by Moore, Mary
“Blind!” yelped Lord Hampton. “That is not possible. We spent that whole evening at the opera and I would have known. We all would have known. How could she have attended your speech in Parliament and danced at balls?”
“I quite agree with you in theory, Peter, but we did not see.” Devlin harrumphed sarcastically at his own irony.
“She did not dance at any of the balls. She did go to Parliament and to the theater, but she had become quite adept at hiding her disability. Do you remember her strange servant, Toby? He guided her through those situations. I met her on a dark terrace, and after talking to her for some time with no suspicion, it never occurred to me after. We always take our ladies’ arms and lead them, you know. There was never any reason to suspect.”
“Oh, Jared, the shock you must have suffered. I am so sorry. And that poor girl—I do not imagine she intended you to discover it in such a manner,” his grandmother said, feeling for them both.
“It is a pity none of your sympathy occurred to me in that instant, Grandmother. Indeed, I did not see her as a figure for sympathy at all. My own feelings became tantamount to anything else, and I realize now that I must be the arrogant brute she once thought me. I only saw a woman who had lied, not only to all of London, but especially to me. In fact, I felt completely betrayed.
“I saw a woman who talked only of loyalty and honesty and concern for others, pulling a hoax on Society. I saw a woman like all other women, who would do anything to hide her flaws to get a rich and titled husband.” His voice lowered to a whisper as he finished. “And I saw a woman who could not trust me with the most important facet of her life.”
“Jared,” his grandmother cried as she moved her Bath chair to where he sat. “You cannot blame yourself for those feelings. The shock of it all must have been overwhelming.”
“No, love, I suppose the feelings were somewhat natural to an arrogant earl, but that I said all of those things to her in front of her entire household was inexcusable.”
“Jared, you did not?” Her voice was no more than an agonized whisper, surprise causing the question to come tumbling out.
“Yes, Grandmother, I did. I accused her of every vice imaginable in front of her family and her servants. I acted out a Cheltenham tragedy in the foyer of her home like a common simpleton. And do you know what? That night at two in the morning, when I was feeling deuced sorry for myself and doing some very heavy drinking, she came to my house to apologize to me. She tried to explain. You were correct, Grandmother. She had planned to tell me on our drive that day. She tried to make amends to me! Did I let her? No, I told her I could never believe anything she ever said again and told her to get out of my house.”
Peter was angry with his friend. “Jared, I have been here with you these three days, and you never once intimated any of this.”
Devlin jumped out of his chair and went back to the fireplace. He spat the words out coldly. “Do you think I am proud of this, Peter? Having to tell the two of you at all is the hardest thing I have ever done.” An evil sneer entered Devlin’s expression as he continued. “I am afraid, my friend, you will think that a small thing when I tell you what happened next. You have every right to be angry.”
Lady Augusta interrupted the two men. “Jared,” she said quietly, “do you know why Peter is angry with you for keeping this from him? He knows how you must have been suffering, yet you did not trust him enough to be your friend. You should know him well enough to know that he would think no less of you because of what happened. You could have counted on his support. Can you not see that you have just done to Peter what Lady Nicole did to you? You have hurt him with your assumption that he would think less of you, the same anger you feel that your young woman, more special to you than any other, has feared your reaction to the truth.”
“Grandmother, I appreciate your attempt to see me innocent. However, you do not yet know the half of it.” Devlin proceeded to tell them about Toby’s visit, and finally he told them he could have reached her before she left London, but did not. “Still want to make me out a hero, Madame?”
“Jared, when you told Lady Nicole about Vivian and why you are avoiding marriage, did she appear disappointed?”
“Great guns! I never told her about Vivian. What did that have to do with anything?” He was taking much of this out on the person he loved most, but he could not help it.
She was quiet again. “You expected total honesty from her, but that was not required of you?”
“You put my first marriage on equal footing with being blind?” he asked in stupefied indignation.
“Oh, Jared, you will not understand. Think beyond your own hurt for the moment. And do not think I regard your pain lightly. This is a horrible experience any way you look at it. But yes, I would assume the two equal in some respects. You believe your first marriage is no one else’s concern, and even now get tired of the gossipmongers when they remember it. Lady Nicole got tired of people treating her differently. Therefore, she took that information out of their hands. I do not see much difference.”
“As I said, Grandmother, I knew you would not be proud of me. But you would hear it, so you cannot beat me up any more than I already have.”
“No, my dear, but I can try to make you see that mayhap it never was a matter of trust. You did not tell her about Vivian, but it was not because you did not trust her. It was because you did not want special or different treatment because of it.”
He watched as her tears fell freely. “And now you are overtired because of me.” He raised her hand to his lips.
Lady Augusta dabbed her eyes. “I gather that means conversation is at an end for tonight, so I will leave you gentlemen to your brandy. Jared, could you and I continue this conversation in the morning? I am not asking that you marry the girl or even resume your friendship, but you do see that you must apologize to her and end the hurt feelings between you, do you not?”
