‘As I could you, Charlie Faulkner. I told you great love isn’t built on lust alone. You need a stronger foundation.’
‘Don’t you start on me as well,’ I warned her. ‘I don’t need all this negativity bringing me down when I’m finally happy.’
‘But are you, dear? Are you really happy? I mean the kind of happy that saturates your bones and will make you feel warm and comforted for the rest of your life. Or are you fooling yourself into thinking you’re happy because you finally got the bright, shiny object that’s been on the top shelf and out of your reach for so long? That kind of high fades fast.’
‘I don’t know what you’re trying to say, Daphne.’
‘Sometimes we want the new and the shiny because it dazzles us. But it also blinds us to what’s been within our reach all of this time. Don’t rush to settle for what you think you want, as one day you’ll wake up and realise what you’ve actually lost.’
‘You’re talking in riddles,’ I complained, putting my fingertips to my head and massaging away the headache they’d both given me with their less than enthusiastic response to my news.
‘Charlie, can you go and get us all some drinks before the mayhem starts?’ Abbie called from the back of the tent.
‘Gladly,’ I replied, hurrying off before Daphne confused me any more. I was torn between misery because I still hadn’t heard back from Kitt and elation because I was just a sleep away from my date with Guy.
‘Charlie.’
I stopped in my tracks as the husky voice I knew so well interrupted my thoughts. My eyes quickly scanned the crowd, and I felt my face light up as I spotted him walking towards me.
‘You’re alive!’ I cried as I ran towards him and threw myself at him. Kitt caught me, lifting me up onto his hips as he hugged me back and I wrapped myself around him like a vine. ‘God, I’ve been so worried.’
‘I’m sorry. Things have just been a little crazy, but I needed to see you,’ he breathed, kissing my temple as I buried my face in the crook of his neck. He smelled different. That light, fresh ocean smell of his aftershave was there, but the scent of oregano I was so used to on him as well was missing.
‘What happened? Is it your mum?’ I asked, pulling my head back to look in his unusually dull green eyes. ‘You look exhausted.’
‘I … Things have been a bit crazy. Can we go somewhere quiet for a minute? I need to talk to you.’
‘I need to talk to you too, you won’t believe what’s happened,’ I said as I slid down his body until my trainers were on the ground.
‘What happened to your thumb?’ he asked, lifting my hand to inspect the bandage.
‘I nearly sliced the end off, but it was worth it. We’ve taken a step forwards, me and McFitty,’ I beamed. I felt so happy all of a sudden. Kitt was back and I knew he’d appreciate how momentous this news was, unlike Charlie and Daphne.
‘You’ve done what?’
‘Come on,’ I said, tugging at his hand. ‘We won’t get any peace here. Let’s go to mine and I’ll make you a coffee and tell you all about it, and you can tell me why you’ve been missing in action for a week. I’ve been worried sick.’
‘I don’t want a damn coffee, Charlie,’ he grated out as he yanked his hand out of mine and ran it over his face. ‘You’re seriously still hung up on that arsehole?’
‘Ok, I’ve had it with everyone being so negative about him,’ I huffed, turning to face him as I put my hands on my hips. ‘I thought I could at least count on you to be happy for me that things were finally progressing.’
‘Yeah, because that’s me, right? Good old dependable Kitt. Always there in the background when you need him to say the right thing.’ He scowled at me, making me take a step back and wrap my arms around myself.
‘What’s wrong with you? This isn’t you, Kitt. Disappearing for days, ignoring my messages and calls, and being so … so …’
‘So what, Charlie? Angry? I’m not allowed to be angry? I’m not allowed to step out of the box you’ve fit me into? Best friend Kitt, always compassionate and caring, taken out to be there in times of need. Well, maybe being the Kitt you want isn’t what I need right now. Maybe I need more.’
‘I don’t understand what’s happening,’ I said quietly, scanning his face as I tried to read him. I’d never seen him so riled up before.
‘Open your eyes, Charlie. It’s been in front of your face all this time and you still haven’t worked it out? I’m in love with you. I’m out of my mind crazy about you, and just when I finally get the balls to come and admit it, you tell me you still want him?’ he bit, glowering in his rage.
