by Sarah Hoss
“Rebecca, good morning to ye.”
She glanced over as Agnes sat down. “Good morning to ye.” She took another bite and her friend straightened her skirts.
Looking over at her, Agnes commented, “I dare say, ye do look better.”
“I feel better.”
She scrapped the last bite into her spoon, ate it, then got another helping. After a few minutes, Agnes coughed to get her attention.
She looked quizzical at her. “What?”
“Might we speak privately somewhere else?”
She nodded and rose from the table. Agnes led them outside and over by the stables. After checking to make sure that no one was around, her friend spoke. “I’ve been watching ye.”
She scrunched her eyebrows together. “Aye?”
“Aye. I’m truly glad to see ye feeling better.”
Rebecca smiled. “I do thank ye for tending to me the way ye did over the last few days.”
“Well, tis what a friend does.”
She watched as people began their day. Horses whinnied in hopes of getting fed and a dog followed his master as he walked to the blacksmith shop.
“Rebecca, have ye noticed any changes in yerself lately?”
“Are ye talking about the incident?” She took the toe of her slipper and drew a line in the dirt. “I’ve told ye, I feel better. I’m working verra hard on forgetting it and moving on.”
Agnes placed her hand on her arm to get her full attention. “I’m not talking about the incident.”
She sighed. “What is this about then?”
“Have ye noticed how much ye have been eating lately?”
She paused. She had noticed how much she’d been eating, but attributed it to a week in bed and the attack. She hadn’t missed any meals though, thanks to Agnes, and always finished every meal. She glanced up at Agnes. If her friend had guessed her secret, had anyone else?
“I’ve seen ye sick to yer stomach a few times.”
She nodded. “I thought I had a touch of the ague. It was going around. Two of the kitchen maids had it.”
“When was the last time ye had yer woman’s way?”
She turned quickly to stare at her best friend. “What?” She shook her head. She had just discovered the news herself. She’d spent weeks trying to give any other reason to her symptoms other than the obvious. She was pregnant with Hamish’s baby and she hoped Agnes was the only other person to know. She had to tell Hamish first before others started gossiping.
She took a few steps away, walking as she thought. She counted back. She’d made love to Hamish right before he went to go get Gillian and she hadn’t had her woman’s way since. She stopped walking, turned around quickly, and stared at Agnes.
Agnes reached out her hands and she took them. “Ye knew ye were with child?”
“Aye, I had been trying to add all the signs up for some time now.” She let go of her best friend’s hands and placed them on her stomach.
“Rebecca.”
Her name came out in a whisper and she glanced up at her to see what was wrong. “Agnes? What is it?”
“There is something I need to tell ye.” Agnes gripped her sleeve and tugged, ushering her over to a bale of hay. “Sit please.”
Agnes was never serious, so this couldn’t be good. She stood with her hands clasped tightly in front of her, her head was slightly bowed.
“As ye ken, I tended to ye while ye were ill.” Agnes licked her lips. “One day, while I was in yer room bathing ye, ye started to cry out. Ye opened yer eyes and looked right at me but when I spoke to ye, it was as if ye couldna hear me.” She glanced to the left, then the right, to make sure they were still alone. “Ye gripped yer stomach and cried out again.” She shrugged. “I’m sorry, truly, to have to tell ye this, but ye lost the baby that day.”
Rebecca sat in silence, slowly shaking her head back and forth. Her heart sank in her chest. She couldn’t have lost the baby. She would know. She would feel something, anything that would lead her to believe Agnes’s words were true, but she didn’t. She felt pregnant.
“Ye lie.”
Agnes leaned back, staring in surprise as if she had been slapped. “Nay. I would never lie about such a thing.”
Tears filled her eyes to a point that Agnes was only a blur in her sight. She knew her friend well enough to know she wouldn’t lie. She stood and began to pace, but paused near the paddock. She rested her fist on top of the railing and let herself cry. Her future had rested on her being pregnant and now . . .
Her hands came to her stomach.
Agnes stepped up behind her, wrapping her arms around her chest and laying her head on hers. “I’m sorry. I truly am.”
“I want to be alone.”
“All right.”
She never took her eyes off the floor of the stall in front of her.
Agnes stopped. “Just so ye know. I told no one. I took everything and buried it under the rose bush in the back. I wanted to keep yer secret since I didna ken who knew.”
“Thank ye.”
She’d never been so excited in her life and now all she felt was overwhelming sadness. She’d had him. He would never have turned her away. But now, he was lost to her forever.
Chapter 23
Hamish stood by the window in the library. The castle still buzzed with activity, although the evening meal had been finished for over an hour. The castle inhabitants played games or simply chatted in the dining room.
