“Do you forgive me for not telling you?” Ashleigh asked, finally looking into her eyes.
“I do,” Erica said, but knowing in her heart that forgetting would take a while.
Ashleigh took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I want things to go back to the way they were, but I know that will never happen. All of this has changed me, and I feel confused…violated in a way.”
“You feel violated that I know your secret?”
Ashleigh nodded. “It’s not just you. Drew and Kaitlyn know too, and I know you’re all talking about it. I imagine that you’re all trying to figure me out.”
“That’s because you’re not talking to us. I guess that’s why Drew did what she did.”
Ashleigh scowled. “Drew,” she said angrily. “I can’t believe she sought them out. Now they know just how screwed up I am too.”
“People will think what they want. If you care, then correct them. Explain how you feel and why you do the things you do.”
“You think I should talk to them too?” Ashleigh looked surprised.
“If it helps you.” Erica wasn’t sure how she felt about Ashleigh facing her ex, but she wasn’t going to bring that up. For the moment, she would shelve that thought and all of the gut-twisting emotion it conjured.
“I can’t fathom that right now,” Ashleigh said to Erica’s relief. “How do we go on from here?”
Erica smiled as hope flooded her. “We deal with one day at a time. You talk to me and I’ll talk to you. Let’s agree to stop walking around here both in our own world.”
“I’ll try.” Ashleigh gave her a weak smile, but something in her eyes made Erica seriously doubt her sincerity.
“She hasn’t come home for lunch,” Drew said when Kaitlyn answered the phone.
“Leave her alone, Drew. Did nothing I said last night sink in?”
“I wasn’t going to bring up Vicki or the band,” Drew shot back. “She comes home every day, and we have lunch. She didn’t come home. She’s pissed.”
“Then leave her alone and let her cool off. Things seem to be working out between her and Erica. Don’t get in the middle of it.”
“They had a good talk then last night?” Drew stood on her toes and peered out the kitchen window, hoping to see Ashleigh rounding the corner.
“I’m not telling you what Erica said.”
“Kaitlyn, don’t keep punishing me.”
“I’m not punishing you. Leave Ash alone for a while, let her come to you when she’s ready. Now I have to go. I’m late for a planning meeting.”
“You still love me?” Drew gnawed at her bottom lip.
“Of course I do. You make me wanna pinch your head off sometimes, but I’ll always love you.”
“That works both ways, sister. You left clothes all over the bedroom floor last night. You think we have a cleaning fairy or something?”
“Uh-huh, love you, bye.”
“Love you, too.” Drew tossed the phone on the counter and looked back out the window. No sign of Ashleigh.
Ashleigh avoided Drew for a week. It’d caused several fights between Drew and Kaitlyn, who insisted that she leave Ashleigh alone. Drew at least wanted to apologize, but how could she when Ashleigh kept her distance?
Drew had cleaned the house, worked in her flowerbeds, and cleaned out the storeroom, but by the eighth day of Ashleigh’s standoff, she was getting antsy. She found herself once again on autopilot as she made the phone call that would land her in the permanent doghouse—if anyone found out.
Vicki sounded genuinely pleased to hear from her. They talked about the concert and what Vicki and Chantal were doing at the music store until Vicki asked the inevitable.
“Does Ashleigh know you talked to us?”
Drew sank down onto the sofa and chewed at a fingernail. “Yeah, and she’s pretty upset. I haven’t talked to her in over a week.”
Vicki was quiet for a minute or two. “Is it me or is it Alex?”
Drew was wading into deeper waters. Instead of taking Kaitlyn’s advice, she dove in headfirst. “More than Alex, Ashleigh is angry at herself. Alex is probably a factor, but Ashleigh is more concerned with you hating her.”
“We don’t hate her, though, and Alex…well, really, that was a long time ago. We’ve all grown up a lot since then.”
“What’s she like?” Drew asked, making herself comfortable. “Are you close to her too?”
