In My Shoes

by Stephens, Adrian

  “So, you’re not attracted to him?”

  What a strange question. “No, I’m not attracted to Jake.”

  We were mostly turned away from each other while we undressed and wrapped our towels around us, so I was able to keep my composure okay. We headed to the shower together.

  “So, what exactly is my type, anyway?” I asked curiously.

  “I don’t really know. You seem to like guys that are a little less…silly. Wasn’t he the one goofing off in class last week?”

  “He wasn’t goofing off!” I said with exasperation.

  I think I said that louder than necessary. “That was a little defensive. Besides, I thought those were your words,” she said.

  “Sorry. Yeah, I was wrong about that,” I said.

  That kind of killed the conversation as we entered the showers.

  I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest. The shower stall is a large, rectangular, tiled room with lots of shower heads sticking out along the walls. Seventeen naked girls…yes I counted…fourteen of them were real easy to look at. I found my place at one of the stalls and started washing up.

  I tried my very best to be discreet, but it wasn’t an easy task. I tried to make sure my eyes weren’t bugging out, and I didn’t look around at any one place for very long. It felt a little like going to a buffet of all of your favorite foods and not having enough money for a plate. All I know is this is one moment where it was nice to be a girl. There was nothing to give away my excitement.

  As soon as I had that thought, it occurred to me that Nicole was in my body on the opposite side of this wall, and she did have something to give away her excitement. I really hope she’s having an easy time controlling herself, because sometimes they’re pretty hard to control. No pun intended.

  I noticed that none of the girls got their hair wet. I guess that’s so they don’t have to spend all of the time redoing their hair. Nicole hadn’t mentioned that. Thankfully, I noticed before it was too late. I finished washing up, turned the water off, dried off and headed back to Nicole’s locker. Jessica was already getting dressed. I quickly put on the spare outfit that Nicole had in her locker.

  “Good idea,” Jessica said smiling. “That other outfit wasn’t working for you.”

  “Thanks,” I said, pretending to sound offended.

  “Just sayin’,” she said, holding her hands up as if to tell me not to blame her.

  Most of Nicole’s friends are very pretty. I’m sure that’s not how she chooses her friends, but nonetheless, they’re pretty. Most of them have at least shoulder length hair. Some blonde, some brunette and one has auburn hair. They look like they could be cheerleaders, yet most of them aren’t.

  Jessica is not much different from the others, except that her hair is a short, blonde color. Thin, but not boney. She has some freckles and her nose has a little crook to it. It’s very cute, actually. She has a mole on her upper back and the rest of her is pretty flawless. I’ve never really paid much thought to her before. She’s starting to grow on me now.

  “I’m going to head to class. I’ll see you in a little bit, okay?” I said.

  “Sure. See you in physics.”

  I grabbed the clothes I was wearing this morning and shoved them into Nicole’s backpack. After closing and locking her locker, I grabbed the backpack and Nicole’s purse and walked out of the locker room.

  Nicole was waiting at her locker when I arrived. She didn’t look very pleased before she saw me, but once she did see me, her expression was even less happy.

  “What are you wearing?” she asked.

  “I’m wearing the extra clothes you had in your locker.”

  “Okay…I know what you’re wearing. What I mean is, why are you wearing that and not the outfit I prepared for you?”

  “Well, I started out in the outfit you laid out for me, but it didn’t look right. Then, when Jessica saw me in it, she made fun of it. I thought I should change.

  “By the way,” I added, “what’s the difference between a dress and a skirt?”

  She looked at me, a little puzzled. “A dress is one piece with both top and bottom connected. A skirt is just the bottom part. Why?”

  I unzipped her backpack and pulled out the clothes. “Well, I called this a dress to Jessica, and she asked since when did I not know the difference between a dress and a skirt.”

  “Wait, this is what you were wearing? This isn’t what I left out for you. Where did you…”

  After a short pause, she groaned as if it all became clear what had happened.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I was organizing the outfits when my mom came in and had the dating heart-to-heart with you. It kind of threw me out of sorts.

