by Alice Ward
Reaching behind me, I grabbed a fresh towel. Handing it to her, I watched while she dried her glowing skin and wrapped the towel loosely around herself. She stepped out of the tub and leaned over to let the water drain. When she did, the towel rode up just enough that I could see the curve of her ass. My breath quickened, and I quickly turned around. I couldn’t look at her without wanting to take her again. Right there and then.
“I’m exhausted,” she said and yawned widely to emphasize the words.
“Yeah. Me too.”
We both just stood there, gazing at each other.
Dani licked her lips. “I guess we should head to bed.”
I nodded and glanced at the hallway behind me. The second we stepped out of the bathroom, Dani would go her way, and I would go mine. She would sleep in her bed and I would sleep in mine. I knew it was the smart thing to do, and yet, I couldn’t make my feet move. Dani was still there, standing in front of me, her eyes focused on my face. I wanted nothing more than to pull her to my room with me. We would tangle ourselves in my bedsheets and hold on to each other all night long.
The thought was almost too good to pass up, but I knew I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. My desires were stronger than ever, but it wasn’t about sex anymore. I just wanted to sleep next to her, to feel her smooth skin pressed against mine through the night.
“Do you want…” I began but quickly stopped myself. It wasn’t right. It would be a mistake to cross that boundary. With a long exhale, I pushed my hands through my hair to stop from reaching for her. “Goodnight, Dani. Sleep well.”
“You too,” she said. She smiled and turned, walking the few feet toward the guest room. When she disappeared inside, I closed my eyes and let myself feel the regret. It was a few seconds before I could make myself move. It wasn’t until I made it to my bedroom that my body began to feel normal again. I grabbed a pair of underwear out of my dresser drawer and pulled them on. After that, I fell onto my bed and tucked myself beneath the covers.
I was instantly warm and comfortable, but I was miserable. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about Dani so close. I wondered if she was thinking about me too. Or if she was already dreaming about something completely different. Did she fall into bed wishing I was there beside her? Did she want to come to bed with me? Was she wishing I would have invited her to sleep beside me tonight? What was she thinking as we climbed out of the bathtub? Did she enjoy herself as much as I did?
These questions and more occupied my mind throughout the entire night. Even when I managed to drift off to sleep, I dreamed of her face. Her eyes haunted me, and her beautiful smile made my stomach clench into painful knots. I wanted her beside me. When I would wake from a dream, I would roll over and reach for her. The other side of the bed was empty though, and Dani was across the apartment, far out of my reach. More than once, I considered letting myself into her room and holding her, but I knew I shouldn’t. It wouldn’t have been right.
I finally fell asleep that night wondering what was wrong with me. Dani was beautiful and sexy as hell. She could captivate me entirely with a single look. She was smart and talented. She could challenge me in ways no one else ever had before. There were so many reasons why she was perfect for me, but I couldn’t let myself believe that. Having feelings for Dani wasn’t an option. She was my wife only for a couple more weeks. Once our arrangement ended, I didn’t know if I would ever see her again.
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
Dani
The next week passed quickly, with me either spending time with Mom or painting in Talen’s apartment. I tried to keep busy in an attempt to not overanalyze what happened between Talen and me in the bathtub, but my mind wouldn’t cooperate with my wishes. I thought about it endlessly, but even when we were together for our obligatory social dinners and outings, we didn’t speak of it.
By the time the following Wednesday arrived, I was desperate for some peace of mind. That morning, I loaded all my new paintings into Talen’s Land Rover and drove to my apartment. My show was coming up soon, and I needed to decide which pieces to show and which ones to leave out. Plus, I needed to coordinate with the gallery owner and make sure everything was in order.
Once all my paintings were laid out neatly, I began looking them over. I was certain that I only wanted to show new pieces. Some of my old stuff was good, great even, but it didn’t feel like me anymore. When I looked at them, I felt like someone else had painted them, like they were from a completely different life. My new work filled me with a sense of pride and accomplishment that I hadn’t felt in years. When I looked at those, I wanted to show them off to the world.
The only one I had second thoughts about was the one of Talen. My collection already held paintings of the view from his apartment, the Gaston Pharmaceuticals office building, and a distorted image of the chapel where we were married. I wasn’t sure throwing in a painting of Talen would be smart. What if he actually came to the show? What would he think if he saw how I viewed him? I felt certain it would scare him and freak him out. Still, my eyes kept falling on it, and I couldn’t help but think it was my best piece. There was something heartbreakingly real about it, something that made me question my decision.
That entire morning, I went back and forth about it. One second, I was sure I wanted to include it. It was so beautiful and showed my talent well. Then, the next second, I was just as sure that I didn’t want to show it. It could be awkward, embarrassing. Making the decision seemed impossible, so I forced myself not to worry about it for a while. I brewed a pot of coffee and made a list of all the paintings I was sure I wanted to include in the show.
When the list was finished, I called the gallery and asked to speak with the owner, hoping to work out the details before the big day snuck up on us all.
