Am I feeling emotional tonight at the game because I truly miss Liz or because she has made my life a living hell since she has been gone? I now do it all. I can't travel as often as I usually do to see clients because I have to be home for the kids. I run all the errands and do all the major household chores. I am the one barking orders at the kids to help and they don't listen. I follow through with all the kids’ school assignments. I am coordinating after school activities and carpools. I deliver gym clothes and lunch money accidentally left at home. These are thankless duties. Liz is their mother. This is her job, her responsibility.
Liz being gone is such an inconvenience. I'm starting to hate her for doing this to me, for publicly embarrassing our family. Everyone knows she has vanished. She's gone way overboard this time. I'm sure wherever she is, she is just fine. She's like a cat, always landing on her feet, no matter where she is or what she is doing. Liz can take care of herself. She hasn’t needed me and never will. I need to start ingraining into my head she is gone for good this time.
All three kids are staying in their seats during the game instead of begging for cash to visit the concession stands in the corridors of the football stadium. Their eyes scan the crowd. My son points to a blonde woman and asks my daughter if it is their mother. They look at every woman walking up and down the aisle, hoping it will be their mother. The kids cannot bear to attend another game with Liz’s seat empty, a reminder she has not returned.
Chapter 33: Liz
“Jennifer, Doug’s wife, is insisting we come to dinner tonight,” Jake informs me.
I loathe the formality of dinner engagements at the homes of other couples and I think Jake feels the same by the way he made his announcement.
“I’ve already turned down the invitation at least a hundred times. She is pretty firm we stop in tonight,” he adds.
“I’m more than happy to go to dinner,” I lie, trying to be polite. “I just don’t have anything to wear for the occasion and I’m more concerned for you than for me.”
Perhaps nothing to wear is a valid reason for not going.
“How much does she know about me?” I ask.
Jake shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know how much Doug has told her. She knows I have someone here with me. She is the one who sent the box of clothes when you first arrived. I’m not sure how much she has been out of the house since she has given birth to her fifth child.”
“If you feel comfortable leaving here with me, then I am perfectly fine with going. I just don’t want to put you at risk.”
“I have to appease Jennifer or else I won’t hear the end of it.”
Jake doesn’t seem anxious to go, he appears obligated to go.
“I’ll be a polite guest and make some cookies to take with us,” I offer as I stand to find ingredients in the kitchen.
Jake grabs my hand, pulls it to his mouth, and kisses it as a gesture of gratitude.
The sun is beginning to set when we drive to the outskirts of Calgary. I sense dinner with Doug’s family has been a routine for some time and it halted with my arrival.
We pull into the driveway of a beautiful English Tudor-style home in the middle of a quaint suburban neighborhood in Calgary, the landscape perfectly pruned, as an ornate park would be. Jake has a plate of cookies in his hands when the front door of the house flies open. Three girls appear with a fourth girl toddling behind, trying to catch up.
“Uncle Jake!” all three scream simultaneously, jumping up and down.
Two begin to climb him as I grab the cookies from his hand so they can swing from his biceps like little monkeys. The third tells him about the books she has been reading. I sense immediately that Jake is their beloved uncle.
One girl squeals, “Cookies!” and takes them from me. She runs into the house. Doug swipes the plate from her hands before she runs past the doorway.
“After dinner, princess,” Doug tells her in a fatherly voice.
Jake continues strolling along the walkway with the other two girls now perched in his arms. Their arms cling to his thick neck. They are planting strawberry kisses on his cheeks as he takes them into the house. Jake turned into the biggest teddy bear the moment they said his name. The scene was downright adorable from where I was standing.
As my eyes leave Jake, I hear another squeal; this time it is coming from a lady holding a swaddled blue bundle in her arms. She pulls me into her as if I were her old sorority sister from college. I stiffen from the hug. Doug gently takes hold of the blue swaddle, which wraps a precious baby.
