by Moore, Mary
She lifted her head, looking toward the light that had been so bright this morning but had lessened in the late afternoon. She felt Lady Augusta’s intent to interrupt her so she continued, “But that is only part of the story. I know you and the Hamptons think he is in love with me. Should that be true, and should he forgive me, I would turn down his love. He is an important, intelligent and active man who needs a woman who can be an asset to him.” A helpmeet, she thought. “He does not need someone he cannot take out in public without a…tether.” Her voice cracked on the last.
The inner pain she thought to share openly with Beth was just as easily shared with Devlin’s grandmother, and one lone tear trickled down her cheek. “I have seen many doctors, my lady, even Dr. Morrison in London. There is not much hope this is a temporary handicap. I shall have to deal with it for the rest of my life.”
Lady Augusta seemed regal in defense of her grandson. “You say you love him, but you do not know him as well as you think you do if you believe it is your blindness that overpowers his thoughts.” She went into great detail describing the care her grandson had shown her when she was confined to her wheelchair. “He loves me as a person, not my abilities.”
“Ma’am…”
“Nicole, you were not the only one to hide an aspect of your life. Jared did not tell you, but he has been married before. She died five years ago.”
Nicole sat bolt upright, a look of enlightenment crossing her face. “I see. He has not yet gotten over her death. That is why he avoids marriage.” She spoke in subdued resignation. “He could have told me that.”
“That is my point, Nicole. He berated you for not trusting him with the entire truth, yet he withheld important details of his life as well. You see, he had a wife who was an asset to him yet she did him much more harm than good. His marriage was a dismal failure arranged by an abusive father. Vivian lied to him and deceived him from the day he met her, so he lumped all women into that class…until you.”
Nicole was no longer subdued. She became agitated, wringing her hands in dismay. “Pray say it is not so! Then I deceived him and convinced him he was right!” She buried her face in her hands. “I have so much more to answer for than I ever dreamed.”
Lady Augusta took Nicole’s face in her hands, treating her as if she could see her. “No, Nicole, you do not understand. You have changed everything for him. You have turned his world upside down and he wants it to be right side up. I always hoped he would meet someone like you—someone who could take away the pain of his lonely childhood, his unnatural parents and his unfaithful wife. Now that he has, he is using your misunderstanding as an excuse to walk away. But I saw his true feelings when he spoke of you. His emotions were so near the surface, and he usually keeps his feelings very safely hidden.”
She tried to evoke the intensity of his words. “Even though he did not acknowledge it as love, he knew it was special. He was amazed at your intelligence, your wit and your bravery above all. He said he had found a new friend, but his understanding of such a relationship confused him. Truth to tell, when he found out about your blindness he was taken aback. But only at first, and I can see how it would do that. But you should have heard him speak of your courage in facing London without seeing, just to make your mother happy. Again, that is a type of giving he does not understand in someone else, though he has that quality in abundance.
“After he lost control and displayed his hurt in a fit of temper, you came to him to apologize. You see, my dear, that was extraordinary to him, and he did not know how to handle it. Finally, when Toby took him down a peg or two…”
“When Toby did what?” Nicole asked.
“Did you not know about that? I think your Toby a very special sort of man. He planted Jared a facer as well.” She chuckled a little. “It seems Jared did not wish to be chastised by a servant when he had already reproached himself quite thoroughly. Toby took him to account anyway!”
She turned serious again. “Nicole, imagine his further confusion. Jared had certainly never seen a servant fight for his employer. It made him wonder even more what kind of person you were to incite such loyalty.”
Nicole’s eyes filled with tears.
“Why are you crying, darling girl?”
“Toby should never have risked his life for such a reason! Doing that could change nothing, and he could have been hanged. What a dreadful coil. How I will give him a piece of my mind…and another piece of my heart.” The last was said almost in a whisper. “What havoc I have wrought,” she continued as she pulled her handkerchief out of her sleeve, wiped her eyes and finished in resignation. “I suppose I should be very thankful that the consequences of my actions have been much less than they could have been, and that it is over before any more damage can be done.”
“No!” Lady Augusta cried. “You must not declare it over. We must come up with a way to reconcile the two of you. Jared thinks it is easier to send you a note of apology! Can you imagine? A note of apology? He will leave things the way they are rather than risk his heart again.”
At that, Nicole was reminded of Beth Hampton’s prophetic letter. She told Nicole that when Devlin realized how deeply his heart was involved, he might take an easy way out to protect that scarred organ. But she must not dwell on that any longer.
“It is only because of his past,” the dowager continued. “You do not fit his definition of a typical woman, but he is afraid to invest so much of himself, not because he does not want to but because there is a risk.”
Nicole was quiet for a long time, then placed her hands on Lady Augusta’s knees and rested her chin on them. “I am sorry, dear lady, but it is over. I meant what I said at the time about not being a burden and never marrying him. I know he is not in the plans God has for me.”
Lady Augusta sounded startled at Nicole’s mention of God, but she could not stop to think about it now. “But you love Jared.” The words came out in forlorn desperation and tugged at Nicole’s already damaged heart.
