“It’s been a while,” Colleen, the head nurse on Jen’s floor said with a smile.
Gray nodded as he passed by the nurse’s station. “How has she been?”
Colleen gave him a pasted smile meant to reassure him. But it always meant the same thing. Nothing had changed. “She’ll be happy you’re here.”
Both of them knew that was a lie. Jen didn’t know he was here. She had no idea where she was or what had happened to her. And as he walked into her room and looked at her body, transformed by the accident and vegetative state she remained in for so long, he wondered himself why he’d fought so hard to convince everyone around him that Jen was still here.
Gray pushed the curtain closed and walked to the side of the bed. He touched Jen’s hand, ignoring the twinge of regret he felt no longer getting the familiar squeeze of reassurance from her or a quick smile with the contact. Jen just lay in the bed with her head lifted to one side. A tracheal tube was attached to her neck, unlike in the beginning when there seemed to be tubes and monitors on every part of her while the hospital tried to treat her traumatic injuries.
A middle-aged nurse named Margaret pushed the curtain open as she came into the room, startling Gray. She smiled as she got to her tasks. Margaret had always reminded Gray of his aunt Kate with her warm eyes and soft-spoken voice. But they looked nothing alike. Margaret’s tight, short curls made her look older than she was. Despite her thick middle and short stature, she moved swiftly through her task of checking IV fluids and Jen’s catheter.
“It’s been a while,” she said.
Gray cringed at the common comment he’d been hearing. “It’s been a bad winter at the oil rig.”
“Let’s hope we don’t have those ice storms like we did last March. My husband and I are still cleaning up after the mess it left,” Margaret said, referring to the devastating storms that had rocked his hometown a year ago, leaving the entire area in near ruin.
“Let’s hope.”
“She looks good today. She’s got a little color.”
Gray didn’t see it. He wanted to say Jen looked the same as she did every time he visited. Thinner maybe. Still lifeless. Unrecognizable as the woman who had been so full of vitality two years ago. He touched Jen’s hand. It was frail and cold, like it always was. The nurses would always put Jen’s hands under the blanket to keep them warm and only uncover them to check her pulse. He wondered if Jen felt the cold as he did.
He stepped out of the way, as Margaret moved into place to change the IV fluid bag. She discarded the empty bag in the hazmat container.
“I’ll give you two a little privacy,” she whispered, pulling the curtain closed again before she left.
With a deep breath, Gray pulled a chair a little closer to the bed, careful not to let the feet drag across the polished floor, making a scraping noise. He eased himself into the chair and drew in a deep breath.
“I gave it another try today, Jen,” he said quietly. Then he chuckled. “Got myself thrown like I did when I was ten years old and just testing myself on a bull for the first time. You should have seen it.”
Gray closed his eyes. Jen couldn’t see anything. She never would again.
“I wish I had seen it.”
Startled by the male voice behind him, Gray straightened up in the chair. He turned to find Art Hendrix, Nina and Jen’s father, standing by the opening of the curtain.
“Sorry to intrude,” he said.
Gray stood up and extended his hand to shake Art’s. “You’re never an intrusion.”
“When Nina told me she saw you earlier today at the rodeo, well, I was hoping I’d see you here tonight. How’s the arm?”
Gray looked down at his arm, still in the sling. “I’ll live.”
“You haven’t returned any of my calls,” Art said. “I know you’ve been in to see Jen.”
“Really?”
“Colleen tells me when Jen has had visitors.”
Gray nodded.
“But you haven’t been by the house in a long time. I know it’s a ways out from Rudolph, but I hear you’re still working at the rig.”
“Yes, still a roustabout in Warton.”
“I know it’s a drive to get out to our place, but you know you’re always welcome. Why don’t you stop in?”
Guilt crept up his spine. “I’ve been real busy these last few months between working, coming here and family. You know my brother, Ian, came home from the military with an injury last year.”
“I heard about that. I also heard he’s doing better.”
Gray couldn’t help but smile. Word got around quick in these parts. “Yeah, he’s a lot better than I thought he’d be. He has a family now. A big one.” He chuckled then, just thinking of how Ian’s life had gone from being grim to being full of life.
“That’s good to hear. I know your brother needed you. I’m not arguing that point. Of course you’d be there for family first.”
Gray’s blood ran cold. “Jen is family. She never stopped being family.”
Art sighed. “Why don’t we take a walk?”
Gray turned to Jen, bent down and kissed her on the cheek as he always did, and felt the cold against his lips.
When he straightened up, he said, “Sure.”
The sound of the curtain opening as they walked by was like a fingernail across Gray’s nerves.
They got to the end of the hall where there was a small waiting room. Gray had spent many hours here during visits when he had to leave the room so a doctor or nurse could tend to Jen’s needs in private. The room was empty, so Art motioned to the sofa for him to sit down.
“I was hoping you could find time to come out to the house for dinner. Sooner rather than later,” Art said.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all. My wife would love to see you. Lara ran into your aunt not long ago while she was visiting friends in Rudolph. She heard all about Ian adopting those kids from Back ast.” Art laughed and shook his head. “It always amazes me how women can go on for hours on end about someone else’s kids.”
