by Cat Hogan
‘Jen, why do you hate Scott so much?’ Sal asked. ‘I know he’s been quite vile to you, and he did have some part to play in the whole mess with Tess and Doc, but I have never seen you like this with someone before.’
‘He absolutely makes my skin crawl, Sal. From the first moment I laid eyes on him, I felt as though there was something amiss with him. I suppose, since the accident as a child, Mam always lived in a constant state of pre-empting any situation that could be dangerous.’
‘Which you have continued with Danny.’
‘Yes, I have, Sal, and it’s something I will continue doing with him – the drills in case of fire or some other natural disaster, and the drills for if someone ever broke in or tried to harm us.’ She laughed to herself as she thought about the last evening they were doing the safety drill.
‘What’s so funny, Mrs Health and Safety?’
‘Last Thursday we did one of our drills, and it was for in case of a . . . ah Sal, I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this one.’
‘You are going to have to now. I’m intrigued.’
‘In case of a tsunami.’
Sal absolutely collapsed into a fit of laughter. ‘Jen, that’s the best one yet. We live in bloody Wexford. A flipping tsunami?’
‘For your information, Sal, it has happened in Ireland. Go google the West Cork tsunami in 1755 if you don’t believe me. A friend of mine from Cork told me all about it once, and they reckon it could happen again. Scary stuff.’
‘Are you serious? A tsunami?’
‘Yes, believe it or not.’
‘And what’s the drill then? You live on the beach, not a mountain in sight. How do we cope with a tidal wave here in the harbour?’ Sal was sceptical.
‘Grab the wine and kiss our arses goodbye, I suppose!’ Jen retorted. ‘It’s just about giving him the skills to cope with something that might happen, Sal, instead of being paralysed with fear and fright. I don’t think I’m doing any harm to him, and we always make it fun, rather than doomsday-prepper-type stuff. Mind you, the Zombie Apocalypse is on the cards for next week, so I need to source a bow and arrow.’
‘Jen Harper!’ Sal was about to go into one of her rants when she saw Jen’s face crack up with mirth. ‘I’m sure Andy would get a kick out of you dressed up as Lara Croft though!’
They howled laughing at the prospect of Andy finding them in full combat gear, sporting crossbows and rifles.
‘Andy likes me just as I am, Sal. Scars and all.’
‘And so he should, my lovely, and so he should. Has he mentioned any more about this trip of his at the end of the year?’
Jen winced at the thought of it. He hadn’t spoken about it lately, but the ticket was booked and she overheard him on the phone the previous week speaking to a friend about it. He was still going. She had known that from the start, but it was starting to bother her. Danny would be back to school in a few short weeks, and before long Christmas would be upon them.
‘As far as I know, he’s still planning it, Sal.’ She tried to sound light-hearted about it, but she knew Sal had seen through her. She also knew she wouldn’t push the issue.
‘A lot can happen in a few months, Jen – we don’t know what’s around the corner.’
‘If you say to me “What’s meant for you, won’t pass you by” I might thump you, Sal.’
They both laughed at that.
‘Do you love him, Jen?’
‘Sally Pally Pee, the answer to that question is a resounding yes. I tried to pretend that I didn’t, but I do. I have no expectations, I don’t know where it’s going to take us, but yes, I love him. And he’s a total ride – that’s always a bonus.’
They were both tipsy by now, but the wine had run out. Jen went to the drinks cabinet in the living room and got the bottle of Jameson. She also pulled a packet of cigarettes out from under the sink.
‘Will we have an Irish coffee, doll?’ she asked as she produced a carton of cream out of the fridge.
‘Jen, I thought you’d never ask.’
‘Ah here, Sal, don’t bother going outside for a fag. Danny isn’t here, so we can smoke. Just don’t tell Andy. I told him I had given up again.’
While Jen set about making the coffee, Sal turned on the record player. As per usual, she pushed the coffee table out of the way – there would be dancing, there always was. Like clockwork, Jen would make the coffees, set them down and go upstairs to get into her pyjamas. Then the dancing would start.
‘Sal, I’ll just . . .’
‘I know, Jen – PJs. Get them on you. It’s time for a bit of Bruno Mars. My celeb crush. How you have him on vinyl is beyond me!’
‘Amazon, Sal.’
They danced their little legs off. Jen’s ankle was beginning to ache slightly, but Jameson was a good anaesthetic. They both danced all the worries and the sadness of the last few weeks right out of their system. For that moment in time, they were just two pals without a care in the world, having fun. They were caught up in their little happy dance, oblivious to the world that existed outside the walls.
Eventually they flopped on the couch and put the world to rights. Girl talk, into the wee hours. Sal was the first to start yawning, and they called it a night. She would sleep in Danny’s bed, as usual. Same bed, just a different house.
They blew out candles, unplugged appliances, and even filled the ashtray with water.
They were so busy with the task of getting to bed that neither of them noticed the face looking in at them through the kitchen window. As they turned the last of the lights out, the person outside slipped away.
