Maybe if you would keep in touch with your own husband sometimes…”
As we waited for the ceremonies to begin, I controlled an urge to start a public fight with Phyllis. Every remark she made to me had a double meaning, or was flat out a stab to the heart. “Maddy worked so much when Shannon was born, I had to step in and be the mother,” she told the Garcias.