“She is your girl,” Tucker replied, and Lucy cringed when she heard the contempt in his voice. “You should have been the one to protect her. You didn’t even notice she was missing.”
“I KNOW!” Riley shouted back, and now he was angry too. Neither spoke again.
When they reached the hospital, Tucker was out of the car and at Lucy’s door before she had time to think.
“It’s okay, Lucy,” he whispered quietly, before he slipped his hands beneath her and lifted her from the car. Lucy thought that Riley would have been to the one to wrap her in his arms and keep her safe, but he didn’t even try to stop Tucker.
She opened her eyes and looked at Riley as Tucker stepped away from the car, but the moment their eyes met, he just turned away. She felt so embarrassed and dirty.
Lucy had made Riley wait. She hadn’t been ready to have sex yet. She had wanted her first time to be special; she had wanted it to be with Riley.
That was ruined now. They would never be the same again.
When they were inside, everything seemed to be happening so fast. A nurse told Tucker to bring Lucy through to the examination room.
She remembered she looked for Riley, but he was nowhere to be seen. The only one that was there, was Tucker.
“Everything is going to be okay, Lucy,” he whispered over and over. “You’re safe now.”
When he set her down on the trolley, Lucy clung to him in terror, afraid he too would disappear.
“Please don’t leave me,” she whispered.
“I won’t leave you,” Tucker promised. “I will stay right outside this door and keep you safe until your dad gets here.”
“You promise?” She asked.
“I promise,” he replied with a smile.
She watched him as he walked out the door and as he stepped out of the way, she saw Riley. He was just standing there, staring at her, a look on his face she had never seen before. He suddenly dropped his eyes to the floor, and Lucy could feel her heart break. Then the door closed, and that was the last time she ever saw Riley.
She opened her eyes and was surprised to find her dad lying there in the bed staring at her.
“Hey, Dad,” she said, as she blinked back unshed tears, and smiled at her father. “How are you feeling?”
“What’s happened?” Tom asked, as he reached out and took hold of her hand.
“Nothing,” she said, but she couldn’t keep the tears back. “I am okay, honestly.”
“Then why are you crying?” Tom asked as he released her hand and wiped the tears from her face with the back of his hand.
“I am just being silly,” Lucy said, and gave him a half laugh as she brushed away her tears and took her father’s hand again.
“Why do you do that?” Tom sighed with frustration. “Why will you let no one close to you? Lucy, it’s okay, not to be okay.”
“It’s nothing, honestly,” she insisted. “I am just worried about you.”
Before Tom could reply, the door to his room opened, and Tucker appeared in the doorway. He was dressed in his deputy uniform and looked so handsome.
Lucy quickly wiped her eyes and avoided eye contact with him as he walked further into the room. She felt completely mortified after how they had left things in her father’s house earlier.
“I’m sorry, Chief,” he said, and Lucy could hear the nervousness in his voice. “If you are feeling up to it, I need to take your statement about what happened yesterday. It shouldn’t take long.”
“I will leave you alone,” Lucy said, as she quickly stood up and grabbed her bag, still avoiding eye contact with Tucker.
“There is no need,” Tucker said, surprising Lucy. She was sure he would have been happy to have her out of his way.
“I…I need to use the restroom anyway,” she said as she briefly allowed her eyes to meet his. His eyes looked sad when they met hers, and this just made Lucy feel worse. She could feel hot tears pool in her eyes once again.
“Excuse me,” Lucy said as she hurried towards the door.
“Lucy!” Tom called after her, but she didn’t stop. As she hurried down the corridor, her vision became blurred, and she fought to hold back the tears.
When she reached the restroom, she hurried into the cubicle and locked the door behind her.
She could feel that familiar tightness in her chest taking hold, and she suddenly struggled to catch her breath. She sat down on the toilet, dropped her bag to the floor and waved her hands in front of her face, as she tried to control her breathing. It was no good; her heart hammered rapidly inside her as her chest grew tighter and her head felt light.
YOU CAN DO THIS, LUCY! She screamed in her mind. JUST BREATHE, DAMN IT!
But the more she gasped, the tighter her chest became and the less air she was getting. Her head felt light, and she knew she was going to pass out if she didn’t get control of herself.
She leaned her hand against the wall of the cubicle as she tried to think, try to figure out her next move. Then it hit her.
Lucy dropped to the floor and grabbed her bag. Without even thinking, she emptied its contents out on the floor, sending her belongings flying everywhere.
She searched through her things until she found what she was looking for, a paper bag. She always carried one with her, just in case she would have one of her episodes.
She brought it to her mouth and took a deep breath, then another, and another, until finally she could feel her chest begin to relax. Slowly but surely her heart began to slow, and her breathing returned to normal.
She dropped the paper bag to the floor and brought her hands back up to her face. Burying her face in them, she let out a long, sorrowful sob.
She wished more than anything else in this world; she could go down to her car, climb in and drive back to her life in New York.
Yes, it was far from a perfect life, but at least there she felt in control. She could walk down the street and not worry if she was going to meet someone from her past. She wasn’t afraid people were staring at her, knowing that she was the girl who was raped at the high school party that night.
