I’d seen it from both sides. Good people, God-fearing people, the kind of people you’d think would walk the talk a lot more frequently than they did, were everywhere.
And here I was, walking amongst them. My head in the clouds, my mind a million miles away, as I performed all the daily things required to keep a dozen horses healthy and happy and safe.
Maybe that’s why I didn’t see him coming. Whatever it was, as soon as I realized Brock was right up on me, I vowed to pull my head out of my ass and pay more attention to what was going on around me.
I was filling up a water trough when he walked up behind me.
“Oh, look, it’s Lily’s boyfriend,” he said, his voice laced with sarcasm.
“Fuck off, Tyler,” I growled, pulling myself to my full height to tower over him.
“You know what you are, Lee?” he snarled up at me, the pungent smell of booze pouring off of him.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“A rebound,” he smirked. “Lily’s just using you as a distraction, as a way to avoid the pain of losing me.”
“You think so, huh?” I asked.
“I know so,” he said, a slow, sick grin spreading across his face. “I know Lily better than anyone. I know what she’s all about.”
“You do, huh? You’ve got it all figured out, do you?”
“That’s right,” he nodded. “And you know what else?”
“Enlighten me,” I replied, sarcastically. It was taking all my power not to knock him off his feet. All it would take is one punch. One delicious, quick punch. My hands balled at my sides, twitching with anticipation.
“It’s only temporary. Before long, she’ll be back in my arms, with my cock shoved so far up her pussy she’ll forget you ever existed.”
“You are one foul piece of shit, aren’t you, Brock?”
“Not to Lily, I’m not. Lily loves me. You’ll see. She’ll be mine again.”
“That’s where you’re mistaken, Brock,” I said, rage boiling in my veins. “Lily will never get back with you. Not because she’s mine, but because she respects herself more than that. Much more than you ever respected her.”
The rage bubbled over and I grabbed him by his collar, pushing him back against the concrete wall behind him. I brought my face inches from his, my eyes peering directly into his dark soul.
“I told you before that I’d kill you if you go anywhere near Lily. And I will. You try it and I’ll tell Lily, and anyone else who will listen, what kind of a man you really are. I saw you, Brock,” I said, a wave of satisfaction washing over me as the words came out.
“You saw me? Saw me do what?” he asked.
“I saw you fucking that guy in the alley behind JR’s last week. You want everyone knowing your secret, Brock? How would Lily feel if she knew you’d cheated on her with a man? Or how about the fact that you were trying to fuck her best friend? Would she like that? Would that ruin your nice guy reputation? How would the folks at Wrangler like it if your dirty secrets got out? I know Brokeback Mountain brought some people out of the dark ages, but do you think those sponsors want a gay cowboy reppin’ of their product?
“You motherfucker!” His eyes widened in disbelief. “You wouldn’t!”
“I’ll fuckin’ ruin you, Brock,” I pushed him against the wall and he fell to the ground. I took a step back and looked down at him in disgust. “You know, here’s the thing, Tyler. You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself, millions of people are gay. In fact, I’d have a lot more respect for you if just owned it. But I know your game. You just want to use Lily as a prop, as someone to hide behind. But I’m not going to let you do that. I wonder how Skoal would feel if their poster boy was suddenly accused of being gay? Looked like you were having a hell of a time the other night, but I tell you, there’re so many details I could add, just to spice things up. The press would eat it up, don’t you think?”
“You wouldn’t dare!” he snarled. “I’ll sue you for slander!”
“Sue me? Brock, I don’t have a penny to my name. You think that scares me?” I scoffed. “Try me, motherfucker.”
I walked away, leaving him seething on the ground like the angry little bitch that he was.
“You don’t deserve a woman like Lily!” he yelled to my back.
I smirked, turning the corner and walking out of the barn, leaving his words unanswered.
He was right. I didn’t deserve her.
