by Amy Sumida
After a shower and a nap, I got up and got dressed. When I went out into the main room, which served as a sort of hub in our suite, with all the other bedrooms branching off it, I found Raza, Killian, and Daniel there with my Star's Guard. Most of my Guard was spread out around the room, eating. However, Conri, the casters, and the dragon were gathered around a circular, wood table in the kitchenette corner. Raza sat across from Killian, staring at the witch like he was envisioning cutting up Killian instead of the slab of beef before him.
Both men jumped to their feet when I entered the room, pulling out chairs beside them. I scowled at them and went to plop down on the couch, a few feet away from the dining table. Conri laughed, filled a plate, and brought it over to me.
“They've been on the verge of mortal combat for an hour now,” Conri sat beside me companionably. “That witch of yours has a potty mouth. Though, it seems that you have one too, Princess.”
“I'm regressing a little,” I gave Conri a secret smile as I dug into the food. “Thanks for this,” I waved at the plate.
“I think its sexy,” he leaned in to whisper, “all that cussing. You remind me of my dear, sweet mother.”
“Shut up,” I pushed at him.
“Well, she didn't know all of your human terms,” he shrugged and laid back against the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. “But she knew a lot of naughty fey words.”
“You must teach me these naughty words, Sir Conri,” Killian pleaded as he sat down on the couch across from us.
“A queen can speak as she likes,” Raza handed me a glass of wine and took a chair on my right. “But she must also be diplomatic enough to know when to refrain from foul language.”
“Seren doesn't want to be your fucking queen,” Killian propped his boots up on the coffee table between us.
“Killian,” I placed my plate of food down beside his feet. “I need to speak with you. And get your damn boots off the table, your mother would be horrified.”
I stood up. and despite my reprimand, Killian gave Raza a triumphant grin. Then he followed me into my bedroom. I shut the door behind us and he turned to me with an expectant smile.
“Wipe the grin off your face, Skeletor,” I huffed. “Did you really think I brought you back here for that?”
“A guy can dream,” Killian sat on the bed and leaned back on his forearms, posing. “So what do you wanna talk about, Twilight?”
“Cut it out.”
“What?” Killian blinked innocently at me.
“You think I've never dealt with a guy like you?” I grimaced. “You did meet Conri, right? He's got you beat by about a thousand years and three times as many conquests.”
“A thousand,” Killian sat up. “Three times that? No way,” he eased back down.
“Yes, way,” I laughed. “Conri is... skilled. My point is, that kind of behavior doesn't do it for me. All of this,” I waved my hand at his arrogant pose, “doesn't do it for me. It's completely disingenuous, and a little repulsive. I'm not even sure if you're chasing me because you're seriously interested or you just think it's fun to screw with Raza.”
“Both,” Killian admitted immediately. Then his face went serious, and he sat up. His hands folded over his knees as he leaned forward, “Look, Twilight, I like you. I really like you. And I get that this is a bad time. I get that you're upset and confused and you're all into the dragon dude who says pretty things about loving you forever. But I'm not the kind of guy to let a few obstacles stop me from getting what I want.”
“Not helping,” I shook my head. “You sound like a total player. Oh, excuse me, I mean a total playa'.”
“You don't like that?” Killian got up and came to stand before me. “How about some honesty then? When I first saw you, crouched in woods on that cold night, staring out into the dark like a hawk searching for prey, all I could think was 'Who is this... stupid woman, out here in the fucking Alaskan wilderness, in the middle of the night, alone?'.”
I barked a surprised laugh as he shot me a wink and continued.
“Then you turned and faced me, and I had this feeling....” Killian shook his head. “You know,” he struck his fist into his gut. “Right here. That you were something special. Someone I needed to know. I don't ignore those kinds of feelings. And the longer I spoke to you, the more I knew that feeling was right. You and I, we're the same, Twilight. Each of us unique in our own ways. Each of us strong. Each of us,” he paused to smirk, “incredibly beautiful. Almost too fine, if truth be told.”