“I don’t care who you are or where you are from. All I care about is that I am looking at the person who is making Jake happy. The girls make him happy, but he looks better than ever right now. Doug was right about you.” She wags her finger.
I am speechless as she gestures at me through the doorway. I see a pile of shoes upon stepping through the entrance of the home. I wonder if I should take mine off too. When I look down, no one in the house is wearing shoes, whether it is a house rule or a tradition, I need to be a respectful guest. I slide off my running shoes and add them to the pile where Jake’s boots lie.
“I wanted to go out to dinner, but this little guy,” Jennifer points to the baby boy in Doug’s arms, “is on a very short leash.” She points at Doug. “And this guy is willing to fix dinner. I hope you don’t mind, but that way, the girls can attempt to sit down and have a civilized dinner with us.”
She picks up the toddler dressed in pink from head to toe, waddling at her feet.
“By the way, I’m Jennifer.” She puts out her one free hand and I take it.
“I’m Liz,” I say in return.
I wonder if I should add anything more about myself as I gaze at her thick brunette hair and long eyelashes. She is wearing a cashmere sweater with a matching cardigan. Her ears are iced with diamonds that match the bracelet dangling from her wrist. Jennifer is stunning. I, on the other hand, am clean yet, very homely and feel sloppy in what I am wearing.
I am straightening myself when Jennifer offers to send more clothes. “Now that I see you, I can choose better sizes for you.”
I shake my hand midair. “No need; you’ve been so generous. Jake’s been ordering things online practically every day and...”
Doug cuts me off. “We haven’t officially been introduced.” He extends a hand not occupied by the baby. “I’m Jake’s friend, Doug. Doug Howard.”
I purse my lips and breathe in deeply, not releasing my grip from his hand.
“Dr. Howard?” I ask with a raised eyebrow. He nods, willing my hand from his grasp.
My attention quickly averts to the toddler in Jennifer’s arms, reaching for me. “If you don’t mind, Liz, Maddy wants you to hold her.”
I reach out my hands and clap them to gesture the toddler to come to me. The lightweight toddler wraps her legs around my hips.
“I’ll just go finish tossing the salad.” Jennifer gestures to the kitchen before she whisks herself away and Doug follows her lead.
With Maddy cooing on my hip, I gaze around the spacious home with provincial details in its décor. Pictures litter the wall with portraits of formal family poses: Doug, Jennifer, and their four girls. There are informal framed pictures of the girls holding signs. “We love you, Daddy!” Another has Doug wearing camouflage fatigues, crouching down, arms around all four girls posing with bright smiles for the camera.
I focus on the framed picture of Doug and Jake. They are wearing olive tank tops, camouflage pants, issued boots, and dog tags hanging from their necks in the desert with a U.S. flag pinned to a tank in the background. Why doesn’t Jake have pictures like this in the cabin? There aren’t any pictures of anyone in the cabin, none of family or friends. This thought of Jake saddens me. There’s no history of Jake displayed in the cabin. That must be his choosing.
The toddler in my arm starts to babble with a drooling mouth.
I say to her in baby talk, “Let’s go find your sisters.”
I glide do
wn the hallway from the main entrance of the house, where I hear echoes of giggles. They get louder the closer I approach the room in which they are playing. When I slowly open the door, I watch the girls introduce Jake to all of their dolls. Jake is appeasing them by nodding his head with every word they utter. I step inside the girls’ playroom, which is crammed with girly toys.
I say to Jake, “Can you tell me all their dolls names now?”
He pats me on my backside. “Hey, Miss Sassy.”
I yelp in surprise.
One of the girls looks up and wags her finger at Jake. “Hands are not for hurting, Uncle Jake.”
Another girl is brushing her doll’s hair as she says, “And we don’t say the ‘S’ words either because those are bad words.”
I put Maddy down so she can play with the toys on the floor. I crouch down to help a girl dress her doll.