‘You what?’ I whispered, my heart moving into my throat.
‘You heard me,’ he grunted as he swiped both hands over his face, the sound of his unusual growth of stubble grating against them. ‘I love you, Charlie. I’m so in love with you, I feel like I’m living in darkness when you’re not around. The only time I can see clearly is when you’re at my side.’
‘But … but … we’re friends, best friends,’ I stuttered, not entirely convinced I wasn’t imagining this.
‘So friends can’t fall in love? Is that what you’re telling me? I fought it for so damn long, but I was always fighting a losing battle. I never had any choice in the matter. My heart wanted you from the moment I met you. I really thought lately that you felt the same. You’re saying I’ve read the signs wrong?’ He dropped his hands to lock his eyes on mine, making me swallow a lump of rapidly rising anxiety in my throat. I was so confused. I just hadn’t seen this coming.
‘I … I … Kitt. You never said anything.’
‘Because I didn’t know how you felt, Charlie,’ he replied, his voice full of anguish as he held my gaze. ‘You were always so insistent that we were friends, nothing more. I didn’t dare to hope that you felt the same.’
‘But what changed? Why now?’ I asked, completely stunned at his reaction. Had Quinn really been right all along and I just hadn’t wanted to see it?
‘I thought you were seeing me differently since you came back from Lanzarote. I felt like things between us had shifted. I thought maybe … and I’ve never been in a position to take it further before … is it my job? He’s a fancy doctor and I’m just the pizza delivery guy, is that what this is?’
‘That’s unfair. I’ve never held what you do against you,’ I snapped.
‘You want to talk about unfair? I’m the one who spends time with you, I’m the one you turn to when you have anything to share, happy or sad. And now you’re telling me you want him instead?’ His voice cracked as he shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, the frown on his face furrowing his forehead.
‘I’ve always wanted him, Kitt. This can’t come as a surprise to you,’ I uttered, feeling my heart fragment into sharp glass splinters as a look of hurt flashed across his face.
‘You’d think not, wouldn’t you?’ He shook his head as he let out an oddly inappropriate laugh. ‘Call me stupid, I just thought what we had ran deeper. That I meant more to you.’
‘Kitt, you mean everything to me, but I...’ I shook my head this time, not sure what to say.
‘You love him,’ he huffed. ‘Don’t worry, I got the message loud and clear.’
‘Love? I never said I loved him, I still barely know him. Come home with me so we can talk,’ I pleaded, reaching for one of his hands. He snatched it out of his pocket and ran it through his hair.
‘I don’t want to talk, Charlie. I’m sick of talking. I said what I came to say, now it’s time for me to leave.’
‘I don’t want you to go, there’s too much we need to say to each other,’ I pleaded.
‘I don’t have anything else to say, Charlie. And I can’t hear any more. The more you say, the more I feel like I’m being suffocated.’
‘But when will I see you again?’ I asked, a spear of pain lancing my heart when I stepped towards him and he stepped back, keeping the distance between us. Distance I hated.
‘I don’t
know. I need time, time alone to clear my head and decide what I’m going to do. I think it’s best you give me some space for a while.’
‘But … but we’re still friends, right?’ I asked, desperately scanning his face as I waited for an answer. ‘Right? Friends no matter what?’
‘I don’t know how we can be now. Everything’s changed, Charlie,’ he said quietly.
‘No, don’t you say that. Don’t you dare say that.’ I flew at him, fury seeping from every pore, and took him by surprise when I started to hammer my fists on his chest. ‘Why did you have to ruin everything? We were good as we were. We were perfect. Why did you have to ruin it all?’
‘Charlie,’ he growled, his long fingers wrapping around my wrists and holding them away from him. ‘Having me at arm’s length might have been perfect for you, but it wasn’t working for me. Do you have any idea how it feels to have the person you’re in love with so close every day, but always just out of your reach? How it felt to see your face light up every time you mentioned his name or went into detail about one of your encounters with him? I thought it would finally be over, that once I told you how I felt, you’d admit you felt the same way and we could move past this. I can’t do it anymore, not now.’
