by Paula Cox
“I am a businessman! A businessman! This is not a charity! I do not employ you so that you can stroll in whenever you like!” He slaps his hand down. A mug which reads 'World's Best Boss' sits on the desk, a mug I'm convinced he bought himself. When he slaps his hand down, it leaps up and falls down on its side.
Then he pauses, panting.
I jump into the fray.
“I overslept,” I say. “I understand that oversleeping is not a valid excuse, in general. In general. But you have to understand that I was up very late closing up with Alex. Alex who is, by the way, sixteen years old and was left here in the dead of night alone.”
He shakes his head as though I've just spoken Latin, a phrase meaningless and alien to him. “That has nothing to do with anything,” he states flatly.
On the wall behind him, there’s a poster of an empty road, empty apart from a lone man who walks into the distance, silhouetted. The caption reads: 'Your dreams are out there waiting for you. Go and get them!' It seems ridiculous to me that a man like Lucca would have an inspirational poster on his wall. He's the least inspired person I know.
“I think it does,” I say. “I was tired because I stayed late. Perhaps you should have—”
“No!” he hisses. “You don't tell me what I should and should not do. Do you understand what you are, what all of you are?”
“All of us?”
“Waitresses, women like you! Sexy little pieces, wriggling your asses in my face every goddamned second of the goddamned day! I give you a job and you have the nerve to talk to me like, to look at me like that—”
“How do I look at you, sir?” I ask stiffly.
“Like I'm dirt!” he squeaks. And then he puffs his chest up, juts his chin out, and lays his palms flat on the table. A man about to brag. I've seen the look before and it's repulsive. “You're the only waitress, you know, who refuses me. You’re the only one. The others think I'm a sexy man. Do you hear that? A sexy man. But oh no, not you and that devil sister of yours! Don't think I've forgotten about her!”
“I'm assuming you are referencing the time she threw a glass of wine in your face?”
“Yes!” he growls.
I stifle a laugh. I was so proud of Dawn that night. It was the Christmas party and Dawn begged to come so that she could see Lucca in the flesh. She’d heard so much about him. I accepted, though I knew better. She was drugged up and I knew something would happen. But maybe I wanted something to happen. Maybe I wanted somebody to put Lucca in his place. Dawn didn't disappoint. When Lucca stumbled drunkenly to her, made some lewd comment about skinny girls being better in bed, she threw a full glass of red wine into his face.
I shrug. “I can only apologize for being late,” I say.
“Oh, no.” His eyes are beady, buried deep in the fat of his face, but now his eyes get even beadier. “That's certainly not the only thing you can apologize for. How about insulting me when I asked you—like a perfect gentleman—on a date?”
“I believe I politely declined.”
“Yes, but . . .” His mouth is open in an O of disbelief. “But why? I am a handsome man. I've been told so by several women, women who work here. Your friends. Are you calling them liars? I'm a handsome man and I have a lot of money. I can take care of a woman. I know how to please them.”
I bring my hand to my mouth to stop a laugh from exploding. Seeing this man writhe and brag and boast like this just reminds me of Killian. Killian is a real man, a man who doesn't need to brag because he acts. Lucca, I think, is the exact opposite. Lucca is nothing but brags and blusters and nonsense.
“Oh, it's funny?” He leans toward me. His breath reeks of garlic and onion. I remember that last night he ate a bowl of spaghetti which smelt the same. He hasn't brushed his teeth since then, I think in disgust.
“No, sir,” I mutter.
“Is it funny when your gal pals let me touch them? They're whores, all of them. I touch them and they like it.”
“They don't like it,” I say. I look directly in his eyes, keeping my face calm, neutral. “Surely you know they only tolerate it because you’re the boss. They’re scared of losing their jobs. Isn't that obvious?”
“No, it's not obvious. Because I'm your boss, too, but every time I try and banter with you, every time I try and get close to you, you push me away!”
“I would not let you touch me, sir, if you paid me a million dollars. And your comments are not banter. They are sexual and make my friends feel awkward.”
“Sexual, yes.” He nods, saying: Now we are getting somewhere. Now we can agree on something. “Sexual, without a doubt. But awkward? I don't think so, Hope. You should see the way Lily giggles when I touch her.”
“Some people giggle when they’re nervous.”
“Ah! You're impossible.”
If I didn't need this job, I think, I would smash that pathetic mug over his shiny scalp.
“Speaking of Lily, I should get out there and help her. She's been on her own for too—”
“Not yet,” he barks. “I want to talk about those biker friends of yours.”
“What makes you think they're my friends?” I say, genuinely bemused.
There’s no way he saw me and Killian last night. It was pitch-dark and we were in the middle of nowhere. Maybe if we’d gone one mile west, to the beach, the boardwalk, a place Lucca might stalk at night, he might've seen us. But at an abandoned amusement park? Somehow I doubt it.
