Behind the Lens

by Heather Dahlgren

  “I felt like I needed to say something. Sometimes what you see isn’t what you think. Kallie and Jax are in a relationship, and a damn good one.” Max’s smiling face is the first one I see, and it makes me smile right back.

  “Hey. Most of you know Jax is my best friend, and I need to say this. What he and Kallie have is fucking real. The shit that is being said about them is messed up and completely uncalled for. You think you know someone because you follow them on Facebook, but you don’t. He’s not just a model, he’s a guy, and he is in love. I think it’s shitty that you guys trash people you don’t even know because Kallie is one of the best people I know. And definitely my favorite photographer. Instead of being nasty, you should be supportive, I know I am.” Blake’s sweet words have tears swimming in my eyes.

  “Kallie is my best friend, that’s right; you guys probably didn’t even know that. She’s stuck with me through a lot of shit, and I’m sticking with her through all of this. Jax and Kallie have the best relationship I’ve ever seen. I’ve never seen my girl so happy, and for people who don’t know them to make such horrible comments is sickening. I love you, Kallie.” Brinley has talked to Jax, that bitch. I laugh at myself for my thoughts, but it fades quickly when I see Jax. Not only see him, but see him at the park with the waterfall behind him.

  “You all had your say, now it’s my turn. First of all, I think it’s fucked up that I need to come on here and defend my personal life, but for my girl, I’m going to do it. We met at a shoot, and I was attracted to Kallie right away. She took my breath away. I knew then that I needed to be with her. I asked her out, and you know what she said, ‘I don’t date models and I definitely don’t fuck them.’ She wanted nothing to do with me. I’m the one who chased her. We became friends because that’s what she would allow, and I was willing to have her anyway I could. For months, we had this amazing friendship, a friendship that just brought us closer and closer together. I fell in love with her before we even had our first date. I mean, can you believe that. When I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I kissed her. I did. She, finally after months, told me that she was willing to give us a chance. I will tell you right now, that being with her has been the happiest time of my life. She makes me a better person; she makes me want to get out of bed in the morning. She is my world, my everything. I am completely, totally, hopelessly in love with her. So for those of you that think I am the one who settled, you have that wrong. She settled on me, and I promised her I would never let anything happen to her, and I won’t. I won’t allow you to attack her or her work. She’s a damn good photographer, the best. Her photos speak for themselves.” I have to hit pause for a minute because I can’t even see his face anymore I am crying so hard. I can’t believe he did this. He went online, declared his love for me, and defended me to the wolves. I wipe my eyes and hit play again. “Anyone lucky enough to work with her will tell you that. She doesn’t deserve this shit, and I won’t allow it any longer. So I’m here publicly telling you all the real story. You can bet your ass, you’ll see a lot more photos of us on my page, because to me, there is no other woman as beautiful as mine. I’m honored that she broke all her rules to be with me, and I want the world to know that my heart belongs to her completely. Kallie, I love you, baby, and I’m sorry.” The video stops, but my tears just continue.

  After about a half hour of letting myself cry, I get up and go take a shower. I’m still in complete shock. He not only did what he promised he would, but he got Max, Blake, and Brinley to defend us too. It’s now my turn. I need him to know that I’m sorry. Not on social media though, that will come, but I need to tell him in person.

  I get out of the shower and get myself dressed in a pair of jeans, black shirt that hangs off one shoulder, and my flip-flops. I dry my hair and pull it into a ponytail. I apply my makeup and look at myself in the mirror. It is the first time in a week that I feel like myself again. I leave the bathroom and go get my purse and keys. I open the door and lock it behind me. I walk down the hallway and decide to take the stairs. I smile on the way down, thinking before Jax I never took the stairs. When I get into the car, I feel a little nervous but I put the key in the ignition and start it. I back up, put it into drive, and head to Jax’s. The closer I get, the more my stomach gets nervous butterflies. When I pull up to the house, my nerves are getting the best of me, and I need to sit and take a few deep breaths before getting out. I notice that Brody and Max’s cars are both here, and that just adds to my nervousness. With my stomach in knots, my heart pounding in my chest, and a lump in my throat, I knock on the door. I blow out a breath and wonder if they are in the back yard, they won’t hear me knocking. Just as I turn my head to see if the gate is open, I hear the door. I turn and see Jax standing there.

