Shrugging her slim shoulders, Patience reached for a wet glass from the dish drainer. “Men can’t help being dumb when it comes to women. It’s a genetic trait, I think. Besides, Abel was a fool for that girl once. They were in love, Honor. With the right coaxing from her, I can see him falling back into that sticky web again.”
“Abel was in love with a lie, and Angie…I’m not sure that girl knows what the word means. He’s had years to see that female for the deceitful woman she was. You don’t give him enough credit, Patience. I don’t see how a man as intelligent as Abel would allow himself to fall in with a woman that betrayed him again,” Honor remarked, looking truly baffled by Patience’s belief that Abel would fall for Angela Hastings again.
“Because where Angie is concerned, men don’t necessarily think with their heads, sis. Leastways not the one on top of their shoulders,” Patience shared dryly, wincing a little as she noted Zeke’s brief look of shame. Oh, how she hoped that Honor never had to learn about Zeke’s youthful indiscretion with that witch Abel had nearly married. She knew it would hurt them both and they had enough obstacles to overcome.
“Regardless, big sister, whether he’s involving himself with Angie again or not – professionally or otherwise, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still going to have to talk to him about this,” Honor replied with a measured look at Patience’s still-flat stomach.
Clearing his throat, Zeke straightened away from the wall he’d been leaning against. “Since this conversation is now veering toward the land of girl talk, I’m gonna get gone. If anybody needs me, I’ll be at the office. Just remember, if either of you decide to commence on a crime spree, keep it in the confines of Paradise County. I’ve got it on good authority that the Sheriff will turn a blind eye as long as the scene doesn’t get too bloody.”
Turning, Patience smiled at him over her shoulder. “Thanks, Zeke,” she whispered, offering him a hug. “I appreciate it.”
Nodding, Zeke looked longingly at Honor, but she only gave him her back. “I’ll check in with you both later today.”
Patience nodded, sighing heavily as her sister merely shrugged her shoulders without turning around. Waiting until the man closed the door behind him, she turned to watch her sister again. “You do know he’s one of the good guys, right?” she asked, offering Honor a sideways glance as she joined her at the sink again.
“I’m not talking about my relationship or lack thereof with Ezekiel Monroe this morning,” Honor retorted, rinsing a handful of silverware. “We’ve got bigger fish to fry than my non-existent love life,” she informed her sister before flicking off the water with a flip of her wrist.
“Fine,” Patience grumbled, leaning back against the refrigerator and crossing her arms over her chest as she watched Honor attack her countertops with a rag and bleach spray. “But I’d like it noted for the record that you just mentioned Zeke and the word ‘relationship’ inside the same sentence. I’d say that’s progress.”
Sparing her sister a hard look, Honor shook her head. “And I’d say being with child has somehow already managed to make you crazier than a Bessie bug on drugs. Zeke’s gone now. Nobody here to protect you now. Start talking, Patience.”
Staring at the floor as the other woman scoured the counters, Patience murmured, “Not sure what I should say here. I messed up, Honor. So badly that I’m not sure there’s even a way to clean it up. Not only have I made a mess of my life, but now I’m gonna screw up some perfectly innocent kid, too. You gotta hand it to me though. I go big or I go home when it comes to fuck-ups.”
“You didn’t act alone, Patience. You aren’t responsible for what happened alone, you know. Abel helped,” Honor reminded her softly. “And I’ll thank you not to refer to my niece or nephew as a fuck-up.”
“Sorry,” Patience muttered before continuing on. “I feel like my own body turned against me, Honor. I assumed I had all my birth control bases covered. I was taking the pill religiously. I never missed one that I can remember, but I never even considered using a condom that night. I’m pretty sure that’s the definition of irresponsible since we both know that Abel hasn’t lived like a monk around here.”
Satisfied the counters were relatively clean, Honor tossed the dishrag into the sink. “At least you tried to handle things. If not for the antibiotics, this wouldn’t have happened. From what you’ve told me so far, Abel wasn’t exactly the soul of discretion that night either. He didn’t offer to use anything, did he?” Seeing the hesitant negative shake of Patience’s head, Honor snorted. “I didn’t think so. And since of the two of you, he’s the one that’s been the more active of the two of you, then it bears reason that he would have been the more prepared party that night. Ergo, this is as much his fault as yours. Quit bein’ so hard on yourself.”
