by Becky McGraw
"All it's going to take, Gabe, is for you to let go of all that guilt you're hauling around with you. You need to talk about what happened, and get it all out. Until you do that, you're not going to be able to move on. Didn't the police department make you get counseling after it happened?"
"They tried, but I quit the force...I was a mess then," he admitted then looked away from her. "My sister was mad at me, blamed me for getting her husband killed, but not more than I blamed myself. We didn't talk for eighteen months after the funeral."
She moved her hand over his heart and told him quietly, "You're a mess now, sugar...you just hide it better."
"You're right...I just don't know what to do...how to get rid of it. Those dreams scare the shit out of me. I'm worried one day, I won't be able to wake up from it," he told her in an agonized voice.
"I'll help you find someone to talk to, Gabe...if you're willing to go. Uncle Jerry took Kate and me to a counselor after our parents dumped us on him when were nine. He wanted to make sure we were okay. It helped us sort things out...well it helped Katie," she told him then added with a watery chuckle, "I was sort of a lost cause, and nothing short of an ass whipping behind the woodshed was gonna help my bad ass."
He put his finger under her chin and tipped it up to look into her eyes, then growled angrily, "Your parents abandoned you?"
"Yeah, when we were nine...they said we were too much trouble, and they couldn't take care of us anymore, so they dumped us on my dad's brother, Jerry, and took off."
"Jesus, I'm sorry, honey," he said and hugged her to him. "That had to be awful...you never heard from them again?"
"Not once...don't want to either," she told him. Her parents had made their choice nineteen years ago, and they'd have to answer for it on judgment day, it wasn't for her to forgive them. It was a good thing too, because she couldn't.
"Okay, I'll make you a deal...if you go, I'll go," he told her seriously.
"Why do I need to go? You're the one with the guilt, the one having the bad dreams," she told him.
"I think the reason you reacted the way you did when you thought I was dumping you the other night, you totally shut down on me and wouldn't talk, was because you were damned and determined to abandon me, before I could do it to you. You can't run out on me like that Karlie, and expect us to work things out."
Karlie snorted, then told him, "I was leaving, because I thought you were a player and a one-night-stand man, and that's why you never had women at your apartment in Mesa...I was wrong, and I'm sorry, Gabe."
"There's also the abuse that you went through with Jackass Johnson...that had to leave you with some open wounds. I just think it would be a good idea for both of us to go...deal?"
Karlie nodded then scooted up a little and placed a gentle kiss on his lips to seal their deal. "I love you, Gabe Kelley," she told him softly.
***
Gabe and Cole were sitting with Luke at the Blue Bird, waiting on Sabrina to bring their lunch orders. The place was packed as usual, but Sabrina and her waitress were like bunnies hopping from table to table, making sure everyone was taken care of. Gabe worried about her, because she was pregnant and dealing with the stress of running the Blue Bird. She seemed to be coping, but he'd like to see her take it easy more, but that wasn't the way his sister worked. If she wasn't busy, she wasn't happy.
It had been a week since he'd made love with Karlie in the hayloft at the Double B, and he found out yesterday when he went to see her for a repeat performance, that she definitely wasn't pregnant. It was a relief, but it saddened him too...he'd kind of hoped she was, so he would have a tie to her for the rest of his life.
That was a coward's thing to think, he knew, because if he really wanted her with him for the rest of his life, he'd ask her to marry him. He'd seen the counselor a couple of times now, but hadn't brought up his mother yet. That was something that would take some working up to...and was probably why at thirty-two years old, he still got cold chills when he thought about marriage. He'd told Karlie she had abandonment issues, well he had them too.
Between him and Karlie, they were probably a psychiatrist's worst nightmare. He was afraid the man they were seeing, would quit his job to write a book when he was done with them. He on the other hand didn't seem to think they were all that unusual, and that he could help them in a short while, with twice weekly visits, and a sizeable check at the end of the month.
Gabe was paying for both of them to go, since the bastard, Jake Johnson, had practically bankrupted Karlie. He wasn't letting her sell her horse, which was the first thing she said when they talked about how they were going to pay for the therapy sessions.
The payments to care for Sarge should kick in from the lawyer's soon, and she told him she'd pay him back then. That wasn't happening, but Gabe wasn't going to argue with her now about it. He looked up and realized their food had been delivered and Sabrina was still standing at the table with a thoughtful frown on her face. Easing his focus back to the conversation, he heard that Luke had just asked her if she'd heard about or knew anyone they could hire as the ranch manager at the Double B.
"I got a call from Kenny's brother, Wade, the other day, and he's quitting the rodeo for good...said his old bones can't take it anymore," she snorted then said, "He's thirty-four years old and he's talking about his bones being old. They're only old in relation to a young man's sport, which he definitely needs to quit."
Gabe watched Cole's face pinch, and his fist tighten on the fork he held. Because of what happened when Cole took his sister to the rodeo in Dallas to tell Wade she was getting married, Cole couldn't stand Wade Roberts. He tolerated Wade for Sabrina's sake, but Gabe thought Cole would never really like Kenny's brother. Gabe liked Wade, had never had a problem with him, although they'd never hung out like he and Kenny had, because he was older than them.