“And one of us is too arrogant, if truth be told,” I smirked at him. “Or completely full of shit.”
“You felt it too,” Killian leaned in until his scent hit me, a spicy mix of cologne and man. A human scent. So comforting in a way. “You have some precog talent yourself, don't you, Twilight?” his voice had lowered to a sexy purr. “You know exactly what I'm talking about.”
“I feel something,” I admitted, “but I don't think it's what you believe it is. I think we're meant to help each other. I can bring your people out of hiding, and you can help me kill Uisdean and Rue. I think we make a good team, but I don't think we'd make good lovers.”
“You won't know until you try.”
“True,” I agreed, “but that dragon dude out there is way ahead of you in this game, Blair. And as much as you say you and I are great for each other because we're so similar, it's opposites that attract. Love isn't about similarities. Yes, common ground is good to start a bond with, but love is about differences. It's about knowing another person completely, and after seeing all their sordid secrets, still respecting who they are. Still wanting them anyway.”
I froze as I realized I was quoting Raza. He had told me once that knowing someone and being known in return, was the heart of love. Goddess, but he was right. Love is about learning and admiring what you learned. With enough admiration, you could at least accept the things you couldn't respect. But it was those types of compromises which strengthened love. How boring it would be to have a man exactly like myself, who I never argued with or never even disagreed with. Though to tell the truth, I doubted Killian and I would have that kind of relationship.
“Sounds like you've already made up your mind,” Killian frowned. “That's not fair, Seren,” the sound of my name shocked me a little. “You just ended your relationship with the hunter. Maybe you should take some time to think things through before you go rushing into the dragon's den.”
“I had no intentions of rushing into the dragon's den,” I assured him with a smile. “I just wanted to tell you to lay off him, so he doesn't grind your bones between his teeth.”
“I knew you cared,” Killian smiled back.
“And Tiernan and I are not over,” I opened the bedroom door and left Killian before he could see the uncertainty in my eyes.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Now, we will speak,” Raza took my hand as soon as I walked out of my bedroom.
He escorted me out of my suite entirely, and down the hall to where he was staying.
“Raza, what are you doing?” I shook my head at him.
“I'm taking you somewhere safe from the witch,” he grumbled as he opened his door. Raza gestured me inside gallantly and closed the door behind us. “You said we would speak about us.”
“I did,” I sighed and wandered out to his balcony. I didn't have a balcony. Why did he get a balcony? I glowered at the peaceful view of rolling Irish hills beneath the moonlight. “I just didn't think it would be so soon.”
“You spoke to the human,” Raza narrowed his eyes on me as he stepped out onto the balcony. The spacious area suddenly seemed cramped.
“I spoke to Killian to tell him to stop antagonizing you.”
“You did?” Raza lifted a brow. “That's... well, unnecessary, actually. I can handle the human.”
“It wasn't out of concern for you,” I chuckled. “I thought you might end up roasting the idiot.”
“Oh,” a smile cracked through his harsh expressi
on. “Yes, a valid concern.”
“You know Killian's just trying to get a rise out of you,” I looked back to the view. “He's blowing off steam, and I think he's trying to make himself feel more confident.”
“I have no idea what you're talking about.”
“It's just him and Daniel here,” I shrugged. “Two outcast... I mean caster witches, among disapproving coven elders and the unknown Councils. And Daniel isn't a mixed race witch. So really, Killian is alone.”
“Not entirely,” Raza looked pointedly at me.
“I've known the man for a day,” I huffed. “Well, a little longer than a day. And Tiernan has only just...”
“Abandoned you?” Raza echoed my earlier thoughts.
“Perhaps,” I whispered. “Right when I needed him. First the thing with Cat and now this. I don't know who he is anymore.”
“Tiernan's the same man he's always been,” Raza shrugged. “He's just grown more comfortable with you.”
“What?” I looked to Raza with a frown.