  “That outfit,” she said, pointing to the clothes I had worn to school, “was parts of leftover clothes I had out and forgot to hang back up. The outfits you were supposed to wear were hanging up together at the far end of the closet. There was one outfit for each day of this week. The left was the first outfit. It was a cute blouse I just got that you were supposed to wear with a different pair of jeans.”

  “I’m sorry. I had no idea that you had hung up multiple outfits for me.”

  “It’s fine. I should have pointed it all out when I was done. I was just distracted, I guess. Just skip today’s outfit and wear the second outfit tomorrow. You can bring the jeans you were supposed to wear today and a plain green shirt to school tomorrow to replace those in my locker,” she said, pointing to what I was wearing. “The green shirt is hanging up in my closet.”

  “Why do you have spare clothes at school anyway?” I asked.

  “For just in case.”

  “Just in case what?” I persisted, but in a thoughtful tone.

  “In case something happens to the clothes I’m wearing,” she said in not nearly as thoughtful of a tone.

  “Okay spill,” I said.

  “Spill what?”

  “You have been in a bad mood all morning. And that’s just the two times I’ve talked to you.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry. It’s been a rough morning. How did P.E. go?” she asked as she started to open up her locker for me.

  “It went fine. It’s my new favorite subject,” I said, smiling. I don’t know why, but I was hoping it would make her smile, too. Instead she rolled her eyes.

  “So, how was your class?” I asked.

  “Well, let’s just say it’s not my new favorite subject,” she said. “Look, we’ve only got a few minutes. Here’s my locker info,” she said handing me a piece of paper. “Write yours on here.” She handed me another piece of paper. I wrote my information and handed it back.

  “Thanks. Now, I don’t carry my backpack around with me all day. I drop my backpack off at my locker in the morning and just take the subject books I need before each class. Don’t forget to always take your purse with you.”

  “Got it. Let me get my stuff and I’ll walk you to my locker.”

  “No, that’s okay. I can find it with the info you gave me. I’ll see you in class in a few minutes.” With that, she was gone.

  Nicole and I both have A.P. Literature and Composition next period, so I would actually see her in a few minutes. What I really wanted to do was to talk to Mike, but I wouldn’t see him until physics. Even then, I wouldn’t have much of a chance to talk to him, since he would be sitting next to Nicole.

  I walked into lit. class and was looking for a seat when Nicole’s friend Meredith was looking at me like she was offended.

  “Oh, hey!” I said.

  “What, you’re not going to sit next to me today?” she asked.

  “Yeah, sorry. I was lost in thought.”

  The bell rang just as I sat down, bringing our conversation to a quick end. Nicole walked in just a few seconds after the bell.

  “You’re late, Mr. Matthews!” said Ms. Early. She doesn’t like tardiness. Go figure.

  “I know. I’m so sorry. I had locker troubles.”

  �
�Very well. See that it doesn’t happen again.”

  “Yes ma’am,” Nicole said, quickly taking a seat at my regular spot. She did seem to be having a rough day. I was curious what could have gone so wrong this morning.

  The rest of the period went fairly smooth. Neither of us got called on. We handed in our homework and received an assignment for tomorrow. As the bell rang, I got my things together and stood up to leave.

  “Bye, Mer. I’ll see you later,” I said smiling.

  “Okay. See you at lunch.”

  I looked back to see if Nicole wanted to talk to me, but it didn’t appear as though she did. There wasn’t much for me to screw up, and she was able to see everything anyway.

  I exchanged books from Nicole’s locker and headed to physics on my own. The class was half full, but I had arrived before Mike or Nicole. I took Nicole’s usual seat, next to Jessica. She smiled at me and I smiled back. Nicole arrived a few moments later and took my seat. Mike came in just after Nicole and gave me a strange look as he walked by to take his seat. Whatever happened this morning, I had a feeling Mike was going to fill me in with what he knew as soon as he could.

