‘How long have you guys been in a relationship?’
‘It has been three months since our engagement.’
‘When is the marriage?’
‘Early next year.’
Rivanah thought for a while and said, ‘I think you guys should know each other more. Maybe he is the kind who takes time to open up.’
‘You know, I also thought of this. Thanks for confirming my idea. I am ready to give him all the time he needs,’ Tista said with a smile. ‘You read now; I’ll leave.’ She was about to move out when Rivanah stopped her, saying, ‘You are a very good girl, Tista. I am sure the guy is lucky to have you in his life.’
‘I hope he knows it too,’ Tista said.
That’s the problem with guys: they rarely realize how lucky they are when they get the girl who is perfect for them, Rivanah thought and smiled back.
With Tista gone, Rivanah put the book aside. The thought that her notice period had begun in office was a torment. And worse she had nobody to share her stress with. She picked up her phone and messaged Danny. He was supposed to call her but he hadn’t.
Do we need to take appointments now to talk to each other? she messaged.
What she actually wanted to say was: Asshole, call me. I want to talk.
Danny’s response came in the next instant: Sorry, was busy the whole day.
Rivanah’s next message read: What did you have for dinner?
What she actually wanted to say was: Is Nitya still there with you?
Danny responded: Ordered from Faaso’s.
Rivanah replied: Hmm.
What she wanted to say was Why can’t you just tell me if Nitya has left or not?
Danny messaged: What else?
Rivanah’s replied: I shifted to a new place.
What she actually wanted to say was: Look, I don’t need you all the time for everything.
Danny’s response read: Good.
Rivanah thought: You won’t even ask me where I’m staying? Great!
But she messaged back: What else?
Danny’s reply came in a second: Nothing.
What Rivanah thought while reading it: Why can’t you simply ask me to meet up? I will come, but just ask me first.
Rivanah messaged: Okay.
So the cold war continues, Rivanah thought and stretched herself on the bed.
‘Yippee!’ Suddenly Tista barged into her room.
‘Shit, Tista, you scared me!’ Rivanah said, sitting up once again with her heart suddenly beating fast.
‘I’m so sorry. Actually my fiancé is coming here tomorrow. He stays in Navi Mumbai. I’m so excited.’
‘All right. That’s nice. Now may I please sleep? I have office tomorrow.’ Rivanah knew her rudeness was an outcome of the frustration that her current equation with Danny was brewing in her. Though Tista didn’t show any sign of hurt, Rivanah herself felt bad. The next instant she went and apologized to Tista in her room. And asked what the plan was for tomorrow.
‘I don’t know. We don’t like to go out much. Probably we will be in the flat itself. Let’s see,’ Tista said.
The next day Rivanah went to office and applied for some job openings on various job portals. Her notice period was on and she desperately hoped she could secure another job before it was over. In the evening she returned to her flat and saw that Tista wasn’t there. On other days, she was the one who reached first and kept her magic tea ready for both of them. Rivanah didn’t care to prepare any tea for herself and changed to lie down on her bed. She received a call from Tista.
‘Look at my luck. My fiancé is coming today and of all days I am loaded with work today.’
‘When will you be free?’
‘Around nine. I think I will be at the flat by ten. My fiancé will be there in half an hour or so. Hope it is not a problem.’
‘It is perfectly fine. I have reached the flat so he won’t have to wait outside. Don’t worry.’
Rivanah cut the line and checked the time on her phone itself. It was 7 p.m. She decided to cook for herself. Around 7.35 p.m. the doorbell rang. Rivanah went to open the door. Her blood froze when she saw the visitor. She realized he too had a similar expression on his face. He was talking on the phone.
‘Yeah, I have reached. Yes, okay.’ He handed the phone to Rivanah and mumbled, ‘Tista wants to talk.’
She took her time to take the phone with her heavy hands and spoke into the phone, ‘Hello.’
‘Rivanah di, that’s Ekansh, my fiancé. I shall be home soon. See you both.’
