by Moore, Mary
She tried once again. “Lord Devlin, listen closely, I am not going to dance with you…”
“Shush,” he whispered. “We are out here alone. No one will see you dancing for the first time this Season. That also means no one will see if you make a misstep or two. I will be holding you in my arms, guiding you every step of the way. It will soon come back to you.”
For a moment Devlin tried to justify his feelings by their seclusion on yet another moonlit terrace. But something inside would not allow it to be so. It was…romantic, and he could not recall ever using that word before. He did not understand how such a simple thing had turned into such an amazing experience, but quickly lost all interest in analyzing it.
Before she could protest, he placed his hand on her waist and lifted her free arm to his shoulder. He took her other hand tenderly and held it against his chest, and she knew it was most improper, even for a waltz. He began to move her in the steps. She was stiff and unyielding.
He whispered in her ear, “Close your eyes and feel the music as you did at the opera. Rely on your other senses as you taught me on your terrace. The waltz will come back to you soon enough.” Devlin’s movements were minimal to give her time to relax. He whispered again, “Now admit that you do want to dance with me.”
His old ways of flirting did make her relax for a moment, forgetting her scruples.
Her trust was now completely in him; he would never know how much so since she could not see, only follow. She leaned her cheek against his lapel and let the strains of the waltz overtake her completely. The reasons the dowagers shunned the waltz was now eminently clear to Nicole. They danced so closely she did not even have to think about her steps; she need only let him lead. It was the most intimate moment she had ever had with a man, including the chaste kisses she had experienced from her betrothed.
Nicole had not forgotten how to waltz, but she knew this was the way it was meant to be danced. She wanted the musicians to play forever. He was whispering gentle and teasing words in her ear about moonlit terraces. She forgot her mother, her secret, her fear of crowds and just let herself bask in this one dance that she would store away, in minute detail, for the rest of her life.
As the music ended, they stopped dancing. However, she could not let go. Her head rested still against his shoulder, and his arm circled her waist. She was so afraid of breaking the spell that she could not bring herself to end the moment.
With his finger lightly under her chin, Devlin raised her lowered face to his. Her eyes were still closed. She wished more than ever that she could see. She wanted just one glimpse of his face to read his thoughts and to have that memory until the day she died. He slowly lowered his head; she could feel it in his shoulders. She could no more stop him from leaning down to kiss her than she could stop breathing.
She stiffened a little when his lips touched hers. How could she have ever imagined just that light touch would move her so? She knew she had never felt so when Michael had kissed her. She slowly relaxed and automatically moved her hand, the one on his shoulder, around to the back of his neck to touch the hair that her mother thought “a little too long to be fashionable.”
When he finally lifted his head, she opened her eyes and they were filled with tears, but she smiled and he relaxed. Suddenly she lifted her hand from his neck and placed it on his cheek. She closed her eyes again and softly rubbed his cheek and jawline. When she gently touched his lips with her hand, he sighed and the moment was broken. She began to pull away from him.
“I am sorry, Nicole,” he said. “I did not mean to frighten you. Your touch moved me.”
She fought the yearning to stay where she was. “We must go in. There will be talk. I am afraid Mama may be worried. I know Toby certainly is.”
“Do you expect me to just let you walk back in there as if nothing has happened? We must talk, Nicole. You know that, do you not? I cannot allow you to start avoiding me again.” His voice intensified. “I cannot.”
“You are right, Devlin, we do need to talk. I have many things I wish to tell you, but not tonight on a moonlit terrace. It must be in the harsh light of day with our heads clear of waltzes and…kisses.” She flushed as she finished; she had never spoken so to a man.
“Will you ride with me tomorrow?” he asked hurriedly. “We could go to Richmond Park. It would take us more than an hour. We could have luncheon at a small inn I frequent there.”
Nicole knew a ride was out of the question for the morrow, and it caused her some impatience. But after tomorrow, she promised herself, after she told him the whole truth, she could ride with him anytime. She only hoped he would still want to.