“Yes. I know what true love is because of Lord Devlin. And because I love him so much, I would not marry him. I know that true love is placing the best interest of others before your own happiness. I am sorry, dear lady. I hope you and I can be friends, but Lord Devlin is right—it is over, and that is for the best.”
Nicole’s mother and her friend returned, and private conversation was no longer to be had between her and Lady Augusta.
As they said good-night for the evening, Nicole heard the rising wind of an impending storm. Before she went upstairs, she asked Toby to take her to Lady Augusta’s suite of rooms. She felt the need to be sure of her comfort.
“I am fine, dear. Indeed, I quite enjoy storms. God replenishes His creation in many different ways.”
“Lady Augusta…?”
“Yes, my dear, I think you and I have much more in common than my headstrong grandson. Perhaps our bond in the Lord will keep us close until He calls me home.”
Tears welled in Nicole’s eyes, and she needed this woman to know how special she had become to her in so short a time. “We will be leaving in the morning, and I did not know if I would get a chance to tell you how much your belief and trust in me has meant. I know I have let people down because of my selfishness, but I have learned an important lesson about honesty that I will strive for each day. That you have treated me kindly will stay in my heart forever. Thank you.” She kissed Lady Augusta’s hand.
“Child, from Jared’s description, I thought I would like you. I now know you are the woman who could make him happy, and it makes me melancholy to think of what you both may be throwing away. Do not worry, I am not going to give you another dressing-down but I, too, will think of you often and maybe you will come to see me again soon.”
Nicole reached out to touch Lady Augusta’s face. She wanted to feel the beauty of those lined and wizened features to remember for all time. “Good night, my lady, and God bless you.”
The morning brought a continuing light drizzle and all fou
r women were in rather low spirits at breakfast. They had each, for their own reasons, put off leaving as long as they could and were just pushing back their chairs when a man shaking a soaking greatcoat walked into the room. At his first words, Nicole froze in shock.
“Grandmother, I am sorry for barging in like this. I did not realize you had guests.” He paused, handing his coat to the butler. “Higgins informed me… Nicole… What?”
Nicole recognized his voice the moment he spoke. Terror filled her heart. No, she thought in horror, this could not be happening. Panic caused her to stand too quickly, resulting only in the overturning of her chair.
Her eyes sought light as a thirsting man seeks water. She made out a grayish tint, and remembered the French doors. She lifted her skirt with one hand and extended the other until her palm touched the cool glass. A slight push with both hands caused the door to give way, allowing the irrational decision that took her out into the storm.
Chapter Fourteen
Nicole knew she must get out of the house. He was there, and once again, he must think the worst of her. He would naturally assume that she had instigated the meeting with his grandmother. It was too much for her to bear.
Even as she did it, Nicole knew how dangerous it was to leave the house without Toby. Yet fear of Devlin overrode her fear of facing the outdoors alone.
She and Toby had explored the grounds that first day, so she knew that by leaving through the French doors off the dining room she would be standing upon a veranda that led to the back grounds. She also remembered the pathway that led to the stream had been of gravel. If she could reach that pathway, she would at least know where she was. A fallen branch, a set of steps—anything could be a dangerous obstacle but she felt the least danger would be the way of the path. Please God, she prayed, guide me to that path.
All of these thoughts ran through Nicole’s mind within seconds. She did not have time for more. It seemed her luck had run out with the arrival of Lord Devlin. But as she stepped off the last step of the veranda, her right foot grazed the small pebbles on the footpath. “Thank You, Lord,” she mumbled, then lifted her skirts with one hand, and with the other arm outstretched before her began to move as quickly as she thought she could safely go.
She knew Toby would be after her soon, but she prayed that Devlin would be so disgusted he would not follow. Even as the thought came, she knew that he would help any woman in distress, whether he abhorred her or not. She must count on Toby to be before him.
She let out a small cry as she twisted her ankle on the uneven surface. She slowed to catch her breath but determinedly continued on toward the bridge. Once she knew she was near it, she hoped to seek a quiet haven to avoid discovery.
As she slowed and her breathing quieted, she heard the sound of the stream. She did not realize she had come so far, and by the sound of the rushing water, Nicole realized the rain from the previous night’s storm must have raised its level and speed considerably.
The thought did not make her pause. She had no plan to leave the security of the footpath, so the stream presented no danger. She only needed to stay on this side of the bridge.
She came to a full stop and realized the spot where she stood was uneven, like the root of a tree might be underfoot. She stood steadily on her good ankle and tried to feel along the root with her strained foot. Despite the pain it caused her, it led her to the base of a huge tree. Sitting with her back against the gnarled bark, she began to catch her breath and collect her thoughts.
Now, adding insult to injury, it had started to rain again. Nicole felt wretched and began to cry. The branches overhead provided some protection, but she was soon drenched and disheartened. Her ankle was beginning to throb in earnest. Self-pity began to invade her thoughts, and she buried her head into her bended knees to fully succumb to the tears she had fought so hard to hold in. It seemed their entire London trip had left nothing but a trail of pain and sorrow, and she did not know how much more she could bear while trying to keep up appearances.