Back in New York, she could pretend to be just like everyone else. Here in River Springs, she was the outsider, and she knew she would never be anything more than that. Yet here was where she was needed, here was where her father was, and right now, she needed her to see past herself, see past her fears, and do the right thing.
Finally, she climbed up from the floor and slowly gathered her belongings before she left the confines of the cubicle. She was relieved that the restroom was still empty.
She walked to the sink and switched on the taps, before she splashed water on her face.
Lucy knew she would have to go back to face her father, and she would have to try her hardest to convince him that everything was okay with her.
Chapter 6
When Lucy got back to her father’s room, she found him alone, staring out the window, but she could see he was miles away. He looked so sad; it almost broke Lucy’s heart.
“You’re back,” he said with a sad smile when he turned and saw her standing at the door. “I wasn’t sure if you had left or not.”
“I’m sorry,” Lucy said nervously, not really knowing what to say. “I just…”
“It’s okay,” Tom said, as he reached out his hand to his daughter. “Tucker told me what happened.”
“Did he?” Lucy sighed, and couldn’t hide the anger from her voice. She walked to the chair beside her father’s bed and sat down, taking his hand. “He had no business discussing me with anyone.”
“Don’t be angry with him, Lucy,” Tom pleaded. “He is just worried about you…”
“He doesn’t even know me, Dad!” Lucy snapped back angrily, but instantly regretted her tone. “I know he took care of me that night, but that doesn’t mean…”
“Lucy, there is something you should know about Tucker,” Tom interrupted her, squeezing her hand tighter, but she abruptly pulled it free from his.
/> “I don’t want to hear it,” she snapped as she stood up and grabbed her handbag from the bottom of Tom’s bed. “I know you, and he have this wonderful friendship, though how that happened is beyond me, but that doesn’t mean I am his problem. I don’t need him trying to fix me, Dad. I don’t need anyone.”
“Especially not me, right?” Tom said, surprising Lucy. “Let’s face it Lucy. The day you left here, you never looked back….And I know…I know things were hard for you, Lord knows you went through hell, you still are. But did you ever stop to think what I went through?”
Lucy didn’t reply. Instead, she just stood there, stunned by her father’s words, her heart pounding in her chest.
“I know that night, happened to you, Sweetheart,” Tom continued as his voice cracked with unshed tears and it almost broke Lucy’s heart. “I really do, but what you don’t see is, that night happened to me too. That night I lost my daughter. The happy, carefree girl that was my whole world just vanished. When that animal did those things to you, you didn’t just shut out the world, Lucy. You shut me out too. I had just lost Mom, but then I lost you too.”
“Dad, I...” Lucy whispered, as the tears once again found their way down her cheeks. She couldn’t talk; she could barely breathe.
She stared at her father for a moment, and wished she could say the right thing, say the things he wanted to hear, but she couldn’t. She knew he was right, every word he said was true, but that was who she was now, and she had no idea how to change that.
She could feel a wave of grief wash over her, but she quickly pushed it back down inside. Suddenly she needed to get out of there.
“I’m sorry, Dad, I can’t do this right now,” she whispered, before she turned and hurried out the door, and down the corridor towards the elevator.
It wasn’t until she reached her car, that she realised she was holding her breath.
She pulled her keys from her handbag, hit the central locking and pulled opened the door. Once she was inside, she locked the door and tried to calm herself before she started the car.
Lucy swallowed the lump of grief that was choking her; she was not going to cry anymore. She was done crying.
She started the car and pulled out of the parking space and just drove. She had no idea where she was heading or how long she was driving, but she just kept going as she desperately tried to clear her mind.
Her phone rang over and over, and she knew it would be her father, but she couldn’t face talking to him. She knew that the things he had said were true, all of them, but it didn’t mean that it didn’t still hurt.
Lucy knew she would have to face him again, but she needed a little time to clear her mind. The last thing she wanted was to fall out with her dad, so she needed to calm down. Suddenly her head hurt. She spotted a drug store up ahead, so she pulled in and headed into the store.
Lucy walked along the aisle until she found the painkillers. She reached up to grab a pack but froze when she heard someone say her name.
“Lucy?” A girl’s voice said, and Lucy’s heart began to thump rapidly in her chest. This was her worst fear come true. “Is that you?”
Lucy turned slowly and came face to face with a girl she recognised, but for some reason, her name was nowhere in her mind.
“You probably don’t remember me,” the girl said when she saw the look of confusion on Lucy’s face. “My name is April, April Chapman; I was in calculous and art with you back in high school.”
“Oh God, yes,” Lucy said, as she tried her hardest not to look like she wanted to vomit, even though she really wanted to. “I remember you.”
“I heard about your dad,” the girl said looking relieved that Lucy remembered her. “The Chief is a lovely man; I do hope he is doing okay.”
“He is,” Lucy nodded, and forced a smile. “He has a long road to recovery, but he will be okay.”
