‘Where?’ I asked, not even surprised she’d managed to find something out. She had her fingers in so many pies, I wouldn’t be surprised if she told me she’d been a covert intelligence officer in her youth.
‘Put my cake plate down first, I don’t want it broken. It’s one of my favourite sets.’
‘Why would I break your plate?’ I asked, though I did as I was told to avoid one of her fierce scowls. She set her own down, leaned over, and grabbed my hand.
‘There’s no easy way to say it, dear. He’ll be at the crematorium.’
‘He’s dead?!’ I shrieked, my heart thudding rapidly in my chest as I shot out of my seat. ‘I’ve just realised I’m in love with him and he’s dead?’
‘No, no, calm yourself down. He’s not dead, well not that I know of. But …’ She broke off and gave me a subdued smile.
‘Oh no. His mum?’ I whispered, the temporary wave of relief I’d just felt rapidly subsiding as it finally dawned on me what had happened.
‘I’m sorry, dear. Knowing you two were getting close last year, I naturally did some snooping to make sure he was good enough for you. Turns out his mum’s best friend played bridge with Mrs. Arthur from apartment four. She soon fed back that he was a good man, caring for his mum in her time of need. I rang Quinn after speaking to you tonight and when she said he’d been out of touch and had taken a few weeks off work, it didn’t take much for me to put two and two together. A quick scan of the obituaries in this week’s papers, then a call to Mrs. Arthur confirmed it.’
‘It didn’t take you much. How did I not reach that conclusion?’ I asked as I slumped back down on the sofa. ‘I knew something was wrong. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me. Oh, poor Kitt,’ I groaned as I covered my face. ‘Everything makes sense now. He said he’d never be free to date while she was alive. I should have known when he confessed his feelings on Saturday that he’d lost her.’ I could have kicked myself as I replayed some of his statements over in my head. “Everyone leaves,” he’d said so sadly, and I still hadn’t worked it out. ‘I don’t deserve him.’
‘Don’t talk such nonsense, or I’ll be forced to cuff you. From what I’ve heard, he’s always been very private when it comes to his home life.’
‘He should have told me, I could have been there for him,’ I said, dropping my hands into my lap as I shook my head in disbelief. ‘I should have been there for him.’
‘Grief affects people in different ways. If he’d wanted your support when it happened, he’d have asked for it. He obviously needed some time alone. He came to you when he was ready to talk.’
‘And I had to go and ruin it by mentioning Dr. Fitton before he even had a chance to tell me what was wrong.’
‘Well, all you can do is be there for him tomorrow and each day after that.’
‘If he still wants me,’ I huffed as I reached for my drink and took a large gulp. ‘And I can’t just turn up at her funeral uninvited. He said he wanted space. How’s me gate crashing a funeral giving him space?’
‘Trust me, even if he doesn’t realise it now, he’ll appreciate you being there and telling him how you really feel.’
‘I’m not so sure, Daphne,’ I said, grimacing when I incurred one of the scowls anyway.
‘Have I ever given you bad advice?’ she demanded.
‘No,’ I admitted.
‘Good, then do as you’re told. Now stop being selfish and hogging the cake box. Pass it over and get home for an early night so you’re ready for an emotional day tomorrow.’
‘Is eating another two éclairs at this time of night going to be good for you?’ I asked as I did as I was told.
‘Since when did anyone only do what was good for them? Sometimes you have to live a little dangerously,’ she said, helping herself to a second. ‘And no getting drunk and waking up on the lawn again,’ she warned. ‘He’ll need your support tomorrow, you need to be level headed.’
‘If I was, we’d have been dating for over a year by now,’ I sighed.
Chapter Sixteen
Endings
The Next Day – Monday
I SNUCK INTO THE back of the room, not feeling brave enough to walk up to him, but the undeniable beat of my heart, clammy palms, and fluttering stomach told me that I hadn’t imagined my feelings for him. He was dressed in a black three-piece suit, with a crisp white shirt and black tie. It was as if I was seeing him for the first time. Had he always been so handsome? I’d always thought he was cute, but now my love-struck vision had turned him into someone gorgeous and seriously hot.
