In My Shoes

by Stephens, Adrian

  “Well, are you sure Nicole’s not interested in you?”

  “No?” That was supposed to be a statement, like ‘no, Nicole’s not interested in Jake.’ I don’t know what happened there. “I mean, I don’t think Nicole has any interest in me.”

  “Well, just be careful. Nicole is a nice girl. You don’t want to get yourself caught up in a mess between these two girls. Make sure you’re upfront with them and look for signals.”

  “Signals?” I asked.

  “Just make sure you pay attention to how they are acting around you, and each other. You don’t want to hurt their friendship or yours. Jealousy can cause a lot of problems.”

  “Thanks for the advice, but I don’t think it will be a problem.”

  Jake walked back into the room. I wondered if he could hear our conversation, because he had a strange look on his face.

  “Is everything okay, Nicole?” I asked.

  “Actually, no. I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to go after all. Jake…could you walk me out to my car?”

  “Sure,” I said nervously.

  “Sorry, Angela.”

  “No problem, Hon. I hope everything is okay.”

  “I think it will be. Thank you.”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked as we walked out to the car.

  “Let’s get in the car and talk.”

  I was getting really nervous now. We both got into the car and shut the doors. “What is it?” I asked impatiently.

  “First, it sounds like he’s going to be okay, but…your brother has been in a car accident.”

  I gasped. “What?”

  “I guess he has a few broken ribs, and a broken leg, but…he should be fine.”

  I didn’t know what to say. It was hard to be relieved that Tyler was going to be okay, knowing he was somewhere with a broken leg and broken ribs. I struggled to find my voice. “How did it happen? Where is he?”

  “I don’t know the details, just that he was in a car accident, and I guess he wasn’t the one driving. He’s at a hospital in Stanford, and he’s stable.

  “Your parents are flying out to be with them,” he added.

  “What about…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I just started crying. Jake put his arms around me and held me.

  “Your mother said I could come, or that I could stay with Jessica so I didn’t miss any school.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know him. You should be there, but…I just don’t know how that could work. I told them I would think about it and let them know when I got home, but…I really don’t think I should go. Do you?”

  I was trying to talk through my tears. “No…I guess not. There’s too much that could go wrong.”

  “Your mother said he was stable. I think that’s why she gave me the choice. It sounded like she was leaning toward me staying.”

  I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to gather myself. “Okay, I guess you are staying then. But, please pay extra attention to your phone. I want updates as soon as you get them…no matter what time it is. If we weren’t like this, I would definitely be there. School or no school.”

  “I figured. I will let you know everything as soon as I know it. Do I…have to stay at Jessica’s?”

  “No,” I answered. “She just offered that since I would normally prefer to be there instead of at an empty house. If you are okay being in my house alone…”

  Jake laughed, mostly to himself. “I think we’ve gone way past what we are okay with. But, I think it’s better than being at Jessica’s house for…however long this lasts.”

  “True,” I agreed. “You really should get going.”

  “Are you going to be okay?” he asked.

  “I think so.”

  “Get yourself together before you go back inside. My mother would kind of wonder why you were crying about someone you don’t really know.”

  “Okay. Talk to you soon,” I said, as I got out of the car.

  Jake drove away and I went back inside as soon as I had my composure.

  “Is everything alright?” his mom asked. She was sitting at the table waiting for me to eat, and she looked truly concerned.

  “I don’t know. Nicole’s brother, Tyler, has been in a car accident. He has some broken bones, but they say he is stable.”

  “That’s terrible. I sure hope he’s going to be okay.”

  “Me, too.” Please be okay, Tyler.

  We ate in silence for the first five minutes or so. I can’t speak for Jake’s mom, but I was lost in thought about my brother. We have always been really close. Being brother and sister, we’ve had our occasional disagreements, but he’s always been there when I needed him. It was eating me up that I couldn’t be there when he needed me. It was even worse that I had to keep my emotions bottled up inside of me.

  Eventually, Jake’s mom broke the silence. She asked me about my day. At the moment, it was hard to recall my day. I did the best I could, and I asked her about her day. It was easier to listen to her talk than it was to talk myself.

  “Let me help you with the dishes,” Jake’s mom offered.

  “Thanks, but I’ve got them,” I replied. I needed to keep busy.

  Jake’s mom sat down as I started washing the dishes.

  “Well, even as a friend, you picked a good one there,” she said, and I smiled. “I really do hope her brother is okay.” Me too.

  It was silent for a while, before she continued. “So, this girl you have a date with on Friday, what’s she like?”

  For a little while, I had managed to forget about the date. “Oh, Jessica is really nice. She and Nicole have been friends for a long time.”

  I wrapped up washing the dishes, and Jake’s mom got up from where she had been sitting.

  “You’re a good boy, Jake. I’m very fortunate to have such a good kid.”

  “Thanks Mom,” I said as I started heading to Jake’s room.

  “Would you like to sit and watch some television with me for a bit? It seems like I haven’t seen you much lately.”