But I was going to die trying to prove us both wrong.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
LILY
“I can’t just sit around here all day! I’ve already sent in my application, it’s spring break so I don’t have schoolwork to do anymore, what else do you expect me to do if I can’t work?”
“We could put together a puzzle,” Mama said.
“Oh, God no!” I jumped up, grabbing my purse and keys. “I’m going to the arena. Just to watch. I’m fine, Mama. Really. It was just a small bump, the swelling’s all gone, it’s fine. There’s no difference between me sitting in the stands or sitting on your couch! Take care of Lucy for me!”
I kissed her and walked out the door before she could protest any more. I just couldn’t take it. And I really was fine. Outside of being bored to tears and antsy and restless, I felt fine.
Well, there was one other thing wrong, but I was about to remedy that. I missed Lee. I needed to be around him. I needed to have those eyes within view. I needed to be able to look over and see the way his muscles rippled with every move of his arm or leg. Yeah, it was torture, but he had to be there to work, and if he had to be there, and that was the only way I could get close to him, then I’d sit in the stands and watch.
I figured I’d take a snack break when it was Brock’s turn.
What could go wrong?
After Lee’s over-the-top show of caution yesterday, I was feeling impatient. I just wanted to make love, fall asleep in his arms, and wake up feeling like I was smack dab in the middle of heaven again. Was that such a wrong thing to want?
It was simple.
I’d thought long and hard about all of this. Sure, the timing was shit. Sure, it looked like I was just rebounding or desperate or something, I was aware of the way it looked on the outside. But what was going on inside was way too intense to ignore.
I’d never felt this way about Brock, or any of the other guys I’d dated. Nobody had ever made my toes curl, my heart swell with such powerful emotion. Maybe it was too soon, but it was hard to deny something so magical, so special, so damned good.
Let people think what they wanted. I didn’t care.
I wanted Lee, and Lee wanted me and we’d figure the rest out together. I’d seen the looks my folks exchanged, seen the look of skepticism in Vivian’s eyes. None of that had gone unnoticed. But I was choosing to ignore it.
I didn’t care about Lee’s reputation. I didn’t care about his past. I didn’t care that he didn’t have money or a house or any of those things a woman like me was supposed to care about.
I cared about his heart.
Because as far as I’d seen, it was the sweetest, purest, most loyal heart I’d ever known.
And if he’d let me, I wanted to be by his side as he grew into the man that was hiding just under the surface. He’d already broken through, he’d already turned a corner. And I was so happy to be on the journey with him.
I wasn’t rushing into this blindly, with a broken heart, just waiting for someone to throw some duct tape on it and jump into Brock’s place. I was walking into this with my head held high and my eyes wide open.
I just happened to be doing it with an open heart, as well.
Who says you have to close your heart off after a break-up? What good does that do? Why kill off a crucial part of yourself when you need it the most? As far as I could see, loving Lee, letting him in, that was me loving myself.
Because I wanted him. I wanted to feel this joy, this comfort, this peace, this acceptance.
He felt like home, he felt lik
e a future.
Denying myself, that would certainly be hurting myself.
So, I’d given in. I ignored the whispers as I walked through the arena, I pretended I didn’t see the sideways glances. Let them talk. Let them speculate. Let them gossip.
Vivian had warned me about the wagging tongues. She’d said as soon as Lee rushed to my side after my fall, it was all people could talk about, as if there wasn’t any other juicy gossip. Lee’s reputation was known far and wide in these parts, and as far as most people knew I was still Brock’s girl.
Ugh, just thinking about it left a bad taste in my mouth. I’d never be Brock’s girl again and I hated that I ever was. I hated that I’d always be associated with him.
So, yeah, I heard the whispers behind cupped palms as I made my way over to the pit, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t here for that. I was hoping to find Lee, or my Daddy, just to let them know I was here, and then I’d find Vivian and sit with her.