Honestly though, much as I loved the suited look on men, I just wanted to see him in his white t-shirt, black jeans, and scruffy army boots again. That was the Kitt I loved. This well-dressed Kitt I hurt for, as it reminded me why we were here. Even studying his side profile, I could see the anguish in his posture and on his face.
I bit my lower lip as the service started and kept my eyes off the coffin and on him, waiting for a sign that he needed some support. As the service drew to a close, we all stood waiting as one of the staff pressed some buttons and the coffin slowly started to descend from the raised podium it had been placed on.
People’s eyes started to dart left and right when the unmistakable sound of noise started to come from the coffin, noise that sounded not too dissimilar to Mr. Sumo’s worst case of flatulence in his heyday. Seconds later, the highly reflective polished wooden lid appeared to start opening. My jaw dropped, and the women in the front row screamed, as the lid flew back and Mrs. Fraser slowly rose up on a rapidly expanding bright yellow and grey self-inflating dinghy. It straddled the podium as it puffed out, while the coffin continued its descent without her.
Pandemonium broke loose. People were yelling and crying, and all I could do was watch Kitt’s shocked face as his mum lay there stiffly, totally oblivious to the havoc she’d just caused. I could only assume she’d been lain on top of her favourite rubber boat, to be buried with her, which must have been accidentally set off by the movement of the coffin. All I could think about was how grateful I was that it hadn’t catapulted her across the room into the congregation.
Kitt opened his mouth, then shook his head and started to laugh. Small chuckles to start that got louder and louder as everyone else went silent, watching him aghast as he doubled up into a full-blown roar. Part of me wanted to laugh too. I mean, things like this weren’t supposed to happen in real life. It was quite funny, but at the end of the day, it was his mum. The shock was going to hit him any moment.
I squeezed my way through the crowd of bewildered onlookers while some of the staff buzzed around the late Mrs. Fraser, trying to work out the most dignified way of making her and the inappropriate dinghy disappear quickly, and the rest tried to usher everyone towards the main exit.
By the time I reached Kitt’s side, his laughter had subsided and he was just staring at his mum in bewilderment. I slipped my hand into his and squeezed it hard.
‘Come with me,’ I said softly. ‘You don’t need to see this, this shouldn’t be your last memory of her.’
He blinked a few times as he tore his eyes off her, then looked down at me and nodded with a blank expression. His green eyes looked glassy, as if he hadn’t even registered that it was me. Someone in full funeral uniform showed us to a side exit. I followed the signs for the memorial garden, tugging Kitt along behind me and hoping we’d get a few minutes peace there for him to compose himself. As we entered the small area, which was surrounded by a semi-circular wall with various urns on niches and bouquets of flowers on the ground, I saw a bench. I sat down on it and pulled him down next to me, then gathered him up in my arms. Moments later, he started to sob.
‘I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for everything,’ I stated sincerely, kissing his hair as he clung to me tightly, hoping he’d read between the lines that I wasn’t just talking about today. We stayed like that for a few minutes, and when he’d finally calmed down and caught his breath, we let each other go. I offered him a tiss
ue, which he used to wipe his eyes, then he blew his nose before taking a few deep, calming breaths. He dropped his head, his elbows resting on his knees, as he stared at the ground. I just sat there with him in silence, not sure if I should say anything more. ‘Kitt,’ I whispered as I placed my hand on his back, wondering if he’d forgotten I was there or that he had a whole crowd of people probably waiting by the main door to offer him their condolences.
‘Why are you here, Charlie?’ he asked quietly, with an unnatural coolness to his voice as he turned to face me.
‘I … I thought you’d need me.’
‘Maybe I just need some space, like I told you on Saturday,’ he said sharply, making me wince at his tone.
‘Kitt, please don’t be like that. I know you’re hurting, not only over what just happened in there or why we’re here, but over what happened between us.’
