“Well, I thought you might be here. I wanted to see you once again,” she replied.
“Well it was foolish of you to come here. This place is dangerous, and I’m not responsible for any bad things that happen to you. You should head back to the good part of town. I’m sure your life will be better without my baggage around,” he said to her.
She looked at the man, aiming her gaze directly against his eyes. They were as beautiful as they were the last time she saw him. It’s strange, because he had a bit of an innocent vibe next to his bad-boy demeanor.
“What are you doing here though? And I’m fine, I’ll deal with whatever,” she said to him.
“This place isn’t for innocent girls like you. I shouldn’t even be here. It’s not a good place,” Jude insisted.
“I don’t care. I came to see you, not to assess how dangerous this is. I know this place is dangerous. I know that you’re dangerous. I don’t care,” she insisted.
Jude looked at her with wide eyes. She was serious.
“Well, I guess there is no stopping you. I took you for a stubborn woman. Guess I was wright,” he said to her.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Leia retorted.
“Well you’re very pretty, but I know that if I told you to go away in order to protect yourself, you wouldn’t listen. I should always listen to my instinct,” he said to her.
Oh. So he was just trying to protect her. She didn’t want protection though, she wanted to get to know this man.
“Enough about that. What are you doing here? Why did you leave after all that happened?” Leia asked.
He sighed, gesturing her to come with him.
“Let’s get out of the open. I don’t want you getting hurt,” he said to her.
She nodded, following him into a dingy bar that was nearby. The place felt a bit awkward in comparison to the outside, but she tried to relax. She continued to look at her bad boy, those eyes gazing upon her with wonder.
“So tell me, what makes you so interested in me?” he asked.
She paused, looking at Jude with a wondering glance.
“Well for one, you’re the first man I’ve ever seen who has acted this way towards me. I’ve never felt a connection with anyone like I did with you that night. I enjoyed it,” she said.
“So you sought me out because I made your heart flutter when I fucked you,” he said with a deadpanned look.
“Yes. That’s exactly what it is. I know it’s pretty stupid, but to be honest, I don’t really care. I mean, maybe there’s a reason for feeling this way,” she replied.
Jude sighed, looking at her with a glance.
“Well, let me tell you something. I don’t want you to get mixed up in my life. I’m not exactly the most innocent man out there,” he said.
“Tell me something I don’t know Jude. I knew that the minute I saw you. You’re a man covered with tattoos, who’s been looking around the place while we’ve been discoursing. I know that you have some sort of strange secret that you’re refusing to tell me, but I don’t care,” she replied.
He nodded. “That’s right. I can’t get into what I am, but I’m not an innocent man. I have a job to do, an action that I hate to take, but I need to for my own personal safety, and for my future. I do like you too Leia. You’re the first person I’ve ever really thought about after I do the deed. Sure the sex was fun, but I never expected to feel strange after a one-night stand. As much as I want to be with you though, I can’t do that right now,” he told her.
“Why is that?” she asked him.
He paused, glancing around the place. He was looking around once again, and Leia felt confused. He then leaned in, looking at her before whispering in her ear.
“If you know of my mission, you would probably hate me for it. I have a job to do, which is why I’m here. I don’t want you mixed up in it though,” he said to her.
She felt him move away, and soon she was blushing madly. So he had his own skeletons in the closet. That made sense in a way, especially considering how he was. She wondered if he would ever tell her though.
“Well I guess when the time is right you can tell me,” she insisted.
“I don’t think it will ever be appropriate to tell you. I’m sorry, but this is my past, my demons, and I don’t want you getting mixed up in it. I’ll be your friend, and I do want to get to know you, but this is something that I’ll keep to myself for now,” he replied.
She nodded, feeling him in a sense. Maybe it was best if they didn’t get into it. She wanted to know, but maybe it was for the best.
They talked for a while, but Leia felt strained. Apparently his words did have more of an impact than she expected. Maybe he would tell her eventually. Maybe. She wasn’t going to get her hopes up, but she hoped that maybe, just maybe he would come clean with whatever it was he was hiding from her.
Chapter Three
The two of them hung out a lot, and Leia still felt strongly for him. Those feeling started to erupt into something more, but she didn’t know how to approach this. The reason for this being that she didn’t know if he would open up to her at any point. It bothered her that they could talk about the state of the world, about her schooling, about her job and how much she wished she didn’t have to do it, but he would never talk about himself. It was honestly an annoying thing.
One night, after their conversation at the bar, Leia headed on home. She walked to the bar, but the way back felt very creepy. She didn’t see Jude slip away after she went to the restroom, rather she was already all alone. She walked down the street, but she could feel a presence behind her.
She turned around, and it was a creepy-looking thug. However, behind him was some man in a red coat, with flowing brown hair and a smile on his face.
“So you’re his new girl aren’t you?” the man said.
“What are you talking about? Who are you?” she asked.
She tried to run off, but they were tailing her. She was scared, and Leia wondered how far it would be before she would get home. Would they follow her home? That sounded like an awful idea.
