No. Not a good idea. He’d never make that kind of commitment to a woman again. Especially one who might be stepping into danger without any regard for her life.
He gently released her, located tissues on the table by the bed and offered them. “What did he say this time?”
“My father? You saw him?” Watery eyes fixed on his as she ripped out a tissue. Ryan nodded.
“I told him about the letter and that I believed he was behind the fire.” She hiccupped and dabbed at her red-rimmed eyes. “He didn’t deny it.”
Not as bad as Ryan had imagined from her over-the-top reaction. “He didn’t admit to doing anything. That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
“No! Even if he didn’t do it,” she sniffed, “he clearly wants nothing to do with me.”
So this is what set her off. Not her father’s guilt, but his rejection. This wasn’t a topic they could resolve in a short conversation, and Ryan didn’t think he could offer anything new after all these years. He could sidestep the rejection and focus on the fire. Then maybe she’d be open to telling Russ about the letter and look for other suspects.
Ryan shifted on the edge of the bed. “Sounds to me like you really don’t believe your father’s behind all of this.”
She blew her nose and set the tissue on her lap. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I can’t imagine he’d hire an arsonist, but he’s the most logical candidate.”
She was right. There was no other obvious suspect, but Ryan had to plant doubt in her mind to get her moving forward. “Think about it, Mia. Would your father really commit a criminal act and risk going to jail just to get you to leave town?”
She pulled out another tissue. “I know it doesn’t make sense, but who else would’ve done it? David is the only one who would benefit if I left.”
“In my opinion he’s a less likely suspect than your father. He’s as close to a model citizen as they come. Plus he seems to be doing well financially.”
“I agree and that’s why the more I think about him the more I rule him out.” She sighed and twisted the tissue in her fingers. “It has to be my father.”
Her agonizing expression left Ryan feeling helpless. He had no idea how to figure out the identity of the arsonist but he could offer his support.
He clasped her hand. “No matter who did this, I’m here to help you through it.”
Her eyes lingered on his face. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me since I’ve gotten here.” She released a shuddering breath. “I’m thankful for everything you’ve done. Saving me at the barn and all. Really, I am. Not that you could tell. All I’ve done is repay you with harsh words.”
“I hurt you. I deserve your anger.”
She worked her lower lip and went silent for so long he thought she might have changed her mind about engaging in this conversation. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Now?”
She nodded. “I can’t leave until the nurse discharges me. We might as well make good use of the time.”
This was what he wanted, but now that it was time to talk, he didn’t have a clue how to start. He’d always hoped she’d forgive him, but she might not. What if she didn’t? What happened then?
“Ryan?” she said softly, and offered a nod of encouragement.
“Right, high school.” He shifted on the bed. “So if we hadn’t broken up that night what do you think would’ve happened between us?”
Her eyes widened.
He’d caught her by surprise. “This isn’t a test or anything to see how you felt. Just a question.”
“Well, you’d already started college. My grades weren’t good enough to get into Reed, so I would have gone to a community college or gotten a job so we could live close to each other.”
He’d thought along the same lines. “And then…when I graduated, we’d get married and live happily ever after here in Logan Lake, right?”
“Something like that.”
“And that’s why I arranged for you to find me kissing Sheila and made you think I had something going on with her.” He clamped his hand on the back of his neck and looked down to hide his embarrassment over the dumb decision he was about to explain. “You were so unhappy under your father’s control. It was getting worse by the day. You wanted out of here more than anything except being with me.” He looked up to gauge her reaction.
She met his gaze with clear green eyes that encouraged him to continue.
“I couldn’t let you stay here and live under your father’s thumb. You had to go out in the world and find out who you were without your father harping at you for everything. If you knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, you would have settled here.” He sighed heavily. “But if I made you think I didn’t want to be with you anymore you’d run to Wally in Atlanta, which is exactly what you did.”
He prayed for understanding. “And look at you. My gosh, just look at you. You’re not working in some dead-end job with three kids and a loathing for your husband because he kept you here. You came back here strong and independent. Able to stand up to your father. A professional counselor respected by your peers.”
She sat unmoving, her eyes fixed on his face. Tears began to slide down her cheeks. He didn’t know how to respond. Were these tears of forgiveness or tears of loss? He reached out a thumb and swiped them away.
When she didn’t pull away, a nervous laugh escaped his throat. “And now this is the part where you forgive me for hurting you because you realize I did what I did because I loved you.”
She sniffed and ever so slightly nodded. “You had a good reason, and for that I can forgive you. But that doesn’t erase the hurt. It’ll take time for me to forget how it felt.”
He reached out to take her in his arms but let his hands fall. He wanted to hold her until her tears stopped again, but he couldn’t.
He wouldn’t risk reconnecting as they had in high school. Couldn’t risk caring for her again. She’d nearly died and this nightmare wasn’t over. She was still in danger. If the man who set fire to the barn wanted to hurt her, Ryan wasn’t sure he could stop him. Loss of Cara had proven his limitations.