‘There is no us, Charlie. You made that perfectly clear when you rejected me,’ he snapped, a flare of unmistakable anger igniting his eyes and bringing them back to life as he stood up abruptly. I swallowed a lump in my throat at the thought of how much I’d hurt him.
‘And I made a mistake. I’d spent so long imagining what might happen with him that I didn’t see what was actually happening between us. It’s you I want, Kitt. I don’t want to lose you. We don’t need to talk about this now. In fact, we probably shouldn’t talk about this now. I just want to be here for you.’
‘I can’t do this, Charlie. I spent all weekend thinking that maybe I could still be in your life, that maybe I could cope with things just being platonic between us, but seeing you again just reminds me that I can’t. I have a chance to start my life over again when I wake up tomorrow, and I don’t want to be someone’s consolation prize because she couldn’t get the guy she really wanted.’
‘That’s just it,’ I cried, tugging on his arm as he tried to walk away from me. ‘I did get him. I went on a date with him last night and hated it. Every second I sat there with him, I kept wishing he was you. It took a date with him to make me open my eyes and realise that I’d fallen in love with you, Kitt. It’s you I want to be with, not him.’
‘What did you just say?’ he asked gruffly as he stood with his back to me.
‘It’s you, Kitt,’ I stated emphatically. ‘It’s always been you. I was just too stupid to see it. You’re not just my best friend, you’re everything. I love you. I’m in love with you.’
‘Jesus, Charlie,’ he yelled, shrugging off my hand to spin around and face me, his usually clear green eyes now stormy and wild. ‘Why now? Why the hell now? Do you see where we’re standing?’
‘I’m sorry. I know my timing is awful, but I thought it might help if you knew how I felt today.’
‘I can’t do this right now.’
‘I get that. I just wanted you to know that even though you’ve lost her, you have me. You’re not alone. I’m not leaving you, Kitt.’
‘No, I’m leaving you, Charlie. I said I can’t do this. Right now, being alone is what I need. Don’t follow me,’ he barked. He strode away without even looking back and my heart pulsed painfully as my eyes burned. I wanted to run after him, to throw myself at him, to comfort him and have him comfort me. Most of all, I wanted to kiss him and feel his warm embrace. I’d never wanted anything more, and stopping myself from acting on my desires ripped me in two. I started to sob and wrapped my arms around myself.
He was right. Look where we were. He’d just said goodbye to his mum, someone who’d unintentionally dominated his life for the last three years. What was I thinking, trying to tell him how I felt now?
‘Here you are, dear.’ The voice made me jump as I dragged my sleeve over my eyes and found a middle-aged lady holding out a tissue for me.
‘Thank you.’ I sniffed, giving her a weak smile as I took it from her.
‘Did you lose someone important to you, too?’ she asked. I dabbed my eyes and nodded. I had a feeling that I really might have. ‘I’m sorry. It’s a hard lesson in life, one you become only too familiar with when you get to my age. But trust me, that darkness you feel suffocating you today will slowly be erased by the bright sunshine that family and friends bring into your life if you let them.’
‘I feel like I only just found him,’ I whispered as I choked back more tears.
‘Did he know how you felt about him?’
‘Yes, I guess … I mean … I hope so. I told him, but I’m not sure he believed me.’
‘But you said it, that’s what’s important. While you’ll never know if he believed you or not, one day it will bring you peace that you said what was in your heart. When we lose loved ones, the hardest thing is knowing we never told them how we felt. You did that.’
‘You lost someone today, too?’ I asked, as I forced back the flood of tears I wanted to shed so I could focus on the kind and well-meaning lady instead, who’d totally misunderstood the reason for my tears.
‘Yes and no.’ She sighed as she placed a bouquet of flowers down in the memorial garden. ‘She died recently. I just came for her service this afternoon, but I lost her friendship a few years ago. I said goodbye to her one weekend as her best friend, returned the next and she had no idea who I even was. Thirty years of history wiped out in less than seven days.’ She gave me a pained smile as she shook her head.
