She couldn’t remember one day of her life since high school that she hadn’t spoken to Rachel. They’d never had a cross word in all those years and even through her anger, she missed their daily talks about nothing in particular.
She entered her office and eased the door shut behind her. With phone calls, contracts and filing complete, she walked to the window. She glanced out at the late evening sun dipping its orange face behind the tall buildings. The urge to feel herself fly, gripped at her. Man, did I ever fuck things up. I should have kicked Dawn’s ass and told Shane the truth. I could be happy right now instead of miserable.
Someone rapped on her door, tearing the thoughts from her mind.
“Come in.”
John poked his head into her office. “We’re outta here.”
Morgan nodded. He left, pulling the door shut behind him. She turned back to the window for one last glance. People strolled on the sidewalks while others rushed with hurried steps.
“You’ll think of me, Shane.” Morgan said to her reflection in the glass then turned and headed out of her office, dreading another night all alone.
Chapter Fourteen
Shane eased into Kelly’s car. She hated ducking out of her “welcome home” family gathering, but she wanted more than anything to feel the wind whipping through her hair and just talk, if for nothing else, just to have someone else listen and understand. Being with Kelly would surely bring both with her convertible BMW and her famous “big ears.”
“So, Shane, how’s the real life going?” She chuckled beside Shane as if knowing the answer.
“Miserable.” Shane smiled. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed her friend until now.
Kelly pulled to the red light and turned to look at Shane. “It’s not Shelby is it? I mean, you’ve been through enough over that.”
Having Kelly here, after the few years she’d been gone, was like a breath of fresh air. She immediately felt her problems diminish with the ability to talk to someone who wouldn’t merely understand, but would listen as well. From the second she’d met Kelly in the grocery store, choking back laughter while she told the bagging clerk that he was barking up the wrong tree by flirting with her and even if he grew a pussy, she wouldn’t give him a second glance. Needless to say, anytime Kelly was in the store, the clerk would vanish into thin air, and their friendship had grown from there.
“It’s time to let Shelby rest in peace.”
Kelly’s eyes widened beside her. She smiled and leaned over, pulling Shane into her arms, giving her a tight hug. She clapped her on the back with her strong hands. “I’m so damn happy to hear it. I think she deserves that.”
A lump rose in Shane’s throat. She swallowed back tears, not ready to pull the plug on her dam. She studied Kelly’s pudgy face with a smile and turned back to the light turning green.
Kelly soon pulled into a driveway and eased out of her seat. Shane followed her to the front porch she’d walked across for years. A TV blared behind the closed door. Bright lights shone through the fan-shaped window of the front door. Kelly opened the door and led them inside.
“I’m home.” She yelled over the blaring news reporter. She walked to the TV and shut it off.
A mumbled voice came from down the hall and soon the tiny figure of a woman appeared with a towel wrapped around her head, silk pajama’s swinging around her thin legs, glancing between Shane and Kelly, a bright smile lifting her mouth. Kelly walked over and pulled the woman into her arms and turned back to look at Shane.
“Shane, this is Veronica.”
Shane smiled at the woman, feeling warmth spread over her. After all those years of fighting and arguing with Kelly, who never wanted to find a lover because “life was too short to play the games that lesbians play,” Kelly had finally broken down and stepped into the game.
Veronica’s face lit up with a bright smile. “It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve seen a million pictures, heard a thousand tales, and now I finally get to meet the famous Shane.” Her hand slid from her towel and emerged before Shane. Shane took the delicate hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“I told Shane we would go get a drink to catch up on old times. Do you mind?” Kelly asked then leaned over and placed her lips against Veronica’s cheek.
“Of course. Of course. Go. Get out of here. I was about to curl up with a book anyway.” She slid into Kelly’s embrace, fitting like a missing piece of a puzzle in the grooves of Kelly’s arms.