“Grandmother, I love you. Even after one of the worst things I have ever done in my life, it appears you are not going to cast me to my fate. But Peter and I are leaving in the morning as planned. I believe this night has helped me. It has made me realize that I made a mull of things, lost a good friend and learned a great deal about myself in the process. And much of what I learned I do not like. But I have come to the conclusion that there is no proper way to undo this tragedy, and I shall try to forget it and move on. There is nothing else I can do, except consider your recommendation to apologize. But then it is over.”
He mumbled one more sentence, but she heard him and it broke her heart. “Then I shall try to change the pride and arrogance I have apparently grown unforgivably comfortable with.”
Lady Augusta sighed in resignation as he pushed her Bath chair out of the room, then kissed her cheek. “Good night, Peter,” she said over her shoulder before he closed the door and wheeled her to her chambers.
“My darling boy,” she said to her grandson when they were alone, “if you think I shall let things rest as they are then you are in for a rude awakening. You do not yet understand the God who works in mysterious ways. He decides when it is over.”
“Nicky, the post has brought you two letters this morning!” The surprise in her mother’s voice was evident as they sat down to breakfast. She also knew her mother was using any means possible to help her forget about the debacle in London.
Nicole’s heart felt one second of anticipation, a secret longing that Devlin had written to her. Her mother’s next words dashed those hopes.
“One is franked by Lord Hampton. I assume it is from his lovely wife.” But Lady Beaumont could not keep the excitement out of her voice as she picked up the next missive. “The other is a sealed envelope with a crest upon it. It is there on the left side of your plate. I thought at first it might be from Lord Devlin, but I do not recognize the frank. I cannot imagine who it is from.”
“Mama,” Nicole sighed, “you know you shall have to read it to me in any event. You could have opened it at your co
nvenience.”
“Upon my honor, that was uncalled for, Nicole.” Her mother bristled with hurt feelings. “You know very well I only read what you ask me to, and only after you have been the first to receive it.”
“I am sorry, Mama,” Nicole apologized, despondently. “I only meant that you have my permission to open such correspondence as that.” Lately she seemed to do and say the wrong thing at every turn.
These were the things Nicole hated most about being virtually blind. As soon as she got over the initial shock of losing her sight, Nicole had accepted her inability to live her life as she had been wont to do. Each day taught her that even the slightest, most commonplace of tasks were now beyond her power. She could not read her letters alone and savor the parts she wished. She could not snuggle before a fire with a good book. She could no longer read her Bible. The daily reminders sometimes seemed the hardest to bear.
Her mother had no other interest beyond the crested envelope, while Nicole should have loved nothing better than to find a quiet place in the garden to read the letter from Beth. She was torn when she thought about what the letter could contain. Truth be told, Nicole had often wondered what Beth had thought of the afternoon they had spent together. They had not met again before leaving London. Not counting Devlin, she thought Beth was the one person she would miss the most.
And she knew she would never again meet anyone like Devlin. She might secretly envision Devlin appearing and announcing his love for her, blindness not withstanding. And no matter how much pain she was in, had that miracle happened, it was still not God’s plan for her life and she was now intent on doing His will.
A nudge from her mother brought Nicole back to the present and to the correspondence they were discussing. “Goodness, Nicky, you were a thousand miles away! Do you want to find out who this crested letter is from?”
“Yes, Mama, I am sorry. But do you mind reading the letter from Lady Hampton first? I suppose she has heard the news by now, and I need to know her feelings.”
Her mother opened the note a little awkwardly, as always, doing a simple thing Nicole could not. Nicole knew her mother tried to understand her inner pain, having to hear a private letter read by another. She began to read.
“‘My dear, dear Nicky,
I may call you that, now that you are not before me in that gorgeous velvet creation you were wearing the night of the opera! How I have missed you. Dare I hope you have missed me as well? I have begged Hampton a thousand times to obtain your direction for me. I have been longing to invite you to come visit me.
“More seriously, darling, Peter just returned from a hunting trip with Jared at Lacey Court. He told me the whole story.’”
Nicky’s mother interrupted with a sigh, saying she had known it would become the latest on-dit soon enough.
“‘I daresay you must now think all of London is gossiping about you. Well, you must not think it. Jared broke down while visiting his grandmother and told them of his horrid actions. He has, of course, put them under oath never to breathe a word, but Jared knows that Peter tells me everything. I will not say much on this subject now, but you must not think the worst of Dev. I told you once before that as soon as he realized he was in love, he would fight the feeling or take an easy way out. I do not know whether he realizes yet or not, but Peter tells me this entire situation has confused him greatly, and since I am not supposed to reveal any other confidences I shall say no more on that subject. I only want you to try and remember what I told you about his past when you feel angriest at him.’”
Nicky was flushed and Lady Beaumont was embarrassed. “I am sorry, darling. I wish you could read this in private.”