‘I’m so sorry for your loss,’ I said sincerely, realising this must have been the best friend of Kitt’s mum. Thirty years. How did you cope when you lost someone you’d cared for and shared so much of your life with for that long? I felt a deep, gnawing ache at the distance between me and Kitt already, and we only had a fraction of that history between us.
‘I never told her I loved her,’ the lady continued with a sigh. ‘It wasn’t the done thing for girlfriends to say that to each other, in case it was misconstrued, but I did love her. A very different love to the one I have for my husband, but love all the same. I carry the weight of not saying it while I had the chance. You’ll have more burdens to bear, as you’re young and life can be cruel, but at least you’ve been spared that this time.’ She sighed again and looked up the path towards the car park. ‘Well, it looks like it’s time for me to go. Will you be ok?’
‘I’ll be fine. Thank you for your wise words. How about you? Do you need a lift anywhere?’
‘That’s very kind of you to offer, but my husband’s waiting for me. Remember, it will get easier,’ she said, patting my hand.
I watched her walk away and blew out a heavy breath as I looked up at the expanse of blue above me.
‘I wish I’d come to meet you when I had the chance,’ I said quietly to his mum. ‘Even though you wouldn’t have remembered, I’d have told you what an amazing man you raised. I hope I wasn’t too late telling him that I love him, and I hope that forgiveness was a trait you drummed into him, as well as kindness and respect, as I don’t want to imagine that I’ve lost him for good.’ I took a deep breath and placed the small bunch of gerberas that I’d brought with me on the ground next to the lady’s bouquet. I remembered how Kitt had once told me they were his mum’s favourites and always made her smile.
I headed home with a real sense of loss, almost as if I’d just attended the funeral of someone I’d known and loved. After throwing myself on the bed and sobbing for an hour, giving in to my self-pity, I dragged myself up.
I changed out of my sombre black clothing and pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt, then headed downstairs to pull back the glass doors that spanned the back of the house, letting the sunlight and summer heat pour in. I wanted to wallow in the warmth, hoping the lady was right, that the bright light would erase the darkness threatening to swallow me whole.
I grabbed a tub of ice cream from the freezer and a teaspoon, smiling to myself. I never understood people who ate desserts with a large spoon. It meant you shovelled in larger amounts in a shorter time frame, and I liked to savour it and stretch out the pleasure for as long as possible.
‘Come on, Tibbs, let’s go and mope outsi
de in the sun,’ I said as she wrapped herself around my feet, rubbing her cheek on my calf as she purred. We padded outside together and I stretched out on the sun lounger with my tub and spoon, Tibbs hopping up to lie at my feet. I exhaled slowly as I soaked up the rays and the tranquil view and tried to let the stress of the morning leave me.
How could I have finally fallen in love, with a man that loved me back, only to ruin it all? This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. Romance novels always ended happily. I just had to hope that there were more pages to our story. I swallowed spoon after spoon of ice cream, wishing it would ease the pain I was feeling, but so far it wasn’t working.
A loud knock on the door startled me. I shoved the tub of melting ice cream on the ground and flew inside, skidding across the hall to throw the door open. I let out a heavy sigh of disappointment to see that it was Quinn.
‘Wow, don’t look so excited to see me.’
‘Sorry, I thought you were … I should have known, it wasn’t his knock. Come in, but it’s only fair I warn you that my misery may be infectious.’
‘Didn’t go so well, huh?’
‘You could say that,’ I replied, closing the door and turning to face her. ‘Like funerals aren’t bad enough, the coffin opened on its own and nearly gave everyone a heart attack when the body appeared in a dinghy, then I told him I loved him and he walked away from me.’
‘Jeez, good job I brought this over,’ she said, brandishing a bottle of vodka. ‘Do I need to go and get some ice cream too?’
‘Grab a spoon, I have a half-eaten tub outside.’
‘I’ll bring some drinks out too, you look like you need one. Then you can tell me what the hell happened, because I didn’t see this coming.’
I gave her a weak smile and felt my bottom lip tremble. She plonked the bottle down on the console table and pulled me into a hug.
‘I’ll cry again,’ I moaned.
The Best Medicine Page 25