Shane’s heart swelled for Kelly. It was about time she unlocked her heart and let herself give away that love she kept bottled up inside her. Shane always knew whoever won her heart, would have loyalty for the rest of her life. She had no doubt their love was genuine and would last them for all eternity.
Shane’s gut tightened with her thoughts. That same love is what she had possessed for Shelby. That same love is what she now possessed for Morgan.
An hour later, they where perched at the bar, watching bodies bump and grind on the dance floor. Old acquaintances stopped by to say hello, making the trip back even more meaningful.
Kelly pushed the tip of her beer bottle to her lips, took a long gulp, and turned back to look at Shane. “So, how long are you staying?”
Shane pulled her attention from the sweaty faces of the people dancing to the fast rap song. “I promised my assistant that I’d go with him to a new gallery opening so I’ll have to leave by late week. Friday at the latest.”
Kelly swiveled on the stool and propped her elbows on the bar, leaning her back against it. “So, tell me about your love life, assuming that’s what made you want to put Shelby to rest.”
Shane felt a cold prickle course through her veins at the mention of Shelby; her beautiful, betraying ghost with her long wavy auburn hair and a bright cheerful smile. Shane could never seem to keep that smile on her face for long periods of time. There always seemed to be some kind of turmoil or another with Shelby. Their arguments would appear from thin air, leaving Shane to wonder if she were losing her mind. Shelby seemed to thrive on make-up sex, something Shane had gladly obliged.
The arguments however, seemed ridiculous, lasting even after orgasms were long forgotten. She’d never bitten her lip so much as she did with Shelby, wanting to do anything to please her or to keep her happy and connected with her.
And even through the fighting, make-up sex, and betrayal, she couldn’t have loved her more. She knew in her heart she would have forgiven Shelby, never looking back, even if she could never trust her again.
“Shelby had more secrets than I’ll ever know, but it’s time to put her to rest. I can’t keep living my life in the past, blaming myself for what happened.”
“Amen to that.”
Shane took a swig of her beer, remembering the last words Shelby ever spoke to her.
It was Shelby’s Thursday night out with the girls. She kissed Shane goodbye, grabbed her purse and tore out of their home.
Shane knew Shelby was cheating, could feel it in her bones, her heart as well. She begged Shelby to tell her the truth, needing to hear the treacherous words, no matter how much they would tear her insides out. Shelby had adamantly denied the accusations, begging Shane to believe that she loved only her. Shane however, knew it was a lie. Her kisses weren’t the same, her affection wasn’t the same, and their sex was far from the same.
Shane sat for hours in the dark house, staring out the window. Her heart was ripped apart, her stomach in knots. One way or the other, she had to know the truth. She sped out of their driveway, determined to find Shelby and put an end to the misery of not knowing. She made her way down the bright city streets searching their favorite bars for Shelby’s shiny red Nissan. She finally found it across town, many miles from their house.
She pulled as far back as she could so no one would see her, and waited. Hours, it seemed, crept by while she waited, strumming fingers on the steering wheel, listening to music on the radio. Finally, a car pulled into the parking lot. Shane almost ignored i
t until she heard Shelby’s unmistakable laugh.
Her attention spiked while she watched Shelby ease out of the passenger side of a convertible. Another woman appeared on the other side and leaned against the car. Shelby strolled around, pressed her body against the woman, and leaned in for a heated kiss.
Shane choked back a sob, her heart ripping inside her chest. She closed her eyes to shut out the view of Shelby’s betrayal, and hung her head. Her stomach formed a tight knot while she held her breath, wanting to curl up in her seat and die.
She forced her eyes open to see Shelby still pressed against the woman, smiling and laughing. Shane drew in her breath, grabbed the door handle and pushed her way out of the car. She walked the endless distance between herself and Shelby, their giggles getting louder with every step.
The crunching of pebbles grew louder and Shelby’s head jerked up. Her smile evaporated from her face and anger replaced it.
“Shane.” Shelby’s eyes rounded, lack of caring that she was busted, showed on her face.
