by Diana Nixon
After her competition, I left before she could notice that I decided to come to watch her dance. She looked so happy up there. . . I felt like an intruder, breaking into her world of youth and freedom, a world she should enjoy without stressing about any aspect of her life with me. The stage is where she belonged, and while she was on it, it was hers, it made her happy; and I couldn’t take that bliss away from her. Though while I was there, I drank in every second of her dance; I couldn’t avert my gaze. . . I could see her emotions and the thoughts she was thinking while putting the routine together. It spoke to me – her body spoke to me. But I couldn’t ruin it for her, I had to get out of there, and so I did.
As I watched the love of my life move as gracefully as waves in the ocean, I kept thinking how the situation was impossible for me. It wasn’t because I wanted or planned to ruin her happiness. . . It was because she couldn’t allow herself to be happy with me until she was certain she could be happy alone first; I think it was like that saying: you have to love yourself before you can fully love another. And today, I actually saw and acknowledged, how complicated her life had become from my presence. Trespassing into her world was a mistake from the very beginning, and this was beyond watching her on stage. Louise would be just fine, even without me watching her every move. She was strong and brave; she was a warrior, who didn’t need an entire army to win over the world, or her battles. . . The fact of the matter was, she didn’t need me to fight for her anymore, she could do these things all on her own. All I did was complicate things for her.
I stood up, said good-bye to Sabine, and walked away, without giving a second thought to the fact I was walking out on her.
I was running away. . .from her, from myself, from all the feelings I had for her.
I just wanted to die, right then and there; and never have to look into her eyes again. . . Those beautiful eyes of hers. . .eyes that could see right through me, and deep into my soul. And every time they did, it made my heart race and my body tremble; and when I gazed back into those eyes that were more like a trap, I would drown in their deep blue bottomless depths. Like I said, her eyes were like a trap laid out just for me, and that was why I needed to get away before she could see me.
I left the building practically running. . . I needed to put some distance between us, I got into my car and sped off. I didn’t look back, or even glance in the rear view mirror. I thought it was for the best. For a moment, I imagined leaving her forever, walking away, and never allowing myself to even speak her name again.
I pulled up to the hotel I usually stayed at when I wanted to be alone, and hastily parked my car in its parking lot. I got checked in and walked to my room, feeling both a sense of defeat and victory for getting away. As I was drowning my sorrows in the drinks from the minibar, I decided I might need to run even further away from her, so I wouldn’t give in and go running back –
Tap. . .tap. . .tap. . . There was a knock at the door. The stupid fucking hotel staff needs to leave me. . . I opened the door and began to yell, before I noticed she was the one standing in the threshold of my hotel room, as gorgeous and desirable as ever. I groaned.
I was lost again. So fucking lost to everything but her. I don’t think I had ever hated myself more than I did now. I wanted to use her to satisfy the hunger that I couldn’t continue to bottle up. When she made the offer, the cap came shooting off the bottle, and my feelings and thoughts combined into one inexplicable desire that I had no idea how to suppress, and instead of even attempting to control myself, I just let that desire take me away. . .
“Relax,” I whispered, placing a small kiss on the curve of her neck. I intentionally made her turn away from me. Apparently, a tiny part of my conscience was still present. It was telling me that I would never be able to forgive myself if I were to be so primal and rough with Louise; however, I spend for-fucking-ever without her, and I pushed my worries to the back of my mind and made it to where I didn’t have to see her eyes. I convinced myself it would make it better if I couldn’t… I wanted her… I needed her… Now.
I could feel her chest rising and falling beneath my exploring hands, reaching for the bottom of her light-blue shirt. After a few silent moments, I removed it. I rubbed my hands down her back, and moved them back up to the clasp of her deep-red bra, unsnapping it in one smooth motion, letting the straps slide down her arms.
“I’m gonna tie your hands,” I said, reaching for my tie, left on the back of a chair.
She didn’t protest when I pulled her hands behind her back, and tied them together with the silky piece of fabric.
I pulled her to my chest again, using my palms to massage her body: up and down her sides, rubbing them across her belly, and stopping at her perfectly shaped breasts to lightly pinch her exquisite pink nipples.
“Why exactly are you here, Louise?” I asked for the hundredth time in the last half hour.
She knew what I needed to hear in response. “To please you,” she said, joining in the unspoken, sick game that at that very moment, somehow felt like the only way out of the mess she and I had gotten ourselves into.
“That is the right answer,” I said, still too drunk to think clearly. . .or maybe I was just enjoying the feeling of complete loss of control too much to try to be reasonable again.
No amount of alcohol could get me more drunk than her body and her unique scent. . .I knew I would always be able to remember the smell of her skin even when she was not around. It was enough to make me close my eyes and have her scent wash over me, filling every fiber of my body and mind.