So I make sure to keep my expression impassive, unreadable, and wait for him to answer.
When he speaks, his voice is unsteady, unsure. But it doesn't stop him pushing on. “I saw you with them!” he snaps. “You were friendly with them all night! Giggling at their little comments! Laughing at their little jokes! And that blonde one, that pretty boy, he came right up to you before he left with that Mexican guy.”
My breath catches.
“He gave you an envelope.”
I tuck my legs under the chair, cross my legs, curl my toes in anxiety.
“It was his phone number, wasn't it?” Lucca squeaks. For a moment, he sounds like a jealous boyfriend. Invisible critters crawl over my skin.
“They stayed forever, the whole night taking up that big table! A big party like that—and I know they have money, don't tell me they don't—you'd think they'd tip well. But no! Or maybe they'd hire the VIP room, so at least I'd get a flat rate. But no! They tip like shit and talk shit and then leave the place in a mess. If they come round here again, you're working overtime without pay. Either that or you can leave. I pay you in cash, remember. No contract. No notice. If you don't want to work overtime for nothing, I suggest you tell those meatheads to steer clear of my establishment.”
I look at him in wonder. Does this man truly think he can control what the Satan’s Martyrs do? Does this man truly believe he can have say in what Killian O’Connor does? Does this man believe he can stop men like that from doing anything?
At least he doesn't know about the $2,000. If he did, he'd probably demand a portion of it, blackmail me with my job as leverage.
“So you like that pretty boy, do you, with his blonde hair and his fancy jacket?”
Yes, more than like it.
“That's none of your business,” I answer coldly. “And if you want the Satan’s Martyrs to stay out of here, you can tell them yourself. See how well that works out for you. Not very, I'll bet.”
He bites his lip, defeated. Then his beady eyes open wide, a eureka moment if I ever saw one. Licking his lips, he grunts with satisfaction. “Let me tell you something, Hope. Let me tell you something I am deadly serious about. I swear on my life, I mean this.” A sick leer twists his lips. He is all gums, like a snake. “I will never, ever let you use my kitchen to practice your sad, pointless dream. As long as I own this building, you will never touch a single piece of equipment in there. Don't think I don't know it means something to you. You've begged me enough times. But you won't pay for it, will you!”
“Pay for it .
. .” I can't hide the bitterness in my words. “Let you molest me, you mean?”
“Pay for it!” he cries. “I say what I mean! I say what I mean, woman!”
When he takes the kitchen from me—the kitchen, the chef's paintbrush—I feel a cold stab in my chest. There’s no reason to deny it to me except for his pride.
I truly despise him.
Standing up, I say: “Lily must be very stressed. I should go and help her.”
“Yes, yes, fine.” He waves a hand at me, a master dismissing a servant. “Go and be a waitress, then, because that's all you'll ever be.”
I bite back a hundred acidic retorts, turn away from him, and pace from the office.
If Killian was here . . .
I want him now . . .
Can I really miss him already . . .
But I can't afford to think soppy like that. There are dozens of angry patrons waiting impatiently for their smiling, polite waitress.
“I'm so, so sorry about the wait,” I say, my voice sweet, my smile plastered onto my face. “Can I get you some drinks?”
Chapter Eight
Killian
Anyone who thinks that being the boss of a motorcycle club means that your life is a nonstop joyride has never sat in a boss’s office on a boring morning of paperwork. The paperwork is different from the kind done in a usual office, of course. I sort out which of my men will be assigned to which jobs, the pay scale, all that fun stuff. My office is in the same room as the bed in which I slept last night. I sit behind a small desk. Behind me, the first Numb leather hangs on the wall, frayed at the wrists from where Giant Steve fell from his bike and slid one hundred and twenty yards over tarmac.
I’m just finishing up assigning the men to a job early next week when somebody knocks on my door.
“Yeah,” I grunt.
Patrick walks in, his mouth a set line. Last night at the restaurant, he looked like a drunken mess. His features were all squashed and tight from the alcohol, and his hair was greasy and damp-looking. He was bloated from excessive eating and it made him look fatter. This morning he has clearly showered. His hair is more like mine, blonde and clean. His face is open. And now he does not appear fat, but muscular, well-built. He’s stocky instead of squat. Looking at him now, I can see why people say we look alike.
“Brother,” he says, closing the door behind him.
“Brother,” I reply.
He walks to the desk and drops into the chair opposite me.
We stare at each other for a few seconds. So much hangs in the air between us it’s oppressive, weighing down every exchange. Every time he looks at me, it’s like he’s accusing me of something. Maybe if we weren’t in the Satan’s Martyrs, maybe if we were just brothers, I would apologize to him, be lenient on him. But I am the boss. I can’t afford that. No, I have to make him see his place. I have to squash this before it gets out of hand.