“I suppose we both got carried away, and acted stupidly. It was a careless, thoughtless thing for us to do,” Patience admitted, smiling slightly at her baby sister’s steadfast and unwavering loyalty to her in spite of her incredible lack of judgment. Licking her lips, she made herself meet Honor’s understanding gaze. “The truth doesn’t change just because I can be honest about the way I acted, though.”
“And what truth is that?”
“C’mon, sis! You’re not dumb. You’ve gotta know that I don’t think I can do this, Honor. Motherhood and me? It’s a laughable idea that’s been thought up by a deity that evidently despises me. I wasn’t kidding earlier. If I can’t be trusted with a pet, then there’s no way I should be responsible for an innocent human being.”
“First, I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit. I’ve known you my whole life, Patience, and I know if you set your mind to something, you’ll either do it or die tryin’. Second,” Honor returned slowly, “You’ve got to realize that you do have other options available to you.”
“You mean abortion?” Patience whispered, unable to believe her God-fearing sister had even brought the subject up with her. Even though Zeke had assured her that Honor would keep an open mind and support her no matter what she decided to do, she’d secretly assumed that her sister would either have a heart attack or threaten to disown her at the first mention of the A-word.
Nodding, Honor murmured, “Yes, there’s abortion. As much as I don’t like or agree with the idea, it’s not up to me. And it’s your constitutional right to have a choice. Of course, there’s also adoption. It’s your body, Patience. You’re in control here. If you really don’t want to go through with this pregnancy and keep the baby, I’ll support you. But I don’t think you should make any decision too quickly or make a decision based on your fear of the unknown. You have to think about it and make the choice that you can live with making. My job is to support whatever decision that may be. The only thing I am going to push is that you shouldn’t make any decision without talking to Abel and that you should have this pregnancy confirmed by a doctor before you drive yourself crazy with worst case scenarios.”
Patience could only stare at Honor with surprise shining in her eyes. “Zeke said you’d be in my corner, but until you just said all that, I wasn’t sure.”
“You thought I’d judge you?” Honor asked, tilting her head to the side.
“Not exactly. I just thought you’d launch into a sermon on trying to convince me that I’d be a good mother,” Patience replied truthfully. Seeing the hurt shining in her little sister’s eyes, she swallowed painfully. “And honestly,” she continued confessing, “I was more than a little concerned you’d think badly of me for doing the deed with Abel. Hell, with anyone really, sis. I didn’t want you to think I was some kind of cheap and easy…”
“Patience, do not finish that sentence,” Honor directed sharply, glaring at her older sibling. Inhaling deeply through her nose, the younger woman squared her shoulder before opening her mouth again. “I think I’ll take this from easiest to hardest to talk about, okay?”
“Hon, you don’t need to…”
“I do. I do need to do it mostly because
the big sister I’ve looked up to for all my life is a closet idiot. Get your butt over to the couch and sit down,” she ordered, jabbing a finger toward the sofa. Waiting until Patience sat, Honor sighed. “Look, it is true enough that I do think you’d be a wonderful mother if that’s the route you decide to go, but I don’t want to influence you, Patience. This is your call to make. It’s certainly not mine. Heck, it’s not even Abel’s – though I do think he should have the right to have some input here. But my first loyalty…it’s always going to be to you. Don’t you know that you could call me at three in the morning and tell me that you’d committed cold-blooded murder and I’d still help you hide the body? You’re my sister. That’s what sisters do. Regardless of whether I agree with your decisions or not, I will always back you up. My job here is simple. It is to love and support you and your choices, not judge you. You got me?” she asked, staring at the other woman.
“I hear you,” Patience agreed slowly.
“As for the other… You know I’m not naive enough to think that everybody waits for marriage to – how did you put it? Do the deed?” Honor quoted dryly. “I’m also not foolish enough to believe that doing said ‘deed’ is not fun – at least for most women. If it wasn’t enjoyable, nobody would do it and civilization would die. I get that. I just – with my past – it’s hard for me to see it as something a woman would willingly participate in and enjoy.”