“don’t play dumb with me sweetie. I know that you’re seeing that man. He’s nothing but trouble you know,” the man said with a slithering voice.
“Well what I do is none of your damn business,” she retorted.
“On the contrary, I think this one is part of my business. He’s luring himself out, and I’m going to take the bait,” the man said.
All of a sudden, he disappeared into the shadows, and the other thugs that were with him pushed Leia against the wall. She hit the brick hard, the air knocked out of her body, and soon she felt a punch in the gut. She screamed out, and then she felt someone try to tug on her dress.
“The boss said to kill her right? Shame, she’s such a pretty woman too,” the man said.
“Yeah. Oh well, this will be fun,” the other man said.
They both pulled something out of their pockets. Guns. They were going to shoot Leia if she didn’t get out of here. She tried to move, but her arms were pinned and her legs were feeling like two lead weights were present upon them. She felt scared, unsure, and her body felt completely shocked and ill at ease.
All of a sudden, she heard a noise, and soon the two thugs that were there were down on the ground. She looked, and in front of her were those amber eyes once again.
Jude.
He didn’t leave her, but he looked angry. He then marched over to her, gazing upon her with a glance.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked.
“I could ask you the same thing. What’s going on?” she asked with a frantic face.
“Well for one, you were almost killed by those two men. I can’t believe this, I knew that I shouldn’t let you get mixed up in my affairs. I was an idiot for allowing that,” he said to her.
What did he mean by that? Leia was so confused, unsure of what to say or do, but she was frozen in time in front of him, lost in his eyes.
“W
hat’s going on?” she asked him. She wasn’t going to take an aloof and secretive answer this time.
He paused, realizing what was happening. He knew that he would have to tell her, but after that, he would leave.
“I’m sorry Leia, but I’m going to have to tell you. However, you’re not going to like the ending,” he said to her.
“I don’t care. I just want the answers,” she said.
“Let’s head over to that café there. I know them, and they’ll be fine with you. They might be able to treat your wounds as well,” he said to her.
She nodded, feeling like Jell-O at the moment. She didn’t know what to say, what to do, but she followed this man, the man that supposedly had all the answers. It scared her to think that the truth might be one of the worst things to find out, but when they got there, he sat her down at a booth in the corner, getting a first-aid kit and some ice wrapped in a bag.
“You have a few scratches, but it shouldn’t be too bad. You can use this ice on your stomach,” he explained.
She thanked him, pressing the cold compress to the area. Leia let out a hiss, but she knew that it was better to ice it now than to be in pain later. After that, Jude glanced at her, and she started to speak.
“So what’s going on?” she asked him.
“Well, I didn’t want to tell you this simply because of the implications of this, but I’m going to have to,” he explained.
“I know that. Let’s not pussyfoot around. I want to hear it straight,” she said to him.
There was a pause, and then Jude sighed.
“Fine. You know how I said I had a job that I wasn’t comfortable with telling you about? Well, I’m a mercenary for a hired man. He’s a rich dude on this side of town, and he wanted me to eliminate the drug lord here. I’m supposed to do that, and I will be paid very highly. I also have a beef with this man. He killed my best friend, a guy I used to be comrades with,” he explained to Leia.
“Are you serious?” she asked.
“Yeah. My comrade’s name was Kenneth, and he was a decent man. He got mixed up in the ways of that man though, and he paid for it with his life. I’m sorry that it sounds pretty graphic, but it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that your best friend had been sacrificed because of that bastard. I vowed to make sure that he got the deserved justice that he needed, and once I got rid of him, I would be able to finally have a peace of mind. I’m definitely a bit nervous about this, but I know for a fact that it’s best to get this out of the way. I need to, in order to save myself and my future,” he explained.
She took all of this in, and soon she felt sad. So he had his own agenda.
“I’m sorry,” Leia replied.
“It’s not your fault Leia. You didn’t know. They’ll be after you though because of your association with me, and I don’t want that. I don’t want anyone to have to go through the same damn thing I’ve had to. I don’t want you to live in fear of your life,” he told her.
“But I want to be there for you,” she insisted.
“You can be. But we can’t be together. At least not until the job is done. I really care about your Leia, and after this job I’m going to go back to the bike shop that I part-time at, and I’ll try to wipe my hands clean of what I did. I have to do this, I have to do it in order to enact vengeance against the man for the guy I lost. I’m sorry if this sounds cruel of me, but this is the action that’s kept me alive for so long,” he told her.
She looked at him, taking all of this in. “So you’re not going to see me anymore?” she asked.
There was a pause, and then he nodded. “I can’t. I don’t want you getting hurt. I don’t want you mixed up in my drama, and I don’t want you to think that it’s okay to be stuck with a bastard like me. I know I’m fucked up, and I know that I’m not the ideal man for anyone. I’m sorry Leia, but after this cup of tea together and after I escort you home, I don’t want you to come back to that side of town. I will try to come back for you if I make it out alive. That’s why I never told you about it until now. If I did so any sooner, you would’ve had to say goodbye earlier,” he said.