As the rain became heavier, she was not sure what to do. Nicole knew she could retrace her steps back to the house, but in this downpour it would be too easy to miss sounds of danger. She was also levelheaded enough to know that they were more than likely searching for her, and it would be prudent to stay in one place. But the thought that intruded her frantic mind the most was that Lord Devlin would only have another excuse to be angry with her.
Before Nicole could think anymore about what she should do, she detected the sound of approaching footsteps on the gravel path. The rain was down to a drizzle now, but the water rushing in the background made it difficult to be sure what she heard. She had determined to call out, hoping beyond hope it was Toby. She next heard booted feet run onto the bridge and stop. Whoever it was, they had not seen her.
Lord Devlin’s voice was barely audible over the surging stream as he called her name. The decision as to whether she should try to make her way back to the house was taken out of her hands, and truth be told, she was more than a little glad to have been found…even by Devlin.
“I am over here,” she called. “I have twisted my ankle.” She cupped her hands to be heard over the storm. “I cannot go any farther.”
She thought she heard his “thank God” as he came back in her direction, but with the wind howling, it could just as easily have been a curse.
Devlin began his tirade even before his boots left the bridge. “You little fool! What in the world do you mean by running off like that? You have scared the life out of…”
The cracking sound that cut him off midsentence made Nicole’s heart stop. She heard a groan as if the wind had been knocked out of him. She screamed his name, now despising her blindness and desperately listening for any other sound. Without conscious thought, she rose up and began to hobble to where she had heard him call.
“Stop, Nicole. That is far enough.”
“Nicole, if you have ever listened to anyone in your life, please listen to me now. Do not come any closer. I am well. The rushing water has…” He stopped, leaving Nicole in a state of terror.
“The water has apparently weakened the structure of the bridge,” he finished the sentence in distressed breaths. “I have fallen through some of the unsound boards, but I am unhurt. I have my left arm crooked around a beam that seems strong enough for the present. But if the river keeps rising, the torrent will overtake the rest of the bridge before too long.”
Devlin regretted the words the minute they were out of his mouth. He had probably put her in danger by saying so, and he could have bitten out his tongue. He knew she would never sit still while the river washed him away. “Do not worry!” he yelled. “We have an army of people out looking for you so help will be here soon.” With a more secure grip for the moment, he noticed she was closer to him than before. “Confound it, Nicole! I am not jesting. I am not trying to be kind—just…stay…where…you…are. You are getting far too close to the stream’s edge.”
“What is it, Devlin?” she shouted. “Where are you hurt?”
It was an odd moment to come to such a thought, but Devlin’s instinct was guilt at his meager understanding of the blind. All he knew was based on biased ignorance. He remembered her intensity while trying to identify smells. Her other senses must be quite heightened, and he realized she had heard something in his tone indicating an injury. This all ran through his mind in seconds, and he was able to cover his pain and reassure her.
“Do not worry, Nicole. It is not bad.” He had determined to tell her as much of the truth as she needed to know so she would start listening to him. “When I fell through the bridge,” he shouted, “I cut my hand on some jagged wood. The cold water should keep it clean, and already it has stopped bleeding.”
It had begun to rain again, and she cried as she wiped damp hair from her forehead. “With water so forceful, you will not be able to hold on long with one hand.”
Great guns! He had also forgotten how smart she was. “I am doing
fine for the moment. Start yelling for help in case any of my grandmother’s servants are close enough to hear you.”
Nicole did as she was bid, but his ears perked up when he realized she had lowered herself to the ground and had inched even closer to him and the racing stream bed! He thought his heart would stop in his chest. “Nicole, I swear when we get out of this I will make you understand when I am serious about something. You need to hold perfectly still.” He was angry at her lack of understanding.
“Jared, I cannot let you drown, whether you are angry at me or not. I have two perfectly strong hands and could help pull you from the water. You cannot do it by yourself.” She grabbed his right hand and pulled it to her chest with all her might. “Do not worry. I can hear how close I am to the water. I will not fall in.”
They were close enough now that there was no need to shout, but shout he did. “Nicole, will you please use that beautiful head God gave you and do as I say!”
He lowered his voice as much as he could and still have her hear him. “Listen to me and listen good. I admit your blindness is not the handicap I first thought it was. But there are some things you simply cannot tell. The water is moving so fast that it has not only weakened the bridge, but the banks on each side appear to be eroding very quickly. What I meant earlier was that I could hold on as long as the ground stays strong enough to keep the bridge in place. Even your slight weight could be what causes that bank to fall into the water—with you and me in it.”
Devlin was scared. He was scared he would not be able to help her if things got any worse. “Nicole, I must try and make you understand. With only one hand, there is no way I could help you, should the ground give way. You must hold perfectly still until I tell you otherwise. Now let go of my hand so the both of us do not get pulled in together.
“And Nicole,” he said in words that reached her heart as none other, “you must pray as hard as you have ever prayed that help gets here soon.”