“He's comfortable enough to be brutally honest with you,” Raza explained. “Tiernan probably believed your love was strong enough to handle his truths.”
“Wow, you just made me feel horrid,” I glowered at him.
“I didn't mean to,” Raza took my hand and leaned against the stone railing. “I as well, feel comfortable enough to be honest with you. Lord Tiernan is much older than you. Perhaps not as old as some,” he smirked, “but old enough to be steeped in his ways. It's hard to remove the stains of such a long brewing. Hard to simply overcome your beliefs to please a lover. As you well know.”
“But I thought he'd-”
“What? Accepted humans? Respected them?” Raza had a mocking glint in his eyes. “I've told you before, Seren. Those of us who fought in the Fairy-Human Wars have a harder time with that race. But love can conquer hatred.”
“Not enough, evidently,” I eased into a lean beside him.
“I didn't say it would conquer it in regards to the entire race,” Raza chided. “Tiernan loves you, and so he accepted your humanity. That doesn't mean his feelings for all humans have changed.”
“I didn't see any acceptance today. Not for me or humans in general.”
“He was angry,” Raza was slowly easing me closer with our joined hands. “Anger, especially against a loved one, makes people say things they don't mean. Lord Tiernan doesn't think you're tainted. He knows you're a blessing for Twilight, Danu's gift to all of us,” his free hand slid up to my cheek and I found myself sinking into his heat, closing my eyes to the sensation of talon tips lightly scraping against my scalp. “He will regret his actions today, as he already regrets his violence towards you.”
Soft lips pressed to my forehead, and then I was leaning against a solid chest, wings of leathery darkness folding around me. Raza held me, doing nothing more intimate than stroking my hair. But it still felt so profound. I basked in the comfort, laying my head to his chest, and listening to his strong heartbeat. His smoky sweet scent enveloped me, and I sighed.
“I'm so sorry about Extinguisher Ewan,” Raza whispered into my hair. “I know you had hoped to reconcile.”
There. That was what I'd needed to hear. From Keir, from Tiernan, from anyone. Those gentle words which acknowledged not just my pain, but the loss of a future happiness. Keir had consoled me, but it felt like he'd thought I'd given up on Ewan. Ewan's death was tragic. Keir sympathized with my loss of a man from my past. Yet he didn't seem to understand that I considered Ewan family still. That I considered him to be my father. Keir believed he had replaced Ewan completely. So for him, Ewan wasn't my father anymore, nor would he have ever become so again.
Raza knew better. Because Raza knew me.
I let go of the tight hold I'd kept on my grief, and began to cry. Raza laid his head over mine and rocked me. Just a gentle rocking as I soaked his chest with my sorrow. And it wasn't just for Ewan. I cried for the awakening Raza had just given me. The epiphany that my images of Keir and Tiernan had both been wrong. As had their images of me. We didn't know each other. Not as well as I'd thought.
Knowing is the heart of love.
With Keir there was still a future. He was my birth father and he loved me. He just didn't have the benefit of raising me. We were still traveling towards that knowing together, still learning about each other. And that was okay. But Tiernan... with him, I felt almost deceived. As if he had presented himself to me as a certain type of man, when all along, he was someone else entirely. I didn't know how to overcome that. And the most horrible part about it was, I wanted to. I loved Tiernan. Even after he'd said those horrible things to me, I still loved him. I was even now, trying to justify his actions.
How pathetic. Isn't that just what an abused woman does? I couldn't be that person. I couldn't let love make a weakling out of me. I had to love myself first. Which meant that I had to demand respect from those who loved me. Or it wasn't really love, was it? So maybe things would work out between us. Maybe Tiernan would apologize and grovel enough to appease my wounded heart. But until then, I had to accept that we were over.
But that didn't mean I was going to launch myself into another man's bed.
I pulled away slightly, rubbing the wet spots on Raza's cotton shirt. “I'm sorry about your shirt.”
“Fuck the shirt,” Raza growled and I looked up at him in shock. His blade-thin lips stretched into a sharp smile. “See, I can use profanity as well, when I choose to.”
