In My Shoes

by Stephens, Adrian

  Most of the students were already in class, which I was thankful for. It probably wasn’t very noticeable, but I didn’t really want to take the chance. I had made it nearly the whole way, when I heard a voice call Nicole’s name. A guy from one of her classes, Spanish maybe, walked up to me. I knew him vaguely. I think Nicole must only know him vaguely, because she didn’t mention him in any of our talks.

  “Hi! Kevin,” he said, pointing to himself.

  “Right, hi,” I said, trying to smile politely.

  “Aren’t you going to be late for class?” he asked.

  If he was worried about me being late for class, why did he stop me? “I should ask you the same thing.”

  “I’m an office aide this period, so…”

  I looked at him as if to say ‘So, why exactly are you talking to me right now?’

  “So, I was wondering, would you like to maybe go out some time? To the movies or…dinner, maybe?”

  I didn’t want to be rude, because I knew what it was like to be rejected badly. I didn’t really have time to chat, though. I tried to be nice, but short.

  “Oh, thank you, but I don’t think so.”

  “Why not?”

  Seriously? He needs a reason? “Seriously? You need a reason?”

  “Well, it would be nice.”

  How about because I’m a guy in a girl’s body. Or that the girl who normally occupies this body wouldn’t date you because she doesn’t date. “Uhh…you’re not my type. Sorry.”

  “Well…”

  “No. Sorry,” I said, and I turned and walked away.

  No wonder Nicole was short with me. Guys can be thick sometimes. And, he didn’t even try to work in a conversation. It’s like he just expected me to say yes because he was Kevin. I’ve got to give him credit, though. I wouldn’t have had the guts to keep talking after she told me ‘no.’ It’s hard enough to ask someone out, but it’s even harder to talk once the illusions you’ve built up in your head come crashing down with ‘no.’

  I made it to the car without any additional incidents. Nicole had a beach towel in the trunk, so I laid that down on the seat, folded the dress over for extra measure and sat down. Thirty minutes later, I was pulling into Nicole’s garage.

  Inside, there was nobody home. Nicole’s mother must have been out running errands, because the house was silent. That was a relief because I didn’t want to have to worry about running into anyone and having them ask a bunch of questions.

  I my clothes and threw them into the washer. I didn’t want to waste a load of laundry on two articles of clothing, so I grabbed the colors from my room…well, Nicole’s room…and added them to the wash load.

  The laundry detergent was on a shelf above the washer, so I grabbed it and the fabric softener and filled them in their appropriate compartments. I changed the setting to cold wash and cold rinse and started it on its way.

  I was feeling kind of gross, so I decided to hose off in the shower real quick. It took just a few minutes since I didn’t get my hair wet. After drying off, I went to get my new clothes.

  Once I had underwear, I went back to the bathroom to find Nicole’s ‘supplies’ under her sink. Everything was there, nice and neat, tucked in the back. I grabbed three of everything and put them on the counter. Then I grabbed a pad, read the instructions and attempted to put one in place. I pulled it out of the wrapper and removed the paper covering the adhesive strip. The sticky stuff kept sticking to my fingers, and I was having a hard time getting it in place. And, what’s the deal with these wings? It’s a pad, not a plane. Finally, I was able to get it in place and pulled my underwear up. Yeah, not comfortable.

  I grabbed the supplies and put them in Nicole’s purse. It occurred to me that I needed to take some time soon and go through Nicole’s purse. I had left her purse alone for the most part, thinking it was best to leave her private stuff private. If I have to be Nicole, maybe I need to see what other surprises might be in my future. Not now, though.

  I grabbed a new bra and put it on, and I headed into the closet to grab the clothes. Nicole said there were jeans for the next outfit, which I found. She had a shirt, blouse thing for the top. I put them on, along with some socks and tennis shoes, grabbed all of my things and headed back to the car.

  If traffic was bad, I’d likely still be able to have time to enjoy lunch instead of rushing. If traffic was good, I may make half of calculus. I quickly got on my way and ended up at the school with enough time to still get credit for being present for calculus. Pretty good time, with all things considered. I entered the classroom as discretely as possible, but Mrs. Clark still noted the interruption.

  “Nice of you to join us Miss Evans. Where have you been?”

  “I wasn’t feeling very well. I’ve been in the bathroom.”

  “Do you need to go to the nurse’s office?”

  “No, thank you. I think I’ll be okay now.”

  “Very well. Take your seat.”

  I took my seat next to Jessica quickly and tried to get my bearings on where the class was with the lesson. Fortunately, my class was ahead of Nicole’s, so I had already covered this material.

  Class went by pretty quickly, which probably had something to do with me only being there for thirty minutes. The bell rang, and Jessica caught my attention.

  “Are you okay? I was worried about you.”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. My stomach was hurting, but I think it’s passed.” It hadn’t really, but I didn’t think Jessica needed to know that.

  “Okay. I’ve got to go to my locker. I’ll see you at lunch?”

  “Yeah, see you then,” I said, as I headed to the cafeteria.

  I walked into the lunchroom and headed toward the lunch line. Mike and Nicole were walking toward the line from the opposite end of the cafeteria. Mike had a big smile on his face. Uh-oh, what now?

