by Nicola Haken
“Drop what? That proves there’s something I need to drop. What’s going on?”
Fucking hell. How did this get so serious all of a sudden?
“I’ve never bottomed, okay?” I bit out, ignoring the fog in my head and grabbing my beer regardless.
“You’ve never… how? Why?”
“Never had the chance I guess. I’m not some religious freak or anything, I’ve not been…saving myself. I suppose I just thought the first time should be, I don’t know, kinda special, with someone who mattered.”
Think it’s pretty safe to say I felt like an absolute pussy in that moment and I knew we wouldn’t be having this conversation if I were sober.
“Didn’t you want that for your first time?”
Ryder lowered his eyes to the floor. What can only be described as pain washed over his face and I instantly regretted prying.
“I don’t remember my first time,” he clipped. “Guess I’m not as idealistic as you.”
“I’m not idealistic. At least, not anymore.”
Admitting that out loud stung more than I expected it to.
“Why are you here, tiger?” he asked, dropping his legs to the floor and scooting closer to me. There was no shock or judgment in his tender voice, just… warmth. “Why are you doing this?”
“The porn?”
“Yeah. You’re different, Mase. You don’t crave the attention. You don’t live to fuck, to party, to… I don’t know. You’re just…different.”
“I need money. I have no skills or qualifications. A friend of mine, back at the bar I used to dance in, is in the business and he told me to go for it. So I did.”
“That’s… really kinda sad. Tell me honestly, how did you feel when we did your audition scene? Did you enjoy it?”
“Yeah. Course I did. I love having sex, Ry. Who doesn’t? Sure I was nervous. And I gotta be honest, there’s a lot more involved than I expected. Like the camera getting right up in your face, or trying not to pay attention to people’s movements around you. But really, I enjoyed it, and I don’t regret what I’m doing.”
“I could help you,” Ryder said, but I wasn’t actually sure what he was offering. “Before your scene next week, I can teach you. Show you.”
He moved even closer, his sweet breath mingled with beer and tobacco blanketing my face.
“Are you offering to fuck me, Ryder?” I asked, needing confirmation. My voice cracked and a lump formed deep in my throat.
“Yes,” he breathed simply, nuzzling his face into my neck. An involuntary moan leaked from my mouth as he trailed soft kisses up to my ear. “But not tonight. We’re both wasted. And you’re right, it should be special for you. I haven’t got much to offer you, tiger, but I can give you that. I want to give you that. You’re my friend.”
Friend. The word kept tumbling around in my mind over and over again. It didn’t sit well with me and I couldn’t fathom why.
“You don’t need to do this, Ry. I’m a grown man. I can deal with this on my own.”
“Mason I want to fuck you. Before you go on that set you need to know how good it can be, and I’m just the right guy to show you.” He winked at me, briefly kissed my cheek and then jumped up from the couch. “But right now I’m going to bed before I blow chunks all over this couch.”
I sat there in silence, my jaw slightly open and my head growing fuzzier by the second. By the time I felt composed enough to respond Ryder was gone, and so, feeling what can only be described as overwhelmed, I dropped sideways onto the cushions and fell asleep right there on the couch.
Chapter Three
~Ryder~
The next morning I had to drag my sorry arse out of bed because I’d arranged to meet Elle for coffee. I was tired, hungover, and my body ached everywhere from trying to swing from a bloody doorframe for hours. But I couldn’t cancel on my girl, so I forced my weary body in the shower, changed into some sweatpants and a vest-tee, and hauled myself to the coffee house down the street.
She was already there, waiting for me at the table in the corner, when I arrived. She stood up when she saw me, and once I reached her I wrapped my arms tightly around her small frame, swaying her from side to side.
“Hey, sweets,” I said, pushing her out of our hug and kissing her cheek. “Love the hair, gorgeous. You suit this colour,” I complimented, teasing the ends of the newly brunette strands.
“Thanks,” she chirped, sitting back down in her seat. “I’ve ordered for you.” She nodded towards the steaming black mug on the table and I could almost hear my senses sighing in relief. I took a seat, taking a sip before my arse had even hit the chair.
“Ah, that tastes good.”
“Rough night?”
“I’m pretty sure I drank my own body weight in beer last night.” Elle shook her head at me, her smile betraying the scolding look she was trying to give.
“Are you happy, Ry?” she asked, her face melting into a concerned frown.
“Um, sure,” I answered dubiously, a little confused.
“I mean with your choices. The porn, the move to another country… You gave up a great career. Sometimes what you do, well it just worries me I guess.”
“Elle I needed this. I needed away from my parents, I needed a complete new start. You already know this.”
“But… porn? Seriously, Ryder, what kind of future do you have with that? You are an amazing stylist. You have the talent to go right to the top.”
“I enjoy it, Elle. I need it.” For reasons you’ll never understand. “Where’s all this coming from? You’ve never had a problem with it before.”
“I don’t have a problem with it. Not really. I just need to make sure you’re happy. That you’re doing it for the right reasons and not because you feel you’ve no other choice.”