Her tight jeans didn’t leave much to my imagination. . .that is, as far as the shape of her body was concerned anyway. They showed every sexy curve she possessed, and I couldn’t wait to go exploring and navigate my way around her entire body; inside and out. I reached for the zipper of her jeans and pulled it down, I pushed the jeans down her legs and when they got close to her ankles, she lifted one foot up, and then the other, slipping her legs out of the pants, and then kicked them off to the side.
She was still standing with her back to me. Her blond curls cascaded down one shoulder, giving me an amazing view of her perfect back, great ass, and very long legs. I ran my palms down her spine, cupping her ass lightly. The deep-red thong she was wearing didn’t cover much, which was a huge advantage at the moment.
I gripped her ass a little tighter, and slid one hand in between her legs, bringing her closer to me. My breath caught the moment I felt her wetness, through the silk of her thong. God, she was worked up and ready for me. I couldn’t believe she wanted me despite how much of a first class asshole I had been to her tonight. It was sick, so sick, but I couldn’t wait for the moment we would get lost in the pleasure of our bodies becoming one, skin to skin, hip to hip, lip to lip.
Minutes ticked by as we stood there, too shattered to step away from each other; too broken to breathe, and too scared to even think. It was like we were about to give up on each other, but we couldn’t do that without hurting our bleeding hearts even more, no matter how impossible it felt, considering they were irreparably broken to the extent where neither of us knew how to cure the scars they were covered with.
I was ruined because of her, and no one could fix it but her. . . I wanted to punish her for it, even though I realized it wasn’t exactly her fault, it was my own stupidity. I allowed myself to get too close, and the blame for that was all my own. . .and at this point, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
I pushed her over to the couch, and bent her over its back. My hands landed on her ass again, then slid up and down her sides, catching the edges of her thong and let it fall down her legs, when it hit the ground, she gently stepped out of it and kicked it away, and her leg brushed against my cock.
My dick hardened. I had never seen her act like that, all obliging and quiet, and innocent. . .and she seemed to be a little obsessed with the idea of me taking her in the most primal way. I didn’t need to see her face to feel it. Her body spoke for her
; every single thought crossing her mind was reflecting in the way she was breathing, throwing her head back, with her eyes closed, and her shameless lips pattered. I don’t think she had ever looked sexier than she did now.
I kneeled down on the floor, and licked a line in between her smooth lips. She moaned loudly in response; her back arched at my touch, and her entire body trembled beneath my palms. Then I rose to my feet and reached for the bottle of champagne sitting on the coffee table where I had put it earlier. I turned it upside down, and let the golden liquid flow all down her back, ass, and legs. I bent down and started licking the small, shining drops from her skin, running my tongue across her gorgeous curves, and caressed her in the most sensual way with my hands.
“I want to taste it too,” she suddenly said, turning her head slightly to see me better.
I leaned closer to her face, pulling her hair back and making her lean into me. Then I covered her lips with mine, sliding my tongue inside her mouth and let her taste the champagne from my lips.
“You are my worst distraction, Louise. . . My curse. My perfect imperfection. You are my better half, and my darkest wish. My greatest victory and my saddest loss. You are my everything. . . Everything I want to forget, and everything I never want to let go. . . What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to live?”
“No more thinking tonight, remember?” She bit her lower lip, letting her head rest on my shoulder, her eyes closed again.
I reached down for her clit, drawing invisible circles around it. She let out a pleased moan, leaning into my hand. God, I wanted her, now more than ever.
Shaking from head to toe, I took off my clothes and went to stand behind her again.
“Please,” she whispered, “Make me yours, Will. I want to be all yours. . .”
What was I waiting for? For a moment, I felt like stopping before it was too late, but then she pressed her ass against my throbbing cock, and my mind just shut the fuck up. I grabbed her ass, placing my arousal at her entrance and pushed myself in, hard and deep.
Moans of pleasure resonated from her. Her wetness welcomed me, embracing me with its warmth, flowing down my length, and making my every thrust so easy.
Shivers ran up and down my spine, like cold, metal blades, igniting the dangerous fire burning inside me. She shuddered with my every thrust, my hands and lips were everywhere they could touch her, our bodies slamming against each other.
The sounds of our lovemaking filled the room. I set the pace and she adjusted to it perfectly. I never doubted that she could read me so well, she knew exactly what to do and how to move to please me.
My thrusts got faster, rougher.
“Untie me,” she said, gasping for air.
“What for?”
“Just do it.”
And I obeyed.
She turned around and wrapped her hands around my neck.
“Lift me up,” she breathed against my lips.
And I obeyed, again.
She wrapped her legs around me, then lowered herself onto me, kissing me deeply.
I bounced into her dripping pussy, making more small sounds escape from her throat. They vibrated on my lips as she kept kissing me, sucking and biting on my lower lip, then licking it with the tip of her tongue, painfully slow.
I started to push faster, her moans became louder, breathing heavier; the drops of sweat started to roll down my back.
Fuck, I was close, so close I couldn’t wait to feel her coming with me.
Her eyes rolled back, and I felt her cunt tightening around me, bringing me even closer to the edge.