16
The moment Tista ended the call Rivanah dashed to the kitchen without saying a word, leaving the main door open. Standing in the middle of the kitchen doing nothing, she heard the main door lock. They were alone in the flat now. The last time they were alone in a flat she had lost her virginity to him. The scene flashed in front of her in disturbing detail. The last time she saw him was in Oberoi Mall where she had lost a life to him. And of all people Ekansh had to be Tista’s fiancé? How can a cheat like him marry a naive soul like Tista? Trying not to think, she moved towards the oven.
‘I’m sorry,’ she heard Ekansh say. Why was he even talking to her? Couldn’t he just pretend they were strangers until Tista comes?
She could sense he was standing by the kitchen door. His sorry still sounded the same. Fake. Why did she expect anything about him to have changed by now? With her back to him she didn’t know if he was looking at her or not. For a moment she did try and look from the corner of her eyes. He was looking at her. Then she sensed he was moving towards her. Out of sheer nervousness, she tried to light the gas burner. She wanted to scream out to him to stop and not come close, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. She saw a reflection on the tiles in front of her. Ekansh was right behind her. The next moment she felt his breath on the back of her neck. All her muscles stiffened. She couldn’t even press the lighter’s button.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said almost into her ears. With all her energy she pressed the lighter button again and the burner lit up this time. She felt a hand on her waist. Rivanah immediately turned around to stop whatever she sensed could begin.
‘Ekansh, we shouldn’t . . .’ She wanted to say more but he stopped her with a kiss. Right, wrong, should, shouldn’t—the lines between them were blurring. She started to live in the moment and thus welcomed Ekansh’s initiation by putting her arms around his neck. She wasn’t waiting to kiss him all this while and yet she smooched him hard as if she was hungry for it. As if she was claiming him back in her life with it. As if through the hard smooch she was asking him: how dare you left me? As if she was trying to spin the wheel of time back and by the time the smooch would end they would realize they were still a couple, faithful to each other. She felt his hand on her butt as he lifted her up. She reciprocated by wrapping her legs around his waist. He carried her to her bedroom. It was dark and hence they could be what they were not in the light of the kitchen. In no time their skin was exposed to the other. Rivanah was surprised how deep the echo of the friction of their skin still reached her. And this surprise was the best aphrodisiac she had ever encountered. There was a hunger in Ekansh that matched hers in intensity. She would have stopped everything if she knew there was life waiting after this, but their mutual affinity convinced her otherwise. And sometime in the darkness when Ekansh was inside her she did hear him gasp, ‘I love you.’ The worst part was she was moaning out the same words. And with each thrust all the good times they shared in the past flashed in front of her. Every time she felt his mouth sucking her breasts Ekansh’s face from college came to her. Every time his mouth caressed her lips she was convinced their break-up was only a bad dream.
It was almost an hour later that they moved away from each other, still lying in bed half naked.
In the silence of the room Rivanah could only hear their breathing. And the sound stifled her.
‘Please leave the room,’ she said, not sure whether she was angry with him or herself or with life or
love. Ekansh stood up after some time, pulled on his underwear, got into his jeans and, adjusting his tee, was about to move out when the doorbell rang. Both Rivanah and Ekansh knew who it was.
Ekansh went to the drawing room and opened the front door. It was Tista who had excitement written all over her face.
‘I’m so sorry to be late,’ she said, spreading her arms and preparing herself for a hug.
‘It’s totally all right,’ said Ekansh, hugging her and speaking into her ear.
She stepped into the flat holding his hand and closed the door behind.
‘Your bus reached earlier than I thought it would.’
Ekansh gave her a tight smile and said, ‘Yes.’
‘What happened? You seem a little . . . off.’ She looked into his eyes. He averted his eyes.
‘Nothing. It is really nice to see you.’
‘Same here. Did you have tea?’
‘Not yet.’
‘Wait, I’ll make some.’
‘You must be tired. Freshen up first.’
‘It’s okay,’ Tista said with a smile that said she was already refreshed seeing him. She went to the kitchen and came out immediately.
‘Where’s Rivanah di?’