“You know that’s not the reason. I loved working with you and I know I will always have that to fall back on. You know, a lot of people think people only get into this business because they’re desperate, but honestly, Elle, that’s not it at all. Not for most people. You need to come and meet the guys. I keep telling Sawyer the same. Ivan has been more of a father to me these past few months than my own dad ever was. It’s fun. We respect each other. It’s not some seedy underworld like a lot of people think. I’m happy, Elle.”
“You weren’t happy working for me?”
“That’s not what I said and you know it. I don’t know how to describe it so you’ll understand, but when I shot my first ever scene back in London something just clicked. I never really thought that it would be anything more than a bit of fun and some extra cash on the side, but since coming here, it’s like I’ve gained a whole new family. You’re only young once, sweets. If this is a mistake, I’ll deal with it and move on, just like I always do.”
“So you really wouldn’t consider going back into hairdressing?”
“I dunno,” I shrugged. “Maybe one day. But not right now.”
“Look, Ry,” Elle began. “We’ve not told anyone yet, but Kip and I are thinking of moving out here. He misses the music, and he’s looking into setting up his own recording studio.”
“But what about the salon?”
“Miguel practically runs the place anyway. I’ll travel back for a couple of days every month, more if needed. But there are a lot of opportunities for me over here too. I’ve already been asked to join in with LA Fashion Week next season, and I’ve been looking into premises to set up out here too.”
“Wow,” I breathed, slightly flabbergasted.
“I wanted to ask you how you’d feel about managing the new salon. But, I think you’ve answered that already.” She sounded disappointed and it made guilt swell in my stomach.
“Elle, I…” I trailed off, unable to find the words she wanted to hear.
“It’s okay, Ry. I understand. You were my first thought because I know how good you are, and because I love you. But I’ll find someone else. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”
“You know I’ll help out
whenever I can,” I assured her. “But I just can’t commit to anything permanent right now.”
“At least we’ll get to hang out together more, right? Party like the good old days.”
“Sweets, you couldn’t keep up with me these days,” I teased, tossing her a wink. “You’re too old.”
“I’m not too old to whip your arse, tiger,” she said with a raised eyebrow. I smiled when she said ‘tiger’. It’s what she always called me when we were being playful, which in a busy London salon wasn’t as often as I’d have liked. I wondered if I must’ve been thinking of Elle when the endearment slipped from my mouth when I first met Mason. I’d never referred to anyone as tiger before, and maybe that was because it’d never described anyone else so perfectly. Like a tiger, he was striking to look at - his beauty camouflaging the strength he kept hidden inside. I didn’t know Mason’s story, I didn’t know what he’d been through or what had led him to where he was.
But I wanted to.
Which kind of weirded me out a little because I didn’t usually have the time or the will to take such an interest in other people. I’d always been of the mindset that the past doesn’t matter. Good or bad, it was gone. Over. Forgotten. If someone was nice to me, respected me in the here and now, then I didn’t need or want to know anything else. But with Mason, something deep inside me itched to know everything.
“You okay, Ry?” Elle asked, pulling me from my untimely musing by nudging my hand which was busy drawing invisible rings on the table.
“Sure,” I smiled, blinking my eyes back into the present. “Just fucking exhausted. Maybe I’m getting too old for this shit too, eh?”
“Your pain right now is self inflicted so I have no sympathy.” She straightened her back in her seat, flashing me a wicked half smile before taking another sip of coffee.
“Heartless bitch. My head is pounding over here.”
“Aww diddums,” she cooed sarcastically, reaching over the table to press a hand to my forehead. “Do you want Aunty Elle to kiss it better?”
I scowled at her, narrowing my eyes.
“I’m going to pretend you’re not taking the piss out of me and say, why thank you for the concern, dear friend, but I think I’ll pull through on my own,” I retorted, forcing sarcasm into my voice. Then, smiling, I brought the mug up to my lips and drained the last of my coffee.
“Another?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “And a bagel too. Need to start soaking up some of this alcohol.”
*********
After mixing three coffees and a double espresso with the alcohol still lingering in my system I had one serious motherfucking headache by the time I got back to my apartment. Still, I smiled as I walked through the door. Seeing Elle always put me in an awesome mood and today was no exception, especially seeing as she agreed to come and visit the studio in a couple of weeks and assured me she’d be dragging Sawyer and Jake along with her. I hoped she’d come by sooner, but she was heading back to London tomorrow to talk to Miguel about managing the salon full time. She didn’t directly confirm it, but I was pretty sure her and Kip had already made their decision.
“You look as bad as I feel,” I joked, turning my attention to Mason when I noticed him sprawled out on the couch.
“Um, yeah, I, um… think I’m gonna head back to bed for a while.”
He was being weird. Why was he being weird?
“Hey, you okay?” I asked, frowning when he stood up from the couch and walked towards his room. He took the long way – stepping around the table and behind the couch, rather than walking straight past me.
“Sure,” he replied with an unconvincing smile.
I nodded, not knowing what else to say. Then I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, took a few generous gulps and took myself off to bed too. Flopping back onto the mattress fully clothed, I folded my hands behind my head and scoured the weak memories from last night. I’d never been so drunk I didn’t remember what I’d done before, but I had a feeling I must have. Why else would Mason be avoiding me? Because I was certain that was exactly what he was doing.