SIX
Wishing she’d known about the condition of Ryan’s truck before she accepted a ride, Mia sat back as they rumbled down the winding country road to the rattling of soda cans on the floor. Flies had succumbed to the quicksand of dust and grime on the dashboard, and cracks populated the seat with tufts of stuffing eager to escape. Redressed in her fire-ravaged clothes, Mia matched the interior, but not Ryan.
Today he wore an emerald shirt highlighting his dark coloring, and coordinating perfectly with heavy brown corduroys and rough hiking boots. He had a day’s or more worth of stubble on his lean face, and as he climbed into the truck, a hesitant, little-boy-lost look had crossed his face and made it hard to keep her eyes off him.
Or was it the fact that he’d had a sound explanation for hurting her, and she’d finally forgiven him? But would she ever let go of the pain of his betrayal and learn to trust a man again? Was Ryan what he seemed or did he really have his own agenda—wanting to take over her life and control her?
Last night as she tried to fall asleep in the noisy hospital, her thoughts kept drifting back to the ambulance ride and his loving expression as he answered Jessie’s questions and calmed her fears, much as he’d comforted her after her father’s many rampages. Then she had to go and dream about Ryan.
Not just him, but them as a couple again, married and with a family. The whole American dream wrapped up in a neat little package. Two children, living in the big lodge at Pinetree, and of course a dog frolicking around the place. Foolish, but she liked it.
She glanced at his strong profile. How could she spend day after day working alongside him and not wonder what their life would have been like if they’d never broken up?
He slowed the truck at Pinetree’s driveway and glanced her way. “You thinking about the fire again?”
She wasn’t about to adm
it the truth so she lifted her shoulders in a shrug.
He seemed to buy her vague response as an affirmation and clicked on the blinker. “I don’t have to tell you people who survive an experience like a fire often start to ponder the meaning of life and why they were spared. I’m not sure how you stand on God these days, but He can help you through this if you turn to Him.”
She swiveled toward Ryan so fast her hair slapped her face. “You’ve embraced religion?”
His lips tipped in the briefest of smiles. “I turned my life over to God a few years ago if that’s what you mean.”
She peered past him and out the window. Here she was fantasizing over getting back together with him, and he clearly wasn’t the same person she’d known in high school. Back then, he’d have scoffed at anything religious. Now he was spouting the stuff.
“Mia.” He laid a calloused hand on her arm. “Would you mind if I tell you how my faith helped me get through some tough times?”
She shook her head. “That’s the last thing I need right now. God keeps taking away the people I love most, and I haven’t the stomach to think about Him.”
“That’s not how it is, Mi—”
“I said no to this sermon, all right?” She sent a stony gaze his way.
He responded with a flush of hurt, but she kept quiet.
Religion or God or whatever Ryan wanted to call things did not help her. She’d tried that. Until her mom died and her father ignored her. Then God ceased to exist.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ryan blow out a deep breath. His knuckles tightened on the wheel, turning white then slowly returning to healthy pink.
Something inside her begged to comfort him, to take back her comment, to reach out and touch his arm to end the silence. To return the carefree guy from before this conversation, but she held herself in check and gazed out the side window. No good would come from revisiting her stance on God.
Ryan set aside the rebuff and replaced it with the resolve to try again later. Mia believed in God. At least enough to blame Him for the loss of her mother. This meant Ryan had a chance of helping her let go of that blame and perhaps moving her toward God again. But now was not the right time.
Now he’d let her see that as a Christian he wouldn’t take her rejection personally.
“So,” he said, putting a cheerful tone into his words. “Did you have a chance to think about helping us at Wilderness Ways?”
She arched a perfectly plucked brow. “I’m not sure it would be such a good match. I’m not much of an outdoor girl anymore. The thought of camping for days without a shower makes me cringe.”
Her reaction didn’t surprise him. After all, he’d have to be blind not to notice the change in her appearance to a real girly girl. But he was way ahead of her. Last night he’d thought of all the reasons she might say no and prepared a defense for each one of them. She didn’t stand a chance.
“Actually,” he paused and turned a high wattage smile on her, “I rethought this last night. It wouldn’t be wise to send you into the field with students. With the injuries you suffered, I’m not sure you’re up to the physical demands this kind of trip could place on you.”
Her eyes narrowed. “So why ask if I wanted to help?”
“I have another plan for you.” With his free hand, he pretended to twist a handlebar mustache like a villain.
She laughed as she always had when he’d worked hard to brighten up her mood. “And what plan might that be?”
“I’ll shift staff so you can work with the students at the base camp. We start each session with initial evaluations at Pinetree when the students arrive. This provides the field staff with a risk assessment for each student. Then every week the students come in and we hold another round of counseling.”
“You didn’t have to resort to your dastardly villain routine to get me to agree. I would love to do that.” A guarded expression captured her face. “But if I do, you have to agree to keep things between us on a professional level.”
He refused to let her see the pain. “Whatever you need, Mia, I can do that.”
“Good. Then I’m ready and willing to help.”