“Honor, your experience wasn’t making love. It wasn’t having sex. Hell, it wasn’t even fucking. It was violence,” Patience pointed out gently. “You’re looking at the act through a real distorted lens, honey.”
“My head knows that,” Honor muttered, hearing Patience’s scoff of doubt. “It does! It’s just that the rest of my body hasn’t gotten the message. Every time I think about any man touching me, my body goes into lockdown. I freeze, Patience. Even when I know it’s a man that would never, ever hurt me like that. But that doesn’t mean that I think every woman that actually does enjoy sex is easy. For God sake, you won’t even share a spoon with your sisters. I know you wouldn’t freely share your body with somebody unless you had strong feelings for them.”
“Oh, my feelings about Abel are pretty strong at the moment, that’s for sure,” Patience grumbled under her breath.
“I bet,” Honor noted with a slight smile. “But the bottom line here is that my hang-ups are just that. Mine. I know that doesn’t transfer that crap onto anybody else.”
“I just don’t ever want you to think that I’m some kind of whor-“
“Don’t,” Honor denied, grabbing Patience’s hand. “I know you aren’t. But, it wouldn’t matter if you were. I’d still be sitting right here with you.” Watching as Patience bit her lips, Honor continued. “Patience, I know it’s only ever been Abel for you. It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong; you just acted on what your heart wanted. It’s not a crime to love a man.”
Patience snorted. “You might wanna pay attention to your own statement there, sis. Zeke would probably appreciate it.”
“I knew you were gonna throw him in my face,” Honor muttered “I suppose it’s fair to say that we both might have some trust issues that we need to work on, don’t we?” she offered tiredly.
“Maybe you do. I’ve got some pretty solid reasons for not trusting Abel Turner,” Patience retorted, her lips turning down in a frown as she remembered all the women she’d watched crawl all over a certain very willing attorney over the years. “It’s only been only you for Zeke for literally years, Hon. We can’t exactly say that for Abel Turner, can we?”
“Maybe not, but what about the rest of the male population? You got an excuse for not trusting them, too? I know why I’m the way I am, but what’s your excuse?” Honor asked, raising an eyebrow at her older sister.
“It’s no secret that I think most men are slime. Seriously, as a general rule, I think most of ‘em suck,” Patience declared with a shrug of her slim shoulders. “And before you say anything, history has proven me correct most of the time.” Seeing Honor open her mouth to protest, Patience held up a hand. “I’m also aware that there are exceptions to the rule. Like Zeke,” she added pointedly.
“And Cain. And Jake,” Honor added firmly, offering Patience a censuring look.
“Maybe,” Patience relented slightly. “But even those two did a real number on our sisters before they finally withdrew their heads from their asses. Face it, sis. We don’t have a hell of a good track record with the opposite sex.”
“I’ll give you that, but I still say Abel is a decent man. He deserves to know about this,” Honor insisted evenly, touching Patience’s flat belly lightly.
“Abel Turner is a flea-ridden horn dog that I let bed down with me before I had the good sense to have him dipped,” Patience huffed. “No more, no less. Hells bells, sis! The man has had his knob polished more than all the ones in Buckingham Palace and the White House combined!”
Honor released an involuntary bark of laughter at Patience’s patented brand of honesty. “Listen, that might have been the case once upon a time, but that man has slowed down in recent years and you know it,” Honor pointed out truthfully. “He also happens to be the man you’ve been in love with since you were what? Sixteen or so? Deny it all you want, but I’ve gotten real good at starin’ into people’s eyes and readin’ the truth in their soul, Patience. When I look at you, I can see plain as day that you love that man. Oh, you ain’t happy about it and it scares the bejeesus out of you, but the look of love is there! You’re just afraid that he won’t feel the same as you do and your ego will take a hit.”