“Aunt Kate has always had a soft spot for kids. Everyone’s kids. But they’re family so I’m sure she was thrilled to boast about them.”
“How about we make plans for dinner in the next day or two? Can you come out to the house?”
Gray shook his head. “I’m going to be going out to the rig for two weeks. Maybe we can plan something for when my schedule breaks after that.”
“Let’s definitely do that,” Art said with a nod, clearly disappointed with having to wait. “Jen is my daughter. My responsibility. But I want to respect the relationship the two of you had before we move her.”
Gray's stomach dropped. “Move her? Where?”
“I’ve been offered another job so we’ll be leaving South Dakota. We’re taking Jen to a facility in Chicago. They want to do some testing.”
“Testing for what?”
“Just testing to assess her current condition.”
“I thought it hadn’t changed.”
“It hasn’t. It won’t get any better than this. But we’d like to make some changes and that means we need to be careful. The constant back and forth to the hospital while working has taken its toll on Lara and I. This job offer could give us the fresh start we need. I hope you understand.”
“You can’t take her away.”
Art looked at Gray with sympathy. “I knew you’d be upset. That’s why I’d hoped we could talk about this in a more private setting.”
“How would that have changed anything? You’d still be taking her away.”
“It’s been over between you two since the day she slipped into that coma, Gray. I know you loved each other. But that accident changed everything. It took away the life…she’d planned for. That we’d hoped she’d have. She’s never coming back. Not the Jen we knew and loved. It’s time for all of us to accept that and move on.”
Gray felt a jolt to his body as hard and jarring as the fall from
Frozen Tundra earlier that day. “Why are they doing tests?”
He hesitated and Gray didn’t like that at all. “To see if there is a chance that Jen can survive without all these machines.”
“Why is that even being questioned?” Dawning slammed into him hard. “Are you trying to kill her?”
Art’s face grew red. “How could you even utter such a thing? She’s my daughter! But she’s gone, Gray. She’s just a shell.” His anger turned to sadness as his lips trembled from holding back tears. “She’s never coming back to us. Not in the way we want her to. Lara and I want to give her at least some comfort while her body is still here on this earth. We don’t want to harm her. We want to take her home and let her live whatever life she has with us, not in a hospital surrounded by strangers. It’s time, Gray. I hope in time you’ll see that I’m right.”
Art stood up and stalked away before the numbness Gray felt had worn off, turning his emotions to emptiness. They were taking Jen away.
#
Chapter Two
She was going to miss her sweet palomino quarter horse when she left Lakeridge. Her parents couldn’t take him with them and Nina didn’t know where she was going to end up so keeping her boarded at the Rolling Rock Ranch until she could figure out where she could move him was the best she could do. But before her family's house was sold and she was forced to make that move, Nina was determined to get in as much time with her horse, Dusty Surprise, as she could.
They were experiencing an unseasonably warm March day. There was no better way to enjoy the day than to get out into the sunshine for a ride. She’d taken Dusty Surprise from his stall and had just finished saddling him up when she saw Gray standing by the door at the other end of the barn.
“I was hoping I’d find you here,” he said.
“Really? I’m surprised you thought to look here. I only started boarding Dusty at the Rolling Rock Ranch a few weeks ago.”
“Tessa works on the rig. She mentioned they started boarding a few horses and yours was one of them. It was a lucky guess you’d be here.”
She nodded. He’d been talking to Tessa about her?
“Can we talk for a bit?”
Nina brushed her hand along Dusty’s neck. “I was just getting ready to take a ride.”
Gray looked at her thoughtfully. “Mind if I tag along?”
“I only have Dusty here. We had to put Jen’s horse down after the accident. But of course, you already knew that. Mom and Dad gave up their horses a long time ago.”
“We can both fit on Dusty, if he’s up to it. He’s a strong quarter horse.”
Her breath caught in her throat. She’d ridden double on Dusty before, and she knew her horse wouldn’t be a problem as long as they weren’t out too long. Nina just didn’t know how she’d manage with the length of her back against Gray’s body.
“We’ll take it slow,” he said.
Dusty Surprise had never minded having two riders and today was no different. Within a few minutes, the barn disappeared behind them and Dusty was following a worn path leading into a wooden and rock trail.
Gray had his arms wrapped around her waist, and for a long time Nina fought the emotional pull that had gripped her as their bodies swayed in the saddle with each movement Dusty made.
“Did you know your parent’s plans when you saw me at the rodeo?” he finally asked.
She closed her eyes for a brief moment. “Of course.”
“You didn’t say anything.”
“It wasn’t the place. Besides, I have a lot on my mind. I’m probably going to be homeless in a few weeks.”
“Homeless?”
“As of last night, my parents have a potential buyer for the house. They’ve come back to see it a few times. So we might be packing up sooner rather than later.”
“They don’t know where they’re going to live in Chicago?”
She shrugged. “No, they’ve already picked out a place. It’s me that’s homeless.”
“You’re not going with them to Chicago?”