Solitude was what he sought and he’d found it. A cool, gentle breeze floated in and enveloped him like a lover’s embrace. Closing his eyes, he let it ruffle his hair and inhaled deeply of its perfumed fragrance. A slow smile spread across his features. He loved the smell of Scotland on a fall evening, earthy with a little bit of crispness in the air. He was glad to be back in his element, but the frustration of not having found any more information on the arsonist gnawed at him.
He’d done a good job convincing everyone of why he’d been missing. When they couldn’t find his body after the fire, he simply said he’d seen someone in the trees and ran after them. Anger fueled his pursuit. Later, he simply sought solitude to deal with the death of his sister. Bringing Gillian back with him gave him the last bit of the story he needed to make his disappearance believable.
He had clung to the hope while he was gone that someone may have brought Margaret out of the house and saved her. Upon returning to his time and learning that was not the case, it was like losing her all over again.
Despite hearing the quiet sound of the thick, wooden door behind him, Hamish kept his eyes closed and his ears open. There would be no threat with this visitor, at least not to anything but his solitude. Her quiet entrance and the soft sounds of her skirt rustling gave her away.
“I wish to be alone, Rebecca.” He turned to the sound of her approach, for the only light in the room came from a single candle on a table near him.
“I know ye think ye want to be alone, but I ken what ye need and that isna it.” Her hand slid slowly up his chest to rest above his heart.
“Do ye now?” He needed peace. He needed his sister back. He needed the love of Gillian. She was someone he could go to when things got tough and she could soothe his soul. He stared Rebecca in the eye. He knew she wanted to be that kind of woman for him, but he didn’t love her and therefore would never offer her more than his friendship. He had Gillian now.
She nodded her head. “Will ye let me show ye?” There was a purr in her voice.
He held her hand in place. “Nay. I willna be coming to yer bed any longer.” He removed her hand from his chest. “I think what ye really want is the love of any man and not just me. I’ve seen how ye watch others.”
Her mouth fell open and she stood frozen. He hated to hurt her, but his heart lay in
Gillian’s hands now. He had to be honest with Rebecca.
She licked her lips and swallowed. “Why? Do I not please ye?” She turned slightly away for a moment, her eyes closed. “That hurt.”
He turned her to face him. “I’m sorry. Ye are a lovely woman and a wonderful lover, but ye remember that I never gave ye any false hopes. What we had was simply love-making and I no longer wish to continue.”
A tear rolled down her cheek and he removed his hand from hers to wipe it away. “I care for ye, Rebecca, and I will be here for ye if ye should need anything. I think it best we remain friends.”
“And there is no way to change yer mind?”
She tried to smile when she spoke, but he saw her chin quiver. He pulled her into an embrace. “Nay.”
“Then I am thankful for yer friendship.” Her voice was muffled in his shirt.
The door to the library swung open and a woman stumbled in.
“I’m sorry. I’m lost and trying to find someone.”
He froze as the woman in the doorway met his gaze. Gillian’s face took on a look of disbelief and it was then that he realized he still held Rebecca. He let go of her as she turned to see who was in the room.
“Gillian, I . . .”
“I’m sorry to have interrupted.”
She backed out of the door and shut it. He had to go to her. What she saw was explainable but he knew what she must be thinking. He turned to Rebecca. “I must go.”
She nodded and he rushed toward the door, leaving his past behind him and running toward his future.
Gillian heard Hamish footsteps behind her, then suddenly he was there, grabbing her by the elbow to stop. When she’d walked into the library and caught him holding Rebecca, all she could think of was that she’d been a fool. She had never been lucky in love, why should eighteenth-century Scotland be any different?
“Don’t touch me,” she gritted out as she yanked her arm out of his grasp.
“Gillian, let me explain.”
She hurried her steps, trying to get away from him. “That’s what they all say.”
He caught her again and turning her to him, held her as he backed her up against the wall, to get out of the way of two passing kids.
He watched them pass, then focused back on her. “What ye saw was nothing more than me comforting her.” His eyes searched hers.
“Why did you have to comfort her, Hamish?”
“Because I told her that we could only be friends.”
She looked away and rested her head on the wall behind her. She loved him. He was the only person here for her and she couldn’t afford to lose him, but was he being truthful with her?
“Were you lovers?”
She felt his grip tighten on her arms, then loosen again.
“Aye, we were. She wanted more, but I was always honest with her that there would never be more. Then when I met ye and got to know ye, I knew that there would never be another.”
She turned back to him, her hands hanging at her sides. She flexed her fingers. Her silence must have worried him, for he took a step closer, their bodies now touched.
“Please, tell me ye believe me.”
Her lips trembled. “I do, but please promise me that you will always be honest with me.”
His smiled warmed her heart. “Aye, always.”
He kissed her and she circled her arms around his neck and held him. She trusted him in the future because things that happened there were on her terms. Now, in his world, she found it harder to do so, and that frightened her. No matter where they were, she had to learn to trust him fully.