Chapter 27
Tess felt in control. After today, there would be no looking back. Physically, she was feeling stronger – mentally, she was in no place to wallow in self-pity. It was just her and Hugh now, and he needed her to be strong.
He had the good grace to ring the doorbell. She had wondered about that. Would he just walk in through the front door, or what would he do? She had put the chain on anyway, just to prove a point. He had lost all those liberties the day he cheated on her and his son.
He looked terrible – thin, drawn and sleep-deprived. A tiny part of her wanted to hug him and tell him it would be OK. Too late for that. She couldn’t break now, she had been preparing for days. It was done. Time now for the arrangements. His eyes fell on the bags lined up in the hallway. Four of them, everything he owned.
‘You have been busy.’
His tone was caustic, and she was having none of it.
‘I will keep you on the doorstep, Doc, if you speak to me like that again. There is no room here for jibes and sarcasm. Your choice: watch your mouth or leave.’
He nodded and she led him inside.
She knew he had expected her to be a wreck when he arrived, begging him to stay and work things out. She had taken her time that morning getting ready for his arrival, carefully applying her make-up and of course wearing heels. The universal rituals and the female psyche, the tricks, the rules, the reinvention. Of course she had got a new haircut – it was therapy – cutting and slicing the old away, watching it fall to the floor in a swirl, before being gathered up by an over-enthusiastic heavily made-up young girl and lobbed into the bin. Good analogy for a broken marriage.
She had laid out cups and coffee, purposely choosing the smaller cafetière – she didn’t want him here for too long.
She had placed the paperwork from the hospital beside the cafetière.
‘We have a lot to talk about, Tess.’
‘Actually we don’t, Doc. The only thing that needs to be finalised is the divorce, and access to Hugh.’
‘Please, Tess, don’t be so cold to me. We can’t just throw away our marriage like this – we owe it to each other to talk this out.’
He was keeping his voice calm and even – her threat at the front door had worked. She wanted to scream and shout at him about betrayal and hurt and heartbreak, but to what end? What was done was done.
‘Doc, our marriage ended
when you jumped into bed with your fancy woman. Our marriage went up in flames when you continued the affair for nearly two years, and any love or forgiveness in my heart turned to pure and simple hatred when I lost the baby.’
‘Tess, please, it wasn’t my fault about the baby. Everything else –’
‘Oh but Doc, that’s where you are wrong. It was wholly your fault about the baby.’ Her words punched the air like staccato notes. ‘I contracted an infection and that’s what killed the baby. For all I know it was from you and your dirty whore. You will burn in hell for that, and you should hang your head in shame. It’s all in the paperwork in front of you there if you want to check, so don’t even comment. You live with that now, Doc.’
He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again, his face ashen with shock.
‘So, as you can appreciate, we are done. Nothing to talk about. O.V.E.R.’
She was beginning to enjoy this in a weird way. The cold rage and the hatred were too powerful for tears. She wouldn’t break, at least not now. He had visibly shrunk in front of her eyes. The power had shifted, from him to her.
‘Now. Here’s how it’s going to go from here on in. You will move out. You will pay half the mortgage, until there comes a time where I am in a position to sell – then we will split the proceeds. I don’t really give two flying fucks where you get the money from. You will pay child support every week and you will see Hugh on alternate weekends, in your parents’ house, here in the harbour. You will not bring him within spitting distance of that woman or your love nest.’
‘You have it all figured out, don’t you? Fucking control freak! It’s no wonder I was having a fucking affair! A fucking bully is all you are – you pushed me into her arms, you silly bitch!’ Doc, stop. You know that she is right. This is your fault. Apologise. Give her that much.
‘Ah, hello, Mr Victim Mentality! Let me listen to your abuse about how I didn’t understand you, and pushed you into her arms – in the hope you can justify your disgusting behaviour in your own head. All your drinking and whoring and drugging. Sure of course it’s my fault!’
She was up in his face now, and she noticed drops of her own saliva on his face. He was staring at her, and she didn’t recognise his face any more. Her Doc was long gone. She walked to the far side of the breakfast bar, to put some space between them.
‘Get your bags, and get out of here. We are done.’
‘Tess, please, I’m sorry. Can we try and figure something out? I’ll go to rehab, I’ll give up the music. I’ll do anything it takes. You can’t do this to me. What about Hugh? I own half this house – it’s my home and I will not be thrown out like a dog on the street. Please, Tess, I’m not going.’
‘You stupid big lumbering fool, it’s too late for any of that! You will go – and I can make you – if you knew anything about the law you would know I’m within my rights to stay in the family home. Let’s just leave it at that, will we? As a gesture of good will, you can keep the car – I have sorted something else – I have removed my name from your policy as well, so it’s all yours. The bank account is empty, and I’m closing it.’ She fired a roll of fifty-euro notes across the table at him. ‘Unlike you, I’m not a cheat or a thief. That’s half of what was left. Your parents were here yesterday. I will communicate with you via them. I have plenty of good friends and family around me. I don’t need or want you here. You are some role model for your beautiful son! Did you give him any thought before you wrecked his family?’ It was the only point in the conversation where her voice showed any hurt. ‘I could learn to live with you shitting on me from a height, but for the way you have hurt him I’ll never forgive you.’
