by Cindy Miles
“I see,” she said softly. Her eyes cast down to her lap, and she brushed at something on her coat. “Did you donate extra money to the Turkey Run?” Her eyes flashed at me then, wide and incredible and alluring. Waiting for an answer.
“I had a good payday,” I said. It wasn’t a lie; I had.
“It was generous of you,” she continued. “It will feed a lot of families.”
I nodded, and couldn’t help leaning toward her. Almost as if by getting closer I could sap some of her warmth. Infuse some of her fears and flush them out. “I’m glad.” We were close, not facing each other but sort of catty-corner, shoulder-to-shoulder, and it would be so easy to lean in, take just one small taste. Just to see.
She felt it, too; I could sense it. She seemed confused, though. As if she was unsure what the sensation between us was. I knew—had sensed it the very first time we were within eye-shot of each other. I couldn’t explain it. It had nothing to do with her physical beauty—although at first, sure. I noticed that. Who wouldn’t? She was elegant, delicate, with faultless skin and plump lips that begged to be savored.
It was her eyes, though, that dug into my brain. Wide, almond shaped and the strangest blue-green I’d ever seen, they held something in their depths that probably no one else saw but me. Sadness. Pain. Loneliness. And of course, fear. Broken, but maybe not hopeless.
Kindred spirit.
She cleared her throat. “I have an idea. Sort of.”
I glanced down at our hands, so close on the blanket they were almost reaching. Touching. Not quite, though. I looked at her. “And what is that?”
She shifted her position; seemingly closer. Yet her eyes fluttered, glanced off mine to stare into the darkness. I watched her draw a long breath in, as though she was preparing for something frightening. After she released it, she let her gaze settle on mine again. “It’s something of a challenge for us both, I think. You’ll probably enjoy it because it is along the lines of a bet.”
I did lean toward her this time, but not too invasive. I grinned. “I’m dying already. Tell me.”
A faint smile paused her words, and she glanced at her boots, shy and awkward and engaging. Then she breathed, gathered courage, it seemed, and the mask was back in place when she looked at me. “I propose a challenge of truths and confessions.” She folded her hands, lacing her fingers together and sitting them properly in her lap. Every movement fascinated me. She was…so oddly different. “You tell me something. I in turn tell you something.” One of her eyebrows rose. “We have to solemnly swear to say the truth and only the truth, so help us God. And it stays between us. Only us.”
I searched her eyes; studied her features in the moonlight. She suspected I hid just as many secrets as she did. And for some reason, she was interested in knowing my truths. I’d confess a few. Not all, but some. I smiled. Nodded.
“You’re on, Ms. Belle,” I agreed.
“Good. You go first,” she said hurriedly.
I leaned a little closer. She smelled good—not perfume good, but something else. Maybe it was the scent of pine that surrounded us. Definitely something I wasn’t used to in Boston. I waited. Wondered what made her tick. What would make her buckle. Sigh with pleasure. Or content.
“Well?” she finally prodded.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you since that day in the park.”
Her eyes rounded, making them even wider than they naturally were. “Really?” Her tongue slipped out, wetting those full lips that I couldn’t stop staring at. She had no idea what it did to me.
“Yeah. Really.” I searched her eyes. She hadn’t run away, and that was a good thing. “Now you.”
Then, I saw it. Fear. And I watched as it flared, rose in her like something alive, and she shifted uncomfortably on the blanket. My hand reached for hers, and I noticed she’d never put on her gloves. Her fingers were cold. “Hey,” I said as gently as I could. “Don’t say anything that makes you want to run.”
Her eyes softened then, like pools of water as they searched mine. “Okay.” She swallowed, glanced away, staring at another plane passing just over our heads. She didn’t look at me now, and that’s how I realized she spoke the truth.
“I’ve never kissed anyone before.”
I couldn’t keep the shock off my face. I tried, but I couldn’t. I believed her.
How, at twenty years old, had she never kissed anyone? How?
“Do you trust me?” I said softly. I wanted her to, so bad.
She said nothing; only nodded. Vulnerability rolled off her in such harsh waves, I almost felt it.
Right or wrong, I couldn’t help myself. It might make me a bastard, but swear to God, I couldn’t help it.