  “Well, I guess I could for a little while,” I said, feeling a little sad for her, “but I do have a little bit more studying to do tonight. I could hang out for…maybe an hour.”

  She smiled. We sat down on the couch, next to each other. We watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. It was actually kind of nice, but watching television with Jake’s mom made me miss my parents. I missed spending quality time with them, being myself, and just being together. Not doing anything, really. Just relaxing.

  “Well,” I said finally, “I should get back to studying.”

  She kissed my forehead. “Thanks for spending some time with your old mom.”

  “Sure. It was nice,” I said with a smile.

  I went back to Jake’s room and resumed my studying. At least, I tried to study. It was hard not to think about Tyler. Before I knew it, ten o’clock had arrived and I was tired. I hadn’t gotten as much studying done as I had hoped, but I needed to stop. I put all of my things away, and got myself ready for bed.

  Usually, lately, my mind starts wandering closer to bedtime. I think about everything that has happened and try to think about what might change us back. I’m growing tired of thinking about it. Like I told Jake today, I just don’t know what caused this. I pray every night to be changed back, but if God has changed us, then I am guessing there is a reason for it, and we will change back when the time is right.

  Wait, we changed on Thursday night. Maybe we will change back this Thursday night! One week. That would make sense, wouldn’t it?

  Ugh…I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know whether it’s worse thinking about this every night before bed, or ever getting to the point where I stop thinking about it. I don’t want to be a guy for the rest of my life. I’m a girl. I like being a girl. I like boys. I...

  DAY 7

  I jumped up in bed, startled! I was disoriented, and it took me a minute to realize where I w
as. I was breathing heavily, gasping for air. After a few moments, I gathered myself and started putting the pieces together. I had just woken from a terrible dream. Well, more like a nightmare!

  It was so vivid, I could remember every detail. I was on a date. Jessica and I were at the movies and we were there with a large group of people. In the dream, I knew who all of the people were, and supposedly they were my closest friends. As I’m recalling the dream now, I don’t know who any of them were. Just people playing the part for my dream.

  So, we were at dinner, and Jessica and I were having a real nice time. I liked her, and I could tell she liked me. We had a lot in common, which surprised me in my dream. We weren’t even paying attention to our friends, because we were just lost in conversation with each other. One of the friends said something to me, and once I realized they were calling me, I looked over.

  All of a sudden, all of our friends started getting up and sitting down in different seats. I looked at Jessica and she just smiled at me. I looked back, and they were changing seats again. I was embarrassed by their behavior, so I asked them why they were doing that. One of the friends replied, “I don’t know, it just seemed like a good idea.”

  I told them to go back to their normal seats, and they said they couldn’t. I looked at Jessica and suggested that we leave. Jessica seemed unfazed by our friends, but agreed to leave anyway.

  As we were walking to the theater, Jessica put her head on my shoulder. We held hands and talked. She became cold and I put my jacket around her to keep her warm.

  We watched a horror movie, and Jessica held on to me tightly throughout the movie. Every time she got scared, she would hide her face in my chest.

  As the night wound down, we found ourselves walking to her front door. I turned to face her and she turned to face me, hopeful, and then we kissed. When I opened my eyes, Jessica was gone, and I was looking at myself. Not in the mirror. I was standing right in front of…me.

  “Jake, why did you just kiss me?” this other me said.

  “I’m not Jake, I’m Nicole,” I replied.

  “No you’re not, look,” she said pointing at my reflection in a window.

  She was right, I was Jake. But no, it wasn’t right. I’m Nicole. “Something’s wrong. I’m not Jake,” I said, turning back, but instead of the other Nicole standing there, it was Jake.

  “You’re right. I’m Jake,” he said.

  I sighed with relief. I looked back at my reflection, expecting to see my face again, but instead, I found myself looking at Jessica. “No,” I said despairingly. When I looked back toward Jake, he was now Mike.

  That’s when I woke up startled. The good news was that it was just a really bad dream. The bad news was, when I opened my eyes, I still saw Jake’s room, which meant I was still in Jake’s body.

  One week in Jake’s body. I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m a little afraid I’m losing my mind. That is, if I haven’t already lost it completely.

  I dragged myself out of bed, begrudgingly ready to start another day. I checked my cell phone…no messages. I showered, shaved, dressed, did my hair, brushed my teeth, made…Jake’s...bed, gathered my things and headed to the kitchen for breakfast. Jake’s mom was already up and dressed for work.

  “Good morning, Jake.”

  “Morning.”

  “Did you sleep well?” she asked.

  “Not really. I think I tossed and turned all night.”

  “I’m sorry. Have you heard anything about Nicole’s brother?”

  “No,” I said. “But, no news is good news, right?” She smiled thoughtfully.

  I grabbed a bowl and made myself some cereal. When I was done, I rinsed my dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I grabbed my things once more, said goodbye to Jake’s mom and headed for the front door to wait for Mike.

  “Have a good day at school, Hon. I hope you feel better.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  I was a little early, but I wasn’t in the mood to have a conversation with Jake’s mom this morning. Nothing against her, but I was just feeling particularly uncomfortable. It was probably from my dream and thinking about my brother, and talking to her wasn’t going to make me feel better.