Jake leans over. “What are the ‘S’ words?”
The little girl doesn’t take her eyes off her doll as she robotically recites what she has been told. “You can’t say ‘shut up’ or ‘stupid.’”
Jake laughs at the rules as he walks out the door. I remain on the floor, playing with the girls, making sure Maddy doesn’t stick anything she could choke on in her mouth.
I hear Jennifer’s voice coming from the hallway. “It’s too quiet. I’m going to check on the girls.”
The door creaks open as I am reading a book with one girl in my lap and two others glued to my side on the floor.
“Liz, you’re so good with children,” Jennifer whispers.
The girls hush their mother so I can finish reading the story. Jennifer sits down on the floor to wait for the end of the story.
When I close the book, the girls all shout, “Again!”
Jennifer insists they stop to eat something. I promise to read them another story after dinner. The girls run into the dining room with Jennifer on my heels.
The dining room table is set and food served as I follow the girls.
Jennifer repeats in front of Doug, “Liz, you really are great with kids.”
I try to shrug off the comment. “It’s just because I’m short and it doesn’t take much of an effort to get to their eye level.”
I didn’t feel I was completely lying to Jennifer, but I also didn’t fully disclose that kids are my business. I know kids and, for some reason, they are naturally drawn to me. I have framed degrees and awards from my former life in my home as evidence, but none of it matters now.
The moment I sit down, a little voice calls out to Doug, “Daddy, it’s my turn to bless the food.”
No one is given an opportunity to oppose her as she clasps her hands and closes her eyes. We all follow her lead.
“Dear God, thank you for keeping Daddy and Uncle Jake safe. Don’t let them ever go back again. Amen.”
She opens her eyes. “Wait!” she cries.
She rejoins her hands. “And God, bless the food. Amen.”
We all repeat her final “Amen.”
My eyes sting with tears from the simple words uttered from the little girl’s mouth. I hesitate to open my eyes. I am nervous to raise my head until I can regain my composure. I cannot allow my emotions drain down my face. As one eye creeps open, Jennifer is wiping back the tears falling from her face.
Jennifer fans her eyes. “Well, I’m obviously an emotional postpartum mess,” she says to Doug as she turns to fuss over the baby in her arms.
Doug serves his daughters their pasta. Each girl takes two bites of her dinner before asking to return to their dolls. Jennifer apologizes in their behalf.
I assure her, “That’s what most kids do, with or without company. They are fine. Let them go play.”
“Doug surprised us with chicken parmesan served over linguini,” Jennifer exclaims.
Doug has a platter in his hands. “What? I can do more than heat up MRE packets.”
I cock my head and smile at Jake. Those words coming from Doug’s mouth just linked him to Jake in an extraordinary way. As I listen to Doug talk over dinner, I realize Jake and Doug are as similar as if they were biological brothers.
Jennifer leans across the table to speak to me, but everyone seated at the table is listening to her story. “Jake would come up from California with his grandpap every summer since I can remember. I had the biggest crush on him. Then everything changed the summer in high school when he brought his friend Doug with him. I fell in love with Doug the moment I saw him in the store, getting a Coke with Jake. He was so cute and his butt looked so hot in jeans. Doug was shy at first. When he was looking for a summer job, I begged my dad to hire him at one of his businesses so he could come back every summer. I lived for summers to come. Then, one summer after college, we got married at the country club.”
I glance over at Doug. His face flushes as Jennifer continues with their story.
“Yes, I fell head over heels for an American. I swore I would never go for an American, but I fell hard for him. We went down to the States the summer after we got married so Doug could go to medical school. The enlisting thing was all Jake’s idea.”
I look over at Jake and Doug. They both silently shake their heads back and forth and stop once Jennifer looks up.
“I never thought he’d get deployed when I got pregnant, but he did. I came home to my family in Calgary so they could help while Doug was gone.”