I leaned in and kissed her.
I forced my eyes to stay open as Kane’s head tilted, grew close, and in the moonlight I watched his long dark lashes brush his pale skin. The moment his cool, firm lips pressed against mine, I closed my eyes and exhaled. Kane seemed to swallow it, breathed in as I breathed out, barely moved against my mouth. It was gentle. Soft. And when he shifted his lips to taste the corner of my mouth with the slightest swipe of his tongue, I gasped, and he swallowed that, too.
He pulled back then, his eyes on mine, and mine unavoidably on his. What seemed like surprise filled the liquid coffee pools as they stared at me, speaking volumes without uttering a single word. I was speechless; I could barely breathe.
“Are you okay?” he finally asked. He hadn’t moved away from me. Just out of reach. There, in my space, but not terrifying.
“My heart is beating fast,” I confessed. “Like I’ve been running. And my lips are numb.”
That coaxed a smile to touch his lips. His teeth gleamed white in the odd light of night that we sat in. “Is that a good thing?”
“I’m not sure,” she answered. I looked at him, watching his eyes closely. “I…guess you think that’s pretty weird? Twenty years old and never been kissed?”
He didn’t falter. Not once. His eyes only softened as they did. He wore sincerity in those lush brown orbs like some wore their heart on their sleeve.
“Weird, no,” he answered. “Surprised, hell yes.” His fingers found mine, and I allowed his touch as he twined our hands together. “Privileged, more than anything.”
I tilted my head, curious. “Why?”
“To be the first.”
I nodded, understanding. “Oh.” The current between us that was there earlier still existed; it hadn’t evaporated. “Was the kiss an experiment?”
“It was a strong desire.” His fingers squeezed mine. “I’ll want to do it again.”
I nodded. “Me, too.”
A jet soared overhead, and we simultaneously glanced upward as it passed.
“I should go,” I finally said. “The week before Thanksgiving is always so busy. And I have a test—”
Kane’s mouth covered mine, swallowing my words, surprising and thrilling and scaring me at the same time. Not as light, not as feathery as before, this kiss felt…different. Intoxicating. I tasted the faintest trace of spearmint. His knuckles grazed my jaw, held my mouth still as he explored, and my heart raced harder than it had before. I felt as though I was sinking straight into him. Then, he pulled back, his eyes on mine. “I couldn’t help myself.” His easy words washed over me. “But I’m not sorry for it.”
Breathless, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. “I’m not, either,” I answered.
A smile claimed his beautiful face, and wordlessly he rose and pulled me with him. I stretched my legs as he shook out the blanket and folded it, then with it tucked beneath one arm, and my hand grasped in his, we headed back down the bluff.
“Funny how, now that we’re used to the moonlight we can see perfectly fine without the flashlight,” I noticed.
Kane looked down at me as we walked. “Why don’t you like the dark?”
My mind flew to the memory of that cramped, wet, dank kitchen cabinet. A pitch-black closet. Alone. What had driven me to both places. Insid
e, I involuntarily shook at the memory. I knew that was something I couldn’t share with Kane. Not now or ever. “I think I had nightmares as a little girl.” It wasn’t a lie; it was the exact truth. I simply left out a few critical points out. “Just never got over it, I suppose.” I wanted to know more about Kane, and that surprised me. Never had someone intrigued me enough to ask questions. Want to know things of their past. With him? I was drawn to him like…well, like I’d never been in my whole life. I slipped a glance his way as we walked; his knowing gaze already there, waiting. Almost anticipating.
“Go ahead,” he crooned. “Ask.”
“Wow.” I smiled.
Kane jerked to a stop, and I jerked with him. My eyes flew around us, to the ground. “What is it?” I asked. “A snake? I don’t like snakes.”
“It’s rare that I see you genuinely smile.” His knuckles found my cheek, and brushed across my skin. “It’s stunning.”
I didn’t know what to say. Heat crawled up my neck and onto my cheeks, and I was glad for the nighttime concealer. I wasn’t used to compliments. Not from guys. Not real ones, anyway.
Kane’s compliments were real. Weren’t they? I felt they were, but…still. “Is that the kiss talking?” I couldn’t help but ask. Why it suddenly mattered surprised me, too. Almost as much as my reaction to his kiss. My first kiss.
