Highland Savior

by Sarah Hoss

  The heat seeped into her bones and warmed her. Her eyes began to get heavy. So heavy.

  “Gillian?”

  She screamed, jumped from the chair, and punched something hard. She shook her hand at the pain that shot through it. Focusing, she blinked.

  “It’s me, James,” he said as he took a step back, rubbing his chest.

  “You shouldn’t scare people like that.”

  “Sorry. I knocked on the door.”

  “Guess I fell asleep.”

  “Ye did. Ye looked uncomfortable, so I wanted to wake ye.”

  “Thanks.” She sat back down in the chair.

  “Are ye all right?” He knelt down in front of her.

  She gave him a half-smile. “I want to go home.”

  “It will be spring before travel over the seas is possible. Can I get ye anything else?”

  “A bath?”

  He stood. “That, my lady, I can do. Give me but just a moment.” He began to walk away.

  She caught his hand to stop him. When he looked back at her, there was concern in his eyes.

  “Thank you.”

  He smiled. “Yer welcome.”

  Twenty minutes later, there was a tub brought to her room by two large men and four women carried buckets of hot water. This took two trips for the women.

  As soon as everyone was gone, she stripped her clothes off, which was a feat in itself, and went to the tub. She dipped a toe in and sighed. It was wonderful. She stepped in and sank down, letting the water come up to her chin. She flipped her hair so that it hung over the edge of the tub.

  She floated her hands gently through the water, creating small waves. It felt good to do something relatively normal. What she wanted was for the water to take away more than the dirt—to take away the hurt and the sadness of the last month and a half. She sighed and closed her eyes.

  She hadn’t realized how much her body ached but after a few moments in the water, it was evident. She was even more tired now. She quickly washed and stood. Taking a step out of the tub, she lifted the other leg to get out when the door to her room opened. She turned quickly and tried to cover herself. Hamish stood in the doorway. He came in and closed the door behind him.

  “Ye are so beautiful.”

  “What do you want, Hamish? I’m really not in the mood to talk to you.” She walked over to the bed and grabbed the drying cloth. She made a quick job of drying off and started to get dressed when she felt his hands on her shoulders.

  “Please, turn around and look at me.”

  His hands gently guided her and she turned to him. The room suddenly felt small as if the walls were closing in on her. She stepped away. She didn’t want him to touch her. No, that wasn’t true. She wanted him to take her to bed, make love to her, and tell her everything would be okay, that his engagement was a lie. She turned away from him again and began to dress.

  “Gillian, please.”

  The sorrow in his voice was clear, but what was he sorry for? Did he want her to understand? She couldn’t.

  She inhaled deeply and blew it out. “What do you want me to say?” Slipping the chemise over her head, she turned and stared him straight in his eyes.

  “Maybe I live in a dream world. I thought that after all we’d been through, we could build a life together.” She brought her hand up to her mouth as if she could stay the words that wanted to flow so freely. She wasn’t sure what to say though. Nothing she could say would change the outcome of tonight. “God, it was so easy to love you.”

  He took a step closer to her, but she moved away from him.

  “Don’t.” She was angry. Her hands gripped her elbows. She felt so embarrassed for they had shown their affection for each other out in the open. Now, all of a sudden he was engaged to someone else. She stared at him, taking in every inch of his form, committing it to memory. “I don’t get it, Hamish. Why? Why are you marrying her?” she said as she pointed to the door as if Rebecca stood there. “How did you go from loving me to marrying—“

  “She’s pregnant,” he blurted out.

  She was stunned into silence. Pregnant?

  “Do ye remember the day I showed up in yer house? I had a life here before that. I canna undo it. ”

  She nodded; bringing forth that moment in her mind. It felt like such a long time ago.

  “I had lain with Rebecca the night I came to ye and that night, we conceived a child.”

  “I see.” She walked over to the table and poured herself a drink. She downed the wine and sat the cup on the table. The fruity taste lingered on her tongue.

  She swayed back and forth, hands hanging limp at her side. Letting out a long, slow sigh, she stared out the window.

  “I only found out about it today. I had asked her to wait before telling anyone so I could talk to ye.”

  “How did that work out for you?” She bit out over her shoulder.

  “It’s my honor on the line. I have to protect her and the child. Marriage is the only way.”

  Sorrow and sympathy stole their way into her heart. “No, I agree. What you are doing is the right thing and I would expect nothing less from you.”

  He approached her. Placing his hands on her arms, he turned her around and backed her up against the wall. His close proximity was unnerving. Gently, he took her face in his hands.

  “There will never be another in my heart. Tis yers forever. I love ye.”

  She swallowed, her throat feeling thick. Her heart officially broke at his words.

  “No, don’t say that. She’s carrying your child. She deserves your love.”