“Dani!” Amanda said. “How are you? I’ve been waiting to hear from you!”
“I know.” Guilt wiggled inside me like a worm. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long, but I just finished up my list for the show.”
“Oh, wonderful.” I could hear Amanda moving papers around on her desk. “How many pieces will you be showing this time?”
“Fourteen, maybe fifteen,” I said, my eyes once again falling on the painting of Talen. “I’m still unsure about one of the pieces.”
“Well, without seeing it, I say you should include it,” Amanda said firmly. “I’ve had a ton of people asking about your next show. The more pieces, the better.”
“Really?” I asked. I was surprised and flattered, especially since I’d felt like a failure after selling so few.
“Yes. It’s amazing really. They can’t wait.”
“Do you think I should bring a few of my old pieces too?” I asked. “I’m primarily focusing my attention on new work, but if you don’t think fourteen pieces will be enough.”
“Make it twenty,” Amanda said with confidence. “I’m telling you, people want to see the work. I really think you’ll sell a lot more this time around.”
“That’s fantastic news,” I said with a grin. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. People were excited to see my work, my work. It felt surreal.
“It really is,” Amanda said. “All of us here at the gallery can’t wait for the show. It’s going to be wonderful, Dani, just wonderful.”
“Thank you,” I said brightly. “Is there anything else you need from me?”
“Nope. Just make sure you bring the art the night before like always. We’ll have guys there to help you unload. Other than that, we’ll see you at the show.”
“Thanks so much, Amanda.”
We hung up, and I couldn’t stop smiling. I’d been nervous about the show before, but now I felt suddenly confident. My new stuff was going to sell. I just knew it. I couldn’t believe how lucky I felt.
Maybe, just maybe, everything was falling into place for me.
***
Later that afternoon, I stopped by my mom’s house for a visit. She seemed happy and alert when I arrived. Her eyes
lit up as I stepped through the front door, but I could tell she was tired. I wondered if she’d been sleeping well, but I knew better than to ask. My mother was sensitive about her condition and hated when people pitied her. I did my best to keep her dignity intact, but it was my job to take care of her. If I didn’t watch out for her health, then no one would. She was my responsibility.
“Have you had lunch?” I asked. “Because I’m starving.”
“I thought about ordering a pizza. I haven’t had a good pie in ages.”
“Okay. Pizza it is. I’ll order it.”
I ordered the food and then sat down on the couch beside her. She was watching some television show I didn’t know. She seemed completely absorbed in it, and I didn’t want to interrupt her focus, but I also wanted to talk to her. There was so much I wanted to tell her, about my show and about my life.
She beat me to it. “Are you ready for your show?”
I blinked in surprise. “What?”
“Your show,” she repeated patiently. “It’s coming up soon, isn’t it?”
“It is.” I couldn’t believe she remembered. Lately, I had to remind her about my show every time I saw her. It was amazing that she actually remembered it without prompting. More than that, she asked me about it.
She raised her eyebrows expectantly. “Well, are you ready?”
“I am.” I snuggled closer to her, pleased beyond measure at how lucid she was. “I actually spoke to Amanda, the gallery owner, this morning and got all the details squared away. She said people are really excited to see my new work.”
“That’s wonderful!” she gushed. “It’ll be fantastic. I know it.”
“I hope so,” I said with a sigh. “I’ve been working really hard, painting nonstop. This show will be almost entirely new pieces.”
She patted my hand. “That’s great. I know your art makes you happy, honey.”
I traced a figure eight over the soft skin of her palm. “It’s my calling. I think I’d go crazy if I didn’t paint.”
“Craziness does run in our family,” she said with a wink. I barked out a laugh, surprised at her words, but she chuckled to let me know she was kidding.
“Very funny, Mom,” I said with a roll of my eyes.
“I thought it was.” She shrugged.
Just then, the doorbell rang. It was the pizza. I jumped up and opened the door. After I paid, I went into the kitchen to grab a couple plates and some napkins. I carried the pizza and everything else into the living room and laid it on the coffee table. My mom wasted no time. She grabbed two slices of pizza and ate them both before I’d even finished my first.
“Hungry?” I teased. She just nodded and grabbed a third piece. I laughed at first, but then my concern began to creep in. I wondered if she’d been eating. Without telling her why, I disappeared into the kitchen to check the fridge.
When I opened it, I saw that three of the five meals I made her were still there. She’d eaten, but not much. A pit formed in my stomach, and I immediately hated myself for not checking in more often. If she wasn’t eating well, it was my fault. Even with my arrangement with Talen, I couldn’t let my mother’s care slip. I was all she had.
“What are you doing in there?” my mother called.
“Just getting a drink!” I called back, trying to keep my voice even. I grabbed two sodas from the fridge and hurried back into the living room.
When I sat down, she turned to face me with a smile. I smiled back, but I wasn’t sure it was believable. I still felt guilty for not stopping by every day.
“Will Perry make it to your show?” she asked after taking another bite.