Wave after wave, the climax took us over. I felt like I couldn’t restrain it, but I wanted more.
“Turn around,” I commanded.
With a knowing smirk in her bewitching eyes, she did what I told her to do. I bent her over the couch again and started fucking her hard from behind.
It was freaking too much. . . I couldn’t hold back any longer. With one final thrust, I came hard inside her, feeling a long-awaited relief roll over me, washing away the tension, the pain, the anger.
So perfect. . . Always so perfect. . .
“You are one selfish bastard, William Blair,” she said, trying to catch her breath.
“Oh, I’m not done with you, Louise. Not just yet...”
I couldn’t let her go after what just happened between us.
“I want you to be feeling sore,” I whispered, gripping her hair again. “You were not supposed to be here tonight, but you are. And since you so kindly showed up at my door, there is no way in fucking hell I am allowing you to leave this hotel before I get exactly what I want first. . .and that just happens to be you, I want all of you. . .”
***
I woke up to a bright light streaming in through the window. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up in my bed, trying to remember where I was.
The hotel room? What the. . . Oh, shit! Last night. . . Oh, shit!!!
“Louise?” I asked slowly, turning to my right, hoping to see her still asleep, but the bed next to me was empty. “Louise?” I called again. But no one answered.
I checked the bathroom and the terrace, but she was not there.
She left. . . I started to panic and feel a little frantic, knowing I may have very well fucked up the only good thing in my life.
Of course, after what we had done last night, I should have never expected her to stay.
God, I was being a selfish pig. She probably hates me even more now. Ugh, it serves me right. . . I deserve her hatred. I deserve worse.
I looked at the messy bed and my clothes lying on the floor, and then the memories from last night filled my mind.
Man, was she amazing, so responsive, so beautiful. She let me make my every fantasy about her come true. She never once tried to stop me. If I didn’t know better, I would say she enjoyed it as much as I did. But I was sure she did that more for me, than for herself. Was it a sacrifice she made to please me? To make me believe that I did mean something to her? Or was it a final good-bye that she came here to say before she would leave me forever?
Whatever it was, I needed to see her, to ask all those questions and get the answers. I didn’t want any more uncertainty between us.
I took a quick shower, got dressed, and called Christopher.
“Do you know where Louise is?” I asked.
“Good morning to you too, Sir,” he responded in his usual smart-ass manner. “And yes, I know where she is – at school.”
“Did she go by the house before going there?”
“Yes.”
“Did she take her things with her?”
“Depends on what things you are talking about. She only took books and a few dresses with her, why?”
So she wasn’t planning on moving out today. . .or at least she hasn’t done it yet anyway. That had to be a good sign, right? I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Never mind. Did you manage to get the information I needed?” I asked Christopher.
It was Saturday morning, and Louise and I were supposed to pay Debora Griffin a visit. Though after last night, I wasn’t sure if she still wanted to go with me, or see me ever again for that matter.
“Yes, you can find the files on your iPad. It’s under the passenger seat of your car.”
As always, the man had taken care of everything.
“Thank you, Christopher. I’ll read them as soon as I…see Louise.”
“I really hope you will find time to read them.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Well. . . I suppose after last night, you won’t have much time for reading now.”
“And what exactly makes you think so?”
“Oh, nothing in particular. Just, you know, the general atmosphere in the house. . .”
What was he trying to say?
“What did Louise tell you about last night?” I asked.
“Oh, trust me, I didn’t want to know the details. But she didn’t need to tell me anything. . . Her face said it all.”
“For God’s Sake, Christopher, can you stop trying to be mysterious? I’m not in the mood for riddles today.”
“I can imagine. . .”
Ugh, the old man obviously enjoyed getting on my nerves. Even if he didn’t say much, his choice of words said everything he wouldn’t say aloud.
“I’ll call you later,” I said, hanging up the phone. Sometimes, when I was talking to Christopher it felt like I was five years old again, afraid of being punished for my misbehavior. Only I wasn’t a kid anymore, and my misbehavior didn’t have anything to do with toys or fights with other kids. Now all the bad things I did, I did with only one person. . .
I pulled into the parking lot of Balero and looked at my watch, it showed midday. I didn’t know how many classes Louise was going to have today, so I thought I would send her a text message before going in and tracking her down like a stalker.
“I’m outside. Can you come here for a moment?”
She responded no more than ten seconds later. “Are you sure ‘a moment’ will be enough. . .?”
I wasn’t sure how to react to her words. Either she was teasing me, or saying she was still mad at me. Go figure.
Okay. . . I took a deep breath, and typed, “Depends on what you need that moment for. . .”
Send.
“Be right there,” she texted back.
A few minutes later, I saw her coming out of the doors to the school, with her came the blond guy she was dancing with yesterday at the competition.
They stopped at the stairs, he kissed her on the cheek and left.
What the fucking fuck? I thought to myself. Who the hell does he think he is? Do they always share a kiss when saying good-bye?