  “My little girl’s growin’ up so fast. Your first period,” he said, trying to hug me.

  “Mike!” Nicole and I yelled in unison, while I pushed him off and Nicole smacked him.

  “Sorry!” he said defensively. “Da heck. No sense of humor.”

  “Don’t smack him like that. You look like a girl,” I said politely, half laughing.

  She looked at me like ‘what do you expect?’

  “I’m just saying.” I turned to Mike. “Dude, think about what you are doing and saying. We told you about this because we needed your help and we thought we could trust you.”

  “I know. I’ll be good.”

  “So, what did I miss?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

  “Not a whole lot,” Nicole said. “I’ve got what you need for homework. It should be easy. I told Mr. Korelinski you had a migraine and needed to be in the dark for a bit. I said you would try and get to class before it ended, but…I don’t think he even marked you…well, me…absent.

  “You’ll have to get your calculus homework,” she continued.

  “I made it to calculus for half of the class, so I got my homework.”

  Nicole gave me a look of discretion and seriousness. “So, are you better…prepared for the day?”

  “I…think so. Is there anything else I need to know?”

  “Like what?”

  “You’re asking me? How does this work?”

  “You’ve taken health class. Don’t you know?”

  “I think so, but I never thought I would need good notes on the subject.”

  “Well, it usually lasts five to seven days. It should be pretty mild today, but it will be heavier for the next few days before it tapers back off. Change your supplies every four hours at the most, but you’ll know if you need to do it more often.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Not that I can think of. Oh…don’t flush them. Roll them up in tissue and throw them away. You’ll overflow the toilet if you flush them.”

  “Ladies, you’re killing me here,” Mike chimed in. “Could we get over the girl fest please? I’m about to have lunch. I don’
t need the mental images.”

  “Really?” Nicole retorted. “I didn’t think you had enough horsepower upstairs to gather a mental image, Mike.” She was being playful but direct.

  “Nice,” I said, and Nicole smiled.

  “Ha, ha, ha. Could we please just change the subject?”

  “Yes, Mike. We can change the subject.”

  We didn’t seem to find a new subject after that. We walked through the lunch line without any further conversation until we sat down. Jessica, Caryn and Meredith joined us a few minutes later.

  “Hey guys,” Jessica said cheerfully. “How are you doing?”

  “Helloooo ladies!” Mike said in his smoothest voice. Nicole rolled her…well, my eyes. Jessica and Caryn smiled wide. Meredith even seemed to attempt a smile.

  “So,” Mike said, looking at Nicole and me, “do you want to hang out tonight?”

  “I can’t,” I said. “I’ve got plans tonight.”

  “Really?” Nicole asked. “What kind of plans?”

  “We’re going to hang out at the mall tonight,” Jessica offered. “Do you guys want to come?”

  Nicole, Meredith and I turned to look at her. Caryn didn’t seem too fazed.

  “What?” Jessica asked defensively.

  “Thanks, but I don’t think…” started Nicole.

  “Oh, come on. It’ll be fun,” Jessica interrupted.

  Nicole looked at me. I wasn’t really sure what she was expecting me to say…‘Please don’t come to hang out with your girlfriends to help me survive while they guy shop?’

  “Well, I guess I could. If you guys don’t mind.”

  Jessica smiled. “I don’t mind.”

  Caryn and Meredith didn’t seem to care either way. Nicole and I looked at Mike.

  “How about you, Mike? Are you going to come?”

  “Na. Malls aren’t my thing.”

  “I’ll pick you up tonight after I get Jessica,” I said to Nicole.

  “Okay. I’ll be ready.”

  For the next fifteen minutes, we all talked about different things. Different conversations going on between different people. At one point, I sat back and watched as everyone interacted. Even Meredith seemed to be nicer today. She was talking to Mike and Nicole, who she thought was me. There may just be some new friendships in the making here.

  “Well, I’m going to head to class. I’ll see you guys tonight,” I said. “Mike, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “See ya,” he said.

  Nicole got up and said goodbye to everyone. She caught up with me as I headed toward Spanish class.

  “I’m not sure really why Jessica invited us tonight. When we go to the mall we usually…”

  “Guy shop,” I interjected.

  She smiled. “That’s what she likes to call it. But usually we go looking for clothes and we’ll check out earrings and necklaces…a lot of things guys aren’t going to want to do.”

  “So where does the guy shopping come into play?”

  “It’s just a term she likes to use. It’s more us just going out together, but we keep on the lookout for cute guys. If we see one, they’ll make a point to say hi. We’re not actively guy hunting though.”

  “Well, that’s a bit of a relief. I’ve already had one guy ask me out today, and that was awkward. I wasn’t looking to have to say no to a bunch of other guys.”

  “Who asked us out?” she asked, smiling.

  “Funny. I think his name is Kevin, and I think he’s in your Spanish class.”

  “Oh, he’s cute,” she said.

  “And arrogant,” I said.

  “Yeah, I got that impression, too. What did he say?”

  “He called to me as I was leaving the school, and started by telling me I was going to be late to class.”