“You’re confusin’ love for lust again, Honor. Don’t worry, it’s an easy mistake to make, but rest assured, you are making it,” Patience muttered, growing more defensive. Honor was entirely too astute and it was way too early in the morning for her to make believable arguments against her sibling. “And I ain’t scared of nothin’. Certainly not Abel freaking Turner. That son of a goat has absolutely no effect whatsoever on my ego or anything else.”
“Oh, bullfoot!” Honor returned. “You’re terrified of him and every single out of control thing he makes you feel for him. You’re just pissed off because he won’t let you put him in one of those tidy little boxes in your mind that you use to put every other man you know inside and it drives you crazy. Haven’t you learned yet that true love can’t be confined, honey?”
Looking at her sister like she’d grown a second head, Patience quickly decided that she was much too perceptive for her own damn good. Because she was right. For years, she’d tried to shove Abel into a box and push him to the back of her mind where he belonged with all the other irritants she’d faced, but the bastard wouldn’t let her do it. He just kept busting the lid open and running rampant through her psyche. He’d always been a freakin’ troublemaker like that.
“If it helps, when I see him look at you, I notice the same things,” Honor murmured consolingly. “He loves you, too. I know it.”
Patience scowled. “Then I’d say it’s definitely time to get you some glasses, baby sister. Because I’m not sure Abel knows how to love a person like that. Except maybe himself.”
“I know what I’ve witnessed,” Honor returned staunchly. “Besides, momma always said that reformed rakes make the best husbands.”
“There ain’t a blessed thing reformed about Abel. He’s still a player, Honor. I should know. I got caught up in the games we were playing together and look what it got me,” she proclaimed with a glare at her own belly. “Besides, it seems to me like he’s got himself a new opponent. It appears to me that Abel wants to resume those games he likes so much with his former fiancé, or haven’t you been watchin’ him and Angie fawnin’ all over each other the past few days. It’s been enough to turn my stomach sour,” Patience growled bitterly as she rubbed a hand against her churning stomach, her mind conjuring up images of that spiteful bitch curled against Abel in one of the booths at the back of the café last night.
“Your upset stomach i
s a side effect of pregnancy, my dear sister,” Honor laughed. “But it’s good to have it confirmed that you’re jealous. I hear it’s a common emotion for women in love.”
“I’m not jealous or in love, dammit,” Patience yelled, her blue eyes flashing as they collided with her sister’s amused gaze. “I’m not!”
Honor smirked. “Tell that to your face. It’s a lovely shade of pea green. Don’t worry. It looks good on you.”
“Oh, shut up,” Patience grumbled, shoving Honor’s arm lightly. “I’m not jealous exactly. More like nauseated by the whole thing. That woman made a fool of him and now it just seems like all is forgiven between them. Like he’s completely forgotten that her legs have been opened and closed more than the drive-thru window down at the Dairy King! For God’s sake, he was letting that harlot practically sit in his lap last night.”
“I agree, she was indeed puttin’ on quite the show. But after you finally had enough of that drama and stormed out of the bar, I stood there and watched him dump her out of his lap and shove her away faster than you can blink your eyes. Seriously, it wasn’t but a split second and he was dumpin’ her on the floor, Pitty Pat,” Honor continued, using the pet name their parents had bestowed on Patience as a child. “And Abel was doing it all while he stared after you. Angie noticed it, too. And she hated it,” Honor revealed with no small amount of satisfaction. “He doesn’t want her, Patience. That much was clear as a spring day. She’s fawnin’ all over him, that’s true. But, he’s not willingly returning the sentiment. Whatever small hope he gives her, he’s doin’ it all to get under your skin – not to feed her fantasies.”
“Could have fooled me,” Patience murmured, silently wondering if maybe Honor was right and she was reading too much into the situation between Abel and Angie.
“Yeah, Angie’s counting on that. Foolin’ you is her primary goal, Patience. Really, I know you’re smarter than this,” Honor remarked a tad bit impatiently. “Abel’s not stupid enough to fall for her slick tricks again, girl. There’s nothing there but a ton of bitterness for him. Look hard at that man’s eyes and you’ll see that all he really feels for her is disgust.”
Ready, Willing and Abel (Passion in Paradise: The Men of the McKinnon Sisters Book 3) Page 11