My heart fell. “Um, no, he won’t. We broke up, Mom. Remember?”
“You did?” she asked, her face a picture of surprise.
Tears burned my eyes. “Yeah. A little while ago.”
“I’m sorry, honey,” she said, reaching over and patting my hand. “Are you okay?”
“I am. I really am. I think it’s for the best.”
“I agree,” she said firmly. “You always deserved better than him.”
“What?” My mother always sang Perry’s praises. She pushed me toward marriage with him more times than I could count.
“I’m sorry, honey, but you did,” she said. “He never treated you right. Always leaving town. Never going to your shows. He just wasn’t the right man for you, Dani.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything before?” I asked, also surprised and pleased that she remembered. “I always thought you liked him.”
“You seemed happy. I didn’t want to ruin your happiness because of my own opinions. It’s obvious now that you weren’t happy though.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can tell the difference. You’re so much happier now. I can see it in your face. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy before. Being single suits you.”
She smiled at me brightly. I tried to smile back, but my mind was fixated on that word. Single. She thought I was happy to be on my own. In a way, I was single, but that wasn’t entirely true. Talen and I were technically married. No matter what our situation really was, we were legally a couple.
My mom was so alert that day that I almost considered telling her the truth. She seemed like she would be able to handle it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was already worried about her sleeping and eating habits. The last thing I needed to do was add any extra stress to her life. I knew she wouldn’t approve of my arrangement with Talen. She wouldn’t be able to understand my reasons for sticking around.
Sometimes, I didn’t understand my reasons, either. Sure, the money would be life-changing. My mother needed it for her care, but it was more than that. Somewhere along the way, I stopped viewing Talen as a means to an end, and I started seeing him as a man. Maybe it was after we slept together. Or maybe it was when he surprised me with my art supplies. I didn’t know when exactly it happened, but it did. Talen was no longer in my life simply because of a drunken marriage deal. He wasn’t just my pretend husband. He was more than that.
As I sat with my mother, I realized that she was right. I was happier than I’d ever been before. Everything seemed to be falling into place, and I was truly happy. Still, it wasn’t for the reasons she thought. My happiness wasn’t a product of my life as a single woman. No, my happiness came from one thing, and I was just now beginning to realize what that one thing was. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, not even to myself, I knew the truth. It was Talen.
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
Talen
It was early when I pulled up outside of Dani’s apartment Saturday morning. She’d stayed the night at her place the night before after spending the day with her mother. I didn’t like her staying somewhere else. It wouldn’t have looked good for our “marriage” if someone knew she wasn’t living with me. More than that though, I missed her. My apartment felt empty without her. I could barely sleep the night before. Even with her in the guest room, her presence was still a constant comfort to me. I didn’t know how much I needed it until she was no longer there.
When I knocked on her door, I didn’t hear any movement inside. I checked my watch and saw that it was still before seven. I didn’t expect Dani to be awake yet, but we had to leave soon if we were going to make it in time. I knocked again, this time louder. Still nothing. After the third knock, I finally heard muffled footsteps behind the door. Dani unlocked the door and then pulled it open slightly, peering outside with narrowed eyes. She was still wearing pajamas, and she looked exhausted.
“Talen?” she said. “What are you doing here?”
“Get dressed,” I said with a grin. “I have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise?” she asked. “It’s like six o’clock in the morning. Couldn’t the surprise wait until after lunch or something?”
“Nope,” I said, shaking my head. “Come on. Get dressed. I’ll wait.”
I took a step forward, thinking she would let me ins
ide, but she didn’t move. I was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. I couldn’t wait to show her the surprise, but she didn’t seem at all interested. In fact, she looked slightly angry.
“I’m sorry I woke you up, but I promise, you’re going to love this.”
Dani thought about it for a second. She watched me closely, considering her options. Then, she sighed and rolled her eyes.
“Fine,” she said. “I’ll hurry.”
“Great,” I said with a grin. I took another step forward, but she just shook her head and pushed the door further closed.
“Wait here,” she said. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Dani,” I laughed. “I’m your husband. And besides, I already saw your apartment when I stole your keys, remember?”
“Well, that wasn’t an approved visit,” she quipped and closed the door with a snap.
I sighed and shook my head. No matter what I did, Dani always seemed to be a constant challenge. She kept me on my toes, which was just one thing I liked about her. There was never a point when I could just slip into my old ways around her. She always demanded more from me. Sometimes it was annoying, but most of the time, I appreciated it. She pushed me. Deep down, I knew I needed it.
When she was finally ready, she came outside to join me. She looked slightly more awake but still tired. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders. When I saw her, I wanted to run my fingers through those long strands and hug her, but I resisted. Despite having sex, I still wasn’t certain where our limits were with each other.
“You look nice,” I said with a smile.
She yawned. “I look tired.”
I shrugged and draped an arm over her shoulder, unable to stop myself. “Well, that’s my fault. After all, I’m the one who woke you before sunrise.”
She poked me in the ribs. “The sun is up.”