  He slowly leaned in as if he was about to kiss her, but she turned her face away. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. “I think you should leave now.” Her words came out breathless with need. He was so close her body ached for his, her nipples hardened at his nearness. She closed her eyes. “Please, go.”

  He stood rooted in his spot for a moment. Time seemed to stand still. Finally, he let his hands drop to his sides. He turned away, slightly sideways, glancing at the floor as if he had something to say. One last look at her and he left her room, the door closing quietly.

  She sank to the ground, the hard stone wall scraping her back as she did so, but she ignored it. There was no feeling left in her body. She cried; cried harder and at some point, cried herself to sleep there on the cold stone floor.

  Chapter 25

  Candle making was a great way to occupy her time. The only problem was, they didn’t make them every day. It had been four days since she was introduced to the other ladies and had made her first candle. It was fairly easy, but the tallow or animal fat didn’t smell very good and it made the candles smell bad when they burned, too. It was a necessary item, though.

  It had also been four days since the announcement of Hamish’s engagement. Everyone still talked about it. As she stood, holding the stick that held the wick, she began to dip her candles, and she tried to put a smile on her face.

  “It will be a nice thing to have in the middle of the dreary winter. Doona ye think so?”

  The old woman was directing the question at her. “I agree with you. A wedding is always a happy occasion.”

  Everyone nodded their agreement at her words. She desperately wanted to leave the room.

  “We have three weeks until then. I bet Rebecca is having a hard time waiting.”

  Two of the ladies chuckled.

  “With a braw lad as Hamish, I wouldna want to wait,” one said.

  Everyone broke out in laughter. The old woman wiggled her eyebrows for the innuendo of the comment. “Doona ye think so, lass?”

  “He is very handsome.”

  Would someone please get me out of here?

  Another lady approached her. She was short, real
ly short, and had a head of the prettiest red hair she had ever seen. It was done up in a bun and she smiled, her green eyes turned a brighter green, if it were possible.

  “Ye are doing verra well.”

  “Thank you.” She dipped her wicks then held them in the air. This took several times to do to make a candle thick and by the time she was halfway done, her arms felt as if they were about to fall off.

  “Why doona ye let me take over and ye rest for a bit.”

  “Thank you.” She handed the stick over then went and sat down at the table.

  She needed to get out of this room. Glancing around, she noticed the wine was all gone. Perfect.

  “Would you like for me to go and get us more wine?”

  “Thank ye’s,” and “Would ye, please?” were thrown in her direction. She picked up the tray and headed toward the kitchen.

  The hallway was quiet and she stood for a moment enjoying the silence. Seven women in one room for an entire day was a lot. So much talking and gossiping that she could feel a headache coming on. She didn’t know any of the people they talked about, and God bless her soul, the old woman who sat by her made it her job to keep her informed. By the end of this day, she would know who everyone was and Clan Macpherson was a large clan.

  As she approached the kitchen door, she heard someone behind her call her name. Her heart sank.

  She braced herself, turned around, and saw him. Blowing out the breath she had been holding, she greeted James.

  “How are you?”

  “Well, and I thank ye.” He looked at the tray. “Are ye going to the kitchen then?”

  “Yes, gossiping makes one quite thirsty.” She winked at him and he laughed.

  “Aye, I can imagine.”

  They stood there for a moment in that awkward silence that lingers between two people brought together by unusual circumstances.

  “Well, I will leave ye to it then.” He bowed and began to walk away.

  “James.”

  He stopped and turned around. “Aye?”

  “I need to get out of here. Is the weather still too bad to go visit Alexander and his family?”

  He thought for a moment. “I think we could make the passage. The snow isna too deep. We could take some provisions to them. I would enjoy seeing the baby.”

  “Wonderful.”

  “I will go and make arrangements so we can leave in the morning.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Tis my pleasure.” He started to walk away then turned back to her. “Are ye wanting to see Marlana or are ye running away from Hamish?”

  He was very blunt. “Both.”

  He nodded. “I will see ye in the morning then.” He walked away and she stared after him. She would take the food and drinks back to the ladies, then head to her room. She had some planning to do of her own.

  James had offered her a horse of her own to ride, but she declined for two reasons. One—it was damn cold outside and if she rode with him, it would be warmer. Two—she wasn’t planning on returning to the castle, so there was no need in having a second horse. He didn’t know this though and she simply gave the explanation of warmth.

  As they approached the house, he steered the horse to the barn. After he dismounted, he reached up, placed his hands on her waist, and helped her down. They unloaded the bundles of food and cloth they’d brought and walked toward the house. As they knocked on the door, they heard the baby cry. It was such a sweet sound. She relaxed a little.

  The door opened and Alexander greeted them. “Brother, tis good to see ye.” He stepped out of the way and let the two of them in.