“We’re all very close. I think us staying together all these years is a testament to that. I’m probably closer to Alex than anyone else, though. She had a serious car accident a few years ago, and I took care of her. It gave me a chance to really get into her head. She has a lot of regrets too.”
“Does she have a girlfriend now?”
“No,” Vicki said, but something in her tone pulled Drew up short. “Alex has never really…been able to settle down with anyone. She dates a lot, but she just…well, she’s Alex.”
“Kaitlyn’s worried that if Ashleigh sees you all again, it may stir up old feelings between Ash and Alex.”
“I’m sure it would stir up a lot of different emotions, but twenty years have passed and they’re not the same people.”
“Do you know the whole story behind Alex and Ashleigh?” Drew asked, unable to stifle her curiosity. “Ash said Alex broke her heart.”
“That’s the truth. Alex had some…fidelity issues. But I can assure you she won’t pursue Ashleigh.”
“I don’t think she’d be successful if she did.” Drew swapped the phone to her other ear. “Ashleigh seemed pretty hostile where Alex was concerned.” Drew thought for a minute. “There’s got to be a way to get you two reunited that won’t get me divorced.”
“Drew, I have to ask, why is this so important to you? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to have you on my side, but what is your motivation?”
Drew had been asking herself this same question over the past week. She wasn’t really sure of the answer. She wanted to say that she wanted to see Ashleigh reconnect with old friends, but if she were truly honest with herself, the whole idea of getting a glimpse into Ashleigh’s former life was irresistible. “I think I’d like to get to know the woman that you knew. She’s a mystery to me.”
“I’ve never admitted this to anyone but Chantal,” Vicki said with a hint of shame in her voice. “I didn’t like Ashleigh when I first met her. Alex and Jaclyn had just auditioned, and we knew in a heartbeat they were both perfect. Both of them were brimming with confidence, and I knew that they’d have a great stage presence. And then came Ash. I couldn’t believe Chantal had considered her for a second.
“I still remember Chantal telling me that she’d found the perfect frontwoman, then she half dragged that waif of a girl into the room. She was skinny and shy, and I thought she was going to puke on my floor. I didn’t even want to hear her sing.”
Drew laughed at the image. “She’s still thin, but not what I’d describe as skinny.”
“She stepped up to that mic, closed her eyes, and turned loose that voice,” Vicki continued with a dreamy tone. “I had to agree with Chantal then, but we had one huge roadblock to get over. Ash couldn’t dance,” Vicki said with a laugh. “She would stand stock-still at the mic, no matter the tempo.”
Drew chuckled at the image. “Well, she was shaking her ass in the video we saw.”
“Alex can take the credit for that. I have to admit with all her shortcomings Alex was the most patient of us all. They practiced together endlessly, and Ashleigh gained the confidence it took to work the stage. She was never really comfortable with it, but when she performed, another side of her personality took over.”
“Oh, man, I’d love to see her perform,” Drew said, then groaned in frustration.
“Baby steps.”
“Right, I’ll be gentle. And I’ll work on her about seeing you when she decides to talk to me again.”
“Now your turn, tell me about Erica.”
“Erica,” Drew blew out in exasperati
on. “She’s still grappling with all of this. She and Ashleigh are one and the same when it comes to issues. They both like to bury their heads in the sand until the problem goes away.”
Vicki made a noise that Drew took to mean that she knew exactly the point Drew was making.
“Erica’s the tall, dark, and stoic type. You never really know what’s going on in her head. Only Kaitlyn can get inside, and up until lately, Ashleigh could too.”
“Sounds a little like Alex.”
“She loves Ashleigh, though,” Drew admitted with a smile. “Totally devoted.”
“You said tall and dark, what exactly does she look like?”
“Erica is very attractive, but if you ever tell her I said that, I’ll deny it,” Drew said with a smile. “She’s athletic, not what I’d call butch, though. I don’t know how to describe it, but there’s just something kind of…sexy about her.”
“Hmm.” Vicki was quiet for a moment, and Drew knew what was going through her mind. “That’s how I’d describe Alex.”