She leaned back and met his gaze. She was serious. “I will trust you from now on.”
Chapter 24
The sun was beautiful as it began to rise. A mixture of pink, purple, and light blue stretched across the sky as if a painter had taken his brush and made long strokes across the canvas. Almost everyone was up and starting their day. Gillian had gotten out of bed and walked, well, kind of hopped along the way to the window. The stone floor was cold in the winter. After getting dressed and braiding her hair, she’d went in search of breakfast and Hamish. She’d found him walking down the hallway.
His hand was warm in hers, a little rough to the touch for all of the work he did with them, but still warm and inviting. Her thumb caressed the sides of his hands and when she glanced up, he was watching her. She smiled—could feel the warmth of the blush begin to cover her cheeks. He was so handsome standing in front of her in his Macpherson plaid of white and black. His black hair was tied back in a plait and his blue eyes sparkled as they took her in.
He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. “I canna wait until this day is over and I can take ye to my room.”
She shivered as his hot breath teased her neck and ear, causing her nipples to harden and breath to quicken. She smiled knowingly and whispered back to him. “Maybe you should be thinking more on what will happen when I get you back to your room.”
This caused him to lean back and stare at her, then he arched an eyebrow. “Dare I ask?”
He placed his hands on each side of her face. She loved it when he held her this way before kissing her. “I love ye and there will be no other, forever.”
She blew out a breath. “Gvgeyuhi, Hamish.” Wiping the tear away, she added, “With every fiber of my being, I am yours.”
They walked down the hall and out the door. Now, as she stood with him outside in the snow, she took a deep breath. The crisp, clean smell of winter tickled her nose. Scotland was beautiful this time of year with the mountains and hills covered in a white blanket of perfection. She turned in a small circle studying the scenery as she did so.
“What are ye doing?” He stood back with his arms crossed over his chest staring at her.
She giggled. “Just . . . Just looking.” She spread her arms out in a half circle. “It’s beautiful here. I’m enjoying the view.”
His eyes roamed up and down her body making her shiver. “So am I.”
Their eyes held each other’s for a moment before his stomach growled bringing them both back to reality.
“You haven’t eaten yet?”
“Nay.”
She reached for his hand. “Come on then, let’s get you fed. Sabastian can wait.”
He placed his hands on his hips and gave a cocky grin. “Bossy wee thing, aren’t ye?”
Her eyes grew big. “Well then, stay here and starve if you want. I’m cold and I’m going inside.”
She turned to walk away when he grabbed her around the waist and brought her up against a wall of solid muscle. Her insides warmed at the feel of him against her.
His cheek lay against the side of her head. “Did ye know there are many ways to get warm?”
She closed her eyes for a moment as the deep brogue of his voice washed over her. There was nothing she would rather be doing right now then making love to this man.
She ever so lightly moved her bottom back and forth against his groin. A low moan was her answer.
“I do, actually. You can put on a coat. You can stand in front of a fire.” She smiled as his arm tightened around her.
“We can make love.”
“Yes,” she said a little breathless, “that’s a wonderful way to get warm.”
He let her go and stepped back. When his stomach growled again, he tilted his head and shrugged.
“Come on, we won’t be able to do anything if you are half-starved. I need you to have your strength.”
He laughed as they walked into the keep and into the dining room. The room smelled wonderfully of fresh baked bread. There were loaves and loaves of it all down the table. The smell of peat moss and burning wood in the fireplace battled with the bread to take over the room. The combination of the two was heavenly
.
The guards didn’t sit all at one table in the front near the chief as she expected. There were eight men at that table to guard the chief and his family in case of an attack, but the rest of the men were dispersed throughout the hall amongst the people.
She and Hamish found a seat near the middle. Sitting down, they talked about life in the castle.
“Good morning to you, Rebecca.”
She leaned forward when she saw Rebecca looking at her. “Good morning, Rebecca.”
The woman’s icy glare caused her to sit back. She would question that later, but for now she was hungry and sitting next to Hamish. She was ready to begin her new life and needed to find a way to contribute. Maybe she would find James later and see what she could do.
She straightened her back with new determination. She was here and was going to make the best of it. Glancing under her lashes to the man sitting next to her, she gave a half-knowing smile and took another bite. Yes, her outlook on life was looking pretty good.
Hamish questioned his sanity. Sitting between these two women was disaster waiting to happen. So far, so good, but this isn’t something that could continue. Gillian had been friendly, but not Rebecca.
He shifted in his seat. When Marcus asked him a question from across the table, he jumped at the chance to change the atmosphere in the room.
“Aye, I will go with ye hunting this day. Let us hope we are successful.”
“We leave shortly after breakfast. Meet us here on the hour.”