  Once James sat his packages down, he gave his brother a hug, then walked over to Marlana. Bending, he kissed her cheek and gazed upon his niece.

  Alexander turned his attention to her. “Tis good to see ye, too, Gillian.”

  “It’s good to be back here. How are things going?” She laid her bundles on the table.

  “Fine. Both Marlana and Margaret are doing verra well.”

  She walked over and placing her hands on James shoulders, she leaned over to see the baby. Her eyes were open and she was looking up at them.

  “Marlana, she’s more precious each time I see her.”

  “Well, I think so, too.”

  James stood. “Congratulations, sister. Ye did well.”

  This made her laugh. “I think your brother had a hand in that, also.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “James, come and I will help ye settle yer horse.”

  The men left the room and she took off her coverings and placed them on a hook at the door. She pulled a chair over to where Marlana sat. It squeaked, causing the baby to become restless for a moment and she apologized.

  Marlana, undid the stays of her dress and exposed a very plump breast. She began feeding the baby, then spoke. “So, how is castle life?”

  She sat back and stretched out her legs. “If someone had told me during the summer that I would be living in the past and in a real castle, I would have said bullshit.” It felt wonderful to use a cuss word, to not be so proper all the time. She giggled and placed her hand over her mouth.

  “It’s okay, I don’t mind. There are thing I do or say just to feel a little normal or to help me remember where I came from.”

  “Do you miss it?”

  She sighed. “I do, a lot, but as time goes on, it gets less and less.” Marlana glanced around her home. “This is where I belong.”

  She shook her head, trying to dislodge loose strands of hair from her lashes. “I wish I knew where I belonged.”

  Marlana looked back at the door, then at her. “Speaking of that, why are you here with James and not Hamish?”

  She stared at the floor for a moment, trying to will away the sadness. “Hamish is engaged to Rebecca,” she said as she looked up. She raised her eyebrows for emphasis then looked away.

  Marlana sat up a little straighter. Surprise etched her features. “Okay, hold on, Sister Sue. I want to hear everything.”

  “You have no idea how good it is to hear you talk.”

  “Well, right now, I want to hear you talk. Now, spill it.”

  She sat and she talked, she paced and she talked, then she sat and talked some more. She couldn’t sit still as she told Marlana everything that had happened.

  “Well, one thing is for certain, honor is held very highly here. If you don’t have honor, you don’t have anything.”

  “I know.” She rubbed her forehead then focused on Marlana. “It’s one of the things I love about the past. How many romance novels have I read where this very thing happened and I was so entranced at the hero and his sense of duty. But now . . . now I hate it and I think back to the way it is in our time where a man can still be a dad, but not have to marry the woman.”

  “Gillian, regardless of time, there are some things that should never change.”

  She blew out a breath. “I know, but I’m so angry that it’s what I want. Why can’t I have the happy ever after?”

  Marlana shrugged.

  “If I’m not supposed to marry Hamish, then what is my purpose here?” She peered at Marlana with questioning eyes, but knew there was no real answer.

  “I wish I knew, sweetheart, I do.” She took the baby from her breast and placed her on her knee. One hand held Margaret’s chin as the baby’s body laid against her arm. She began to pat her back until the baby burped. Then she adjusted herself and placed the baby on the other breast.

  “Marlana, I need your help. You are the only one who understands me and my situation. I can’t stay at the castle. I won’t live there and watch him marry another woman.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “Help me think of something. Maybe I can go back
to America. At least there, I would be in familiar surroundings.”

  “You’re panicking and thinking too far ahead. Let’s stop and think this through. Together, we can come up with a perfect idea.”

  “I hope so.”

  Alexander closed the barn door to keep the cold winter wind out. James walked his horse into an open stall and began to brush her down.

  Alexander stood staring at him for a moment, then brought some hay into the stall and laid it on the ground. After getting water for the horse, he leaned up against the railing and crossed his arms over his chest.

  “So, why are ye here with Hamish’s woman and not Hamish?”

  James told his brother the full story then added, “She needed to get out of the castle and away from him and I wanted to see my niece.”

  “Is there anything between the two of ye?”

  “Nay.” He was offended.

  “I mean no disrespect, brother.”

  He walked out of the stall and threw the brush in a bucket. “None taken.”

  The barn smelled of manure and hay. Picking up a pitchfork, he went to one of the stalls and began to clean it. Gideon protested, but he soothed the animal.

  Alexander walked over to watch. “What will become of her?”

  “I doona know and that’s the truth. She’s heartbroken. I know I canna send her home.”

  Alexander cocked his head. “Ye know then?”

  “Aye, Hamish told me where he had been and about her, too.” He looked at his brother. “I have to tell ye, I’m a little afraid, wondering if I’m next.”

  They laughed. Silence grew between them and Alexander watched as James finished shoveling and laid down fresh straw.