She chuckled. “Gray, except for my time in college, I’ve lived in Lakeridge my whole life. I’m not a city girl. I don’t think I ever will be. Chicago was fine while I was finishing college. But not now. I don’t want to go back.”
He was quiet a moment as they rode.
“Where will you go?”
“That’s up in the air right now. I suppose I’ll pull out an atlas and pick a place. It’s as good a strategy as any.”
“It doesn’t bother you that your parents are leaving you behind?”
“They’re not leaving me behind. I could go with them. In fact, they want me to go. They’re not too happy that I don’t want to though. I went to school in the city. It’s not as if I’ve been a country bumpkin who never saw a city cab. It’s just not me. Besides, why would it matter to you if I stayed or left?”
“Why wouldn’t I care?”
“You’re upset that they’re taking Jen. That’s what has you all tied up in knots right now, isn’t it?”
She felt his body stiffen against her back. “I’m not happy about it, but it’s not my choice.”
“No.”
She felt Gray’s intake of breath and then the slow release of it against her back. “Can I ask you something?”
Nina closed her eyes and braced herself. “Sure.”
“What happened with us?”
Her stomach dropped. She didn’t know exactly what to expect him to ask her, but she hadn’t been prepared for this. “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. Before I met Jen, I thought we were becoming friends. I’d see you at a rodeo and we’d talk for longest time. And then it’s as if you disappeared. I never saw you anymore. It’s like you went out of your way to avoid me after Jen and I started dating.”
She hesitated and then decided the best answer was the avoidance she’d practiced. “I told you then that I’d put school on hold for a long time to pursue barrel racing. It was taking me forever to finish my degree so I just wanted to concentrate on school and be done with it.”
“She missed you when you were gone. She used to tell me that all the time.”
A lump formed in Nina’s throat.
“I missed you, too. I just didn’t know how much until now.” he said quietly. His voice floated to her on the breeze. It was so soft that she wasn’t sure she’d actually heard him.
“Life has a funny way of turning things around, don’t you think?”
“Yeah.”
They were quiet for a few minutes. The sound of Dusty’s hooves on the trail became hypnotic. Nina leaned back against Gray gently. They had been friends, but he’d never loved her. He’d never been hers.
She’d realized her mistake in going back to Chicago almost as soon as she’d left. But by the time Nina managed to come home and make it to the next rodeo, she’d seen firsthand how close Gray and Jen had gotten in her absence. The pain she’d felt was overwhelming.
She did the only thing she could do. She’d backed off and went back to Chicago. She loved her sister. She’d fallen for Gray. But she wouldn’t get in the way of what was happening between them. And she’d be damned if she stood by and watched.
“What do you really feel about your parents trying to take Jen off machines?”
“It’s not my choice.”
She felt his irritation grow as his body stiffened again. “I’m asking you your opinion.”
“Fair enough. I don’t know. How’s that for being decisive?”
His chuckle rumbled through her as they rode. “I seem to remember you used to have a lot of opinions. What happened?”
Her lips lifted slightly. “I still do. Just not about Jen. She’s my sister, not my daughter. I’ve seen my parents sit vigil next to her for so long, hoping for some kind of sign that she’s coming back to us. She’s not.”
“And you’re resigned to that?”
“I’m being pragmatic. Hope was last year.”
“Aren’t
you afraid it’ll kill her to take her off the machines?”
“She’s gone already, Gray. You know she’s just existing,” Nina said carefully. She drew in a deep breath and squashed down the swell of emotion tumbling inside her chest. “The doctors say she’s already dead, even if she doesn’t fit the legal definition of dead.”
“What do you think?”
“I know my sister isn’t there anymore. I have no idea if she can hear me when I talk to her. And if she can, I have no idea if she understands. I’ve asked myself a thousand times if I’d want to exist like that. My parents are faithful people. They won’t do anything like take her off life support if she can’t survive that way. They won’t actively try to end her life if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I won’t get to see her at all when they move her.”
That was what was really bothering Gray. His connection with Jen would be gone. For Nina, it was different. She wanted to run from it. It was too hard to watch her sister lay in the bed day after day, knowing that’s all the life she had left.
“I’m…surprised it’s upsetting you this much.”
“Why?”
She stopped Dusty at the end of the trail and turned in the saddle to give Gray a quick look. “I was told you don’t visit Jen all that much anymore.”
Gray’s shoulders slumped. “Just because no one has seen me at the hospital, doesn’t mean I don’t visit her,” he said quietly, dismounting from Dusty Surprise and taking a step back to look up at her in the saddle. “Why wouldn’t I visit?”
Her sister had once loved this man. Nina knew that. Jen had confided as much, even though it had been hard for Nina to hear.
Nina climbed off the horse and held on to Dusty’s reins. “Because you’ll never have what you once had with her, Gray.”
“I know that. I’ve accepted that.”
“I don’t think you have. I didn’t for a long time. I’ve missed her as if she’s gone on some long trip and I’m waiting for her to come back. And she’s still here. Except, she’s really not. She doesn’t even know I’m there. She doesn’t know you’re there.”
His Dakota Heart Page 2