by B. D. Gates
I was putting the boxes in the fridge when Tess came back into the kitchen.
"Satisfied?" I asked.
"Very," she answered, patting her belly.
"No, I mean, with the house," I clarified.
Tess laughed. "Yes, with that too."
She picked up her keys on the counter.
"So, you're leaving me?" I asked.
"For now," she had answered, "but I'm always around. Goodnight, Bishop."
"Goodnight, Tess. Thank you. That was great."
She had nodded, smiling at me, as I grinned at her. There was a brightness on her face, in her eyes, that I'd never seen before.
I watched her through the window as she walked down the porch steps, stopping for a second or two to rub Smokey's neck, then she was gone.
Her demeanor had changed after reading her fortune cookie. I started looking through the empty boxes and found the paper.
It read: 'What you want is right in front of you.'
At the time, I'd wondered what that meant. What did she think it meant? Why did it affect her like that?
While I'd had no idea at the time, I think that now I did.
And I was thinking that I'd have felt the same way.
I was better after that night with Penny. Not quite up-to-speed, but better. Penny started looking after me, making sure that I stayed in the "land of the living," as she called it, that I ate and slept on a regular basis and that I didn't spend too much time alone. We kept our distance regarding sleeping together, we were not quite ready to cross that line after the night we'd fought.
It was as if we weren't quite sure how to start again.
35
One cool, rainy Saturday, the game had been canceled and I actually found myself with a little 'cabin fever.' I drove over to Whitmore, thought I'd take a look around. There was a mall with a few stores that I wanted to check out. My main interest was a small bookstore that, like most bookstores these days, sold coffee and pastries to make browsing all the more enjoyable. I decided to start there, to get a little caffeinated jump-start on a dreary day.
It was larger than I'd expected and I noted the diverse categories of the stacks on my way to the coffee. There were several little areas of seating, with overstuffed chairs and ottomans, for readers who wanted to spend their time surrounded by books and the wonderful smell of freshly-brewed coffee. Soft jazz played in the background. A fairly good number of people were milling about, all apparently having decided to spend their rainy day in the same way.
I got in line, gave my order to the cashier, who forwarded it to the barista, a cute girl who glanced at me as the order came through while she worked the machines like she could do it in her sleep, filling the orders without really having to think about the task at hand. I gave her a quick grin, nodded as our eyes met. She nodded in response, smiled back at me.
I waited at the end of the counter, watched the orders being made up and given to their respective owners. I dropped a dollar in the tip jar as the girl poured my coffee, added the cream and sugar, snapped on the lid and walked it over to me. There was a small 'smiley face' on the side and our hands touched as she passed the cup to me. I smiled, held her gaze, and she smiled again.
"Baxter!" I jumped a little as I turned to look, to see who was practically shouting my name.
"Are you deaf?" Penny was suddenly standing next to me.
"No, no, just, thinking about something else," I said, smiling at the barista. "Thank you," I said, as I lifted my cup to her.
"You're welcome," she replied.
"Oh, well then, Baxter, this is Haley," said Penny, obviously picking up on the situation. "Haley, this is Baxter."
"Hi, Haley, nice to meet you," I said.
"Hello, Baxter, hi, Penny," replied Haley, blushing a bit. An older man standing near us cleared his throat. Haley looked over. "Oh, sorry," she said to the fellow. "Nice meeting you," she said to me as she turned back to her work.
I just looked down at Penny.
"What?" she asked, with a bit of a smirk.
"Penny..."
She just shrugged, smiled a knowing little smile. "Just thought I'd help you out, Bax."
"What makes you think I need your help?" I asked as I started walking toward the seating area in the Mystery section. Those seats were all taken. I looked around. Penny took me by the arm and led me towards the Math and Science section. There was no traffic there, with only one chair and an ottoman. Penny pointed at the chair, indicated I should sit. She sat on the ottoman directly in front of me, leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, her legs between and against mine as we faced each other.