‘I never meant to hurt you, Kitt. I love you,’ I cried as I looked up at him, but his face was misted over from tears that were filling my eyes. It was like a heavy fog was settling in. It was clouding my thoughts, my feelings, and my vision. I couldn’t make any sense out of the confusion blanketing me right now.
‘I know that,’ he said gently. ‘But I thought you were in love with me, Charlie. Until I can process that you’re not and try and come to terms with that, I can’t be around you anymore. I need some time away from you.’
‘I don’t want to lose you, Kitt, you’re my best friend.’ I choked on a sob, feeling completely despondent as I felt the sting of tears slowly working their way down my cheeks.
‘You have others to fill the void, Charlie,’ he said sadly. ‘I need to figure out how to fill the voids in my life now, and I can’t do that when you’re always around, reminding me of what I want and can never have. Just seeing you cry right now feels like someone has sucked my heart out of my chest, it hurts me that much. I can’t carry that burden anymore, of feeling pain whenever you do, not when the load’s not shared.’
‘It is shared. I’ve been so miserable worrying about you this week. Please don’t do this, Kitt,’ I choked.
‘Take care of yourself, Charlie. I hope you get what you want from him, that I’ve got him wrong, but regardless, if I ever find out that he hurt you, I’ll hunt him down and kick his arse.’
‘Don’t leave me,’ I whimpered, gasping for breath as he placed a slow, tender kiss on my forehead.
‘You left me first, Charlie. I guess it’s inevitable. Someday everyone leaves.’
He eased me away from him, then spun around and strode away, his long legs eating up the emerald grass as he disappeared into the happy and oblivious crowds. I tried to call out to him to stop, but I was crying too hard, and when I went to run after him, my legs crumpled, taking me down to the ground with a thud. How could he do that? Just walk away? He didn’t see that I felt just as much pain when he was hurting too? I covered my face with my hands as I took a few stuttering deep breaths and tried to calm myself down. I felt someone sit on the grass beside me and place a comforting arm around me.
‘What happened?’ Quinn asked, her usual brusque tone quiet and gentle.
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ I whispered.
‘What do you need? Some ice cream?’
‘Ice cream and vodka,’ I sniffed as I dropped my hands into my lap. ‘And quite possibly a mountain of tissues.’
‘I may be bad at advice, but I can meet those demands. Come on, let’s get you home and cleaned up, you have black mascara all over your face. Then we can come back when Abbie’s stall is getting busy. Plus, we don’t want to miss Weston’s big proposal this afternoon, do we?’
‘No,’ I agreed with a heavy sigh. It was a special day for Georgie, although she had no idea. I’d already let Kitt down today, there was no way I was failing anyone else.
Chapter Fifteen
Everything I Wanted
The Next Day – Sunday
‘URGH,’ I MOANED, REACHING up to rub my eyes with the heels of my hands. I felt rough. Seriously rough. I’d drunk far too much vodka with Quinn last night in an attempt to drown my sorrows.
‘Sssshhhh,’ Quinn grumbled. ‘I was having a nice dream.’
‘What are you doing in my bed?’ I yawned, stretching my arms above my head and wondering why I felt like my legs were at an unnatural angle. The last thing I remembered was us getting back from the engagement meal and sitting on patio chairs in the middle of my lawn, drinking while we watched the spectacular pink and purple sunset.
‘What the hell?’ Quinn groaned. I opened my eyes and immediately squinted against the brilliant sunshine that speared them.
‘Good night then, I take it?’ Georgie’s voice called in the distance, the sound of her and Weston laughing making me snap my eyes open immediately. Instead of the white and oak beamed ceiling of my bedroom, I was looking up at a spotless turquoise sky. ‘I’ve never been so drunk that I didn’t at least make it to the sofa,’ Georgie added.
‘What the hell?’ Quinn repeated next to me. My head flopped to the left to see her lying on her back, still sort of sitting in her patio chair. Her knees were crooked over the seat with her feet dangling below. She was still clutching her empty glass of vodka to her chest. I giggled as I realised I was in the same position. We’d got so drunk, we’d obviously capsized our chairs and had fallen asleep in the garden on our backs.