She crinkles her nose. “I get pregnant really easy, have no problems during my pregnancies, and they just fall right out of me.”
I am surprised at Jennifer’s candidness over dinner.
“I have a huge family. They all live here in Calgary. It’s ideal to be here raising the girls with cousins and grandparents,” Jennifer explains. “Doug and I just love kids. We love how they wake us up in the morning. They constantly keep us entertained by the things they do and what they say. Doug and I want to have at least ten kids.”
By the look on Doug’s face, I can tell he is leaving that decision completely up to his wife.
“For now, I’m just happy he was home for the birth of this baby. It was his first time being right in the delivery room.” Jennifer turns to Doug to ask, “Wasn’t it amazing?”
Doug smiles and nods his head in agreement.
Jake jumps into the conversation. “I thought the Skype delivery was just as good. The only thing we missed was all the smells.”
Jennifer chucks her cloth napkin across the table at Jake. “You weren’t supposed to see that, Jake. It was for Doug’s eyes only.” She pierces her eyes at Jake.
“C’mon, Jennifer, after all these years, you know me well enough. Hell, if I didn’t bring Doug up here, who knows? You and I could be blissfully married,” Jake says to tease her.
Jennifer rolls her eyes at Jake. “I’ll just be happy with the baby I have now and make plans for the next one later,” she says as she stands up to clear the table. “We are still waiting on Jake to make up his mind before we make any further plans about anything,” she adds before turning into the kitchen.
I turn to Jake, confused. I want to ask what she is talking about, but I only see fury in Jake’s eyes. Jennifer’s words struck a chord with Jake that did not resonate through him well. I place my hand on Jake’s knee underneath the table. He forces a smile. Jennifer promptly returns from the kitchen and invites me to see what projects she has worked on around the house. I gladly accept her offer so the ashes of her mouth can settle in the dining room.
Jennifer takes me to the nursery to show me the chevron stripes she painted in baby’s room over the former bubblegum pink for the girls. She delicately places the swaddled baby in his crib to sleep. He lies with his arms over his head. The infant has already trained himself to sleep through any noise a sibling may stir.
I admire the matching crib bedding Jennifer proudly announces she had sewn herself to coordinate with the window coverings. I want to tell her how I remember making things for my babies’ nurseries and how my youngest son still loves to wrap himself up in a
blanket, especially the ones I quilted for him. Instead, I only compliment her on her talent and creativity.
“Doug hasn’t told me much about you. I think he knows more than what he is telling me.”
Jennifer has me cornered in the nursery. She speaks to me sweetly. I don’t think she is trying to overpower me. I wish Jake would rescue me. Does she want to know about me just because she wants the scuttle? Does she really care? Does she want to know that her husband is the one prescribing my heart medicine? I am under the strong impression Jake would have told her all about me if he felt comfortable. I don’t need her help, not any more; that ship has sailed. I like Jennifer, but I’m not absolute in revealing everything if it puts Jake at risk. I worry she is about to pelt me with at least twenty questions. If there was a guarantee she had Jake’s best interests in mind, then I would divulge everything.
The oldest girl, Ashley, rescues me by walking into the nursery to report the younger girls are fighting.
“Excuse me. I need to go help the girls get their pajamas on so they can get ready for bed. It’s past their bedtime and they are probably tired.”
I follow Jennifer out of the baby’s nursery, asking if I should leave the door open or turn on a monitor.
“Just leave the door open a smidge.”
I stroll into the kitchen to find Jake and Doug still talking at the table as they finish drinking the last of the wine. I didn’t have a drink and neither did Jennifer, since she was nursing the baby. The dishes still need to be washed, so I busy myself cleaning the kitchen so as not to interrupt Doug and Jake.
As I dry off pans with a dishtowel, Jake reaches over my head and opens the highest cupboard door.
He whispers in my ear, “Jennifer has a tendency to be a little… harsh. We’ll go soon.”
Hasty Resolution Page 19