“If you do not mind, I should prefer it if we went in your curricle so we could talk more easily. I have much to tell you.”
“Very well, a curricle then, but if you ‘my lord’ me one more time, I shall not be answerable for my actions.”
She smiled as he intended, but he did not want her to go. “Nicole, may I kiss you again?”
She turned her face away in answer. She should never have allowed the first one, but she was calmer now and called on God’s strength. “I think we should go back inside.”
He took her arm with a sigh and escorted her back to her mother.
Chapter Ten
Nicole awoke the next morning happier than she had ever been in her life. She was finally going to tell Devlin the truth. She was awake much of the night remembering his words, his arms, his kiss, and she blushed at the way he made her feel. Her inherent fears rose several times as she thought about how she would tell him. How would he respond to her truth?
She also knew that she had fallen in love with him. It was no longer just a thought, and it was no longer just friendship. She thought him her best friend, but that meant so much more in the light of her love. This was the love her mother had described when she told of giving up her former life for Nicole’s father.
Nicole knew it was not the same for Devlin. He had made his feelings clear about love and marriage. She knew they could be nothing more than friends and that there would be no more of the intimacy they had shared last night. But if he still wanted her in his life after her revelation, she vowed that would be more than enough. Something had happened to her on that terrace. She felt she could trust him with all her heart, and she could not wait to have everything out in the open. She was not absolutely sure how he would take the news, but she knew that she wanted to tell him. She prayed he would understand.
Nicole got out of bed and knelt on the floor beside it, folding her hands before her. “Lord, You have sent Lord Devlin to me for some purpose, and I thank You for the opportunity to share the truth about my life with him. I have come to love him, Father, but I know that his love is not part of Your plan for me. Perhaps Your purpose is that he will come to know You better through me, and so I ask…”
The door to her room burst open and Chelsea ran in and jumped on her bed, talking a mile a minute. “Nick, you promised to tell me every detail of last night’s ball. You must tell…” Her bouncing stopped. “Oh dear, I have interrupted your prayers. I am sorry!”
Rising, Nicole smiled serenely. “I was just about done. It was a perfectly lovely night, minx. I even danced, if you can credit that, but I do not have time to tell you the rest now. I am sorry, goose. Lord Devlin is coming to take me to Richmond Park. I promise I shall tell you all about it later, at dinner perhaps?”
“You are going to Richmond Park? I have heard famous things about Richmond Park. Are you sure you would not like an opportunity to further the education of your little sister? Lord Devlin likes me very much, you know. He may truly want me to join you!”
“I am sorry, love, this time I must have his full attention. Would you help me pick out a gown instead?”
Chelsea, for once, obeyed her sister without question and stopped bouncing on the bed. Tears choked her next question. “Oh, Nicky, did something wonderful happen with Lord Devlin? Do fairy tales really happen for people like us?�
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Nicole hugged Chelsea but spoke seriously. “Chelsea, this is not a fairy tale. We do not even need to hope in fairy tales when we have our Heavenly Father always available to us. Own up to it, puss, many good things have happened to us.” She let her sister go with a kiss on the top of the head. “Please ring the bell for Stella, love. I told you it was a wonderful evening, but you must not take it for more than that. I haven’t the time to tell you now, but you could help me begin to dress until Stella arrives.”
The Beaumont ladies were waiting in the drawing room when Lord Devlin was announced. Chelsea and Nicole had chosen a new peach gown with a straw chip hat that made Nicole appear as fresh as the whole outdoors.
He entered and greeted Lady Beaumont, but his eyes gazed intensely at Nicole.
He had spent the most harrowing night. He thought he might be falling in love with her, yet it felt nothing like the emotion he had experienced with his wife. He had been so infatuated with Vivian that his professions of love now seemed ridiculous. This was not a blind passion based on outer beauty. He already admired, nay loved, Nicole’s inner qualities. But last night had made him believe he had finally found real love—an intense physical and emotional need based on the mental attraction they had previously shared.