"Doing a little 'cruising,' Bax?" she asked quietly, smiling, as she leaned in, put her hand on my knee. I let it stay there.
"No, Penny, just having a look around," I answered, took a sip of my coffee. "Thought I'd pick up something to read."
"Huh. Pick up something...” she echoed, followed by another smirk.
"Is everything about sex with you?" I asked. Not maliciously, but curiously.
"Oh, no, Baxter, everything is not 'about sex' with me. I'm glad to see you in a bookstore, means there's more to you."
"What?"
"You read. That's good, there are a lot of girls around who don't, and they're nice, good girls, don't get me wrong, it's just that they don't have much to say about anything. Like I said, they're good girls, they're just, well, after a while, they're boring."
"Penny! You're an elitist!"
"Oh, no, Bax, I'm 'all-inclusive,' really. I just like to talk about more things than softball, who's dating who, stuff that I've talked about since high school. I like to talk about, well, anything. I've been reading since I was little, and I know that there's a big, big world out there, with a lot going on, but there aren't a lot of women around here who can see past their own back yards. Who only read romance novels."
"There's nothing wrong with that, Penny. You know, I could be in here for just that. The latest romance novel."
"Somehow, Bax, I doubt it. In fact, I'd just bet that you're here for the newest crime-slash-mystery novel, like something from the 'Alphabet' series, or maybe something from Sabrina Howe. You know, she lives a little over three hours from here, up in Delaware."
I looked at her, poker-faced. Damn, Penny was smart. She'd be a good cop. Hell, she could be a damn detective.
"I stalked her once."
"Who?"
"Sabrina Howe. I stalked her."
"Geez, Penny."
"Seriously." Penny grinned. "I had just finished her first book, before she became really famous, and I was crazy for her, read everything I could about her. I researched, found out where she lived, took a trip up to Lewes, in Delaware, and had a look around. Stayed a couple days, hung around the beach, met some people. Talked to a bartender who told me her brother had delivered some furniture to her some time back and she got me the address. Cost me fifty bucks for him and a 'sleepover' for her, but it was worth it." She had a smug smile on her face as she apparently recalled the sleepover.
"Anyways, I camped outside her house, saw her and another woman, kinda butch, come out, get in a car and start to drive off. I was snapping photos the whole time, and they pulled out of the driveway, then drove right up next to my car, wanted to know who I was, what I was doing there."
Penny started giggling. "Caught me red-handed. She thought I was a paparazzo, since she'd seen me taking pictures. I assured her I wasn't, that I just wanted to see her in person, maybe meet her. I was honest about it, told Sabrina that I'd loved her book, that I hoped she'd write more. Apparently, she believed me, asked if I had the book with me, and I did, so she autographed it for me, told me that she appreciated my 'love and support' but to not hang around her house any more, it was creeping her out. She laughed when she said it, but, if you know her work, you know that her next book was about an author who was stalked and a photographer who'd been staking out her house. So, I take full credit for giving her the idea for her second book."
She was smiling and looking very pleased with herself as she finished telling her story.
I looked at Penny, dumbfounded. I think my mouth was hanging open. She could be a damn detective. Or a paparazzo, but either way, she was kind of scary. This girl was off-the-hook, not in a bad way, but like a Jack Russell terrier after a rabbit. I knew that I would never lie to her, at least, not any more than I already had, because she'd already proved to me once before that she was inclined to pursue the 'Truth' to the ends of the earth.
And, she'd actually done the author a favor because that second book had launched Sabrina Howe into the stratosphere of popular fiction.
Penny was looking at me, still laughing, as she smacked me lightly on my knee. "C'mon, Baxter, lighten up."
I just looked at her and shook my head, a slight smile now on my face. "Damn, Penny." That's all I could say.
"Crazy, right? That's what you're thinking, aren't you?" she asked, as she smiled back at me.
"Well..."
"I know, I know! But, Baxter, it was fun! And totally worth it!"
Now I really started laughing. I couldn't help it. It probably had been fun, especially since it had worked out so well.