‘You like the sound of your own voice, don’t you, Tess? All rehearsed, and everything squared away. Fucking Jen, egging you on of course, in your ear poisoning you, and pushing you to get rid of me!’
Doc, stop, don’t do this. She’s right – why are you saying all this shit?
‘Jen is my friend, Doc. She is looking out for me and my son, something you are incapable of doing.’
‘I’ll choke the fucking interfering bitch! You mark my words, Tess. She will pay for this. I’m blaming her for all this shit you’re spouting.’
‘Sure you have to blame someone, don’t you? None of this is your fault, is it, hon? Poor little Doc, you are so hard done by. Now get your bags, get out and go back to your fancy woman.’
He pulled the wedding ring off his finger and slammed it down on the breakfast bar.
She left him in the kitchen, walked down the hall and opened the front door. She went out and checked the car, making sure there was nothing belonging to her or her son in it.
When she returned to the house he was standing in the hall.
‘Take the house keys off the fob, and go,’ she said.
He fiddled with the fob for a few moments then threw two keys at her. He picked up the bags in one go, strode out, threw them in the boot and left without another word.
The house was quiet now. She returned to her cold coffee at the breakfast bar.
She looked at his wedding ring, too far gone to feel emotion. She looked at her own hand, and the pair of rings which hadn’t left her finger in a decade. It was quite a job, but they came off. She fired all three of them into the back of the junk drawer. Game over.
She had a meeting with Scott scheduled for the afternoon. She needed him now more than ever, caught between a rock and a hard place on all counts.
Chapter 28
‘Where’s the visitors’ book gone?’ Sal asked Ruth the receptionist as she walked into the space.
Ruth smiled and answered her in gentle tones. ‘Sal, you are starting to let your nerves get the better of you. The book is where it’s supposed to be. Come into the back office and have a cup of tea with me – you have loads of time before anyone arrives. Your hair is perfect, and your dress is stunning. Breathe!’
‘I feel sick with nerves and I can’t stop going to the bathroom – if I have tea now, it will be the end of me. But thank you, you are really kind.’
‘Sal, I have worked here for a long time. The thing I love about my job is that on a rare occasion we have an exhibitor who is really rare, and special. The magic ones. You are one of those rare gems, Sal.’
Sal blushed purple. ‘Ah thank you, that’s a lovely thing to say.’ She probably feeds everyone that line, she thought, and then instantly felt bad – she was a nice woman.
‘Tonight is the start of something very special, Sal. Just hold on to that thought when you feel yourself getting nervous. I’ll get back to it here, and see you later. You have about thirty minutes before people start to arrive.’
Sal took one last look around the room. She couldn’t believe it was her work on the walls of this mecca of the artistic world. Maybe she would even get a deposit or two put down this evening. The staff expected quite the crowd – new artists of note, as they called her, usually got a good response. All the heads would be in, and a group of her own friends and family were coming as well.
She ran through her speech in her head again. That was the bit she was dreading most. She hated doing public speaking, and she always got cotton mouth.
‘Hi, Sal.’
‘I thought I asked you not to come, Scott.’ She kept her back to him, trying to control her breathing.
‘You did, and that is why I came now. I wanted to apologise for what happened, and I wanted to wish you luck. The pieces really look amazing – you are very deserving of a place here.’
She turned to face him, and felt a pang in her stomach. He looked wonderful, in a royal-blue suit. Her resolve was waning, and she just wanted to jump on him, right there in the middle of the floor.
‘I’m sorry for hurting you, Sal. You deserved better than that. I’m not proud of it.’
‘It’s fine, Scott. Water under the bridge. I can’t be too mad with you really. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here tonight.’
‘I merely got you the audience. Your t
alent has you here tonight. Not me.’
She had never seen him so contrite, or genuine. They had been friends after all. It was her feelings that muddied the waters – he had never committed himself to her.
The first few people began to spill in through the door.
‘Go do your best, Sal. Good luck.’ He kissed her on the cheek.
‘Stay, please?’ She looked up at him, unsure of what was going on. She squared her shoulders, and floated over to her guests.
‘May I have the bill, please?’
‘Certainly, sir.’
‘Thanks, Andy. That was a lovely treat.’ Jen was feeling a tad merry. The wine had gone straight to her head.
‘Come on then, Jen. We’d better get to the exhibition. I’m enjoying this date of ours!’
They walked round the corner, hand in hand. The restaurant was adjacent to the gallery, and they basked in the late August sun. Jen had been there earlier to drop off flowers from Tess.