“I love you, Raza,” I whispered.
His eyes widened, his face starting to shift into happiness.
“But I can't be with you right now,” I went on. “You have to know I need some time to work through this. I'm not the kind of woman who can shrug my shoulders and go from one man to the next. It's too shocking to my heart.”
“I know,” Raza nodded, still smiling. “I wasn't expecting anything from you so soon.”
Of course he knew. He loved me. Eternally, if his endearments were to be trusted. And somehow, I believed they were.
“I just wanted to be absolutely clear,” I swallowed hard and swiped at my eyes. “I don't want you to think I'm playing with you, or leading you on.”
“Seren, stop,” Raza's hands slid to my upper arms. “I have only ever been honest with you, and maybe that has hurt my cause. Yet I think you're wise enough to understand the evolution of love. I lusted for you first, you sparked my interest. Then I began to like you, I saw many things in you to admire. I watched you and marveled, never realizing that my desire was turning into love. You snuck into my heart like a thief in the night, but when morning came, you were still there, and the thief had turned into a queen.”
“Raza,” I whispered.
“Seren,” he shook his head to stop my words. “I've told you that I don't cast the word 'love' out lightly. But I want to be very clear with you about what that means. In my significantly long existence, I have known many women intimately. I have even cared for a large amount of them. But I have never loved one. Never. Nor will I ever love another. There is no one else for me, and now you've confessed that you love me too. The progression is complete, I am yours and you are mine. You will accept that eventually. Until you do, you may anger me, frustrate me, or even hurt me deeply. But a dragon heart is made of sterner stuff than others. I can take it. Anything you want to give me, be it teasing or tears. Be it love or lust. Be it your heart or my heartbreak. I will endure and so will my love for you. Do not ever doubt me or my intentions. What happened today with Tiernan,” Raza shook his head, a flash of anger lighting his golden eyes. “I will never do that to you. You may turn from me a thousand times, but I will never turn from you, mo shíorghrá. I will never abandon you. I swear it to Danu.”
Sweet Goddess, it was exactly what I needed to hear. When his lips descended to mine, it was impossible for me to resist him. I slid my hands up the sides of his face and threaded my fingers through his inky hair. Then I kissed Raza. Tell me, honestly, that you would
have done any differently. That you could have turned away from him after that speech. I don't think so. I don't think there's a woman on either Earth or Fairy who could have resisted Raza in that moment.
His tongue was hot on mine, but tender, as were his hands on my body. It was the kiss of a lover, not a seducer, and it was so much more successful because of it. Raza didn't just know what I needed to hear, he knew what I needed to feel. He gave me solace, sacred sanctuary, and I loved him even more for it.
Then he pulled away and softly kissed my cheek, just breathing me in as our heartbeats calmed. We both knew he could have taken our relationship further that night. Raza was playing me perfectly, and I was vulnerable. The savage dragon king had shown me that he could be gentle and tender. It was the perfect move. But, just as he promised, Raza didn't manipulate me. He took my hand and led me back to my suite, away from his tempting bed. Though he did give Killian a wicked smirk after we arrived.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Killian gave me a pouty face but it wasn't for the reason I'd initially thought. We'd had a guest while I was away “talking” to Raza, and Killian angled his head towards the table to draw my attention to this fact. The guest was still there, sipping from a cup of tea calmly. It was High Councilman Lorcan Timberstride, Tiernan's ex-father-in-law.
I hate to admit it, but my first thought was whether he'd heard about Tiernan abandoning me. Then I stopped being a narcissistic idiot, and went to see why he was really there.
“Councilman Timberstride,” I took a seat at the table with him. “Has anything been decided? When are we leaving?”
“We sent a team in to keep an eye on Lord Uisdean and... his wife,” Timberstride grimaced. “We wanted to make sure we didn't lose them again.”
“We lost them again, didn't we?” I sighed.
“Yes,” Councilman Timberstride admitted.