"So, what do you think of Haley?" Penny switched tracks on me.
"Well, I just met her, Penny."
"But you think she's cute."
"Well, yeah, she is."
"Yeah she is...but she's not one of ours." Penny leaned in closer, whispered. "So, you looking to get laid, Bax? Because all you have to do is call."
"Wow. Penny." She never took the long way around.
"Seriously, Bax. I like sexing you." She had moved her hand up to the inside of my thigh, lightly kneaded it as she leaned against my leg. I looked around, scanned the area for any people browsing the shelves close by. There were no 'lurkers.'
"Penny, I came in to get a book or two, and some coffee. I was going to wander around a few stores I've been interested in. I had no intent, or inclination, for that matter, to pick up anyone. I wasn't even thinking about sex."
"But you're thinking about it now." She grinned a wicked grin.
"Well, yeah, I'm thinking about it now..."
"So, what do you want to do about it?"
I was ambivalent. Our last encounter had left me wounded, bitten and bruised, and had led to the loss of Tess. There was a part of me that wanted to dig in, rebuff her, to say 'no,' just to see what would happen.
"I think, that, I want to finish my coffee, get a book or two, then head over to..." I paused.
Penny waited. Her face was expectant.
"...the mall."
"Oh, Baxter, really? Is that what you want to do?"
No, it wasn't, not really, but I wanted control back. I didn't want Penny to think, to know, that she could just rearrange my day to her liking. She was looking into my face, my eyes, scanning me with her 'shit detector.'
She shook her head, a slight, knowing smile on her face. "Baxter..." she sighed.
I didn't say anything. I couldn't look at her, and she knew why.
She leaned in, spoke softly. "You know, Bax, my house is really lovely on a day like today. Bed's all cozy, and warm..." she let that hang there as she gently squeezed the inside of my upper thigh.
I imagined her bed, thought about being wrapped in the comforter, looking out the oversized windows at the dreariness, the rain pattering on the roof, Penny going down on me. It really did sound 'lovely.'
Which was her point. But in the end, if I was to give in, I might as well consign myself to Penny and her whims from here on.
"Penny..."
"I'll tell you what, Bax. Finish your coffee, we'll get your books, I'll even browse a bit myself, and if you still want to go to the mall, then that's what we'll do. Okay?"
"We?" I had no idea why I said that. I suppose I'd gotten caught up in being obstinate.
"Well. Okay. Huh." There was a pause, and Penny looked up at me. "Baxter, you don't even want me around?"
Damn. I'd gone too far, hurt her feelings, and I really hadn't meant to.
"Penny, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." I put my hand over hers, where it rested on my thigh, gave it a squeeze.
"No, Bax, that's okay. I understand." She pulled her hand out from under mine.
"Penny, really. I was joking."
"You don't have to say anything else. I get it." She stood up.
"Dammit, Penny, just wait."
"What, Baxter."
I stood up. We were standing together, my legs straddling Penny's as we stood in the narrow space between the chair and the ottoman. She looked up at me and I found myself looking down into her sad eyes. She held my gaze.
"I didn't mean that."
"Baxter, if you don't want me around, then all you have to do is say so."
"I'm sorry, I do want you around. I do. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Then why would you say such a thing?" she whispered hoarsely.
"Penny, look, I...I'm an asshole, okay? I just...went too far."
She looked away as she considered that. Her response was quiet but firm. "You are an asshole, Baxter, the absolute worst asshole I have ever known."
My mouth fell open at that. I quickly closed it. Well, sometimes the truth hurts. And, frankly, I deserved that.
I looked into her eyes, took her wrist in my hand, gently held it. "Penny, listen, I'm sorry. I am. Spend the day with me. Please."
"Really?"
"Really." And I did want her around, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Penny came across hard-as-nails, she was abrupt, quick to call 'bullshit,' but she was soft, all heart under that show of toughness, and I had been taken with her from the start.