I’d texted her on the way over and told her to save me a seat, since I was late. The competition had already started, but if I missed Brock’s run, then that was even better, I figured.
I couldn’t wait to get a good view of the rest of the competition, and hopefully a bonus view of Lee, in the meantime.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
LEE
Brock’s first run was shit, just like I knew it would be. Not even salvageable shit, but the kind of shit you can’t recover from. He reeked of booze and I was surprised his team even let him on the back of a bull in the first place. The bull threw him as soon as it exploded from the gate, catapulting him through the air like a rag doll.
He was in the same competition as Crit and a lot was on the line. Money, prizes, sponsorships. There were several other very skilled competitors and falling off before your eight seconds was up was something that rarely happened at this level.
Brock was the golden boy, the one a whole bunch of big spenders had put their money on. Many people had invested in him going home with a win, but after that run, everyone knew that wasn’t going to happen.
Especially Brock.
It was clear Brock was fucked. But, out of stupidity, denial, or some misguided sense of undying hope, he stood there watching the rest of the competitor’s runs. Hell, maybe it was self-torture, I don’t know.
What I do know is that it couldn’t have helped his ego any.
Of course, like every other man I had ever known, he opted for hiding that hurt ego under an explosion of anger. He turned away after Crit’s run, once it was clear there was no chance in hell of Brock pulling some miracle out of his ass and winning, with eyes filled with the anger of ten men.
His eyes landed on me like a predator spotting its prey. He needed a place for that anger to land, he needed someone to blame for his fuck-up, and I was the easiest target.
“This is all your fault, Haggard!” He closed the distance between us, the slurred words escaping from his mouth in a tornado of spit and spite.
“Don’t blame me for your bullshit, Tyler,” I said, my voice surprising even me with its calmness.
I’d been standing at the side of the entrance to the arena, watching with Beau and Seth. They stiffened beside me as Brock seethed in anger before us.
“I blame you completely! All that shit you talked earlier? You tried to fuck with my head, you prick!” He pointed a finger in my chest and I pushed it away. His face was beet red, his eyes wild with rage.
“Back the fuck off of my brother, Tyler,” Seth growled, his use of the word ‘brother’ not lost on me.
“You just wait, Haggard,” Brock said, his voice lowering to a threatening drawl. “You’re gonna fuckin’ pay for this. You’ll see. When you least fuckin’ expect it, you’ll see. You’re going to regret you ever spoke one word to me.”
“I already regret that, you sorry motherfucker! Don’t blame me because your fucking psyche is so fragile it can’t take a few words between men. You started this shit, you deal with it. And don’t forget what I said, either, Brock. I meant every word. I’ll fuckin’ destroy you.”
“Mark my words, Haggard. I’m not done with you.”
“Anytime, motherfucker, anytime…” I shook my head, my fists balled at my side. Beau sensed that I was ready to explode and placed a hand on my arm.
“You’d better get the fuck out of here, Tyler,” Beau said. “Before you can’t leave at all.”
Brock scowled at Beau, his eyes dragging over me and then over to Seth, and then turned on his heel without another word, leaving us watching him in amusement.
“I tell you, that fucker is a piece of work,” Seth said once he was gone.
“More like a piece of shit, you ask me,” I mumbled.
“I admire your restraint,” Seth said. “You could easily knock him into next week if you wanted to. He’s not worth the energy.”
“You’re right about that,” I said. My pocket vibrated, and I pulled out my phone. “It’s Mama,” I said.
“Take it, Lee,” Beau insisted. “Go on,” he gestured outside and I nodded, hitting the accept button on the screen.
“Mama?” I answered.
CHAPTER FORTY
LILY
I’d been here every single year of my life, and I knew the arena like the back of my hand. I avoided the stifling, sweaty crowd and made my way down a flight of stairs and into the empty hallway that led me past the arena’s administration and security offices, conference rooms and the VIP lounges.