“I think that’s why Kaitlyn is so bothered by all of this. They’re similar and she’s not sure how Erica is going to react to that.”
“I’d really like to talk to her. She doesn’t have to ever see Alex or anyone else if she doesn’t want to, but it would mean the world to me just to hear her voice.”
They ended the call with Drew promising to make Vicki’s wish come true. A promise that Drew regretted making, but caught up in the moment, she’d done it without any thought to the consequences. With the quiet of the house surrounding her, a voice screamed in her brain to stop and think about what she was doing, even as she began dialing another number.
Chapter Ten
Ashleigh heard the bell jingle as another, she assumed, sick soul found his way into the crowded waiting room. She looked up from the computer with a smile to greet the would-be patient, and all expression froze on her face. “What the hell is that, Tim?” she asked the ruddy-faced delivery boy as he set the arrangement filled with flowers, balloons, and candy sticking out at every angle on the counter.
“It’s for you,” Tim said, seemingly happy to be rid of the bouquet that had obscured his vision. Now it was dominating the entire check-in counter. “How’s Erica?”
Ashleigh peeked from behind the monstrosity. “She’s good, how’s your mom?”
“Better now,” he said with a smile while swatting at one of the balloons. “She’s not running a fever anymore. She plans to be back at the store tomorrow.”
Ashleigh pointed at what could be loosely termed an arrangement. “Who put this together then?”
Tim smiled and backed toward the door. “The customer made it in the store, then asked me to deliver it. It’s a custom design,” Tim called over his shoulder as he made a hasty departure.
“Whoa, somebody’s been really bad.”
“Yes, somebody has.” Ashleigh turned to look at Carol as she walked into the workstation. “I’m not sure I can get this back to my office alone.”
“Well, I just ate lunch, but if you leave it up here with me for a while, I can eat it down to a manageable size.” Carol plucked a Baby Ruth from the arrangement.
Carol helped Ashleigh move it to the floor so that it no longer blocked the entire reception desk. “Tell anybody who comes up here to help themselves to the candy,” Ashleigh said as she stuffed the unopened card into her back pocket. “I’m going to take my lunch break now.”
Ashleigh slipped out the back door of the clinic and found a shady spot at the picnic table reserved for employee breaks. Like the arrangement, the card was large. As Ashleigh tugged it from the envelope, she couldn’t help but smile at the penitent-looking dog surrounded by shredded lingerie and socks.
Beat me with a skillet, I deserve it, but please talk to me.
Drew
Ashleigh sighed and flipped open her cell phone. Drew answered on the first ring. “I’m still so mad at you, Drew.”
“I thought I was helping.”
“You were being nosy.”
“Okay, yes, I was being nosy, too. My heart was in the right place.”
“I know.” Ashleigh tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“I know Erica’s working late tonight. Could you come by and see me when you get off? Ash, please,” Drew said when Ashleigh didn’t answer immediately.
“I’ll see you at five, but have the skillet ready,” Ashleigh said before hanging up.
The day flew by, much to Ashleigh’s annoyance. In truth, she’d missed her time with Drew, and she would never admit to another soul that she was relatively curious about her meeting with the band. Still she was angry that Drew had made contact with them and no doubt discussed her with them.
“I have the skillet ready,” Drew said as she threw open the door and waited for Ashleigh to step inside. Though she was smiling, Ashleigh could see the tears that threatened to fall. All of her anger melted, and when Drew pulled her into a hug, she returned the embrace.
They kept the conversation light as they ate the chicken salad that Drew had made for dinner, another of Ashleigh’s favorites. They stuck to mundane chat like the local gossip and saved headier topics for later. When they settled in the den, Ashleigh was the first to break the ice.
“How did you get in contact with Vicki?”
“I found their Web site. They had an e-mail address.” Drew had the decency to blush. “I got a little bit carried away.”
“And then?” Ashleigh cocked her head, unwilling to let Drew off too easily.