He needed to see if her response to him last night had meant the same to her. He needed to tell her about his first wife and why it had killed any desire for another marriage. And he needed to find out why she was so adamantly against the idea. Her plan to take care of her family and home could not be cast in stone, could it? He would get his answers today!
“Excuse me, my lord, but while you have been gawking at my sister, you missed my new curtsey,” Chelsea pouted adeptly.
“Chelsea, please guard your tongue,” moaned a resigned Lady Beaumont.
Devlin shook himself out of his reverie and pinched her cheek. “Chelsea, is that you? I was on the verge of asking to be introduced to the young lady who was so quiet and reserved, and looked so beautiful this morning!”
She scowled, and then giggled at the easy manner he displayed.
“Enough, Sprite! I have a surprise for Nicole out in the front, and if you wish to see it you must get your cloak.”
“You have brought a surprise? Oh, Nicky, a surprise for you! How big is it?” Chelsea could not keep her exuberance leashed as they moved toward the front door.
Devlin took Nicole’s arm and whispered, “I know you preferred we go in my curricle, but I wanted to give you a pleasure you have missed. You’ve spoken of missing Solomon so much. I wished to erase it from your mind.”
On the instant Nicole feared the surprise. Why had she not anticipated his kindness? She must calm herself; it may yet turn into nothing. Yet tension gripped her as her mind seemed to stop functioning. Inside she screamed at herself, trying to divert the approaching tragedy. This could not happen here in front of everyone. No, please, Lord, not this way.
“Devlin,” she spoke, pulling back against his arm, resisting his forward movement. “I need to speak to you right away, before we go outside.” The screech from Chelsea stopped her in terror.
“Nicky, she is the most beautiful horse I have ever seen. She will make you want to retire old Solomon when we get home.”
Nicole went rigid on Devlin’s arm as he leaned over once again to whisper in her ear. “I know you did not plan to ride today, but I saw her and could not resist. She is only on loan, so if you do not like her, feel free to say so, but she seemed perfect for you.”
Nicole’s panic had taken complete hold and she began to tremble, needing to invent an excuse immediately but unable to make a sound.
Chelsea’s next comment made her freeze in shock.
“Nicky, she is chestnut and will perfectly match your russet riding habit. She has four white feet, but you must not call her something silly like Socks. She is too beautiful for that. Toby, don’t you think she’s beautiful?”
Nicole covered her face and tried to pull away from Devlin. She leaned on the hall table as Chelsea continued her description. No, no, this was not how she wanted him to know. She wanted to start from the beginning and tell him the entire tale gradually.
His viselike grip on her arm kept her from decamping, and he spun her around to face him, anger and questions emanating from him.
“Nicole? Why is your sister describing every detail of a horse standing only a few feet in front of you?” When she made no comment, he barked an order. “Look at me, Nicole, what is it?”
“I c-cannot,” she stuttered through streaming tears. “I c-cannot look at you.” She kept her head lowered and said the last part in a whisper. “I cannot see you. I can see almost nothing at all.”
A deadly silence shrouded the hall.
“No, no…” He shook his head in disbelief, rubbing his hands over his eyes. “You are blind?” As the weight of his question bore down upon her, he could no longer control his temper or his words. “You have been keeping this from me all this time? How could you hide such a thing?” He let go of her arm and began an agitated pacing. He finally stopped and ran his fingers through his hair. She could feel him brush against her as he turned to continue his tirade.
He came to a halt. “You have taken great pains to do so, have you not? You have practiced this deception to perfection.” His voice conveyed his emotions with each accusation. “You have been lying and pretending, making fools of us all for months. Is that your idea of friendship? Was this ever a friendship, or was last night to trick me into marriage? I think I begin to see. Blind country belles do not make a splash in London. They do not catch rich earls as husbands! Not even those as beautiful as you. Unless of course, they pretend they are not blind. I have been such a fool. I fell right into the trap, didn’t I?