“Hello, Shelby.” Shane continued to walk toward them, anger replacing her depression.
“What are you doing here?”
“That’s a stupid question. You know exactly why I’m here.”
She watched the woman turn around, eye her with distaste. She halted her steps. “So, this is the scum you’re throwing away our relationship for?” Her voice sounded jerky while she held back tears.
Shelby looked between her lovers, a smile stealing across her face, making Shane sick to her stomach. “As a matter of fact, it is.”
Shane held her breath, not knowing what to do with the information now, after waiting so long to hear it. She opened her mouth to say something but had no voice left to speak.
Shelby stared at her, a smile plastered on her face, daring Shane to do something about it. “What’s wrong, Shane. Can’t think of anything else to say? After all those long talks, after all that begging and pleading for me to tell you the truth, you can’t think of anything to fucking say now?”
Shane felt icicles pierce her heart with every lifeless, uncaring word that slid from Shelby’s mouth. “Yes, I do, as a matter of fact. Fuck you.”
“Not anymore, Shane. I have a new fuck.”
Anger erupted in Shane. She held her ground, wanting to charge around the car, grab both of them and slam their heads together, leave them both in a bloody mess on the rocks beneath them.
She stared at the beautiful face of the woman she loved more than life itself. A plea came to life inside her.
“Shelby, don’t do this.” The plea was out of her mouth before she could stop it, along with another image of pounding her fists into the face of this new lover of Shelby’s.
“Oh, baby, I’ve already done it a hundred times.” She turned her smirking face toward her new lover. “Plan to do it a hundred more.”
Bloody hell! She took another step toward them, watched Shelby’s eyes round with fear, then turned and stomped back to her car. Images of a bloody face erupted in her mind. She wanted to run back and kill both of them with her bare hands. Going to jail would be worth it to see that smile swiped off Shelby’s face along with the satisfied one plastered on her lover’s, but she could never hurt Shelby.
She fisted her palms by her side, trying to get control, heard a car crank behind her and turned. Shelby’s hair was flowing around her head while the woman’s car approached Shane. She stopped, turned, and watched the car slide past her.
“Go home, Shane. No one wants you here.”
Shane stood before her car, watching the taillights glow across the back end of the car, slowly gliding down the aisle of the parking lot, and felt a monster roar to life inside her.
Shelby screamed something at her that was caught in the sound of gravel crunching under the weight of the tires. Shane ran to her own car, determined to have her hands on either one of them now. Shelby’s cruel words and uncaring face edged Shane further, willed her to shut up that mouth permanently.
Shane chased them down bright lit streets and onto back roads, following them back into neon lit roads again. The wind whipped against her face from her open window, doing nothing to cool the fire burning in her soul.
Words from a ghost whispered in her ear. She heard her father’s voice crystal clear, as if he sat in the seat beside her. She ignored the words she couldn’t understand and watched the convertible cross lanes of traffic, barely missing a car. Horns blew at her as she darted across the same lanes, following close.
The voice of her father screamed in her head again, this time the words audible. “She’s not worth it. Let her go.”
Shane gasped and slowed her speed, watched the convertible ease away. She slammed the brakes and slid against the curb. She buried her face in her hands, squeezing her face in the strength of her own hands, and screamed, forcing her monster to calm itself.
She looked back up to see brake lights from the convertible, watched it stop in the middle of the road. Tears welled in her eyes. She knew the end of Shelby was here before her. No more arguing, no more fighting, and surely no more make-up sex. The end to their relationship was staring her in the face. Over … just like that.
She drew in a deep breath, demanded her heart to cease the pain, and pulled back across the road, making a U-turn and heading away from the convertible.
She felt her heart twist with her reality and looked back into the rear view mirror, just in time to see a semi-truck slam into the passenger side of their car.