  I was just getting ready to call Jake when I received a text message from him. ‘Mom and Dad arrived early this morning. Tyler is sleeping…stable. See you at school.’

  I sent a text back, thanking him for the update, and put the phone away.

  Mike arrived about fifteen minutes later. I was so lost in thought, it seemed like it had been minutes.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hi Mike.”

  “Are…you okay?” he said, looking at me funny.

  “Yeah, I just didn’t sleep well last night.” I didn’t think he needed the details, so I left it at that.

  “Bummer,” he said as he pulled away from Jake’s house.

  “Yeah, bummer.”

  Mike left me to my thoughts for most of the way to school. When we were a little more than half way there, he pulled me out of my trance.

  “Hey, Nicole?” he asked.

  “Yes, Mike?”

  He didn’t say anything.

  I kind of half laughed. “Did you just want to say my name, or was there something on your mind?”

  He looked at me, and then quickly turned his attention back toward the road. He looked nervous. Oh boy, what now?

  “Mike?” I said, trying to coax him, but unsure if I really wanted to know.

  “What is it that I do that makes me seem fake?”

  Wow. I wasn’t expecting this conversation. I was actually relieved.

  “Do you really want to know?”

  “I asked, didn’t I?”

  “The best that I can tell, you are actually really smart. But I bet you have, what, a C average, if not worse?”

  His head was facing forward, but his eyes briefly turned my direction before turning back. “Something around there,” he said.

  “What’s your highest grade?” I asked.

  “I have an A in physics,” Mike quickly offered.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah,” he said, slightly offended.

  “What’s your lowest grade?”

  “I…I’m failing math.”

  “That doesn’t even make sense. Physics is a math based science. If you’re getting an F in math, you’re not trying.”

  He didn’t say anything at first. “It’s boring. It’s too easy,” he finally said.

  “Well, maybe you should be in a higher level. Maybe if you tried harder, they would put you in a higher level. Just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean you should punish your future by not doing the work. I may be speaking out of turn Mike, but you seem a little confused about what you want to be. It’s sad that you are that smart, and that you aren’t doing better in school.

  “What’s your grade in English?” I continued.

  “I don’t know. Maybe a D. Maybe better.”

  “Okay, that doesn’t surprise me.” I was trying to keep my voice low and conversational. The words were harsh enough. I didn’t want my tone to sound angry.

  “Why?”

  “Your grammar is terrible. It’s one thing to speak slang with your friends once in a while, but slang seems to be all you know. When I hear someone speak the way you do, my first impression is they are uneducated. I’m sure I am not the only one who thinks that way. You don’t want people assuming you aren’t that smart before they even get to know you, do you?”

  “I don’t know. No, I guess not.”

  “I’d hope not. The reason I said you are fake is just that. When you are actually smart, but you act dumb, I call that fake.”

  He didn’t say anything. He looked like he was considering my words.

  “Mike, Jake thinks you are a good friend, and I’m sure he’s right. But, you don’t need to try so hard to be friends with people. If you be yourself, everyone won’t necessarily like you, but plenty of people will. And…why would yo
u want to be friends with people who you always have to try to impress, anyway?”

  “I don’t think I’m always trying to impress people.”

  “I think you may not realize how much you do try to impress people.”

  Again he was quiet while he considered what I said. “Anything else?” he finally asked.

  “I don’t think so. Look, nobody expects you to be perfect. Just don’t throw away the gifts you have, and don’t try so hard. You may be surprised at how much better things get for you.”

  “Right. Uhh…thanks.”

  “You’re welcome,” I said softly.

  We pulled into the school parking lot with about fifteen minutes until class started. As we got out of the car, Jake came walking toward us. He must have just arrived.

  “Hey, guys. How are you doing?” he asked. He sounded as unenthusiastic as I felt.

  “Okay, how are you doing?” I asked.

  “I’m fine. I didn’t sleep well last night, though.”

  “That’s weird. I didn’t sleep well either. I had really weird dreams,” I said.

  “Now that you mention it, I had weird dreams, too. I don’t really remember what they were about, though. What were yours about?” Jake asked.

  “It was weird, and didn’t really make sense.” That was true, but I was hoping my vagueness would keep them from asking more. I had my own ideas about what my dream meant, but I didn’t want Jake and Mike chiming in about why they were both in my dreams.

  “Hmm…” Jake said. “Have you been having a lot of strange dreams?”

  “Actually, no. This is the first day I remember having dreams since we switched.”

  “I don’t really remember having any dreams this last week either,” Jake recalled.

  “You know,” I followed, “today is one week that we have been in each others’ bodies.”

  “Are you saying you think that we might change back tonight?”

  “I don’t know, but the thought did cross my mind. The dreams…well, my dreams had to do with us switching around.”

  “Man, I wish I could remember what my dreams were about.”

  “I didn’t have any dreams last night,” Mike chimed in. We both just stared at him. “Sorry.”