Luke looked up at her hopefully and asked, "What events did he ride again?"
"Bronc riding and individual roping. He'd be good to help with the horses and the cattle, I think."
"Probably would be, but he doesn't have the ranch management background I was looking for. Give me his phone number though, and I'll talk to Cassie and Carl about it. Maybe he can come down, so we can talk to him." Sabrina nodded then wiped her hands on her apron, then pulled out her cell phone and rattled off the number to Luke.
"He might have management, he and Kenny grew up on a huge ranch outside of Phoenix that their daddy owned. Kenny didn't help him much, but I think Wade did," Sabrina told him.
"Just let him talk to Wade, sugar," Cole grated out shortly. "You don't need to sell the man to him."
"And you watch your tone with me Cole Jackson," she said with narrowed eyes, pointing a finger at him.
Luke hooted then took a sip of his tea when Cole cut him a glance, before looking back at Sabrina, his face recomposed into a mask of happiness. "Sorry, sugar...I know you say he's a good man, but I've yet to see his good side. Maybe if he's around more, and I get to know him, I'll change my opinion."
"Much better, darlin'," she told him then leaned across the table to give him a kiss.
Gabe could have sworn he heard Luke snort and mumble 'pussy' when Sabrina walked off, but if he'd said it, it had been for Cole's ears only. Cole's happy smile faded when Sabrina walked off too and he told Luke, "I don't like it...."
"Well, get used to it...if he's good, I'm hiring him," Luke told him matter-of-factly, then added, "I've interviewed six men so far that the office at A&M sent me, and I have to tell you, I wasn't impressed. They had the schooling, but they were green as grass, and had never actually been on a working ranch. I need to find someone...tomorrow is Bud's last day. He's leaving Sunday for Wyoming."
"I know...and Sabrina's suggesting him for the job was a good call, but I don't have to like it."
CHAPTER TEN
Karlie was excited about seeing Dixie and Kate at the barbeque today. Tommy was bringing them to the event, and they should be there any minute. Karlie was si
tting on the front porch swing, watching every rig that pulled down the dusty road and parked in the front of the house, and there were a lot parked there for sure. Cassie had run an open invitation to the town in the local paper and it looked like everyone and his brother decided to come out for the free food and drink at the retirement party.
There were huge tents set up in the pasture, with a live band under one, food under another, and a third with a dance floor with bar stations, all had seating, but there was another with just seating, so people could get out of the hot sun and talk. Two enormous barbeque pits had been set up outside and the caterers had been grilling meat, since early this morning. Carl Bellamy and Bud Parsons were retiring with a bang.
Someone walked up on the porch steps with a long-legged stride, their boot heels clicking a tune, and Karlie looked up and her jaw dropped. Gabe stopped in front of her grinning, with his hands on his hips.
Karlie whistled, then dragged her gaze over his body, taking in the white western shirt, unsnapped to between his pecs, his western belt with the engraved buckle, then his Wrangler jeans that cupped him in places that made her mouth water, down to his shiny new brown snakeskin boots. On his head he had a brown, cut leather, patchwork cowboy hat that suited him perfectly. He looked perfectly Texan, and definitely good enough to eat, but so not her Gabe.
"Wow..." she said breathlessly.
He chuckled then walked to the swing and sat down beside her and dropped his arm over her shoulders. "Is that a good wow, or a wow what an idiot, wow?" he asked her self-consciously, then leaned over and placed a kiss on her lips.
"Wow...you look damned hot, sugar...good enough to eat," she purred, then added with a grin, "But I'm going to have to beat the cowgirls off of you," then she leaned up and kissed his neck, flicking her tongue over his earlobe."
"I just thought maybe I'd cowboy up a little...thought you might like it," he said and turned his mouth to find hers and give her a heated kiss.
"Honey, I like you any way you come, you don't have to dress up for me...I prefer you undressed," she told him, and before she knew what was going on, he'd jerked her into his lap and was kissing her silly. Her arms went around his neck, and she knocked his hat off so she could run her fingers through his hair.
Karlie heard boot heels click on the porch, then a smug voice said behind her, "Congratulations, Kelley, looks like you're getting a piece of the infamous wild child...you're a lucky man...all I got was a smiley face drawn on my dick, and a weeklong hard on. Or is that the 'mild child', I can't tell them apart, dressed or undressed."
Gabe pulled back from her and she slid off his lap to stand up and face Wade Roberts, her hands fisted at her sides. Gabe vaulted off of the swing and grabbed Wade by the collar. "What the fuck do you mean talking about my girlfriend like that, Roberts?"
Wade pulled Gabe's hands away from him then stepped back with his hands up. He notched his chin at Karlie, then grinned, and told him, "Her and her sister thoroughly squashed my twin fantasy one night in Tulsa...ask her about it." He laughed then tipped his hat and walked inside the house.
Spinning around Gabe pinned her with his eyes and grated, "How do you know Wade Roberts again?" His face was red and his eyes sparkled dangerously.