  He opens the door for me, and I step inside. I look up at him, and I can’t stop the tears. “I’m so sorry.” That’s all I get out, and he wraps me in his arms. It makes me cry harder, making me realize how much I missed him. When I’m in his arms, I feel safe, comfortable, at home. I need to tell him everything though. He deserves that much. I pull my head off his chest and look up at him. “Can we talk?” He wipes my tears and grins at me.

  “Yes.” He holds my hand and leads me down to his room. He closes the door behind us, and I turn to face him.

  “I saw your video.” He winks and we sit on the bed. “You told me you’d fight for us, so now it’s my turn. I’m sorry I pushed you away, but I was so scared. Everything was falling apart, and I lost control of it all. The only thing in that moment I wanted to do was make it all go away, to have it all be back to the way it was.” He squeezes my hand.

  “Baby, you never need to push me away.” I place my finger over his lips. This is my apology, and I need to say it. I feel him smile against my finger, so I pull it away.

  “I need to say this.” He nods. “I thought if I pushed you away, that things would go back to the way they should be. That my career would be safe, and you wouldn’t need to deal with all the backlash of being with me.” He goes to interrupt, and I raise my eyebrows. He chuckles so I just continue. “I had the most miserable week of my life. The more I didn’t talk to you, the more miserable I got. I realized that the only thing that matters to me anymore is you. You are what makes me happy, you are what makes my heart beat, and you are worth giving up everything for.” He wipes the tear that escapes, and I smile. “When I went on Facebook, it was with the intention to post some new photos, thinking that was the first step in fixing all this, but once again, you surprise me. When I saw that video, when I saw you at the waterfall, my heart started beating again. This is where I belong, with you. I’m sorry I pushed you away, but I promise you I won’t ever do it again.” He looks at me, smiling, and I can’t help but smile back.

  “Are you done?” I nod my head, and he smashes his lips to mine. I open right up to him; when our tongues collide, my entire body is awakened. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he pulls me onto his lap, keeping his arms around me. This kiss is a kiss filled with apology, love, and promise. This is where I belong, with him for the rest of my life.

  SHE DIDN’T EVEN NEED TO give me that apology; having her show up at the door was all I needed. When she was done, I couldn’t wait to kiss her. When I did, holy shit, it was like I hadn’t tasted her in years. I can’t stop now, now that she is in my arms again. I break the kiss and run the backs of my fingers down her face. “I love you.” She smiles and rubs my neck.

  “I love you too.” I let my hands drift down to the bottom of her shirt and lift it over her head. She is wearing a strapless gray bra, and I can’t get it off her fast enough. Once her tits are bare to me, I kiss her again and cup each one. She moans and breaks the kiss, tossing her head back. My cock hardens as I kiss a path down to her tits. I feel her nipples harden on the palms of my hands, and I pinch each one before taking one in my mouth. “Oh God.” I can’t take it. I stand up and walk to the side of my bed. I lay her down and unbutton her jeans, slowly pulling them down her legs,
letting them fall onto the floor.

  “Move onto the bed, baby.” She does as I pull off my shirt and step out of my jeans. She is letting her gaze wander all over my body, taking me in, and it feel so damn amazing to be wanted like this again. I climb on top of her and grin. “I missed you so damn much.” I don’t even let her respond. I kiss her with a promise of showing her just how much. When she rubs her pussy on my hard cock, I move down to her tits and suck on each one, making her moan. I kiss down to her panties, making sure to kiss her lips tattoo before hooking my fingers inside them. I pull them off and throw them across the room. I take her in, her heavy breathing, hard pink nipples, and pussy glistening with her arousal. I take two fingers and run them between her wet folds.