“Chantal wrote me back. We exchanged a few e-mails, and I gave her my number.”
“Are she and Vicki still together as a couple?”
Drew nodded. “So are Jaclyn and Lindsay.”
“You’re kidding me,” Ashleigh said with a smile despite herself. “I’d have thought they would’ve killed each other a long time ago.” Ashleigh chewed her lip for a moment. “Vicki’s doing okay then?”
“She seems happy enough. She got a little weepy when we showed her your picture.” Drew winced when Ashleigh frowned. “She asked to see it.”
Ashleigh kicked her shoes off and pulled a leg beneath her. “I don’t think I’m ready to face her yet.”
“Does that mean you’ll eventually agree to see her?” Drew felt adrenaline coursing through her veins. She had to bite her tongue to keep from blurting out that she’d talked to Vicki earlier that day.
“Let me deal with one issue at a time. Right now, things are sort of normal with Erica.”
Drew smiled. “I’m happy to hear that.”
Ashleigh didn’t smile, but rather toyed with a loose string on her pants. “I said ‘sort of’ normal. We’ve talked a lot, but that’s been about it.”
“Oh,” Drew said when she grasped what Ashleigh implied. “No sex?”
“None. I need that connection with her, but she doesn’t seem remotely interested.”
Drew cuffed Ashleigh on the arm and grinned. “Maybe you should go home, dim the lights, put on some music, and see what happens.”
“I’ve done that along with other things, and she rejected me. Nicely, but it was still a rejection.”
“I’m not making excuses for her, Ash, but she has been under a lot of pressure. Kaitlyn says that Bob has been riding her pretty hard at work, and you two are still working through issues.”
“I know she’s got her hands full.” Ashleigh shrugged. “It keeps us from having to discuss things.”
“But you just said y’all have been talking.”
“Talking, yes, but not really delving into anything.”
“Didn’t you just say things were getting back to normal?”
“That is normal for us.” Ashleigh thought about the last week and how they’d been civil, even affectionate at times, but there was still what felt like a barrier between her and Erica. “It’s normal in some ways and different in others.” Drew was silent and Ashleigh could feel her staring at her waiting for her to spell it out. The
problem was she couldn’t. “It’s just different. I’m not sure I can put it into words.”
“What was Alex like?” Drew asked suddenly, causing Ashleigh’s head to snap up.
“Why would you ask me that?”
Drew shrugged nonchalantly. “I’ve just never heard you talk about exes, and I wonder how she compares to Erica. You did admit that she was your first love.”
“Time does a lot to the accuracy of your memories. The most painful are the ones that stand out, but to be fair to her, we did have some good times together.” Ashleigh hoped that would be all she had to say, but when she glanced at Drew, she was looking back expectantly. Until that moment, she’d never thought about comparing Alex to Erica.
“You’ve asked me about Vicki and Chantal, but you’ve not asked about Alex. Aren’t you the least bit curious?”
“I know you said you met the band, but when you didn’t mention her specifically, I assumed that you didn’t speak to her.”
“I didn’t really.” Drew sat up a little straighter. “She was in the room when we got there, but she didn’t stay long.”
“Well,” Ashleigh said with a shrug that she hoped made it appear that she was only marginally interested. “What was your impression?”
“Polite, but standoffish.” Drew scooted a little closer to Ashleigh. “She didn’t participate in the conversation really. She stood off in the corner while everyone asked about you, taking it all in, then she left.”
“And what was everyone saying?” Ashleigh asked with a frown.
“They wanted to know if you were doing okay and where you’d been all these years. They’ve been looking for you.”
“What did you tell them?” Ashleigh could feel her face growing warm.
“I told them that you were fine.” Drew laid a hand on Ashleigh’s knee. “Honey, I just told them what I would tell anyone else that hadn’t seen you in a while.” Drew left out the conversation she had with Vicki and Chantal. “Just that you’re doing fine and you’ve been in a relationship for five years and you’re happy.”
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