“I can’t say for sure,” Kane confessed. His voice had a lilt to it, though, and when I looked at him, I could see his eyes shimmering with laughter. “Might have to experiment more. You know. Kiss. Smile. Repeat.”
A shiver raced through me at the thought of that.
Fear replaced the shiver, though. “Kane?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” I started. “I suppose by now you’ve guessed that the whole she never dates lowly college guys is really she’s never dated anyone.” I ducked under the crossgate, and he followed, and at his truck we stopped. He was quiet as he waited for me to continue. “I have my reasons for keeping up the persona I portray at Winston, and I’d like to keep it that way. You asked if I trusted you?”
His brown eyes seemed like two dark caves against his pale skin. “I did.”
I lifted my chin. “Then I trust you to trust me,” I continued. “I don’t want people knowing about us.”
He nodded, but his eyes said something else I wasn’t able to pinpoint. “President of a sorority definitely doesn’t need to be seen kissing a known criminal.”
“Yes,” I admitted. “That’s right. Not to mention I don’t want it creating other suspicions. More questions I’m not willing to answer. For anyone.” I searched his eyes. “Do you understand?” I said this gently. I wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings. It was nothing more than simple matter-of-fact with me. It had to be. If Corinne Belle found out…
He was quiet for a moment as he tried to see behind my eyes; to see what other secrets I might be keeping locked away. No matter how hard he searched, he’d only see what I wanted him to. His hand lifted then, traced my jaw, slipped over my braid and pulled it over my shoulder. “Can I see you again? Away from campus?”
I had to wonder what this was—this thing between Kane and I. A fling? He certainly didn’t live here, so…what next? In a very short period of time, I’d allowed him to get closer to the real me as I’d ever let anyone. In my life. Yet he was as unstable as any I could imagine. I looked at him. “How long do you plan on being here? At Winston, I mean. With your brother?”
“I guess that all depends,” he stated. “On a lot of things.”
I nodded. “Yes. You can see me again. Away from campus.” I eyed him. “Unless it’s a campus charity event.” Then I offered him another smile.
His lips pulled. “You’re on.” We climbed inside the truck, he started the engine. “Do you have a cell? I never see you with one.”
I nodded. “I do. It’s just not glued to my hands like most people.”
“Another like in your favor.” He reached into the ashtray, retrieved his cell phone, and handed it to me. “How about putting your number in there for me?”
And that brought another uninvited smile to my face.
The ride back to Winston, on the darkened, single-lane highway wasn’t nearly as unsettling as the ride earlier. We didn’t say much; didn’t have to. Kane held my hand, and I was acutely aware that he was acutely aware of the attraction that lay between us. Had I struck a match, the inside of Kane’s truck would have burst into flames, I believed. I liked the roughened skin of his knuckles, his fingers against mine. The warmth the two created together. I wondered, briefly, if this was how Brax and Olivia had started out? Was this how normal couples reacted to each other? This attraction? Corinne Belle had called it pure sin. Was it? I thought about the feelings Kane stirred inside of me. So new. So untested. How could something that felt so good be sinful?
I wondered just how much trust I would bestow upon Kane McCarthy.
The moment we pulled down the lane leading to Delta House, I saw a figure in the parking lot, close to my car.
“Oh, hell,” Kane muttered.
It was Brax, straddling his motorcycle. I tensed; I knew the encounter wouldn’t be pleasant.
“Hey,” Kane said softly. He glanced at me. “Don’t worry, Harper. Nothing will happen here, okay? I promise. Just go inside, and I’ll text you later.”
I met his gaze. “Thank you,” I said quietly. “For tonight.” I set the flashlight on the seat beside me. “For this.”
Kane’s eyes softened. “My pleasure. ‘Night, Harper Belle.”
I studied him, smiled. “Goodnight, Kane McCarthy.”
He walked me to the porch, gave me an assuring smile, and then turned and headed to his brother. At the door, I paused, and looked over my shoulder. Brax was off the bike, his hands on his hips. Even from across the yard I could feel his anger. Hear his harsh words. His scarred face made him look even fiercer.
“What the fuck, bro?” Brax said angrily. “You fuckin’ crazy? Harper?”