‘Weston was tempted to come and get you and carry you both to your beds last night, but I said he should leave you,’ Georgie scolded.
‘Some friend you are,’ I huffed as I struggled to get out of the chair. I had to resort to forcing myself into an ungraceful backwards roll off the chair. I landed clumsily on all fours, then flopped heavily onto my side on the grass.
‘I’m not the one who kept us awake until the early hours with all the screeching and laughing,’ she retorted.
‘We wouldn’t have been laughing if we hadn’t had to listen to your sex noises and attempts at dirty talk drifting out of the open window,’ Quinn teased as she floundered, kicking her legs as she tried to get up.
‘At least some of us are having sex,’ Weston called with a chuckle. ‘Even Mrs. Tibbles and Bertie are getting more action than you two.’
‘Your dog is having sex with Mrs. Tibbles?’ I gasped, struggling up onto my knees. ‘Thank God I had her spayed. Can you imagine their offspring?’
‘Not with each other,’ he laughed. ‘Seriously, how much did you both drink last night?’
‘Too much,’ I groaned, as Quinn said, ‘Not enough.’
‘Well, we’re going into Shrewsbury for a champagne brunch to celebrate our engagement if you want to join us,’ Georgie offered, her face peeking over the top of the hedge that separated our cottages. ‘Abbie and Miller are coming, Daphne and Jack too. You have half an hour to get freshened up if you fancy it.’
‘It was celebrating your engagement last night that got us into this mess,’ Quinn said, giving up her struggle and resigning herself to her uncomfortable-looking position.
‘No one forced you to carry on drinking when we got home. Honestly, you’d think you’d both be past all this teenage behaviour by now,’ Georgie softly scolded.
‘You’d think,’ I agreed. We were definitely a bad influence on each other. Or rather Quinn was on me. I struggled up onto my feet and smoothed my creased clothes down. ‘A big breakfast sounds ideal to soak up all this alcohol. See you in half an hour.’
‘You could just bring me some back,’ Quinn suggested, her brown eyes pleading with me.
‘No way, you’re coming too. Grab my hands, I’ll pull you up, as Weston’s obviously used
up all of his chivalry this weekend with his extravagant proposal yesterday.’
‘I’ll come around and help, give me a minute,’ he said.
‘No need, I got this,’ I told him, positioning myself between the legs of the chair and leaning over it to grab Quinn’s hands. I tugged a few times, leaning backwards as I did to lever her up. The chair rose with her at the same time, and we both shrieked as she shot forwards so fast, she knocked me off balance and I ended up on my back in the grass with her on top of me and the chair on top of her.
‘Weston’s coming,’ Georgie laughed.
‘Yeah, we heard him yelling that last night, too,’ Quinn giggled, making me laugh.
‘Oi, you have serious morning breath. Tip your head to the side,’ I warned her.
‘Like yours is so sweet. Better give your teeth an extra hard brushing, then do a tongue scrape too, if you plan on playing tonsil tennis with McFitty later.’
‘Oh my God,’ I gasped, the humour rapidly leaving me. For a few blissful minutes, I’d forgotten all about my happiness at my impending date and the agony of my fallout with Kitt. I wasn’t sure which emotion I should tune into first as Weston jogged across my lawn to rescue us.
I took a deep breath as I climbed the steps to the entrance of The Riverside pub and restaurant. I felt on edge. I should be walking in on cloud nine. I mean, I’d finally got what I’d been dreaming about, a date with McFitty, so why didn’t I feel overjoyed right now? Through the glass door, I spotted him at the bar, dressed in dark blue jeans and sporting an expensive-looking pale blue shirt with white collar and cuffs. There was no doubting he was gorgeous, a total knockout, but as I watched him, I had a horrible sinking feeling.
Everything about his demeanour said just how much he thought of himself, not to mention his blatant ogling of a nearby group of scantily-clad women. His chest visibly puffed with pride as they giggled at one of his jokes, and I saw him take one of their mobiles and key something into it. If we dated, would I always worry about who he was charming when I wasn’t around to see it?
The Best Medicine Page 23