He lets out a long sigh. “I need some work,” he says after around a minute of silence.
“Work? We’ve got a job in a couple of days.”
“No, I want some work now.”
He clenches and unclenches his hands, making fists over and over. His eyes—the same blue as mine—have a faraway look in them, like he’s not in this room at all, but still in prison.
“There is no work now,” I tell him.
“I need action!” he snaps. “I spent years sitting around in a cage, and now you expect me to sit around here like I’m still in one. It’s boring. I’m going out of my mind. I need to hit something. I need to do something.”
“Hit something, do something.” I speak through gritted teeth. I want to remain calm, but Patrick is making that incredibly difficult. “That’s not how it works. You know that. You want to hit something, fine, go and do it on your own damn time. This is a business, not a place for you to relieve yourself.”
Patrick clenches his fists and lays them on the table. For a second I think he’s going to upturn it, or throw himself at me, but then he just smiles. “I’m the one who got you into this club, remember, little brother?”
“I remember.”
“And I’m the one who did that time, remember?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“And you can’t do this one thing for—”
“Oh, I can. But I won’t. It’d put the whole club in danger. All the men in danger because you want to feel like an outlaw? Not on my dead body, Patrick. No.”
“How the hell would it put them in danger? Just give me something I can do on my own. Do we have any bounty contracts? I’ll go and get us some cash right now.”
I shake my head. “You’re not hearing me. The answer is no. Don’t make me keep telling you, big brother.”
“Oh, or you’ll hit me again?”
“You were putting the whole goddamn mission in danger that night, and you know it.”
“I was just thinking one step—”
“That’s my fucking job!” I growl, pounding my fist on the table.
Patrick leaps back in his chair, shrinking away from me.
I let out a slow breath, calming myself down. “Look, I get it. You’re bored. You want to do something. Fine, but I won’t give you a job right now.”
“If I was leader, and you came to me with this, I would never say no,” Patrick mutters.
“I know that. But you’re not the leader.”
Patrick puffs up his cheeks and then brings his hands to his face and rubs his eyes. “Ah,” he sighs. “Sitting around here . . . you don’t know what it’s like, do you? You’ve never been inside. It’s torture. Sitting there, bored out of your skull, surrounded by idiot criminals. Not outlaws, but just criminals. Morons who robbed drugstores in the middle of the day. And all of them bragging, going on and on and on about all the cool shit they did. Pathetic. I just need one job, something small. Don’t we need to intimidate anybody. I can do that—”
“Not now, not on your own.”
“Before I went to prison, you never would have said no to me about something like this.”
He looks up at me and for a second it’s like I’m ten again and Dad has just died, and he’s looking down at me instead of up, telling me: “I’ll take care of you, little brother. I’ll always take care of you. Nobody will ever hurt you when I’m around. I’d go to prison for you.” And he stuck by his word.
But I can’t let my love for him cloud my judgment. I can’t let it jeopardize the entire club.
I try and think what I would do if Patrick was just any other member and he came to me like this, demanding something from the boss. And then Hope comes into my mind, burning bright like she was in the dream, burning bright like she does every time I think of her. I want to let her know she’s on my mind, and Patrick wants something to do. Yes, that’s how I’d deal with it. Let him know who the hell is in charge.
“Fine,” I say, leaning forward on my elbows and narrowing my eyes at him, “you want something to do? I’ve got a job for you.”
“What is it?” Patrick asks, his voice eager. “What is it, brother?”
I almost feel bad for what I’m about to do. But then I think of Hope’s smiling face, and I don’t feel bad at all.
“Last night, I took a ride with Hope. She works at the Gourmet on Main Street.”
“The one you gave the envelope to. Yeah, I know her.”
“Good.” I nod. “I want you to go to the flower shop in town and get her a huge bunch of flowers. A really big bunch. Something nice. Don’t choose them yourself. Ask the florist what a good bunch is and follow his advice. After that, go and get her a fancy set of carving knives. She wants to be a chef, so make sure they’re expensive.” I open the desk drawer, take out around $1,500, and place it in the center of the desk. “This should be enough. Keep the change as your pay.”
Patrick laughs, a laugh of complete disbelief. “You’re joking,” he says, staring down at the money. “This is a joke, right, Killian? You’re not really going to send me to buy some random girl flow
ers.”
“I’m not joking. This is an order. Maybe you’ve forgotten how to take orders. Now it’s time to learn.”
“This is crazy,” Patrick mutters, shaking his head. “This is really crazy. I don’t want to be an errand boy. Send one of the new kids. I’m a patched member. I don’t need this shit.”