So, I got my books, Penny got a couple as well, and we went to the mall. For about ten minutes. Long enough for me to know that I truly did want to be in her bed. And that's where we ended up about thirty minutes later.
Penny had me stripped naked and hot for her in no time, had covered me in her comforter and was going down on me as I looked out the window at the drizzling rain. She could have walked away, left me standing there in that bookstore, could have written me off as the 'the absolute worst asshole' she's ever known, but, for whatever reason, she hadn't.
I vowed to myself that I would do my best to never hurt her like that again, because, frankly, for a few seconds, I'd honestly panicked when I thought I'd shoved her away.
Lying in her bed, I realized that Penny was right.
It all really was lovely.
36
Penny and I had worked out an arrangement of sorts.
We would go to dinner, a movie, the shooting range, or some other activity that we both enjoyed, followed by sex--hot, sweaty, mind-blowing sex. The first time back together, the afternoon we'd met at the bookstore, where we'd hurt one another again with our words, we were tentative and cautious, very aware that we were restoring ourselves as lovers, taking care in how we handled each other.
Penny was still opposed to exclusive relationships and, to her, that meant that she dated other women as well as me. I could date as well, I just hadn't met anyone I'd enjoyed enough to want to spend time with. Penny, knowing that I still had not heard from Tess, brought her up over dinner one night.
"Baxter, I think you should call her."
"Who?"
"Tess."
"You're telling me to call her?"
"I'm just saying that you still miss her. You should call her."
"Penny, I don't think I just burned that bridge, I think I blew it up."
"Look, I know that she means something to you and I am telling you that you haven't been the same since she left, so I'm saying that you should call her. Besides, if she really knows you, then she knows what a total asshole you can be and that that's part of your 'charm'."
"Wow. Thanks."
"Seriously, Bax, I bet she misses you, too."
"Penny..." I said. Then I sighed. "You didn't see her face. The night she left. It was blank, empty. You onc
e said that you'd seen her 'looking' at me, that you thought she was jealous, but I can tell you that whatever she was feeling for me at that time is long gone."
"Baxter, people do and say things that they mean all the time, at that time, but over time, after the anger and hurt subside, they wish that they hadn't been so harsh. I mean, look at us. After what we did to each other, no one would think that we'd be sitting here, quietly eating dinner, sexing each other afterward, and yet, here we are."
I was quiet as I considered her words. "You make a great point, really, but as I recall, we had a referee by the name of Biggs, who told us to “fix it” in no uncertain terms."
Penny laughed. "I'd forgotten about that. Think you need a 'ref' to help you two sort it out?"
"Are you volunteering?"
"If you think you need one."
"Penny, I appreciate the offer, but I think Tess would find it a little strange, your trying to mend our friendship."
"Well, the offer is there. I just know that not having Tess in your life has affected you, and not in a good way."
I didn't know what to say. After losing Tess, a certain dullness had fallen over my life, I just didn't think it was evident to others. Then again, Penny was perceptive, to say the least.
"I'll think about it."
The next evening, while Penny was on a date, I sat on the back steps with the dogs and flipped open the cell phone. I looked at the numbers pad for a good minute.
Then I flipped it shut.
37
Across town, Tess looked over at her phone, then picked it up. She'd had a fleeting thought that Bishop was going to call. An instance of cognition, followed by a pang in her heart.
She was eating supper with Ginnie and Joe, something she had taken to doing at least three times a week. Ginnie looked over at her, quizzically. Tess caught her look and shrugged, shook her head.
Tess had landed on Ginnie and Joe's doorstep minutes after telling Bishop that she was free, to go live her life. She was holding it together in front of Joe, but Ginnie had picked up on her emotional upset and had taken her into the back of the house, into her hobby room, where Tess dissolved into tears. Ginnie held her, listening to Tess tell of their argument about the gun, about Bishop 'going backwards,' but knowing that this was not really about any of that at all. Ginnie had little to offer but solace, she had no words of magic to dispel the distress Tess was feeling, no comfort but her arms around the sobbing girl.