Unless…
Unless he was having second thoughts about me topping him before his scene with Will next week. Had I overstepped the mark by offering? Had I weirded him out? Sighing, I closed my eyes, and by the time sleep came I’d convinced myself he was just hungover and I was reading too much into it.
**********
I had no idea how my phone ended up near my face but I was awoken several hours later by it vibrating against my cheek. Groaning, I rolled over and peeled it off my face before checking the screen.
Will: Ur new friend’s a New Yorker right?
Me: Yeah. Y?
Will: Ask him if he knows any 420 hookups in Manhattan. Here for a couple days
Me: Will do mate. Get back 2 u later
I was pretty sure Mason wasn’t into weed, but still, working as a go-go boy I was sure he’d know someone who was. I’d ask him later, after a hot bath and a couple more aspirin.
Will: Actually get him 2 text me. We should arrange to hit it up b4 our shoot next week
I’d do that later too. Right now, getting rid of my headache was the only thing on my mind.
Mason still hadn’t surfaced by the time I’d finished in the bath and it bothered me more than it should. Nevertheless, my head was still pounding too hard to give it much thought so after pulling on some jogging pants and taking a couple more painkillers, I sprawled out on the couch with my feet dangling over the arm and closed my eyes.
I planned to remain in that position for the rest of the day, so of course sod’s law made my phone ring just as I’d gotten comfy.
“Hey, Ivan,” I answered groggily after seeing his name flash up on the screen. The slight movement it took to reach out to the table next to me to grab it made me want to spew my guts into next week.
“You sound like shit.” He spoke at normal volume yet every word felt like a bomb detonating in my ear.
“I feel it. What’s up?”
“Stewart’s in town next week and…” I cut him off with a groan. I knew exactly what was coming and I didn’t particularly want to hear it. Ivan had been trying to pair me with Stewart for the last three months and each and every time I’d refused.
The way it worked with Ivan, was that he chose the pairings – just like every other studio. Where Back Door Studios may differ to many others however, is that his boys had the opportunity to say no, and we could also request our own pairings too. He didn’t always make it happen, but the moral of the story is we got to have our say. Like I’ve said before, we were a family. Equals. He treated everyone of us fairly and never as if we were disposable. I knew from experience that was a rarity in this game, which is why I’d never consider working for anyone else.
“He’s a fucking arsehole.”
“I know you don’t get along, kid, but the fans are going crazy for a scene with you two. Could bring in a lot of attention.”
“I’m sorry, Ivan, I just-”
“Ryder, I need to step things up around here. The only way I can do that is to give people what they want.”
“What do you mean, you ‘need’ to?” Ivan sighed down the line, sending waves of nerves tingling down my spine. He was usually so cock sure of everything. He was focused, confident, happy even when there was no need to be. He was our rock, the guy we all looked up to… a father figure to many of us. So to hear his voice crack, to hear the apprehension forcing his breath to falter – it worried me. And I didn’t ‘do’ worry. “What’s going on, Ivan?”
“You know I’m not gonna force you to do anything, kid,” he said, ignoring my question completely. “Just let me know if you change your mind.”
“Wait,” I called before he had the chance to hang up. “I’ll think about it. Maybe pop round to your place tonight with my decision.”
“Our door’s always open to you, you know that.”
By ‘our’ he meant he and his partner of twenty years
- Seb.
“I’ll catch you later,” I said, noticing the door to Mason’s room starting to open. “I gotta go.”
“Take care, kid.” That was always Ivan’s closing line, and also like always, it made me smile.
“You’re awake?” I said to Mason, sitting upright on the couch after tossing my phone back onto the table. “I was starting to think you’d been hauled away by a herd of ants.”
“Why ants?”
“Why not ants?”
“Well it’s a colony.”
“What is?”
“A group of ants. It’s a colony not a herd.”
“Well excuse me Professor George. I must’ve missed that class.” A small smile tugged at Mason’s lips but not enough to reach his eyes. “Right, down to business,” I said, forcing a subject change. His eyes widened and a nervous cough pushed through his throat. “Easy, tiger, I’m not gonna pounce on you.” Yet. “We need to get you set up with social media.”
“I’m on Twitter,” he shrugged casually.
“You’re on Twitter. Ricky Rear isn’t, and he needs to be. Plus Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr. It’s the only way to get your name out there and bag yourself a following.”
“Okay, cool. I’ll just take a shower and we’ll get on it.”
While Mason showered I downed a bottle of water, held my head out of the window for a smoke, and then settled down on the couch with the laptop on my knee. I checked my own notifications and messages while I was waiting for him, and sure enough my screen was on fire with people itching for a scene with me and Joe – AKA Stewart.
Jacob Phelps @Fitboy92616h
@KyleKingXXX we NEED a scene with you and @JoeJinxOfficial. Make it happen!
Reply Retweet Favorite … More
Jax Clover @Kax2theMax8h
@KyleKingXXX When r u gonna pound @JoeJinxOfficial fuckin hot ass?
Reply Retweet Favorite … More
“Okay,” Mason announced, startling me when he re-entered the room. “Time to make me famous.”