“This explains everything…not riding, your fear of crowds, not dancing and Toby—how could I forget Toby?” He stopped and covered his eyes. “What it does not explain is your talk of loyalty and honesty and truth.” He was pacing, clenching his teeth in anger. He had been duped by his first wife and now he had done it again.
“Devlin, please, it was nothing like that. Please let me explain…”
All Devlin could think of was that he had spent so much time with her and had been too stupid to see the truth. But worse, she had not told him. It never occurred to him to consider any other reason for her behavior. And his anger made him overly hard. “When did you plan to tell me, Nicole? Were you waiting for a proposal?” He growled in frustration. “What a fool I have been.”
Suddenly Chelsea ran in from the doorway. She had heard Lord Devlin’s furious words and was distressed. She ran to Nicole and hugged her, sobbing hysterically. “Nicky, I am so sorry, I thought you told him. I thought he knew and that is why you were so happy this morning. It is always my treat to describe things to you. This is my fault. You must make him understand.” She ran to Lord Devlin. “Please, sir, I am to blame. It is not as you said. Do not be mad at Nick.”
“Is this, too, a ploy, Lady Nicole? Have you even used this innocent child in this entrapment?” His question began with complete surprise and ended with loathing. “Good day, Lady Nicole.”
Nicole knew she would never forget those horrifying words if she lived to be ninety.
Surviving this day took one of the most Herculean efforts Nicole would ever make. All she wanted to do was run to her room and never come out.
After Lord Devlin left, Chelsea was almost inconsolable. If she could only explain more, Chelsea kept crying. He did not understand and she could fix it, she promised. But Nicole knew it could never be fixed. She tried to cheer Chelsea by telling her everything would be fine.
Chelsea went to her room much agitated, and it was a long while before her governess could quiet her tears.
But Chelsea had been nothing compared to her mother. Lady Beaumont had not yet left the drawing room, but had, of course, heard every horrid word. Her silence was the scariest part. Nicole might have handled her mother better had she h
ad a bout of hysterics, but her mother’s withdrawal was almost too much to bear.
“Mama, I am sorry.” Nicole was emotionally drained, and it sounded in her words. “You were right all along. I should not have hidden it. I have made a terrible mistake. I need to go home, Mama. I need to try to get my life back to normal somehow, and I cannot stay in London. This is the second time I have lost a man I loved. Only I do not know how I am going to survive it this time. The one thing I do know is that I cannot do it here.”
Lady Beaumont responded in a deathly quiet voice. “There is no need to ask, Nicole. As soon as the rest of London hears about this, we would need to leave anyway. Unfortunately, we decided to consult with Dr. Morrison at the end of our stay. Therefore, we must remain through tomorrow.” As Nicole began to protest, her mother lost patience with her. “No, Nicole. We will not leave without accomplishing the most important reason we came.”
Nicole felt her mother’s anger quickly fade. Since her accident two years before, Nicole had opposed every attempt she’d made to offer compassion. Quietly she spoke again. “Despite all that has happened, love, I have not forgotten our prayer for you to see again. We may pack this evening and leave at first light on Tuesday. But tomorrow we will see the doctor.”
Lady Beaumont rose to leave the room but stopped abruptly. “Nicole, I had hoped and prayed that time would convince you that you are no less precious in our sight, and that vulnerability was not something to be avoided at all costs. But you have remained stubborn and hidden behind your facade of strength. I know that I am guilty of pressing this visit on you.
“I also know you need comfort right now, and how I long to give it to you. I know you are going through indescribable pain. If your father were here, you would let him comfort you. He always did. But your pain is also breaking my heart. I have loved you so much since the day you were born, and only wanted what was best for you. I made you come to London, and I will have to live with that mistake and hope you will come to forgive me.”