  “I passed Jeremy in the hall and he totally ignored me,” Jessica said, bringing my attention back to her.

  “Well, are you sure he saw you?” I asked thoughtfully.

  “Yeah, he looked right at me and when I said hi, he just kept walking and talking to his friends. He…didn’t even say hi.”

  “I’m sorry, Jessica. There are other, better guys out there.”

  “Well, do you think I should talk to him about it?” she asked.

  “Why? If he were into you, he would have said hi. Whatever reason he had for ignoring you, it can’t be a good one. Don’t put yourself through it. You’ll find the right person.”

  She gave me a look that made me think that wasn’t something Nicole would probably have said.

  “Well…I guess you’re right.”

  The tardy bell rang after that and we left the conversation where it was.

  If I had been asked a week ago about what it would be like being a girl, I would have probably said it’s not that hard and I could do it if I had to. Now that I am a girl…yes that sounds strange to me…I can truly appreciate how hard it is. Not necessarily because being a girl is so hard, but because it is quite different. I think it would be similar to telling someone to play the piano because they can play the guitar. I spend every bit of effort trying to remember to walk right, and talk right, and do everything the way that Nicole would so I don’t make things more difficult for her when we change back. If we change back…but that’s another story.

  Being in class, so far, has been nice because I don’t really have to worry as much about messing something up. I listen to the lecture and answer questions when directed at me. No walking, and not much else to mess up. As long as we study, we should be okay with the classroom time. I think.

  Physics seemed to go just as fast as A.P. Literature. I got called on once, but the answer was easy. Before I knew it, the bell had rung and we were packing up our things. I looked back at Nicole and Mike. Mike was doing his own thing. Nicole was packing up, but she gave me a glance and a nervous smile. It is still strange to see facial expressions, that I’ve seen on my face for seventeen years, look somehow different with her in my body.

  I smiled back at her a little more confidently, trying to help ease whatever concerns she was having. After saying goodbye to Jessica, I left for Nicole’s locker.

  Next up was Nicole’s calculus class. I was a little more nervous about this class, just because it wasn’t my calculus class. I knew the assignments, but the unfamiliarity of the class and teacher was making my stomach a little uneasy.

  Nicole walked up to me as I was exchanging books from her locker.

  “You seem to be doing okay,” she said. “Are you ready for calculus?”

  “I think so. Everything seems to be going as well as possible. How about you?”

  “I’m feeling a little better now. I think it helped having our first couple of real classes together. Being able to see that you can handle it was nice, and I feel a little better about my ability to handle it.”

  She paused for a moment. “I think we can do this!” she said, somewhat enthusiastically. “Good luck.”

  With that, she headed toward my Spanish class and I headed toward her calculus class.

  When I arrived in Nicole’s calculus class, I looked around for people I knew. I recognized two people, but I didn’t see them as being friends of Nicole. I found the desk Nicole usually sits at and sat down. Jessica wasn’t there yet. I glanced at the other people around me and smiled. They each smiled back and went back to their own business. Jessica arrived just as the bell rang and took her seat.

  Okay, so calculus didn’t go quite as well as the previous classes. I got called on once, but I was a little distracted admiring a girl in the front row who I’d never seen before. I knew the answer to the question, but it didn’t register when the teacher called Nicole’s name the first time. When Ms. Clark called on me more sternly the second time, I quickly sat up and answered. A little embarrassing, but I survived.

  The bell rang, and I quickly got my stuff together and headed to lunch with Jessica. Just about the time I started wondering what Nicole usually does for lunch, Jessica, Meredith and Caryn caught up with Jessica and me and we walked into the cafeteria together. We all got in line at the pizza kiosk. They each got one piece of pizza and a drink, so I did the same. We all found an empty table and sat down to eat.