He glanced at her and their eyes met. Her passion for helping others radiated in waves and warmed him far more than was good for him. They’d always shared a compassion for helping the underdog, and now they both made their living doing that very thing.
He returned his focus to the road. “It’s amazing we both ended up in the same line of work.”
“I wasn’t at all surprised when I heard what you did for a living. You’re a natural at it. Your support in high school was about the only thing that kept me going.”
And he’d hurt her when he withdrew his support. But that was over now, thanks to her forgiveness. “I always knew you’d do something to help struggling teens, and I’m very glad you have the skills to help my program.”
“So how long have you been working with Wilderness Ways?”
“I came back to Logan Lake about three years ago and took on the directorship a year and a half ago.”
“Really. You didn’t come back here after college?” She swiveled to face him.
He could feel her questioning eyes burning into his face. He had to keep his focus on the road so he didn’t find himself telling her more than he could handle revealing right now.
“I went to grad school in Eugene and then stayed there to work at a small clinic.” The same clinic Cara worked for. The clinic she died in. His chest tightened the way it always did at the memory of finding Cara on the floor of her office. The blood pooling around her. Her face pale. Her pulse barely there.
He sucked in a cleansing breath and gestured at Pinetree’s main entrance to direct Mia to the scenery and away from his face. “We’re here.”
Mia’s perceptive face told him she saw right through his plan and would probably question him about this subject later. But at least he’d bought some time before he had to recount the day Cara’s life ended at the hands of a crazed patient.
Mia let Ryan’s evasive behavior pass. He obviously had something he didn’t want to talk about and she had no desire to pry for fear of dredging up their own old wounds. She sat back and studied the scenery she’d not seen yesterday when she arrived through the other gate.
First they passed the resort’s check-in hut only used during the peak summer season. Next came a grouping of worn cabins, the office/convenience store, and a large recreation center, all located near the beach at Logan Lake.
“Everything looks the same.” The longing in her tone caught her off-guard. It quickly ended as the hull of the barn came into view and a wave of fear surged through her.
Ryan tipped his head at the barn. “When I got home last night, I brought your car up to the lodge and your luggage inside.”
“Thank you.” She let her voice ring with sincerity at his continued kindness. She was learning a lot about her old boyfriend and except for the religion thing, she liked what she saw. Liked it too much for her own good.
They made the last curve to approach the lodge. A police car, large black sedan, pickup truck and two SUVs lined up like dominoes in front of the lodge.
“What’s going on?” she asked with rising concern. “Do you think something else’s happened?”
“Now don’t jump to conclusions and start worrying. There’s likely an innocent explanation.” He smiled at her but sped the truck faster.
Her stomach tightened at his reaction. Maybe something happened to Jessie. The man in the barn might have learned she could identify him, and he’d come after her.
Mia suddenly wished she believed God heard her prayers, as she would offer one for Jessie. But He didn’t, so what was the point? He didn’t spare her mother when she asked, so He wouldn’t spare a child because she requested His help. Nor did He seem inclined to keep her out of harm’s way.
Climbing from the truck, she took in the cane-backed rocking chairs and a massive swing cluttering the huge wraparou
nd porch. She and Uncle Wally had spent hours sitting out here, and the enormity of his loss hit her hard.
“C’mon,” Ryan said, coming up behind her. “I can hear them laughing inside. If something was wrong, they wouldn’t be having such a good time.” He must have thought her reluctance to enter was from fear of what waited for them inside.
The door flashed open and Jessie, who was tugging the leash of a small white dog with eyes circled in black like a little mask, raced down the stairs.
“Get control of him, Jessie.” A man whose eye color identified him as a Morgan and whose parental tone identified him as Reid, lingered at the door.
Jessie tightened the leash and barreled into Mia surrounding her waist in a tight hug.
Mia lurched back in pain but regained her composure and smiled down on Jessie. The innocent fragrance of baby shampoo enveloped her head like a halo. Tears of gratitude for being able to save this precious child’s life threatened to fall.
Mia scrunched her eyes and hugged harder. “I’m so glad to see you’re doing okay.”
Jessie gazed up at Mia with hero worship she knew she didn’t deserve. She was just in the right place at the right time. How could she possibly live under such high expectations?
The dog yipped in excitement giving Mia the chance to turn the focus in another direction. She bent over and cupped the dog’s head. “Hey, little fella.”
He ran his pink tongue over her palm, and she scooped him up. “Is he your dog, Jessie?”
“Kinda, but not really. Daddy won’t let me have a dog. He says he doesn’t have the time to take care of anyone but me.” Her lower lip shot out, and she plopped down onto a step.
Jessie’s pain hung in the air like the smoke from the barn had.
Were Jessie and Reid living the same life Mia had with her father? Mia lifted her head and looked up at Reid.
Ryan leaned forward and whispered, “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s nothing like what you went through. Jessie is oversimplifying things. Reid’s a great father, but he’s really struggling to cope and a dog is just too much right now.”
High-Stakes Inheritance Page 5