Shane slammed the brakes, flipped the car around and sped in their direction, her heart in her throat, pulse raging through her veins. She skidded to a stop, jumped out of her car, running with every ounce of speed she had. She ran for Shelby’s side. A delicate bloody arm lay through the smashed window. Shelby’s head lay against the head of her lover, her eyes focused on the afterworld.
She fell to her knees screaming Shelby’s name over and over, pain searing her heart like nothing she’d ever felt before.
“Shane, I could never begin to say that I know what you’re feeling,” Kelly said from beside her, tearing her from her bleeding memories, “but I do know you would have never done anything to hurt Shelby. What happened was not your fault.”
Shane gave her a weak smile, her memories causing more pain. “If I’d just kept walking to my car, left, and never looked back, it would have never happened. She was daring me to fight for her.”
“Shane, dammit, you’re only human. I’m so fucking sorry to say this, but that bitch was worthless. Kill me for saying such hard words about someone who can’t be here to defend themselves, but you’re my best friend, and you didn’t deserve the shit she put you through.”
Shane gritted her teeth, trying to calm herself from Kelly’s words. “I loved her. I would have forgiven her. We could have fixed our problems.”
Kelly jumped from her stool, slammed her beer down on the counter and faced Shane with rage smoldering in the depths of her eyes. “Bullshit. She would have fucked someone else within a week. She’d been doing it, you knew it, yet you kept going as if she were the most perfect thing that ever walked the face of this earth.”
“Back off, Kelly.”
“Fuck you, Shane. You’ve tormented yourself over this for a year, locked yourself away from the world, from your family and friends. You’re too fucking good to be hanging onto her ghost. She didn’t fucking love you. Don’t you see that?” Kelly’s eyes raged in front of her.
Shane rose from her stool, towering over Kelly by a good foot. She looked down into her friend’s eyes, anger flowing over her like molten lava. “She didn’t deserve to die.”
Kelly’s face calmed with Shane’s words. She hung her head, nodding agreement. “I’m sorry.” She turned her blue eyes back up to Shane. “I just can’t stand to see you so tortured over it. It’s been so long and you don’t deserve to be miserable anymore. I love you, Shane. You’re my best friend.”
Shane felt relief wash over her. She eased bac
k onto the stool. “Tomorrow, I bury Shelby.”
Chapter Fifteen
Morgan crept through the lobby doors of her apartment after a long day at work of going through contracts, eating lunch alone, and thinking non-stop about Shane, tried to slip past Jay and Phil’s apartment unheard. She was halfway up the landing when their door flew open. Morgan froze in her steps, hoping to be unnoticed.
“You have some nerve.” Phil’s harsh tone bellowed.
She turned around and met his hard stare.
“I don’t know what your problem is, nor do I give a shit anymore. If you want to ruin your life with that bitch, then do it. If you want to watch her screw a thousand more women, then do it, but don’t you dare take your anger out on the ones that love you.” Phil paced toward the bottom of the stairs.
Morgan only stared at him, anger gripping her gut while her heart twisted for one of her best friends.
She parted her lips to defend herself. Phil shot his palm up to quiet her. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. You do what you want. We’ll support you no matter what stupid mistakes you make. When you come down off your high-horse, make sure you come see us.” He turned and darted back through his door, slamming it for good measure.
Morgan stood on the steps, the railing gripped tight in her hand, watching the gold knocker bang against the burgundy door. She contemplated barging through and telling them both how sick and tired she was of listening to their advice, then thought better of it. Gay men could out argue anyone in the world, leaving you tongue tied, tripping over your own words, and begging for mercy. She knew she wouldn’t win with those two.
She headed up the remaining steps and pushed through her apartment door.
The red blinking light on the answering machine beckoned her. She tossed her purse on the couch and stepped to the desk, hesitating to hear the messages. She could hear Rachel’s voice in her head, screaming her disapproval. She could hear Jay’s raspy voice asking, “What the hell are you thinking?” Would Dawn be on there, with more pleas? Would Shane be on there, asking for another fuck?
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