"Um...he's a pro bronc rider in the rodeo, the same circuit Katie and I were in."
"Obviously you know him better than that, don't feed me bullshit, Karlie, spill it...now," he told her his breathing short and sharp.
Karlie felt blood rush to her face and she swallowed then shrugged, and admitted, "One night we were drunk in the hotel bar after a competition, he was twice as drunk, and he told us about his twin fantasy. He didn't leave it there though, he pushed us too far, so we taught him a lesson."
She heard a low rumble start in Gabe's chest then he took a step toward her and leaned down close to her nose, before he asked through gritted teeth, "What did you two hellions do?"
"We were all adults, Gabe..." her voice squeaked when she told him, then she took a step back, because it felt like the anger radiating off of him was going to scorch her.
"Did you have sex with him, Karlie?" Gabe flinched as if the thought hurt him, then swallowed, before adding, "Did both of you have sex with him?"
Karlie didn't answer for a minute, she didn't want to, but when his face got even redder, she finally raised an eyebrow and admitted, "Sort of, but not really..."
"How do you fucking sort of have sex with someone, babe? That was a yes or no question, I asked. Did you and Katie have sex with Wade Roberts?" Gabe roared then grabbed her shoulders.
Katie and Tommy Tucker walked up on the porch at that moment, trailed by Dixie who had a new puppy in wiggling in her arms. Karlie saw she had bedazzled the dog, just like her golf cart, and the poor thing had on a little rhinestone collar and a pink doggie western shirt. Katie put her hands over Dixie's ears then leaned down to whisper to her and the little girl nodded then went inside the house.
Tommy's eyes were wary, and she saw Katie's face had flushed red. "What's going on, Karlie?" her sister asked her and took a step away from Tommy.
Karlie groaned then told her sister, "Wade Roberts is here..."
Katie's face got redder, almost as red as the shirt she had on with her shorts, almost the same outfit Karlie had on. It was funny how that happened with them sometimes, but she didn't find much humor in the situation they were both in right now.
Tommy was staring holes in Katie, with his hands on his hips. "Who the hell is Wade Roberts?" he asked her, but was looking at Gabe.
Gabe clenched his fists and grated, "Answer my question, Karlie...and Tommy's, while you're at it."
"I think this is a private matter between you and me, Gabe, and I'm not talking about it, until you calm down, and we're alone," she told him and folded her arms over her chest.
There, maybe that would buy her time, and she could avoid the embarrassment of having to finish explaining in front of Tommy. "If Tommy wants to know, he'll need to ask my sister...and it's up to her whether she tells him or not."
Lifting her chin, Karlie brushed past Gabe, then past her sister and Tommy and headed down the front steps as fast as her boots would carry her. She was halfway across the yard, when Gabe caught up to her and took her arm, propelling her toward the barn.
When they got inside, she saw it was empty, except for the horses, because Bud and all the hands were at the party. "Now, we're alone, tell me what you did with that asshole, and what he means to you."
He wasn't going to let her slide, that much was obvious, so she might as well tell him the whole ugly story. Taking a deep breath, she started, "We didn't have sex with him, but we did make out with him to get him worked up and naked in his hotel room."
Gabe threw his head back and sucked in a deep breath, then blew it out, before he looked back at her and asked, his eyes filled with disbelief and anger, "How worked up? And were you naked too?"
"Only partially naked..." she admitted, then gnawed her lip and continued, "And worked up enough that he let us tie him to the bed." When Gabe's face turned purple, and it looked like he was about to explode, she hurried on to explain, "After that I got a little creative with the magic marker I found in my purse." Karlie hoped Gabe would fill in the blanks from what Wade had said up on the porch.
"A smiley face?" he asked then his shoulders relaxed a little, and the corner of his lips twitched.
Karlie nodded, then giggled and covered her mouth with her hand to wipe her smile away. "We left him tied to the bed for housekeeping to find him, and took his clothes with us when we left. He was yelling so loud, half the cowboys in the rodeo found out about it, then told the other half. We didn't hear much about twin fantasies anymore...from any of them."
Gabe shook his head and dropped her arm, then leaned back against the wall and started belly laughing like he wasn't ever going to stop. "Lord, have mercy, you two are a menace to the male population," he said breathlessly, then started laughing again. When he finished his eyes we
re filled with tears of mirth and he pulled her to him and said, "Thank, god that one isn't at the top of my list...poor Wade," he said then chuckled again.
"Poor Wade nothing, he wouldn't let up with it...he got what he deserved," Karlie said sulkily then leaned into Gabe's chest and put her arms around his waist. She looked up into his glistening dark blue eyes and asked, "Are you mad at me?"
Gabe shook his head then leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss. "No, baby, I'm not mad at you. I was jealous if anything...and I'm not jealous now," he told her with a chuckle, then asked her, "Did you know that Wade is Kenny's older brother?"
Shock charged through her system and she pulled back from him, with her jaw hanging. "No, way..." she said incredulously, then shook her head putting her hand over her mouth.