Hearing that made Leia’s eyes start to water. She didn’t want to lose him, and frankly it felt unfair that she would have to.
“It’s not fair. It really isn’t fair,” she said.
“I know that. Life isn’t fair. I’m sorry that you had to find out now, but I do care about you. When I come back, and if I’m fit to take care of you, I want to express my true feelings. I’ve felt something for you, which is the first time I’ve ever felt something for anyone other than myself. I did shut off emotions for a very long time, and because of that I rarely told others how I felt, and I never felt things for anyone. But with you it’s different. With you, I don’t feel like I have to fake it anymore. Instead, I feel like I can just be myself, and nothing will change that,” he told her.
She started to let the tears fall, unable to control it. It saddened her to think that she couldn’t even help this man, but that was the way life worked. Life sacks and then you die apparently.
She hated to think in such a negative manner, but that’s the way she felt. She didn’t feel like she could ever be positive about things ever again, especially after all the hard work she put into understanding herself. She sobbed, but he seemed to care a lot about how she felt.
“Don’t let me hold you back. Go live your life. Be happy, and I’ll come back for you soon,” he said.
The two of them finished up their discussion before they headed back to her place. It would be the last time that they saw one another for a very long time, and she knew that it was only going to be something harder to grasp with time. When they finally got to where she lived, they stopped in front of her home, gazing upon one another and trying to figure out what to say.
“I’m so sorry,” he said.
“It’s fine. I hope everything goes okay. I don’t want to say that I’ll wait for you, but I will wait for you,” she replied.
They looked at one another a couple of times before they kissed once again, the two of them feeling themselves start to engage within each other once again. She didn’t want to do it with him though, at least not now. They pulled away, and Leia smiled.
“I guess I’ll see you around,” she said.
“Yeah. I guess,” he replied.
The two of them parted ways, and soon she felt nervous about everything. She really didn’t know what to do with herself now, for it felt like a big void had appeared since then. She wanted to cry, but at the same time, she didn’t want to create any more problems for herself. Guess it was best for her to just give it up, and hopefully things would be better for her in the future.
Chapter Four
It had been about three months since they said goodbye. Three months since everything had happened, and she had no idea where he was now. She tried to figure out a way to send him messages, but apparently the man isn’t listed anywhere in search engines. It was scary to think about, that’s for sure. A part of her wondered if maybe, just maybe there was a way for her to get to him. She didn’t think so though, so it might be best to wait it out.
Waiting it out. That’s what he told her to do, and that’s what she would have to do. It was scary to think about it, that’s for sure. She didn’t know what to do with herself, and the fact that she couldn’t stop thinking about him made it hard. She did continue on with her studies, and she did work, but it was hard to let go of the feelings that she felt for this man.
One day, she was closing up shop, when he owner came over and looked at her, a smile on her face.
“You look the happiest you’ve been in a long time sweetie,” she said.
“Oh. Sorry. I’ve been thinking about things,” she admitted. No doubt her mind was filled with the thoughts of only one man.
“What’s wrong? You’ve been feigning happiness for a long time,” she asked.
Leia paused. She didn’t want to tell this woman about Jude. Hell, she didn’t wan
t to get in trouble because of it. Her boss wasn’t against her dating, but she was more worried about the implications.
“Just a guy. I’ve been thinking about how he’s doing. That’s all,” she said.
“Was he a friend or something?” the lady asked.
“Yeah. He used to be close with me, but things got in the way. We had to separate for a reason, and I feel bad that he had to move away because of the fate he had been given. It sucks, but whatever. I’m not going to worry about it,” she told her boss.
“Well don’t worry about it, child. Remember, we were all young at one point, and if you two are meant to know one another, then time will tell. Seeking him out isn’t going to get you anything, but rather it’s going to just make things harder on you,” she said to Leia.
Her boss did have a point. It’s not like she could go look for him or anything anyways.
“You’re right. But what about this feeling that I have?” she asked her.
“Think about the good times the two of you will have when he gets back. If your friendship is meant to be, you will make everything work out in the end. That I’m sure of,” she told Leia.
As much as Leia wanted to fight this, the woman had a point. It was obvious that she would just have to wait for the right moment, the moment where she can tell Jude her feelings, and they can finally express themselves.
“Thank you,” she said
“Good luck,” her boss replied.
Leia walked out, thanking herself for coming clean with her boss to a degree. It had been bothering her a lot recently, and she felt like it was best if she told someone about it. It was definitely going to be harder to cope with the feelings over time, but she only wanted to focus on the good in life, and not the bad.
When she got back to her place though, there was a figure standing at the doorway. He was dressed in all back, but it seemed that he had a couple of bandages on his body as well. She immediately parked the car, taking a moment to pinch herself. Was it really him? Was she dreaming?
No Choice but to Marry: A Historical Mail Order Bride Romance Page 35