If Brax’s anger was vivid from across the yard, Kane’s was twice as furious. All rolled into a silent, raging storm.
Kane ducked his head, looked Brax in the eye; stern. Quiet. Authoritative. “Not here, bro. Not here.”
Brax rubbed his head, swore, and climbed on his bike. I could feel the tension in the air between the two brothers; heavy, like a sopping wet blanket. Kane glanced my way once more, gave me a nod and a smile, and headed for his truck. In seconds, both had disappeared.
I swiped the card through the key pad and let myself in. Delta house was still dark; no one had made it home yet. All the while I hurried through my nightly routine of getting ready for bed, Kane claimed my thoughts. Had he and Brax resolved their differences? Why was Brax so concerned about me? Was Kane really dangerous, and just a master of disguises? I was. Why not he?
As I climbed into bed, I stared at the ceiling and the shadows caused by the lamp I kept burning on my nightstand. Every sensation, every moment with Kane from the bluff came rushing back to me. The way his lips brushed mine, lingered, and how his tongue had felt like velvet. My skin tingled even now, thinking about it. How had he managed to stir so many feelings in me at once?
Just then, my cell phone buzzed where it sat on my nightstand. I reached over and picked it up, and while I didn’t recognize the number, the text was very familiar.
KANE: HEY, ARE YOU ASLEEP YET?
My heart leapt as I read his words.
ME: NOT YET. ARE YOU AND BRAX OK?
KANE: YEAH, HE’LL GET OVER IT. SO ARE YOU BUSY TOMORROW AFTERNOON?
I thought about my hectic pre-Thanksgiving schedule.
ME: UNTIL FOUR, YES. WHY?
KANE: MEET ME AT YOUR FAVORITE PARK. AND BRING YOUR CAMERA.
My breath quickened at the thought of Kane wanting to see me again.
ME: OK. WHY?
KANE: YOU’LL SEE. HEY—I REALLY LIKED TONIGHT.
A smile fought its way past my lips, and even though
no one was around to see it, a blush crept up my throat and warmed my cheeks.
ME: WHY?
KANE: BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE KISSING YOU.
Again, heat caught me off guard. Another smile. Two things I was unused to.
ME: I LIKED IT, TOO.
No sooner did I send the text, my phone rang. It was Kane.
“I just had to hear that adorable accent of yours again,” he said.
I gave an embarrassed laugh. “You’re crazy.”
“’Night, Harper.”
“Goodnight, Kane.”
“Don’t forget,” he said, just before I hung up. “Four tomorrow. At the park.”
“And bring my camera,” I added. “I’ll be there.”
We hung up, and the smile on my face felt foreign; surreal. When had the Dare backfired on me so drastically? Actually, if I could get Kane to end the bets at Kappa house, it’d be a sure-fire win. But I hadn’t counted on actually liking him.
And I did. Surprisingly, I really did.
The next day, my usual schedule kept me pretty busy. I had one meeting in preparation for the Dash-n-Date, and one for the holiday bake sale. And, I studied two hours for upcoming exams in Calculus and Literature. All the while, though, the memory of Kane’s mouth against mine, his lips hungry, unfamiliar, tasting mine for the first time assaulted me, bringing a dreamy smile to my face that Murphy had caught more than once. At the bake sale prep my mind drifted to the night before on the bluff with Kane, with planes soaring over our heads, the night air draped over us like a blanket, and his lips exploring mine. My skin tingled. My heart sped up. I fought a smile.
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” Murphy whispered next to me. “The expression on your face is filling me with sheer terror.” She looked at me, peering close into my eyes. “Have you fallen ill?”
My lips quirked “I have not.”
“Well tickety-boo, can we get on with this, then?” She shoved a list under my nose. “What do you think about these for the bake sale?”
My eyes scanned the list. Chocolate chip cookies. A definite must. I placed a check with my red marker. Mint brownies. Check. Snowballs. Check. Ginger snaps. Check. Rum. Rum? I looked up at Murphy and she gave me a sly smile. “Just making sure you’re in there,” she said, and tapped my head with her finger. “You seem to be off in Neverland.” Then her eyes widened. “Blimey, you like him!”