  It’s not like I’ve been oblivious to it, but sitting at a table with three girls made me realize just how much faster girls talk than guys. Maybe they’re not all like this, but these girls seemed to just feed off of each other. I could barely keep up with the conversation. They talked about boys and lunch and these cute outfits they saw at the mall and their classes and it just went on and on. I tried to respond just enough to not seem suspicious, but…I was scared to talk.

  After about five minutes of speed talking, they stopped suddenly and I thought I might have done something wrong. Then I noticed they were looking at Mike and Nicole standing behind me. I turned to look at them, but I didn’t know what to say.

  “Hi, Nicole! Do you mind if we sit with you guys?” Nicole asked.

  Okay, I had no idea why she was doing this. But if she’s asking, she must be okay with it.

  “Uhh…sure. Be my guest.”

  I looked at Nicole’s friends and they had different expressions that I didn’t yet know how to read. They looked more surprised than bothered. I was still trying to figure out what to say when Nicole broke the silence.

  “Hi, I’m Jake. This is Mike,” she said.

  “Oh, sorry. These are my friends Jessica, Meredith and Caryn.” They each waved their hand when I said their name.

  “You girls are hot!”

  “Mike!” Nicole and I yelled at the same time. Nicole smacked him.

  “Ouch! I’m just sayin’!”

  Jessica and Caryn both laughed a little to themselves, but Meredith didn’t seem amused.

  “I’m sorry,” Nicole offered. “Mike likes to keep his manners in a jar by his bed. Just, sometimes he forgets to take them out before he leaves the house.”

  I was irritated at Mike, but that made me laugh. Not that I’d ever say something like that. After that, Mike and Nicole sat down. Mike had a silly look on his face that told me he wished he could talk to me without everyone around, but that wasn’t going to happen until after school.

  “So, Nicole,” Nicole started, “are we going to study after school today?”

  “Uhh…sure…Jake. I guess we could do that.” I wasn’t sure why she was doing this. The last thing I would think she would want would be for her friends to think we were spending a bunch of time together. I still didn’t understand why she was here…with Mike!

  I looked over at the girls and they all had smiles on their faces, except for Meredith, that t
old me they were getting a kick out of all of this.

  “How are your classes going today?” Nicole asked me, ignoring her friends looks.

  “My classes are going pretty well. How are your classes going?”

  “Fine,” she said somewhat unenthusiastically.

  “Well,” Meredith interjected, “as intriguing as this conversation has become, I think we should head toward class. “She stood up and looked at Caryn and Jessica. When they didn’t get up, she nudged them both. Jessica sighed and got up.

  “Nice meeting you,” Nicole said to the girls.

  “Nice meeting you, too!” said Jessica and Caryn together.

  Meredith smiled, an unconvincing smile, and they left.

  “What was that about?” I asked.

  “Meredith is selective about her friends,” Nicole said. “She probably thought it was forward of us to invite ourselves to sit down with you.”

  “No, I meant you. What are you doing?” I asked.

  “What do you mean, what am I doing?”

  “I thought we were going to keep our lives as normal as possible. I didn’t think you wanted your friends to know we were hanging out.”

  “You don’t really think I’m that shallow, do you? I mean, why would I care who knows we are hanging out?”

  “I don’t know. I just thought you…”

  “Look, I’ve never been ashamed of being friends with someone. I wasn’t going to have you around my friends before because…well…I didn’t really like you. Things are different now.

  “And as for normal,” she continued, “I think we can agree that’s only going to be possible to a certain point. I don’t know about you, but being around you makes me feel more comfortable.”

  “Kind of like having a safety net,” I said in agreement.

  “Yes, exactly.”

  “So, spill,” I said, looking back and forth between them.

  Mike had a smile on his face and Nicole looked uncomfortable.

  “I don’t think this is the right time.”

  “I do!” Mike interrupted. “So, do you want the before school story first or the P.E. story?”

  Nicole groaned, mostly to herself.

  “You mean I have two stories to choose from? Am I in any trouble?”