  “So, he stopped you to tell you that you were going to be late? That’s dumb.”

  “Yeah, and then he just flat out asked me out.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I said ‘no thank you’ and he asked me why not.”

  “And?” she asked.

  “I couldn’t believe he was asking me for a reason.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I think I actually asked him if he needed a reason, and he said he’d like one. I told him he wasn’t my type and then I walked away.”

  She smiled.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing really. I think you handled that well.”

  “Thanks.”

  “We’ll talk more later. I’ve got to get to class,” Nicole said as she walked away.

  I walked into Spanish and saw Kevin on the other side of the room. He saw me walk in and quickly turned away. I took my seat and waited for class to begin.

  It’s never fun being rejected. Maybe I could have been nicer to Kevin, but at the time he was being annoying and preventing me from getting to Nicole’s house. I looked over at him hoping to catch his eye and smile, to let him know there were no hard feelings. His posture and body language were telling me he had no interest in looking my way. Oh well. I guess that’s his problem.

  Fifth and sixth periods went by without any issues. I ran into Nicole after school.

  “Hey, how did the rest of your day go?”

  “I think it went okay. I’m trying to get used to the feeling of wearing these things. They feel like diapers.”

  “I wasn’t aware you knew what diapers felt like.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “They don’t really feel like diapers, but I do know what you are trying to say. It’ll be over in a week.”

  “Yay me.”

  Nicole smiled.

  “So, are you really going to pick me up later, or are we going to study together?”

  “Oh, we can study together. Text Mike that I’ll take you home.”

  She did so, and we headed back to Nicole’s car. We were getting in as my…well, Nicole’s phone rang. Jessica’s name came up on caller id.

  “Hey Jess. What’s up?”

  “Okay, so you are going to pick me up, and then we are going to get Jake, right?”

  “Actually, I will probably pick Jake up first.”

  “And…there’s nothing going on between you two?”

  “Yeah, why?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” she said and then gave out a heavy sigh. “Okay…so if you’re not okay with this I totally understand, but he’s…kind of cute, and he seems real nice, the little I’ve gotten to know him. I mean, he must be nice if you’re friends with him. But you’re not interested in him, so I was wondering if it was okay if…I…was…maybe?”

  I was silent for…I don’t really know how long. Apparently I was silent for too long because Jessica chimed back in.

  “You know what, it’s a bad idea. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.”

  “No, no! It’s okay. I just didn’t really know what to say. I mean, I didn’t really think he would be your type, and I don’t really know if you’re his type.” I’ll need to think about that. And lots more. “But, you’re welcome to try.” What was I saying? Nicole was going to kill me.

  “Are you sure?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I mean, it doesn’t hurt to try.”

  Jessica gave out a little squeal. “Thanks Nikki. I was a little nervous you might like him and not be admitting it yet. I don’t know why, but I’ve found myself thinking about him all day. Do you have any advice?”

  Wow! How to answer that? So many things come to mind. “Just be yourself. Let him like you or not like you for who you are. Whatever the case, just make sure to be yourself.”

  “Thanks, Nikki! You’re the best! See you tonight!”

  I said goodbye, hung up and looked over at Nicole.

  “That sounded like an interesting conversation. What was that about?”

  “Jessica wanted to know if it was okay if she was interested in…me.”

  Nicole gasped. Not a ‘life is over as we know it’ gasp, but a gasp nonetheless.
<
br />   “She what?”

  “Was that rhetorical or did you need me to repeat it?”

  “Rhetorical, I guess. And you told her okay?”

  “Well, yeah. I didn’t know what else to say.”

  “How about no? Or not yet? Or, let me think about it?”

  “I was thinking that it might send the wrong message, like if I said no it would mean you were interested in me.”

  “Well, that’s a good point I guess, but…ugh!”

  “What do we do? She said she’s been thinking about me all day.”

  “That would explain why she invited you to go with us tonight.”

  “Well, actually she asked you,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

  “Not the time, Jake.” Apparently she’s not ready to lighten the mood.

  “Okay,” she finally continued, “she doesn’t know that you, or I, or…ugh…Jake knows about this. I’ll just be friendly, but not ask her out.”

  “What if she asks you out?” I asked.

  “I’ll say no.”

  “Don’t I get a say in this?”

  “I…guess so. What, do you want to date her?” she asked, surprised.

  “I don’t know. I’m not sure she’s my type, but if she asked me out, I would say yes. How do you know if you like someone if you don’t try, right?”

  “Jake, she’s my best friend. How am I supposed to take her out on a date? And worse…kiss her goodnight?”

  “I understand that, but because she’s one of your best friends, I would think you would want her to be happy. What if we were meant to be?”

  “It’s not likely that you two are meant to be,” she said. After a brief pause, she continued, “I do want her to be happy, but that’s asking a lot.”

  “She doesn’t know it’s asking a lot.”

  Nicole winced like she was in pain. I recognized that look on my face. “Look, if she asks me out, I’ll try to say yes, but I’m not asking her out.”

  “That’s fine. That’s probably what I would do.”

  “Why me?” she said, mostly to herself. “This whole situation gets crazier every day. Every day, I want to switch back more and more.”