  “Jax.” Hearing her whisper my name while she clenches onto the covers is a moment I’ll never get tired of. I settle between her legs and kiss her pussy. She rubs against my face, and fuck, it’s hot. I kiss her as if I were kissing her mouth, causing a string of moans to escape her. I start licking her from her ass up to her clit. She nearly bucks off the bed when my tongue touches her clit. I pin down her legs and lick at her clit. “Oh fuck.” I move one hand down and slam two fingers into her. “Yes!” The faster I fuck her with my fingers, the faster I move my tongue on her clit. It doesn’t take long before I feel her tighten on me, and when I suck on her clit, she explodes around me. “Oh God, Jax.” I remove my fingers and lap up every drop until she is done. I make my way back up and grab a condom out of my nightstand on the way. I lay it on the bed and kiss her. She moans over and over, while I swallow down each one. When I pull away to catch my breath, she looks up at me.

  “So fucking good.” She runs her hands down and rubs my cock through my boxers. I growl and pull them off. “I need to be inside you, Kallie.” She grabs the condom and rips it open. She starts rolling it down my cock, and I could come just from this alone.

  “Jax, I need you. I missed you so much, and I need to feel you, to make sure this is real.” Damn, do I know that feeling. It’s like the first night she stayed with me when I wasn’t sure it was a dream. I position myself at her entrance and slowly push myself in. Her tight pussy is sucking me right in, wrapping me in her heat. I push all the way in and still.

  “Baby, this is real. It’s you and me.” I wrap my arms around her, and she holds onto my neck. I don’t rush. I take my time, letting her know just how real this is. And maybe it isn’t just for her—it’s for me too.

  I pick up my pace, and she meets me thrust for thrust. I know I’m not going to last long, not this time. I reach between us and rub her clit. “Fuck.” I can feel her pussy tightening around me, and it is making it hard to keep going without blowing my load, but I manage to keep up my pace. When I quicken my rubbing on her clit, she screams. “Oh God, I’m going to come.”

  “That’s right, baby, come. Let it wash over you.” She does, screaming my name, and I follow right behind. “Fuck, Kallie.” Once we are both done riding out our orgasms, I kiss her, letting her know how much I need her. I rest my forehead on hers and kiss her nose. “I love you.” She smiles and brushes my hair off my face.

  “I love you too.” We lie just holding each other, enjoying every second of being back in each other’s arms. “Jax?” I turn her to face me and kiss her lips.

  “What?” She runs a hand down my arm, tracing a few of my tattoos.

  “I want to make a video too, but I broke my phone.” I smile and hold her closer.

  “You don’t need to make a video, I know how you feel.”

  “I know you do, but I want everyone to know how I feel. You deserve that; we deserve that. Can I use your laptop?” I lean up on my elbow and look down at her.

  “Right now?” She laughs and looks down at herself.

  “I was thinking of maybe getting dressed first, but yea.” As much as I don’t want to let her out of my arms, I know how important this is because it was to me.

  “Let’s get dressed, and I’ll give you privacy.” We both get up and put our clothes back on. She looks so happy, and that alone makes my heart whole again. I get my laptop off my desk and sign in while she fixes her hair and makeup in the mirror. “You look beautiful, baby. You don’t need to fix yourself.” She comes over and leans down to kiss me.

  “Thank you. Now get out.” I laugh and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me. I head outside and find the guys still sitting out there.

  “You guys are still here?” They all laugh and I sit down. “What?”

  “Well, either both you and Kallie made up, or you better explain why your shirt is on backwards.” I look down and start laughing.

  “Yes, we made up. She saw the video.” They all try to talk at the same time, each telling me how happy they are that we worked things out. As much as I want to say I never doubted it, I did. I was terrified that she would walk away, and I’d be miserable forever.

  “Where is she?” I look over a Brody, and feel guilty for saying I was like him in a negative way. He’s a fucking great guy, and any woman would be lucky to have him.

  “She’s making a video.” Blake smacks the table and we look at him.