Nicole tried to set her mother’s mind at ease. “Do not fret, Mama. You know everything for the most part, and I will not hide things any longer.”
Lady Beaumont read on.
“‘My dear girl, I think of you often. When I think what we all must have put you through as you attended the Season virtually blind, I cringe. You are the bravest woman I have ever met and I am very proud to know you.’”
Tears now welled in Nicole’s eyes as she remembered her intuition that this woman would never have rejected her because of her disability. She listened closely as her mother continued.
“‘I wish you had been able to tell me. I realize now that you probably meant to that afternoon we spent together. I wish we had not been interrupted all the more now, because I can only imagine the burden you have been under. I truly do understand why you felt you could not reveal your secret. I have found that most in London are downright cruel in situations they do not understand. And when Devlin discovered the matter, it never occurred to him to consider your feelings, did it? I am even sorrier I didn’t know then. Perhaps knowing you both as I do, I could have helped in some way.
My purpose in writing is actually to invite you to come and visit me for a few weeks. I know how involved you are in the management of your home, but could you not take a little time and come to stay with me? It is even more important now as I have exciting news. I am increasing! Oh dear, I promised Hampton I would not tell a soul until he told his mother! He will soon have me spending my days reclining on my couch if someone of sense does not come. You must let me know what weeks would be convenient for you, and I shall cancel all engagements so we may relax and gossip to our hearts’ content. Please, oh, please, do come, Nicole. I truly have missed you dearly.
I must go now, as the frank on this letter will probably give Hampton a case of the vapors. Give my regards to your lovely mother, and write soon to let me know when you can come.
Love,
Beth’
“Well, dear, that was lovely. I liked her ever so much when we met in London, and now I see that her manners quite match her personality. I think it would do you a great deal of good to visit her. I hope you will consider it. Now do you wish me to open the other letter?”
Nicole nodded absentmindedly. Could she really visit with Beth for a few weeks? That would be the perfect remedy for her melancholy. She could be totally honest with Beth and express some of the things weighing heavily upon her heart. She was trying so hard to be cheerful for everyone. If she could talk her feelings out, perhaps it would be easier to get on with her life. Yes! She would go…
A screech from her mother brought her abruptly out of her reverie. “My goodness, gracious, what can this mean?”
“What is it, Mama? Tell me quickly!”
“It is an invitation. It is an invitation from Lady Augusta DeVale. She requests that you and I visit her for the weekend at Lacey Court. Goodness, what can she want with us after all that happened in London? It will not do. We must, of course, decline.”
“Lady Augusta?” Nicole’s mind could not seem to get past the name. “I do not understand. I… Oh dear…his grandmother!”
“Of course it is his grandmother, Nicky! The dowager countess, Lady Augusta.”
“Why does she want us to visit, do you suppose?” Nicky asked. She wondered, after Beth’s letter, how Devlin’s grandmother would have reacted to hearing her story. “We will not know unless we go. When does it ask us to come?”
“My stars, Nicky, you cannot possibly be in favor of this! We do not need the aggravation, my love. You have finally settled back in here, and I will not have this all dredged up again. You need time to heal. We will make up some excuse.”
Nicole laughed a little nervously. “Mama, you know if we have learned anything from all of this, it is to be open and honest. If Lord Devlin’s grandmother has heard that I have mistreated her grandson and she wishes to give me a piece of her mind, then I owe her that. Yes, Mama, we will definitely accept this invitation.” Nicole almost had to laugh despite her fear. It seemed so long ago that she had once doubted his grandmother had even existed!
Chapter Thirteen
Nicole and her mother had accepted Lady Augusta’s invitation, and they were to leave at first light the next morning. It was a journey Nicole could not easily anti
cipate, despite her brave words to her mother upon receipt of the missive. She would rely on God’s Word: I know the thoughts I think for you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not evil, to give you an expected end. He would take care of her through every circumstance as it would prepare her for His expected end.
As the coach neared Beckenham, Nicole’s doubts began to resurface, making her question her decision to come. The necessity of apologizing to Lord Devlin’s grandmother remained, but the hidden purpose Nicole’s mother suspected had begun to take hold in Nicole’s imagination as well. Could Lady Augusta have been so angry that she sent for Devlin? Would he be there, too? She thought she could hold her own with his grandmother, but she was not yet strong enough to face him. The two of them would be an indomitable force should they wish to take her to task for the deception she’d perpetrated on Society. Nicole no longer cared what Society thought of her, but Lord Devlin was another matter.
She prayed her worst fear might not be realized. Please, God, do not let him be there. She only wanted to put their time together out of her mind and move on with her life. She hoped this summons from his closest living relative might help her obtain that goal.
The butler came forward and took their cloaks. He spoke to them in a respectful voice, easing Nicole’s mind somewhat. “I am Higgins. Her ladyship awaits you in the morning room. If you will follow me, I will take you to her.”