“That’s good to hear,” she replied with a smile, but then it faded as she leaned in closer to Lucy and spoke in a hushed voice. “And you, how have you been since…”
She didn’t finish the sentence, but then she didn’t need to, Lucy knew exactly what she was talking about.
“I’m good,” Lucy replied in a matter of fact tone of voice. She was already thinking of how to get rid of this girl as fast as possible.
The last thing she wanted was a stroll down memory lane with some girl she had a vague memory of.
“You know, I called by your house to see you,” she continued, seemingly unaware of Lucy’s discomfort. “Back then I mean, but the Chief said you had gone to stay with family.”
“That was very kind of you,” Lucy said, as she took a couple of steps back. She wanted to turn and run, but she knew she needed to keep her cool.
“I just figured, you know, you might have needed a friend,” April said, but there was a sadness in her eyes that confused Lucy.
“I am grateful,” Lucy replied, honestly. She was a little taken aback by this girl. “It does mean a lot to me that you felt that way.”
“I know we haven’t seen each other in a long time,” the girl continued. “And the truth is, we weren’t really that close back then, but if you ever need a friend…”
She pulled a piece of paper from her pocket, then searched through her bag for a pen. When she found one, she scribbled on the paper and handed it to Lucy.
“This is my address and phone number,” she continued. “Call me anytime.”
Lucy took the paper and looked at the woman’s details for a moment then looked up at her.
“Why would you do this?” She asked confused by the girl’s actions. “I thought everyone in this town hated me.”
“I never hated you, Lucy,” she said, giving her a sad smile. “We are more alike than you probably think.”
She gave Lucy another smile, then reached out and touched her hand, and Lucy froze at her touch.
“You call me,” she repeated. “Anytime.”
“Thank you,” Lucy whispered, grateful she let go of her hand.
Without saying another word, April walked away, leaving Lucy standing there in the middle of the drugstore.
Once Lucy had paid for her painkillers and a bottle of water, she hurried back to the car and climbed inside.
She quickly washed down two painkillers with the water; then she sat for a moment before she started the car, and thought about her conversation with April. She thought about what she had said, that they were more alike than Lucy would think. She wondered what she meant by that.
She tried to remember April back in high school. She was a pretty girl, petite and very smart.
April was quiet, just like Lucy had been. She was not part of the popular group either. Lucy remembered, she had been the only one who was ever nice to her back then. She wished she had made more of an effort on her part. Maybe they could have been friends.
Lucy felt tired. She started the car, and as she pulled away from the kerb, her phone started to ring again. She sighed and turned on the radio, and tried her best to ignore the constant ringing.
By the time she reached the house, she was still tired, but her headache was starting to subside.
She made her way up to the bathroom and decided to run herself a nice hot bath. She was going to have a long, hot soak before she tried to eat something, then get some sleep.
As Lucy lay in the bath, she went over the argument with her dad in her mind.
Had she really been that blind that she hadn’t seen her dad was struggling, that her dad was hurting too? How had she let this happen?
She thought of her father’s interaction with Tucker. They seemed so close, and if Lucy was truly honest, she felt a little jealous. Tucker seemed to have the relationship with her dad that she once had.
Yes, they were close, but clearly not as close as she had thought they were, and she knew it was all her fault.
A shiver ran down her spine when she moved, the now cold bath water splashed up her back. She hadn’t realised she had been lying i
n the water that long.
She quickly climbed out of the bath and wrapped her bathrobe around her before she made her way back to her bedroom. She pulled her suitcase into the middle of the floor and opened it, then searched until she found her track bottoms and a baggy t-shirt. She pulled them on, along with a pair of thick fuzzy socks.
Suddenly Lucy’s stomach growled, and she realised she hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours.
She made her way downstairs, into the kitchen, and straight to her father’s fridge. She stood staring at it, trying to decide what she wanted to eat, but when she saw her dad’s favourite beer, her heart sank as she thought of their argument earlier that day. Suddenly she no longer felt hungry. Lucy closed the fridge door and turned around.
“JESUS CHRIST!” She screamed with fright when she saw Tucker standing at the door. “What the hell is wrong with you? What are you thinking, sneaking in here like that?”
“I knocked,” Tucker said quickly. “But there was no answer. Your dad asked me to check in on you. He said you were upset and weren’t picking up your phone.”
“So you just walk in here?” She snapped and instantly regretted it. She released a long sigh, then looked at Tucker. “I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting to see you standing there.”
“It’s my fault,” Tucker replied, giving her a cautious smile. “I need to remember that things are different now.”
“No,” Lucy said, knowing she needed to try to make more of an effort. “It shouldn’t be different, not because of me. You and Dad…you’re friends, and he wants you to feel welcome here. I guess I am just too used to living alone.”
“And I need to remember that this is your home,” Tucker said, stepping further into the kitchen.
“This hasn’t been my home for a long time,” Lucy said sadly, and sighed again. “I have made myself a stranger, and I only have myself to blame.”
Tucker didn’t reply. Instead, he just watched Lucy and waited for her lead. She knew she needed to try to make things better with her dad, and maybe the first step to doing that, was trying to make things better with Tucker.
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