  “A sex video?” I want to punch him in the mouth, but I can’t help but laugh.

  “Yes, you fucking idiot, she’s making a sex video.” Max shakes his head, still staring at him.

  “Why do you need to fuck it up for me, Max? Let me believe this shit.” I sip my water that is now warm and look at him.

  “Hey, brother, you can bet your ass that if she was in there making a sex video, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you.” He laughs and gets up to grab a smoke.

  “I think we need to celebrate tonight.” Of course, he does. Anything for a party, but fuck it, I’m totally down.

  “Set it up, brother.” He pulls out his cell phone and starts walking around the yard making his phone calls. “Will you two go get food and beer?” Max lifts his eyebrows and I laugh. I haven’t laughed much, if at all, this week, so it feels amazing. “What, I’m not going to leave my girl.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.” I spin around and see Kallie standing there, looking as beautiful as ever. She gives both Brody and Max a hug. “I owe you both an apology also, so I’m sorry. I hope you don’t think any differently of me.”

  “Sis, it was a lot to deal with, and we never doubted you. You don’t owe us shit. I’m just glad it all worked out.” She smiles and comes to sit on my lap.

  “Thank you, and Max, thanks for the video.” He winks at her, and she turns her face to me. “I believe there is a video up for your viewing, Mr. Burke.” I kiss her and nip her lips. She opens up to me, and we kiss as if I wasn’t just inside of her.

  “You are making a sex video, sweet.” Kallie pulls away from me and looks at Blake.

  “What?” He’s laughing, and I turn her face back to mine.

  “Ignore him. Come on, let’s go see this.” We stand up, and I grin at the guys. “Get ready for tonight. I’ve got a few things to take care of.” Blake is yelling ‘hell yes’ until I know Brody punches him because I hear him say ‘ouch.’ I laugh and open the door for Kallie.

  We sit down on the couch, and I can tell she wants to escape. She can’t sit still, so I put my hand on her lap. “Baby, relax.”

  “I don’t need to be sitting right here. I’ll go hang out with the guys.” I tighten my hold on her leg and pull out my phone.

  “Hell, no. I want you here with me.” I pull up Facebook, and the first thing I see is her smiling face. I look over at her and she blushes. “Really? This is making you blush? I just had my face in your pussy.” She laughs and I kiss her nose. I wrap my arm around her, and she rests her head on my shoulder. I hit play on the video and wait for it to start.

  “I’m not the kind of girl who likes to make waves. I usually fight quietly for what I want, but it’s clear to me now, that is impossible. I’m a photographer, and I’ve never wanted to be anything but. I busted my ass for years to get to the point I’m at right now
. I love everything about what I do. There is something about capturing a moment on film that gives me the chills. I want the world to see things through my eyes, and with photography, that’s possible.” I tighten my hold on her and she kisses my arm. “I have rules as a photographer, rules that most of us have. You don’t date or sleep with your models. It was easy for me. I never saw my models as anything but that, models. I never felt any intimate connection to any of them. We worked great together, became friends, and took some kick-ass photos. That all changed when Jax walked into my life. When I saw him, I was immediately attracted to him, but I knew that was something I would never act on. For months, I pushed down my feelings and attraction to him. We were friends, best friends, and I didn’t want it to go past that. It was hard for me, keeping it all inside, but I thought I was doing the right thing. But I’ll tell you what; the only thing that felt right was being with him, being in his arms. When he finally kissed me, it was the beginning of the happiest time of my life. I am not the kind of person who sleeps around, hell, I’ve never been with a model before Jax, and I’ll never be with one again because he’s it for me. I am head over heels in love with him. I am willing to give up everything I have to be with him because I’ve found out along the way that it isn’t about what you see, it’s what’s behind the lens that matters the most. I’m done hiding, and I’m here to tell you that I’m not going anywhere. Jax holds my heart in his hands. Like me or hate me, it doesn’t matter, because he loves me and I love him.” When the video turns off, I look down at her.