‘Hmm?’ For a moment Ekansh thought Tista had said, ‘Why Rivanah?’
‘My roomie. Didn’t you meet her?’
Tista went to the kitchen. Ekansh was about to say something when Rivanah came out of her room in a different dress. She joined Tista in the kitchen.
‘Hi.’
‘Did you leave the burner on?’
‘Oh shit! I went inside to change and forgot about it.’
‘It is okay. I’m preparing my magic tea for us.’
‘I’ll make it.’ Rivanah took over from Tista.
‘Thanks,’ Tista said and, turning towards Ekansh who had joined them, said. ‘Even you haven’t changed. I thought you reached here a while ago.’
‘I was waiting for you to come back.’ His voice betrayed guilt.
Rivanah called Tista to the kitchen when the tea was ready.
‘We don’t have a problem if you join us,’ Tista said.
‘Another time.’ Rivanah made it sound as warm as possible. Tista was about to go into the drawing room with the two cups of tea when Rivanah asked her, ‘By the way, how did you know about this flat?’
‘As in?’
‘I mean, who gave you a lead to this rented flat?’
‘An agent called me saying someone told him I was looking for a flat.’
With bated breath Rivanah asked, ‘Who was that someone?’
‘I don’t know. I didn’t ask.’ Tista shrugged and said, ‘Why are you asking suddenly?’
Rivanah nodded, saying, ‘Just like that.’
Once in her room Rivanah pushed the teacup aside. By then she had guessed it couldn’t be a coincidence that Ekansh was Tista’s fiancé. In fact nothing that had happened to her in the past year or so had been a coincidence. Tista was sent as a roomie to Rivanah so that she could meet Ekansh again. So that she slipped. She picked up her phone and messaged the stranger: Why did you do this to me? WHY? Wasn’t it enough that I resigned from my job? Ekansh and I fucked each other as if there was no before or beyond.
She sent it to all the saved numbers in her phone but a response came from only one of them: I only guided Tista to your place. The rest you did to yourself.
Don’t pretend you didn’t know Ekansh wasn’t her fiancé, an angry Rivanah was typing on her smartphone with hot tears in her eyes.
I told you to choose your god wisely, Mini. I only knew you were confident about your god. And I wanted to test your confidence.
Which god you are talking about?
Our god is what we think we are, and our demon is what we actually are. We are often blind to the difference till a situation brings it up. And I told you earlier, Mini, to choose your gods wisely. You chose loyalty as your god. Somewhere you thought you were loyal. Now it is time to face your demon. What you actually are.
I didn’t want to do it. Trust me, I really didn’t want to. I love Danny very much.
Now you are choosing convenience as your god, Mini.
How will I face Danny? How will I look at Tista? What will Ekansh think of me? And how the fuck will I look at myself in the mirror? Though the questions were for her, she typed them and sent them to the stranger as if it was her deep-seated conscience she was talking to.
Don’t you think it is time to accept the obvious? You genuinely love Ekansh. You always did, you always will. Love is about attachment, Mini. You understand attachment? It is that chain which even if you break free from, or think you can, you will never be able to do anything about the marks the chain leaves on you. Those marks you take to your grave.
The message made Rivanah sob profusely. She didn’t know what was more disturbing: that she still loved Ekansh, or that she would always love him, no matter what. What was more disgusting: that Danny may or may not have cheated on her, or the fact that she had already cheated on him? Which was filthier: the presumption on which she had initiated a cold war with Danny, or the lie she had used to convince herself that Ekansh was no longer important?
There was a knock on the door.
‘Rivanah di, what should we prepare for dinner?’ It was Tista.
Rivanah didn’t move for a moment. Tista knocked on the door again. Rivanah rubbed her eyes and abruptly stood up. She took a few steps to open the door. And immediately hugged Tista tight. The latter didn’t know why Rivanah did that. She still hugged her back as a reflex.
‘I’m sorry, Tista. I’m very, very sorry.’
‘Why are you crying, Rivanah di?’
‘I’m a bad girl, that’s why.’