The VIP lounges were given to the rodeo stars and celebrities and sponsors each year. They always offered one to my folks but they always turned it down. Daddy always said he had no use for being so far away from the action, even if it was air-conditioned.
For the past three years, Brock had been given his own private room and when I approached a half-opened door that had a sign with his name on it, I sped up. He was the last person I wanted to see, and as I tried to quietly and quickly walk past the door, my stomach sank when I saw him. He looked up at the sound of my footsteps. I put my head down and kept walking, hoping he would let me pass by without talking to him.
I was three steps past when he walked out and called my name.
“Lily,” his voice echoed in the empty hallway and I wished I could go back five minutes. I should have just been patient and stayed with the crowd. The last thing I wanted was to be down here alone with him.
I turned around and faced him.
“Hello, Brock,” I replied cooly, but as soon as I saw him, I knew something was off. My skin tingled and the hair stood up on the back of my neck.
“How was your run?” I asked, hesitantly.
“I lost. I lost everything. The competition. The money. My sponsors all fired me,” he said, shaking his head.
“Oh. That’s too bad,” I said. “Well, maybe next time. I gotta go.”
He ran up behind me, grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him again.
“Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you,” he growled.
“You weren’t talking,” I twisted my arm from his grip. “Let me go!”
“Lily, stop! We need to talk!” he insisted.
“No, Brock, we don’t. I have nothing to say to you. Just let it go, please!” I pleaded. I turned to walk away once more, and he grabbed my arm again, this time much harder. “That fucking hurts, Brock! Let go!” I demanded. His fingers clenched my arm harder, so hard I knew there’d be a bruise there later.
“No!” he growled. “You’re going to fucking listen to me!”
“No, I’m not! Brock, stop this shit right now!” He began pulling me down the hallway and back into his room. Once he’d pulled me inside, he shoved me down on the couch and turned back and locked the door.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” I yelled, standing up and rushing past him. He grabbed me around the waist, picking my small frame up easily and threw me back on the couch.
“Making you listen, goddammit!”
“I hate you, Brock
! I don’t want to hear anything you have to say!” I hurled the words at him, wishing like hell I wasn’t so fucking small.
“Shut the fuck up, before I make you shut up!” He raised a threatening hand in the air and I clamped my mouth shut angrily. Rage raced through my veins as I eyed the door. I just had to make it past him.
“Now, listen!” he insisted, sitting next to me on the couch, flashing a sickly smile at me, as if he hadn’t just threatened to backhand me. “Lily, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean any of it. The running around, neglecting you, being mean to you. I didn’t treat you right, you deserved better.” He grabbed my hand, holding it tightly in his. I resisted the urge to pull it away, hoping that once he got whatever he needed to say out of the way, he’d let me go. “Now, listen, you need to know it’s all over. I lost tonight. Just now. I just couldn’t concentrate without you in my life, Lily. I fucked things up so badly between us. But I’m paying for it. As soon as I lost, my agent came down and told me the sponsors were dropping me. I’m fucked, Lily. It’s all over. The fame. The money.”
“Brock, none of that matters,” I replied. I almost felt sorry for him. Suddenly, he didn’t look like the confident, sexy cowboy, he just looked like a sad, broken boy.
“I’m so glad you think so, Lily,” he said, sadness dripping from his eyes. “Because now I can focus on what’s really important. Us.”
He reached out and pushed a curl behind my ear. I swallowed hard, feeling bad for him but knowing I couldn’t let this go any longer. He was delusional if he thought I was going to take him back.
“Brock, you need to just concentrate on yourself now. Rebuild your life. I can’t be a part of it anymore. I’m sorry,” I said, hoping the words were gentle enough, that he was going to react calmly and rationally and let me the hell out of this room. I couldn’t wait to get as far away from him as possible.
Unfortunately, I was wrong. Anger flashed in his eyes, and the sadness melted away.
THE HOPE BROTHERS: The Bad Boys of Sugar Hill Page 40