Tista broke the hug and looked into her roomie’s eyes which spoke of only thing: contrition.
17
‘Any problem?’ Ekansh came into the small passage between the drawing room and bedroom with a concerned face. He paused, seeing Tista and Rivanah in an embrace. Tista turned to look at Ekansh and said, ‘Rivanah di is crying.’ There was a momentary locking of gaze between Rivanah and Ekansh. Her eyes had a story. His had the moral of that story.
‘I left the burner on,’ Rivanah muttered. Tista looked at her in disbelief.
‘Oh God!’ Tista said with one hand on her forehead. ‘You have been crying for that? Come on, Rivanah di.’
‘There could have been an accident,’ Rivanah said.
‘Accidents are not in anyone’s hand,’ Ekansh replied, looking at Rivanah cautiously.
‘But one should be alert especially if there already has been an accident in the past,’ Rivanah said.
Tista glanced once at Ekansh and then at Rivanah, with no clue what they were talking about.
‘I think I have a solution to this. How about I prepare a lovely dinner for us all?’ Tista said, displaying her cute smile to the full.
‘No, I will,’ Rivanah said.
‘You cook?’ Ekansh blurted.
‘Why do you sound surprised?’ Tista asked. ‘Rivanah di cooks better than I do.’
Rivanah didn’t wait to listen to her praise. She simply walked towards the kitchen, saying, ‘You two carry on. I’ll tell you when dinner is ready.’
‘Let me change and freshen up quickly. Then Ekansh too can change,’ Tista said.
Rivanah went into the kitchen. Ekansh stood still for some time till Tista locked herself in the bathroom. Then he ambled to the kitchen.
‘It is so nice to know that you can cook now,’ Ekansh said.
Rivanah pretended she didn’t hear him. Pretence was the only jacket she had to save herself from the winter of guilt. Ekansh stood there for some time and then said, ‘Won’t you even talk to me?’
‘There’s nothing to talk about, Ekansh. Not now. Not any more,’ Rivanah said without looking at him. She was chopping an onion.
‘I’m in need of someone who is ready to listen,’ Ekansh said softly.
Rivanah g
ave him a sharp glance and said, ‘Why? Are you now done with Tista because we just met and fucked and you enjoyed it so much that now you think you are in love with me again?’
The spite with which she spoke was enough to silence Ekansh. He turned and went back to the drawing room. Rivanah ate her meal separately even though Tista pestered her several times to join them.
Next day in office she received a call from Danny. She wanted to pick up but an ineffable fear stopped her from answering. She was wondering if she should call back when he called again. This time she took the call, pressing the phone against her right ear.
‘I want to meet you,’ Danny said. They were talking on the phone after quite some time. And with those words Rivanah understood the worst had already happened. The stranger must have told Danny about what exactly had happened between Ekansh and her in the flat. She shouldn’t have blurted that out in a fit of emotion to the stranger. Screwing her up emotionally was the stranger’s favourite pastime. This she was sure of by now.
‘Are you listening?’ Danny said.
‘Yes. I have some work . . .’ Rivanah’s attempt to postpone the meeting sounded pretty unconvincing.
‘It’s important.’
Rivanah couldn’t remember the last time Danny sounded so grim over the phone.
‘Where?’ she asked.
‘Candies, Bandra. Around seven in the evening.’
‘Okay.’
‘All right, see you.’
He cut the line. What do I tell him? That whatever the stranger had told him was rubbish? There couldn’t possibly be any proof of it unless there were hidden cams in the flat. Were there? Rivanah held her head which had started to throb slightly. One of her colleagues came and asked her if she had got through any company. She shook her head. And followed up with all the job portals and consultants through phone and mail but there wasn’t any opening that suited her profile. Frustrated, she continued working with no interest in work whatsoever.
In the evening Rivanah reached Candies on time and found Danny already waiting for her. They were seeing each other for the first time after Rivanah had walked out of the flat. He looked preoccupied. She didn’t know if he had already noticed that she wasn’t looking directly at him.
All Yours, Stranger: Some Mysteries are Dangerously Sexy Page 10